InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I ate your brains. Delicious!"

OMFG! Anakin might do ~something~ *pearl clutch* (darkforcerising) wrote in makebelievelog,
@ 2013-05-17 15:23:00

Entry tags:

anakin skywalker, padme amidala

Who: Anakin and Padmé
What: Two sad Star Wars peeps alone again in MB. They are coping
When: Thursday evening
Where: Their rooms
Rating/Warnings: Probably low? Full of angst and woe
Status: In progress/Closed

When the calls didn’t go through, when the texts came back ‘unable to send’, Anakin knew. Padmé knew as well. They both knew the signs of someone being sent home. They knew it could happen to anyone – friends, acquaintances, family members. They knew and still it hurt when someone they cared about was taken from them. They knew and they were still surprised.

He set his lightsaber down on his and Padmé’s dining table.

Despite knowing the moment his daughter left, the essence that was her signature in the Force was there one moment at the back of his mind, and the next – nothing. Despite the confirmation via the phones. Anakin had to go to her rooms to find out for himself. And there had been nothing there save the standard furniture all rooms contained. And his lightsaber, the one he let her borrow until they could get the crystals to make her another one.

Every trace of Leia was gone.

He walked over to Padmé, the look on her face a reflection of his own, drawing him to her. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

“I’m sorry,” he said simply. "I'm so sorry." He didn’t have any other words just then.

(Post a new comment)

i_cannot_follow
2013-05-17 06:51 am UTC (link)

Padmé had desperately wanted to help Leia, somehow, after Han had left. She knew the pain that she would've been in if it had been Anakin that had been taken from her. But the fact was that Leia had slipped away, despite seeming determination to continue onward, pulling away to try to cope with the loss of her husband. Padmé hadn't been able to do anything to help. And now...

Now Leia was back with Han, but Padmé's opportunity, and Anakin's opportunity, to get to know their daughter was gone. It wasn't even like Luke, where she had seen the result of a lifetime and he had been established and fulfilled. Leia was someone starting off on the adventure of life, someone around her own age. Padmé had looked at her not as some bizarre daughter that was the wrong age, but as a friend who she considered like a relative. Padmé had looked forward to seeing what Leia did, to having Leia around when the baby was born. And now she was gone.

"Ani." Was all she could manage as her husband collected her against him. Padmé leaned heavily onto him and started to cry.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-05-17 11:46 am UTC (link)

“If I could make it right,” he said into her hair.

He closed his own eyes against the sting he felt welling there. His words, spoken with the intent to convey comfort only cut him more. It was his fault Padmé would never get to know their daughter back in their own universe. He couldn’t make this right here or there.

He wasn’t good with loss. He’d killed a whole Tuskin Raider tribe after his mother’s death. After he thought he’d lost Obi-Wan at Jabiim he’d done the same to some Separatist leaders. He’d been more in control with himself when Ahsoka left the Order, but just barely. He knew now he couldn’t let himself give into the desire to hunt down whoever was in charge of this place and take his anger out on them. He knew he couldn’t not only because that would be giving into the Dark Side, but it was futile.

He had no options but to feel this unimaginable loss. He didn’t like it. It was painful and he couldn’t look beyond it to that shore in time when they wouldn’t feel this hurt anymore.

He held Padmé there for some time before it occurred to him they should go to the sofa. “You should sit down.”

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

i_cannot_follow
2013-05-17 09:00 pm UTC (link)

Padmé had come to terms with what would happen, with her death and her absence in her childrens' lives. She had needed to come to peace with it. On some small level, it bothered her that she had been able to come to some sense of reconciliation with that and hadn't been able to reconcile the idea that the Republic would fall and crumble as it did, then have continuing problems. She knew that Luke and Leia would have happy lives, even if they would have to struggle and face losses of their own. She knew they would adjust and come out of it, still striving toward something better. Her ingrained training, and the emphasis from her parents to think of others first, left her feeling as though she had utterly failed an entire galaxy by unknowingly helping Palpatine's rise to power. That ate at her, even still.

Now, right then, was a moment of sadness for her and for Anakin. It wasn't a loss on Leia's part - she would be fine without them and eventually they would all meet again in whatever afterlife existed. Rather, it was their loss. However temporary or long their stay in the Land of Make Believe would be, she was no longer a part of their lives.

Padmé continued to cling to Anakin, but nodded amidst her tears. She had to accept that this was going to hurt and, at that, she was in the midst of creating a new being. Not a child to replace Leia, but a child that she and Anakin would be able to raise on their own. Her body was busy and she was emotionally overwhelmed and with unusual hormones to deal with; she needed to sit, she needed to let it out, and she needed to toward toward calming down.

"Don't leave me, Ani." She needed him there, both for the short term and the long term. She knew that he must have felt horrible as well, and that his inclination was never toward sitting for long, but she needed him there.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

darkforcerising
2013-05-20 02:09 am UTC (link)

He wanted Leia back, he wanted his daughter her for selfish reasons. He wanted her to know, given different circumstances, he wasn’t Vader, and he never wanted to hurt her or her loved ones, or destroy Alderaan. And he wanted to know her and love her and to be able to tell her that. And he knew this place was the only place he could have that, because back home he would choose differently.

He knew back in their world Leia would have a great many happy successes without him, her life would be full and complete and she would experience love beyond what she could measure. She would have heartache, too, but the good things would last, for her. And again, none of that good would include him.

And he was jealous of that. And bitter. And he hated that he felt this way, but he was ultimately, despite all the work he tried to correct himself, a selfish person.

Anakin felt that essence of Padmé he could sense in the Force pulling him towards her. Padmé needed him and as much as he itched to go work out his frustration and raw feelings through physical exertion or by working on some mechanical project he wouldn’t leave her side for anything. She needed him, and it gave him something outside himself, beyond his own selfishness, on which to focus.

“Of course,” he said as he moved to sit next to her.

He really didn’t have anything else to say and he hoped his presence would be enough. If Padmé wanted to talk, he would try to be supportive of what she needed. But his emotions were never easy for him to put into words; he was better at expressing them through action.

(Reply to this) (Parent)