InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Were you there?"

Obi-Wan Kenobi (master_kenobi) wrote in makebelievelog,
@ 2013-07-26 09:35:00

Entry tags:

anakin skywalker, obi-wan kenobi

Distraction The (Ex)Jedi Way
Who: Helenakin and Bookerwan
What: Anakin-in-Helena has decided that Obi-Wan-in-Booker needs to get out of his room and do something.
When: Late Friday afternoon.
Where: Obi-Wan's room and then down by the lake.
Warnings: Grumpiness?

Obi-Wan didn't really want to go out among people without all of his senses. They all seemed hollow and wrong. Incomplete. Like a bunch of shells walking around. Still, Anakin was right and some fresh air would probably do him good. He'd been trying to meditate - and the robes Anakin leant him had helped him relax a little - but he still found it hard to focus his thoughts when he couldn't connect with the Force.

He unfolded himself from his seated position on the floor when he heard the door, stretching a little to get out the kinks in his muscles from not moving for several hours.

"Come in, Anakin!" he called.

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darkforcerising
2013-08-08 09:24 am UTC (link)

Anakin wanted to protest, he absolutely loved sparring. And if by strength of will alone he could make them go on, they would. But at the end of what was too short a session by Anakin’s judgment, he was just as winded and exhausted as Obi-Wan looked.

The Force bolstered them more than he’d ever considered before.

Shutting off his own blade, he groaned in frustration. “I used to wonder how the clones did it on campaigns. And now…” he had to pause to take a breath. “I’m still wondering. Kriff!” Was that a side ache? he couldn't remember the last time he'd worked so hard his sides ached.

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-08 09:32 am UTC (link)
	"Anakin..." He hung his lightsaber on his belt. ...Anakin's belt. He was still winded. And their unfinished conversation was gnawing at him. He glanced away, then looked at Anakin again. "If you really thought I didn't want to train you... what did I do wrong?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-08-08 09:57 am UTC (link)

“What?” Between catching his breath he didn’t have the ability to sound as incredulous as he felt. He wasn't expecting a revisit to this, which he was vehemently against doing. “Wrong?"

He stared at Obi-Wan opened-mouth for a few pounding heart beats before he accepted Obi-Wan wasn't going to give up. He held his breath and let it out painfully - a poor choice, his body was screaming for oxygen.

"You said next to nothing to me the whole trip to Coruscant,” he finally started. “The next time I heard you even acknowledge me, you were telling Master Qui-Gon I was dangerous and he should get rid of me. Then… you were telling me you were going to train me." Anakin shrugged, lifting up his hands in defeat. "I didn't have anything to get me from the first point to the next. All it looked like was a promise made to Qui-Gon, not any real desire to have anything to do with me."

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master_kenobi
2013-08-08 10:11 am UTC (link)

"I did promise Qui-Gon. I'm not going to insult you by pretending that wasn't part of it. But we talked. On Naboo." He straightened up and stretched his already protesting back. "Qui-Gon and I." He glanced away, looking profoundly uncomfortable. "Anakin, he only told me he thought I was ready for the trials when he announced his intention to take you on as his new Padawan. My initial objections had nothing to do with you; I thought I was being thrown over."

And he'd never admitted that to anyone. He hadn't even expressed it explicitly to Qui-Gon.

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darkforcerising
2013-08-08 10:33 am UTC (link)

“Well, I know that now, but I didn’t then. I never got that explanation. Qui-Gon’s timing was insensitive.” An understatement, but speaking ill of Qui-Gon could really only be allowed to go so far. Anakin would be just as upset if Obi-Wan had pulled something like that – even though Anakin thought he could take the trials starting at about age sixteen. It was the lack of consideration for his feelings that would hurt the most.

“But all I knew was you didn’t want me around and then suddenly you’re my Master because you made a promise to someone else… You said you hoped I never thought you didn’t want me- I’m sorry, I can’t say I never thought that.”

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master_kenobi
2013-08-08 10:43 am UTC (link)

"Then I'm the one who should be apologizing, not you." He turned. They should get back, he thought. They should...

...he shouldn't have brought that up. It felt like a confession, but it must have been one he'd made somewhere between his time and Anakin's. It hadn't been a surprise. He was the only one surprised by anything in this conversation. He couldn't do this. He couldn't do this with the time gap and the revelations and the emotions he couldn't control without the Force.

"We... we should get something to eat."

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darkforcerising
2013-08-08 10:49 am UTC (link)

Anakin watched the emotions play across Obi-Wan’s face and felt infinitely worse for giving in and telling him this. He should have been resolute and told Obi-Wan not to kick the gundark’s nest. Sometimes honestly wasn’t best.

“I don’t think that now, Master.” He was trying to make this right. “I haven’t for quite a while. I’ve considered you my closest friend for... so long I don't remember anymore.”

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master_kenobi
2013-08-08 11:10 am UTC (link)

He didn't believe that honesty wasn't best here. It was something he should know. It was something he should have known. He felt so stupid compared to Anakin sometimes; how hadn't he seen it?

Still, that was past, right? He glanced over, managing a small smile. "Thank you. I... I appreciate that. I do."

So much danger, though. Even in such a small and obvious admission. Attachment. He knew he had them, but acknowledging them always set off that alarm inside his head. But, at the same time, he didn't want to give them up, the few he had. They mattered.

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	darkforcerising 2013-08-08 12:17 pm UTC (link)
	“You should,” Anakin tried to joke, tried to make that smile on Obi-Wan’s face bigger. Because that's what he did in moments like this. “It’s the reason I saved you from those gundarks and the countless other messes you landed yourself in. That, and explaining to the Council why I didn’t try to save you just seemed like too much work…” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

master_kenobi
2013-08-08 12:55 pm UTC (link)

He did appreciate that as well, if only because it was familiar. The smile widened a little bit, even if it did become a touch self-deprecating.

"They did frown on letting your Master get eaten."

And then, apparently, they forced you on a new one. He pushed that thought away.

"How did he instruct you?" Obi-Wan couldn't help asking. "Master Mundi. How did he approach your instruction?"

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darkforcerising
2013-08-08 11:35 pm UTC (link)

“Oh.” How best to describe this without being rude. “It was… very Council approved. We… argued a lot.” Which wasn’t any surprise, Anakin argued with Obi-Wan a lot. But he and Mundi never had the oddly amicable resolutions Anakin had with Obi-Wan (most of the time) when they argued.

Anakin's brow knit together. “Mostly about how I thought you were still alive and he decided that meant I was too attached.” It still irritated him to remember knowing something so sure, so proven by the Force, and not being believed. "Masters Plo and Gallia eventually convinced him to listen to me."

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	master_kenobi 2013-08-09 12:04 am UTC (link)
	"Nobody said anything about my attachment to Qui-Gon when he was killed," Obi-Wan mused. "But the facts of the matter weren't in dispute and I had just killed a Sith Lord, so maybe it seemed prudent not to rile me up." A weak joke, but an attempt at humour nonetheless. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	darkforcerising 2013-08-09 08:51 am UTC (link)
	Anakin let a light smirk cross his face. “I don’t think they ever worried about your commitment to the Code, Master. You were- are a very good Jedi." And he said it with as much sincerity as he could muster, it was no sarcastic quip this time. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

master_kenobi
2013-08-09 09:23 am UTC (link)

"A fairly run of the mill one, but you're right: I think they like that."

Also a sincere assessment. He lacked Qui-Gon's righteously rebellious streak and Anakin's reckless brilliance. He was merely the bland thread between them. If ever he got credit for just keeping the Order's bright lights honest, he'd take it. Especially when, so easily, he could have not ended up a Knight at all.

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darkforcerising
2013-08-09 01:27 pm UTC (link)

“No,” Anakin shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. You’re no ordinary Jedi, Obi-Wan.”

To drive home his point he reached out to Obi-Wan’s shoulder, borrowed body though it was for the moment, Anakin hoped the gesture would be understood. “I meant, you’re more than a very good Jedi, I think it could be argued you are the Jedi. Master Qui-Gon would have been proud. And I wouldn’t choose any other Master.”

Anakin squeeze Obi-Wan’s shoulder and then dropped his hand. Not too much touch at once. The objective was to convey gratitude and admiration not overwhelm Obi-Wan with too many unfamiliar things.

“Of course I’m biased. But I’m the Chosen One, I get to be biased and my opinion still count.”

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master_kenobi
2013-08-09 02:45 pm UTC (link)

"I don't..." He cleared his throat and glanced at Anakin. Was he making fun of him? He didn't appear to be. "I mean, I appreciate the sentiment. It was..." A gross exagerration? "Very, um. Very kind of you to say." Though he didn't know where it came from. The Jedi? Out of all of them? He looked at Anakin again. "Thank you." He nodded, swallowed, glanced away. "Thank you."

He wanted to return the elaborate compliment - Anakin was certainly more deserving of hyperbole than he was - but didn't know where to begin in the wake of... that.

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darkforcerising
2013-08-09 03:16 pm UTC (link)

Anakin didn’t need the Force to tell him Obi-Wan was, for lack of a better word, flustered. Anakin so rarely saw Obi-Wan like this, and less when it wasn’t some stress induced, end of the world situation. Obi-Wan gave off the impression he was going to implode in supernova-esque splendor.

“C’mon.” He cocked his head in the direction of the castle. “We can go back to the castle and grab dinner before you spin yourself into a singularity of over-thinking self-doubt.” He started walking back the way they came.

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master_kenobi
2013-08-09 04:09 pm UTC (link)

"I'm not... doubtful, Anakin. I know what I'm capable of." More than normal people, but in less spectacular fashion than most Jedi. "It's not..." He frowned at his own inability to express his thoughts. "Anakin, I don't see this the Jedi business, but I appreciate that you... that you feel you benefited from my training. It's truly been my pleasure to instruct you."

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	darkforcerising 2013-08-12 07:49 am UTC (link)
	“You have a backwards definition of doubt, Master,” Anakin said with a smile, leading the way back. “And I think you’ve repressed all the many times I aggravated you beyond belief.” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	master_kenobi 2013-08-12 09:45 am UTC (link)
	"That was part of the process." He glanced at Anakin. "I wouldn't have had you be anything other than your aggravating self." Even a small amount of teasing there, a slight upturn at the corner of his mouth. "If I wanted to train a normal Jedi padawan, I would have taken a normal Jedi padawan." (Reply to this) (Parent)

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