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OMFG! Anakin might do ~something~ *pearl clutch* ([info]darkforcerising) wrote in [info]makebelievelog,
@ 2013-01-23 12:08:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:anakin skywalker, h.g. wells

Who: Anakin Sr. and Helena Sr.
What: They deal with similar issues – primarily, having the need to tell those they care about about a dark and dismal future
When: Tuesday evening
Where: The stables
Rating/Warnings: Probably low, they may talk about darker subjects, will update if necessary
Status: In progress/Closed


Anakin was doing his very best to avoid a certain person who just so happened, as chance would have it, to live right down the hall from him. When Anakin had realized just where Leia was staying he had cursed the Force, because the Force deserved it, and because he had no other option. He knew he had no right to approach her, even if giving her the distance and respect she deserved slayed his heart, but he didn’t have to appreciate the humor of this cosmic joke.

It was late, after dinner, and Anakin found, despite the chill that permeated even throughout the heated stables, that working on this new bike, fairly distant from the south wing of the castle, to be mentally diverting for him. As opposed to a random project in his workroom. Things were not quite easy between him and his younger self, and in his current agitated state it was best to not stir those murky waters. Plus, having a clear goal for a project was infinitely more soothing to his mind than haphazard non-direction. It was clear to see, in moments like this, how meditative working on some mechanical project was for Anakin.

He was thoroughly lost in that world, where his troubled thoughts were pushed to the back of his mind to be sorted unconsciously while he focused his attention on the frame he was building, when the wrench precariously set on the edge of the work table, vibrating forward from too many bumps to the table, fell to the floor. Its loud, metallic clattering echoed about the stable. Anakin paused to pick it up and set it on a more secure spot, and then he resumed his work, unconcerned about who might be near enough to have heard the racket.


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[info]indelibleink
2013-01-23 06:06 am UTC (link)
To say that Helena needed to get out and stretch her legs was a gross understatement. With the week of being confined to rest, Helena was more than itching to do things. Even something as mundane as walking to a different part of the castle. It was why she'd treasured the visits to James and Claudia. It allowed her to do something. Though she was trying to not overdo things just yet lest she get ill again and Myka would never let her move freely again. But tonight after dinner, she was needing to do more than simply walk somewhere inside the castle, so she'd opted to walk the castle grounds. After informing Myka she was going to take a walk and ensuring her she wouldn't overdo things, she grabbed her coat and made her way outside.

Despite her exuberance to be doing things again without limitations, Helena did still have a lot on her mind. The incident with her younger self and the younger Anakin escaping in the middle of the night to see the dragons, her own dark past weighed heavily on her. She was trying not to dwell on things so much right now so she could avoid falling ill all over again, but as was the case with Helena, her past was rarely far from the front of her mind. There were still countless ghosts and demons that haunted her every step. Even moreso now when she knew that one day soon she would need to tell her younger self about the future that awaited her upon a return to her world.

Helena paused in her walk and sighed, her breath hanging on the cool air like a ghostly mist. She glanced up at the sky, which was clear. It was dark, as it typically got in the winter, and the moon was bright, though not quite full. For the woman who had once looked at the stars with awe and wonder, it did create a sense of excitement to see a clear night. It would make for good stargazing, though the light of the moon would drown out some of the more distant stars. That, however, wasn't exactly a worry of hers. Turning her gaze back to ground level, Helena found herself near the stables. Knowing the elder Anakin had a workplace in there, she wondered if he was there currently. So she made her way to the stables and went to the stall where Anakin had kept his bike that their younger selves had stolen that one night. However, upon getting to the stall, she saw it was empty. She was about to turn and leave, going about her walk when she heard something clatter to the ground in the stall. Frowning in confusion, Helena took a second look at the stall. If it was empty, what made that sound?

"Anakin? Are you in there?" She asked cautiously. She wasn't precisely certain she wanted to step any closer to the stall than she currently was. So it was far safer to make her presence known first.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-01-23 11:33 am UTC (link)
Helena’s voice pulled Anakin from his meditation and he looked towards the entrance. He could see Helena, anyone from inside the stall could see everything from without. And he forgot for a moment that there was charm placed on the area. He gave her a strange look, an almost mocking smile cracked his feather, and he opened his mouth to question if she’d lost her sight during a battle between an ottoman and a set of drawers.

But then he remembered Helena had a very real reason to look perplexed.

“Oh, right. I am,” he called out to her. “Just walk into the stall. I’ll explain once you’re inside.”

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[info]indelibleink
2013-01-23 08:29 pm UTC (link)
Hearing Anakin's response only further perplexed the Victorian woman. She wasn't entirely certain what was happening. Was she looking at an illusion? Or was it magic? There wasn't a doubt in her mind that this was a precaution from their younger selves taking the bike once again, but she was more than confused on this matter.

After another moment's hesitation, Helena walked into the stall, almost expecting to run into some barrier or be suddenly transported somewhere else. However, what occurred instead was that everything within the stall suddenly became visible to her, including Anakin. Blinking in surprise, she looked at him, then the bike, then back outside the stall. Though everything outside the stall appeared exactly the same as it had been before she'd entered the stall. Brushing a hand through her raven hair, she looked back at Anakin.

"I would assume this is a security precaution," she stated, her mind still trying to piece this puzzle together for herself but she was having some difficulty on accomplishing that task. So she would allow Anakin to fill in the blanks for her.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-01-24 02:02 am UTC (link)
When Helena stepped – tentatively – into the stall, Anakin rose from where he was crouched and grabbed a towel from off the work table to wipe his hands clean.

“Yes,” he said readily. “It’s magic. And something my younger self cannot affect with the Force. Anyone looking into the stall from outside won’t see anything inside. That’s one measure. The other is the perimeter of the stall is surrounded by something that prevents those under a certain age from entering. The appearance of nothing in the stall should prevent those two from investigating for a time.” Anakin was beaming as he explained. He knew that nothing would deter those two children indefinitely, but for the moment his younger self seemed to have fallen for the ruse. And that was an accomplishment worthy of celebration.

“It won’t stop them forever, but it should give us time to come up with other counter measures.” Saying it like that made it seem like they were waging a war against a clever foe. In a way, they were.

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[info]indelibleink
2013-01-24 08:21 pm UTC (link)
Listening to the explanation, the baffled expression on Helena's face gave way to one of understanding. Now it all made sense. It was rather clever, and at least a magical deterrent would work longer than any other way Helena or the elder Anakin could come up with to keep their younger selves from causing damage to themselves, the castle, or anything else.

"That is rather clever, well done. Hopefully they both will continue to be deterred by this for at least a while." Helena smiled. "I have been sketching up plans for various security measure I can put in our room to alert myself and Myka if my younger self ever tries to sneak out at night again." Helena knew that her younger self sneaking out at night was going to always be an issue on some level. "Though hopefully with them both being in school, their minds will also be focused elsewhere for the time being as well." That was another positive to enrolling her younger self in school. The girl would be too busy doing her homework and soaking in every piece of knowledge she could to really plot any elaborate schemes of escape. Or so she hoped, anyway.

"That matter aside, how are you doing?" It had been a while since Helena had last actually talked to Anakin. Save for the whole feverish discussion about furniture staging a revolution and so forth, but Helena didn't count that one. She hadn't been in her right mind like she was now.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-01-25 05:42 am UTC (link)
“That castle stands another day,” Anakin remarked.

But when Helena asked how he was doing the smile faded from his face and he looked back towards the new bike he was working on. His fingers founds some grime on a bolt to pick at. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Helena, she was so like him in many, many ways, it was hard not to trust her. But a combination of not wanting to think about Leia or Ahsoka and not wanting to burden her with his complaints when she was so recently getting over being sick.

“Some people from my universe have shown up here,” he said, going for a diplomatic answer he was sure Obi-Wan would be proud of. “They’ve been keeping Padmé busy. How about you? How’s your kingdom?”

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[info]indelibleink
2013-01-26 04:51 am UTC (link)
"And we can celebrate that point." After all, who knew how much longer the castle would remain that way with their younger selves more than capable of causing problems.

Noting how the smile faded and the diplomatic answer she got in response to her question, it was obvious there was something that was bothering Anakin, something obviously tying to the arrivals from his universe. Helena still had not seen the Star Wars movies, so she still only knew what she'd learned from Anakin and Padmé. At that moment, she was not certain whether or not she should press the topic. It was sometimes distressing how similar the two of them were, after learning of the things Anakin had done and would do in his universe.

"I have regained my health, and my kingdom is at rest." She could have said at peace, but that would not be strictly accurate. Helena did have a weight hanging on her shoulders, knowing that sooner or later she needed to tell her younger self about the future that waited for her in their world.

Her gaze traveled over to the bike Anakin was working on, her eyes taking in the appearance and, not for the first time, admiring the beauty in the craftsmanship. "Sometimes I hate being ill. It gives one far too much time to think and dwell on certain things." Her gaze was still on the bike, but eventually slid its way back to Anakin.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-01-26 09:07 am UTC (link)
Anakin dropped back to a crouch to pick up where he’d left off. He was listening, and despite the divided attention he was more likely to catch everything Helena was saying if he could busy his hands with something. He held a part snug to the frame and started attaching it. With his hands occupied it was easier to focus. He was sure Helena understood that.

“My former master would tell me, if I ever confessed such a thing to him, that I’m clearly not meditating enough,” he said with a rueful smile. “For him, sitting and thinking more was always the answer. I don’t think he ever really understood my need to be doing something.”

He wrenched a bolt tighter. The next step would be to move to the other side of the frame, the side more accessible to Helena, and affix the fasteners. He held the wrench out to Helena. “There are four bolts on that side,” he gestured with the wrench to the bolts in question. “Could you?”

After handing off the wrench he sat back and pulled another part over, the piece that would go on next onto the part that was currently being secured. He busied his hands with that. “Do you want to talk about it?”

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[info]indelibleink
2013-01-27 04:20 am UTC (link)
When Anakin went back to working on the bike, Helena didn't even bat an eyelash. She knew all too well the feeling of needing to do something which then allowed more ease to focus on other things. It was a tactic Helena was all too familiar with and fond of. It was the reason she'd kept asking Myka for some parts while she'd been ill so she could focus easier.

"Sitting and thinking more is all well and fine for some, but not everyone can do that. For some, thinking is more detrimental and leads to worse things. Some of us need to be doing something to help." There was nothing quite like seeing a project through from the beginning sketches and mathematical scrawls on paper to the end when it was finally a complete physical object. Though Helena had many different paths to achieve the very same thing. Sometimes she'd build something, others she would write a novel. The Time Machine and The War of the Worlds had come out of the darkest part of her life, as had the time machine she'd once built.

When Anakin handed her a wrench, she was temporarily taken by surprise by the action, but after hearing Anakin's direction, she took the wrench. "Of course, I would be delighted." Spying the bolts he'd spoken of, Helena crouched down and began working on them.

Even though she was no longer ill and had a filter between her brain and mouth, it didn't take much for her to begin talking, not in this situation. Myka had all ready prodded some things out of her while she'd been ill. The other reason it wasn't so difficult was because she knew Anakin would understand, and possibly even have some advice to give her. "I find that I still struggle at times with understanding why Myka loves me. I do not understand how she can forgive the things I have done, especially the ones I have done to her, and how she can still see something good in me." So this was not quite the main issue after the talk she'd had with Myka, but she was having a difficult time with the forgiveness topic. And it would play directly into the topic of telling her younger self everything.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-01-29 02:30 am UTC (link)
“I ask myself the same thing with Padmé.” Anakin did know exactly what Helena was talking about. He would kill Padmé; his attack on her, as Vader, though didn’t kill her directly, would be the contributing factor in her death. He hadn’t done it yet, but he had been minutes from making the choice that would send him irrevocably careening down that path.

“I don’t know why or how she just looks past everything.” He paused to focus on the part in his hands, securing subcomponents in place. “But… she does.” It was where Luke got his optimism and ability to forgive. He certainly hadn’t received it from his father.

“But I’m not a good source to ask about emotions. I come from an Order that, to put it simply, didn’t allow its members to fully experience emotions. Jedi were taught to free themselves from all emotions by letting them go the moment they felt them; and dwelling on them, especially certain ones, was the mark of poor character. In certain cases you could face disciplinary action… Padmé might be better to talk to about why people feel what they feel.”

He gave Helena a self-ridiculing smile. “Sometimes it drives Padmé mad dealing with my inability to understand the nuances of her moods. Honestly, frustration and upset look the same to me.”

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[info]indelibleink
2013-01-29 04:47 am UTC (link)
The simple fact that Helena could even bridge this topic with someone else who knew what it felt like from personal experience was something she couldn't properly put into words how much she grateful for it. While she had told Myka about the things she'd done, laid out in detail what she'd done after Christina had died, there was a distinct difference between someone hearing about such atrocities and one actually having done similar things themselves. Helena did find it easy to talk to Anakin, which was slightly strange for her because the only other person she ever talked so freely with was Myka.

She listened to what he said, and was reminded of a conversation she'd had with Myka on the subject a few days earlier. It always did astound her just how Myka found something in her to believe in, that was worth believing in. But that was seemingly the kind of person both herself and Anakin needed. Someone that could bring out the better qualities within them.

"Perhaps I should ask Padmé, but her response might not be completely understood just like I have yet to fully understand Myka's answers to such questions." She was trying to understand what Myka had told her, but she was far from seeing it herself. "I did ask Myka the other day what she saw in me that was worth forgiveness and love." She paused as she tightened a bolt. "I am still trying to make sense of her answer and trying to see what she sees."

Looking up at Anakin, she caught that smile. "It is not your fault you cannot understand the nuances of emotions. Does she have understanding that you brought up to not hold onto emotions like that? It does take time to be able to read the minute changes in emotions." That was not an issue that Helena had, so in that she and Anakin differed. But she did know it took a while to learn how to read those sorts of things if you didn't know how to in the first place.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-01-29 11:07 am UTC (link)
“Have you finished with that side?” Anakin asked. If Helena had, Anakin was ready with the next part which he’d taken to fiddling with in his hands.

“Padmé’s patient, she was a senator. Someone like that is born with a seeming bottomless well of patience. Seems to be a requirement for the job.” He gave a final tweak to the device in his hand, twisting the two halves about the middle to align nodes in the right configuration. “My lack of education about emotions might have caused an argument or two, but she’s long-suffering when ‘deprogramming my Jedi upbringing,’ as she calls it.”

Anakin stood up as it was easier to attach the next piece while standing.

“What did Myka say?” He wasn’t sure if he should be asking this, but he was taking a gamble that Helena wanted to continue talking about this subject. If she didn’t and backed away from the topic, he would respect her wishes.

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[info]indelibleink
2013-01-29 12:46 pm UTC (link)
"Yes," she responded, after ensuring the last bolt was tight enough. Despite the fact she was slender and didn't seem overly strong, appearances were deceiving. Helena had strength, no doubt partially from her martial arts training. But she'd built more than enough inventions in her time to build up the strength required to secure bolts and other such pieces of equipment.

Helena gave a half smile. "Patience. Somehow patience also seems to be a requirement for those close to us." It was a bit self-deprecating, but Helena felt Anakin would understand the meaning. "She actually calls it deprogramming your Jedi upbringing?" Helena managed to stifle a chuckle on the matter, though a smile may have briefly crossed her face.

Helena paused at Anakin's question, though she did intend to answer it. After all, perhaps relating the answer may help her better internalize it. "She said that someone who willingly gave their life to save another was worthy of forgiveness." She looked up at Anakin. "I don't know if I told you about that, but in my world, I died to save Myka, Pete and Artie. My death is where I am from and Myka is from shortly after it." She brushed some hair behind her ear. "I don't know if I precisely understand how that allows her to see past everything else I've done, but it does. Though I can't help but doubt that one act can redeem everything else. Though I suppose the only thing that matters is that I stand forgiven in Myka's eyes. Perhaps at some point in the future I can learn to forgive myself. But that is still a distant point in time."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-01-31 06:36 am UTC (link)
“Only when she’s particularly frustrated by something I do as a result of those teachings,” Anakin was more than willing to indulge self-disparaging humor, and he had his own smile. “Or is it when she’s particularly upset?” He shrugged and started attaching the piece to the top side of the work in progress bike.

“I suppose people who are apt to forgive consider sacrificing your life to save another as the ultimate act of retribution. Those who have a hard time with forgiveness see it as the least you can do.”

He reached for a different tool than the one he’d given to Helena earlier. This part called for a different type of fastener. He tightened one bolt and moved onto the next.

“I bet we fall into the latter category, even regarding ourselves and our own conduct. At least in that we aren’t hypocrites,” he gave Helena another rueful smile. He knew his own death would come as a result of saving his son, and that he would know intervening on his son’s behalf would result in his death. It would be an outcome he would willingly accept.

“Either way, maybe it’s sufficient for now to accept you’re going in the right direction? Forgiveness isn't a right. That applies even when the person you're trying to forgive is yourself.”

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[info]indelibleink
2013-01-31 08:53 am UTC (link)
A little smile crossed her lips at Anakin's humor. "If Padmé has her way, no doubt you will at some point be able to better tell whether she's frustrated or upset by your upbringing." Helena watched as Anakin began attaching a piece to the top of the bike. She stood up so she could better see what he was doing.

"Of that I have no doubt I am of the latter category. I am not one who easily forgives, especially if it is myself I need to forgive." Helena did do her best to not be a hypocrite in this sense. "Forgiving also requires one to repent and not everyone wishes to repent. Likewise, I will never ask to be forgiven. I seek to put right what I have done to the best of my ability, but I have not, and will not, ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness can only be earned, never demanded."

Helena nodded a bit, one hand coming up to the collar of her shirt and sifting beneath the fabric, her fingers closing around her locket. "I think that is something I can accept now. I am trying to put my heart in the right place." Helena's gaze was fixed on the bike and her fingers toyed with the locket, bringing it out from under her shirt. It was a reflex she had when she agitated or upset or thinking of Christina.

"How are things between you and your younger self?" Helena's gaze snapped from the bike to Anakin himself. She doubted things were okay between them, but she was trying to gauge how long she should expect her younger self to not talk to her after telling her what awaited her in her future.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-02-01 01:19 pm UTC (link)
Anakin noticed Helena fiddling with the locket around her neck, but he already felt like he’d been prying too much. Helena had answered his questions, yes, but he didn’t want to push things too far. The locket seemed infinitely more intimate than anything he’d asked thus far, as if it might be that line he shouldn’t cross.

The humor left Anakin’s expression and he grew serious again when the topic of conversation turned towards his younger self.

“He’s talking to me with sentences again, which is an improvement over silence or short, one word answers.” Anakin shrugged. Though he tried not to let this bother him, the truth was, it did. He couldn’t change how the boy felt about him, he never could change anyone’s opinion of him, and most did expect the worst of him. On some level he’d learned to ignore it, if he hadn’t his time at the Temple would have been worse. But this was his younger self they were talking about. Ani was a separate person, but before arriving in the Land of Make Believe the boy had been him. The way the boy looked at Anakin now certainly gave a new meaning to the phrase ‘self-loathing’.

“Still putting off telling your younger self?”

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[info]indelibleink
2013-02-03 12:01 pm UTC (link)
The meaning of the locket was a heavy subject for Helena. It was one she tended to tread carefully around. Sooner or later, she would tell Anakin and show him the picture within it. But for the moment, that wasn't going to happen. Helena's mind was elsewhere, more focused on drawing strength from the locket, even if she wasn't completely aware she was even clutching it.

Helena didn't precisely like turning things to a serious topic, but she knew Anakin knew what it was like to tell his younger self of an unsavory future that awaited his younger self upon return to their world. And sometimes it helped to talk about such subjects with someone else who had personal experience with it. Even though she knew their situations were different, they were similar enough that Helena could be able to gauge how things would progress once she told her younger self about everything. Of course, she knew her younger self was different than the younger Anakin, but she could still form some framework of what to expect.

"Not so much putting off as it's being pushed back. I had intended to tell her after the holiday season, but when I fell ill, that was not an option." Helena took a slow breath. "But now that I am well again, I don't think I should put it off any longer." She really did wish she didn't have to have this conversation with her younger self, but for that to happen Helena would've had to have lived a very different life. But Helena had accepted the fact that there were consequences for the choices she had made in her life, and one of them was telling her younger self about them. Even if this scenario had never before been a possibility, but this world proved to be breaking the rules at every turn.

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