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Tweak says, "oh captain, my captain"

Helena Wells-Quinzel is H.G. Wells (indelibleink) wrote in makebelievelog,
@ 2013-06-27 00:01:00

Entry tags:

h.g. wells, myka bering

Who: Myka and Helena
What: Myka has something to tell Helena.
When: After these
Where: Myka's room
Warnings: ****WH13 spoilers**** Angst, a lot of angst. Should be low but will update if needed

Ever since Claudia's texts earlier in the week, Helena had been worried. She wasn't certain if she'd done something or not done something, but she'd decided to give Claudia some space before prodding her again. Helena was focusing on keeping an eye on her younger self and ensuring that she abided by being grounded. The elder Helena ensured to make frequent trips to the library with her younger self to get her enough books to keep her occupied when she was at work or needed to go somewhere. The atmosphere in their rooms was extremely tense, so much so that one could cut it with a knife. They rarely spoke to one another, the elder not wanting to start another argument, the younger wishing to ignore the elder's existence. Aside from the tense truce, Helena had been thinking of finding another job, one better suited to encompassing more of her skills. Being a waitress simply wasn't cutting it any longer. She'd at least accumulated some money to support both herself and her younger self, but she wasn't going to quit her job until she felt secure enough in her understanding of modern technology to pursue another job. She already knew what job she wanted, she was studying about it and learning everything she could to prepare herself.

She'd been in the middle of reading a book about the topic of forensic science when her phone indicated she had a text message. Seeing Myka's text instantly worried Helena. She couldn't help but wonder what was going on and wondered if this had anything to do with Claudia. Or perhaps it was about the television show about them. Claudia had said she was going to tell Myka about it. So setting her book aside and telling Myka she'd be right over, Helena made assurances that her younger self wasn't going to try and sneak off while she was talking to Myka. For added insurance, Helena grabbed her tracking device on the way out her door as it would ping if the younger Helena decided to make a break for it. Going over to Myka's room, she knocked and opened the door, poking her head in.

"Myka?" She called, announcing her arrival. Given Myka was expecting her, she had simply let herself in. It was less awkward that way given the texts had been exchanged only a couple minutes prior.

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agent_bering
2013-06-27 12:07 pm UTC (link)

“Hey.”

Myka had been sitting on the sofa, lost in deep contemplation. This was all so much to take in. She was usually quite level-headed. She was the one that made plans, and back up plans to those plans. And if all else failed, she had a few ideas up her sleeve waiting in reserve. Despite being a Warehouse agent, she didn’t like chaos. Perhaps she was an agent because she felt like she was doing her part to contain the disorder in the world.

But now… she didn’t have a plan, or back up plan for this. Finding out she had cancer during a kidnapping – that was one of those things someone, even as meticulous and prepared as Myka usually was, you just never considered a possibility.

She stood when Helena came in, and then she stalled. Like she’d seen herself do on the show when she was trying to tell Pete. How would Helena react? Could Myka handle it if her reaction was bad?

“Um,” she blinked. “Ya, come in. Sit down, get comfortable. ‘Cause… So Claudia showed me the show- some of the shows actually. I’m still trying to process all that.”

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indelibleink
2013-06-27 12:39 pm UTC (link)

The instant Helena's gaze fell on Myka, she could tell something was weighing on the other woman's mind. Which served to only deepen Helena's own concerns. Perhaps Myka had taken to learning about the show very badly. Though Helena hadn't watched the past few episodes, the last one she remembered seeing having been the episode Myka and Pete got stuck inside the unfinished detective novel. Though theorizing about this would do her no good. Instead, she would let Myka talk given she'd needed to talk to her.

The manner of Myka's speech did not go unnoticed by Helena either. Small details many may not have picked up on, but Helena did. And especially when it came to Myka given how well she knew the other woman. So it was more than obvious something was upsetting Myka. And Helena just wanted to help Myka in any way she possibly could.

"Ah yes, it is not an easy thing to adjust to. Though there is a sort of irony to be found in it for me being a fiction writer, yet here I am, apparently fictional myself." Helena inserted a touch of humor as she moved over to the couch, her gaze moving along Myka, taking in her body language as she sat down. "It is not easy seeing yourself on a television screen, is it?" Helena was wondering if Myka was upset over the whole fictional thing in general, or if there was something specific in what she'd watched. Of course, she had no idea what Claudia had shown Myka from the show, so that remained the question that only Myka could shed light on.

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agent_bering
2013-06-28 02:26 pm UTC (link)

Myka sat down, and she tried to smile at Helena’s joke. She could see the humor, logically. And any other time she would have found a way to extend the joke. But right then she couldn’t muster the ability to think of a witty come back.

“Ya, that was… something,” she agreed. “Odd. I never fantasized about being an actress to it was weird.”

But that wasn’t what had Myka rattled.

She looked at Helena, and stalled. She didn’t know why she stalled. This was the one person who knew her more than anyone else in the world. Myka didn’t have to be afraid of telling Helena.

“But that’s not… I mean, that was shocking, but I kind of had a good lead up into that revelation. You and Claudia paced yourselves well there…”

She took a deep breathe, remembering this was her closest friend. “I might have cancer.”

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indelibleink
2013-06-28 03:51 pm UTC (link)

Any possible response Helena had been going to give to Myka's statements about the show were all wiped away by her very last statement. Four simple words, yet they carried heavy implications. It actually took a moment or two for Helena's mind to properly process the words.

Helena's first reaction was fear. Despite the time she'd spent in the modern world, she still had deeply Victorian views of many things, illness being one of them. And cancer was one of the many death sentences from Helena's time. So the fact that Myka, her best friend and the woman she loved, was saying she might have cancer frightened her to her core. And Helena Wells was rarely afraid of anything. Some of the fear she felt crept through into her eyes and body language, but she kept it in check. She didn't want to upset Myka any further than she already was.

"Cancer," Helena repeated, more to get it through her mind than anything else. Finally her brain made the connection with the television show. "That's what Claudia showed you." And that clearly must have been what Claudia said she'd tell her later.

Without further thought, Helena reached out, taking Myka's hand in her own and holding it. "Whatever you need, just ask. You aren't alone." She looked Myka in the eye, ensuring her friend understood that. But there was so much more within her eyes. The fear, the love, the uncertainty, the sadness, all of it was mixed together, all of it being able to be seen by Myka. But she kept hold of Myka's hand, keeping that contact and she hoped to convey some amount of comfort through it. Though that quickly didn't seem like enough, so without further word or hesitation, Helena leaned in and pulled Myka into a hug, closing her eyes for a couple moments and drawing in a slow breath to try and keep her emotions under control. The last thing Myka needed was for Helena to lose it right now.

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agent_bering
2013-06-29 11:40 am UTC (link)

Myka did see the emotions play across Helena’s face. She was grateful her friend was keeping it together, though. Helena’s emotions were a reflection of Myka’s own. And they were so much to process, not all at once. She was trying to approach them one at a time, but some moments even just one emotion was overwhelming in the face of this.

“It was,” she confirmed. “I guess in my future, our home’s now, I go in for a physical and the doctors find something. And that was on the show. But it’s not that far in the future from- uh, from when I was pulled so...”

When Helena reached for her hands, she didn’t object. Her eyes started to sting and fill up. She nodded. And then Helena was pulling her close, and still she didn’t object. Something between a sob and a laugh – scared about how uncertain things were, but over joyed at the expressions of love and helpfulness from both Claudia and Helena showed her.

“Thank you.”

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indelibleink
2013-06-29 12:27 pm UTC (link)

It was without a doubt a good thing that Helena hadn't seen the show recently. This was not something she would've reacted to well having seen it on television. Well, she wasn't inwardly reacting well to this news now, but it was infinitely better coming from Myka instead of learning it from the show. Helena supposed that was the downside to watching the show, that information such as this would be revealed to them whether they wanted it or not.

Helena maintained the hug for a minute, perhaps hugging Myka slightly tighter than was needed. It no doubt stemmed from her feelings for Myka, her desire to comfort her friend as best as she could. She was so very afraid, but Helena would hold her emotions inside and let them out later. Well, maybe. She wasn't certain just what she would do later when she was on her own and things truly sunk in, but for now, she needed to stay strong for Myka, and she would do that without question.

Finally pulling back from the hug, she looked at Myka. "I admit this is new territory for me, but what are you going to do?" She was certainly not privy to understanding how such things were even approached medically in this day. All she understood was that cancer almost always resulted in death. She certainly hoped modern medicine allowed for a better prognosis, but Helena was not an optimist any longer. The thought that she could potentially lose Myka again, this time in a rather final way, began to sink in through the shock. Losing Myka was not something Helena could handle.

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agent_bering
2013-06-30 12:32 pm UTC (link)

Myka didn’t suspect anything untoward about Helena’s lingering hug. In fact, she thought it might not have been long enough, but she didn’t want to make Helena feel uncomfortable. She pulled back and wiped at her cheeks.

“I have an appointment on Monday. They’ll run a few tests then we’ll go from there, and the appointments the doctors recommend. So… I guess the short answer is I’ll know more on Monday.”

She fiddled with her fingers, something she didn’t normally did. But she wasn’t normally this upset, this nervous, this trying so hard to keep it altogether, because, while she knew modern medicine in this area was leaps and bounds above what Helena was used to, and that the earlier you caught cancer the higher ones chances of survival were, this was still something so big for her to embrace.

“Claudia is going to drive me- Do you want to come with? I could use the support.”

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indelibleink
2013-06-30 07:58 pm UTC (link)

There was an urge within Helena to not want to leave Myka's side from this point on. Of course, that was perhaps largely out of the fear of losing her again. But when Helena cared about people, she did do whatever she could to help and protect them. While Helena herself may not fully realize it, caring about others was certainly both a strength of hers and something she was good at.

"I would, yes. I'll go to any of the appointments you want me to." Helena would ensure she was available to be there for Myka, even when it meant moving her work schedule or therapy sessions around. Myka was far more important than anything else. Seeing the way Myka fiddled with her fingers, Helena once again reached out and took one of her hands in both of hers.

"Any time you need company or anything, I'm here, okay? Day or night, it does not matter." This was not something Myka had to go through alone, she had both Claudia and Helena here, and they would get through this together. And it was perhaps in that moment when Helena made the internal decision to not let herself react emotionally to this. She needed to be strong for Myka, and no doubt for Claudia. It wouldn't do them any good if Helena fell apart as well. It was also far easier to filter her painful emotions away than it was to embrace them. It went completely against what she was trying to work on with her therapy, but Helena was not going to let Myka or Claudia see her fall apart over this. So she would be the strong one and do her best to keep them afloat as they moved through this.

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	agent_bering 2013-07-03 12:37 pm UTC (link)
	Myka squeezed Helena’s hands again, drawing so much comfort from this touch. “Thank you. Again.” She half laughed again, though it was more sad than joyous. “For everything. I don’t know how I could do this without you.” (Reply to this) (Parent)