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peter parker; the amazing spider-man (spindly) wrote in makebelievelog,
@ 2013-04-09 21:02:00

Entry tags:

gwen stacy, peter parker

who peter & gwen
what seeing a baby dragon/talks
where the.. place with the dragon
when 4/7, noon
warnings nope!

Although Peter tried to focus on the fact that he was going to get to see a real and possibly fire-breathing dragon in person, he was a bit more hung up on the fact that Gwen wanted to talk. Rather, she wanted to tell him something. So vague were her words that he spent his night wrestling around with the possibilities of what it could be. Would she tell him he was fictional? Given the walking and talking versions of characters he had seen on television, Peter was pretty prepared to be told he was from something himself. It would be weird to hear, but he could get through it. If that was the worst he had to face, then he could go to sleep worry-free.

With a busy mind as that of Peter Parker's, however, no such luxury was afforded to him. Of course, eventually his own attention span worked against his hyperactive mind and lulled him off to sleep at a relatively decent hour. Didn't matter really, it was Sunday; he was free of class and work. There were perks to working pretty much freelance at the newspaper and being a brilliant mind. Too bad that brilliance failed him when it came to the opposite sex, specifically where Gwen was involved. His moments of being smooth were few and far between, but didn't she like that about him? It wasn't good (for her sake) that she did, but he couldn't muster up the strength to find fault in it.

No one made him feel as good about himself like Gwen Stacy. Sure, he had Aunt May, but that was different. Family always was.

When he woke, he woke early, and sprang to life. Killing time with studying, he was anxious to see her again. He had been going to see Gwen a lot lately, maybe too much. While he had implied he would break the promise, following through on either side of the coin had proven to be a most difficult task. In the back of his mind, Peter was certain he would always see her father delivering his life's last request. Some part of him wanted to believe he would want his daughter to be happy, and if he was her happiness--so be it. The other part of him leaned toward responsibility, the traits he bitterly claimed his own father lacked, and the same traits that his Uncle Ben had tried to instill in spite of that fact.

Peter couldn't think of anything bad once he saw her. She was so pretty. Every time he saw her, he just wanted to pull her close and kiss her. It had been so long since he'd gotten to do that. Their time together had been too short, but that had been to keep her safe. Maybe that wouldn't have to be the same here. This wasn't New York. Dangers still lurked around every bend, but he wasn't the only guy around to patrol the streets, he discovered that much after running into another Avenger.

Oh, right. He had something to tell her, too. That much didn't occur to him until they were at the facility and close, so awesomely close, to seeing cute little Titania.

"By the way, I signed up for that Heroes for Hire thing," he blurted out, voice lowered. It was completely random, but wasn't everything he did? Maybe it would make her smile again. Peter's day always got better when he saw one creeping onto her face.

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spindly
2013-04-26 12:33 pm UTC (link)

Peter tried not to visibly stiffen when she edged toward a confession. Part of him hoped desperately that she wouldn't confide that she still loved him, but he wasn't completely oblivious; he knew. Not with complete confidence, but he knew she cared in him in a capacity far beyond the friendship status. It was the same way he would always admire her and want to put his life on his line just ensure the world was safer for her to exist in. The problem was him, not her or her feelings, just him; Peter believed he wasn't any good for Gwen.

For perhaps a bit longer than necessary, he bowed his head in thought. Peter never had been very good at thinking quickly, he mulled over everything for all potential outcomes. There was the glaring first one that made him want to take her face in his hands and kiss her soundly. The second was remaining friends while knowing they would always feel a longing between them that would hinder a "normal" friendship. The first split off into so many terrible possibilities that he couldn't quite decide which of them looked the best, so one thing became clear: he needed to stop worrying about the hypothetical scenarios.

Hands to the back of his bowed head, he wrestled between a frown and a smile. To be sure, Peter was delighted. He could have back-flipped around the room just to know she still wanted to be with him. Anyone in their right mind would want to be with Gwen Stacy. God, he wanted nothing more than to let himself be that selfish.

Giving in just a little bit, he turned toward her. Reaching out, he brushed her cheek with his hand and coaxed her face back to his, then rested his forehead against her own. His other hand snaked around to rest at the nape of her neck, it felt like an old habit he never wanted to lose.

"Your dad, he - he wanted the same thing for you as I do. Making sure you're always safe, that's what makes me happy." Shaking his head gently against hers, he couldn't bring himself to tear away from her. "Can't guarantee that if I'm with you. Can't, can't, can't. Want to. God, I want to."

At that, Peter drew back to take in the full expanse of the face he adored. "If the wrong people found out how much you mean to me, Gwen --" He pursed his lips, almost belligerently dismissing the notion with a shake of his head. "You deserve better than what I can give you. You gotta - gotta know that. I'm no good for you. I wanna be - I wanna be that," but it would mean giving up on being Spider-man. That was out of the question. Helping others, that was his calling. So long as he had the ability to do it, he would have to choose saving the neighborhood over being a good boyfriend to Gwen.

Would it be as bad here? Staring at her uncertainly, hardly at all resigned to his guns, he released an uneasy sigh. What was the real right thing to do? Ultimately, was that really his call to make? Realizing that much, he something about his demeanor changed. A hopefully curiosity glimmered in his eyes.

"Tell me, Gwen," he blurted out, not mindful of giving her a chance to speak. "Tell me the best way to do right by you."

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sciencenerd
2013-04-26 01:24 pm UTC (link)

Gwen shouldn't have been surprised by Peter's answer. But despite knowing that she should have been prepared for something like this, it still hurt her a little more than when she arrived and saw he had been dating Kitty. With the way Peter had been acting, she had thought maybe there was another chance for them. Even Darcy pushed her to talk to him about it. But now she felt like an idiot. He was rejecting her again. Gwen felt like she just kept fighting for him and Peter was fighting against her. Maybe the relationship was more one sided than she had thought.

He took so long to answer and it was that pause that made Gwen know he was going to say no. She didn't look at him until he touched her face. And when she did, her eyes burned with tears being held back. She tried to tell herself to not cry over him, but Gwen cried whenever her emotions were high. Happy, angry, sad, whatever. They just came. But she didn't right then. And she didn't say anything while he spoke.

When he released her, she looked away from him again. She shook her head at him and said, "It doesn't matter what I tell you, Peter. You're going to do what you will do. I just...you and my father keep trying to make my decisions for me. He did it when he was alive and now you're doing it." Gwen was upset by this, but just hadn't said anything to Peter until now. She thought she was perfectly capable of understanding the dangers of things and whether or not she wanted to go through with it. This included Peter.

"I've...I've died once already, Peter. And it had nothing to do with you," she said. Of course Gwen didn't say anything about how she was going to die. She knew it would be because of him, but the goal at that moment was to try to talk sense into Peter when it came to her, and mentioning Harry's dad wouldn't help there.

Gwen could feel her heart racing. It hurt a lot to be rejected a third time by him, and she knew she wouldn't try anymore after this. As it was each time she fought for him, and each time he found something to say no to her. Gwen suddenly wished she had been smarter and had this conversation somewhere else. Whether it would be at the castle or someplace in the city. At least then she'd have the option to get up and leave him where he sat. Here with the dragon, Gwen was responsible for Titania and couldn't just ditch her too.

Titania could sense there was tension between the two people kneeling over her and she let out a little squeak in Gwen's direction. Considering Gwen was the one Titania was familiar with, she moved closer to her and nudged her hand a little. Feeling bad for Titania's sudden neglect, Gwen opened the bag to pull out a blackberry for the baby. Happily, the dragon started to nibble away at it slowly.

But there was still one last thing she wanted to ask him. Something she hadn't heard from him before. Gwen looked up again at Peter, trying hard to fight back the tears as she asked, "Peter, do you love me? It's OK if you say no. If you say no then I...I'll leave you alone. I won't see you one-on-one like this. I won't....I can't. Just...either let me go for good and end this game or just suck it up, say yes, and deal with whatever will come."

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spindly
2013-04-26 01:50 pm UTC (link)

He couldn't stick to his guns. Looking at her this way, Peter wanted so badly just to pull her to him. Screw doing the right thing by anyone, it was evident what would be right. Maybe Aunt May was right, maybe he wasn't the worst thing for her. Maybe that should have been her decision all along. That was kind of what he had been hoping for when he gave her that almost false hope that he would break the promise in the first place, wasn't it?

He flinched at the mentioning of her death, a coil around his heart awakening as a ravenous python. He swore he choked on nothing for a moment, the grief that had gripped him over her death hardly something he had been able to fully shake. Peter rarely coped well with loss, though he did try to make the most of the lessons taught by those who had passed on once the grief became bearable.

Effectively numbed, he tracked her actions closely. His keen awareness made him privy to every precious nuance of her being, right down to the way she distracted herself from heartache with Titania. The dragon, right, he had been so excited to see the little creature; now he only wanted to see Gwen smile again.

All the spider senses in the world couldn't prepare him for her last question. She wouldn't hang out with him like this? The thought of letting her go woke up something inherently selfish in him. Slack jawed and dumbfounded, Peter stared at her briefly before letting impulse take over. Drawing the pads of his thumbs soothingly across her cheeks, he managed a sheepish smile despite the way his heart ached over her despair.

"Wish I had some poetry memorized for a cooler response," he started, aware that was the culmination of what she had yet to hear. "Don't ever doubt it. That I love you. I love, love, love you. Crazy love. No conjunctions."

So many warning bells were going off, but he didn't care. Rather, he couldn't let himself care. Peter wanted, needed to make her happy.

"Means I'll suck it up."

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sciencenerd
2013-04-26 02:16 pm UTC (link)

For the second time in only a few minutes, Gwen was surprised by Peter's response. She had fully expected him to finally just say no and have that be that. Especially by the way his last response was to her. But, then again, maybe she jumped the gun too soon. Gwen did have a habit of doing that anyway. Maybe she needed to step back and just give him a chance.

But Gwen did have doubt. She wondered if she was being selfish with him, considering she knew she was going to die. But ignoring those warnings felt so much better at that moment. She took a deep breath after he said he'd suck it up, held her head for a second to get herself together again. She felt like she had just been on some crazy roller coaster of a ride that made her dizzy.

After his words finally sunk in she looked back at him and asked, "Are you sure? I don't want you to feel like I pressured you. I want you to say it only because you actually, genuinely want to try again."

Gwen hoped he meant it. She had missed him so much and it felt like a weight lifted off her. She wanted to hold him and kiss him again, but she forced herself to not move and make sure first that this really was what Peter wanted. Whatever his decision was, she'd respect it.

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spindly
2013-04-26 02:41 pm UTC (link)

That was so like her, wasn't it? Always looking out for him. Peter loved that about her, though it often led to them canceling one another out. Like now. He was a sucker for her. Peter knew going in to the breakup that it would be hard to stay away much less stick to his guns. Some part of him wanted to be egotistical and say he deserved a bit of happiness for all of his heroic acts. He didn't want to be fed grapes or given money, just a place he could go home to and feel like an ordinary guy that occasionally wore a slightly uncomfortable spandex suit to save the day.

No, he wasn't entirely sure. Peter was only sure of how he felt about her, and had to believe in that being key. He didn't feel pressured in the sense that she had forced his hand, maybe he had needed it. Maybe he just needed to see that, as long as they were here, they wouldn't be playing by the same rules. Here he wasn't acting alone. She had no idea how much he had wanted to try again all along, he had only avoided it because it wasn't right by her.

His mistake had been in making that decision on his own. Hadn't his own parents decided to run off together in the end, leaving him behind and in the care of his Aunt and Uncle? Peter would never agree with the choice, but the point was that the outcome was mutual. Peter didn't want to be like his father and abandon her somehow, no matter if it hadn't been his mother he left behind. The basic principle was inherently the same, and he understood that with a degree of clarity now.

"Are you crazy?" He tossed back, ever the dunce with his words. "Well, you must be - you want this guy. Right, Titania?" He directed the words to the baby dragon munching away at the rest of the fruit. Perhaps humor didn't quite have a place in this discussion though, not yet.

So, expression mollifying a degree, he returned his gaze to Gwen. "Was never about that. Every time I see you, talk to you - it's all I want. Just.. couldn't put you at risk by being with me. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm bad for you, Gwen. I am. You make me feel like - like I can be good though. Y'know?"

One of Peter's hands slid down the side of her face, along her arm, and on to capture one of her hands in his. He clasped it tight, his smile tentatively warming the longer he lingered on her image.

"I got a lot of making up to do though, huh?"

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