InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Incorrect!"

Myka Bering (agent_bering) wrote in makebelievecomm,
@ 2013-10-05 17:52:00

Entry tags:

h.g. wells, myka bering

Sent Saturday Morning
[Text for Helena Sr.]
>> You've been quiet for going on two days now. Is something bothering you?

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indelibleink
2013-10-10 03:41 pm UTC (link)

"Wells and Bering, solving puzzles, saving the day." Helena replied. This time, she did realize that, and she wasn't going to take Myka or their relationship for granted. "I readily accept your help. I need you, and I mean that in more than one way. You are my strength." It was a reference back to when Helena had told Myka to be brave, that she needed her strength when she was going to let Pete destroy the Janus Coin to save the Warehouse and Emily Lake from Sykes.

"It was a fate worse than death. Being on the Janus Coin was also a fate worse than death, but at least when I was on the Janus Coin, in the times you did not activate the Coin, I wasn't conscious. There was just...nothing." It was hard for her to talk about this subject, but she was trying because she needed to talk to someone about it. "But being bronzed, I had no way to be distracted from my memories. It is no wonder why I was insane by the time MacPherson unbronzed me. It is by no means an excuse, obviously, but it is certainly the reason why I was the way I was. All those decades of my daughter's death playing over and over again in my mind, multiplying my anger and hate and twisting it all within me. Why they came up with bronzing as a way to deal with people like me, I can never understand. It would be far kinder and, in the long run, safer if they just killed us." Helena really would have rather been killed than spend one hundred and ten years being bronzed.

She fell silent again for some moments, remembering something then, and she looked at Myka. "May I ask something of you?"

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agent_bering
2013-10-12 09:58 am UTC (link)

Myka had a more liberal progressive stance on punishment. She didn’t like killing – though in her line of service that had been a duty that would have likely come up. But that was necessary to protect the President, and in keeping the world safe. But she didn’t like the death penalty. She just didn’t like being the arbiter of someone’s right to live. And, when it came to Helena, she was a bit more than biased. If Helena had been killed a hundred and ten years ago, Myka would have never met her.

However, Myka saw Helena’s statement for what it was and what it wasn’t. This wasn’t time to debate the short comings of the death penalty. It was a time to be supportive. So Myka didn’t contradict Helena’s pain.

“What?” Myka was sure there wasn’t anything Helena would ask of her that she would deny the other woman. “Of course, what do you need?”

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indelibleink
2013-10-12 02:05 pm UTC (link)

When she was in her right mind, Helena had an aversion to killing. She had refused to carry a gun when she'd worked at Warehouse 12 despite it being a rule. But after her experience of being bronzed and seeing how easily someone like MacPherson or Sykes could get to someone who was bronzed or otherwise imprisoned by the Regents, Helena recognized the dangers. And despite how dangerous she herself was, given there were people in the Bronze Sector that had been in there far longer than she was, she knew there was a great potential for evil lurking there. It would be far easier if the Regents simply killed them all. It would at least eliminate the threat of anyone on the outside attempting to get in an unbronze them. She would certainly support capital punishment when it was for the benefit of the greater good. Even if she had to be included in that.

Turning to the request she had, Helena brushed some hair behind her ear. "In the future, no matter how angry you may become with me when we have an argument, please do not use Christina against me. When you were here before, we'd had an argument during the course of which you used Christina against me on a public post on the network." Helena looked at Myka, hurt evident in her dark eyes. She had never really forgiven that. While Helena knew she deserved some things being used against her, Christina was most definitely not one of them. And of all people, Myka would, or perhaps should, know that. And it was for the better that Helena come out and say this now instead of continuing to keep it quiet and have it come out in some other, less desirable way later on.

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agent_bering
2013-10-13 09:18 am UTC (link)

“Wait- what?” Myka was utterly floored by that. Not that she was trying to turn the focus of this conversation on to her, but what Helena said was utterly ridiculous. And not that she disbelieved her friend – why would Helena lie about something like that? It was just… so not like Myka! She prided herself on her intuitiveness, her ability to read people. She may have been a nerd that didn’t fit with the social crowd, but that didn’t mean she didn’t understand emotions and how people expressed them. She knew boundaries. Her exclusion from popularity in school had been more to do with her intelligence and know-it-all-ness. Not her lack of social skills.

She did not bring up difficult subjects unless it was her intent to help the other person, or she felt if she didn’t immediate and irreparable harm would result. She didn’t throw things in people’s faces (her banter with Pete was all because Pete encouraged that sort of thing from her, not because she was really trying to wound him.)

“Why?” she shook her head, it was just so hard for her to comprehend. “I mean, I believe you. I just- I just have no memory of doing that and I can’t for the life of me understand why I would do that.” And she needed a moment to fully embrace this truth before she could move forward with Helena's request.

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indelibleink
2013-10-13 05:33 pm UTC (link)

Looking back on the situation, Helena didn't understand why Myka had done that. The younger woman was more careful than to just make those kinds of comments, especially in the heat of the moment. Still, Helena was trying to think of how to explain the situation so Myka could understand better. The fact Myka didn't remember being there before made it a bit trickier to explain.

"I don't really know why. You came down ill shortly afterwards, with a high fever, but that is no reason why. You had traveled to the mountains for a couple days with Charlie Weasley, a friend of yours, to see the dragons. Through a course of events on your post about the trip, you had said you'd come close enough to a dragon to be scorched if it had chose that course of action. You'd told Claudia not to tell me that particular detail but forgot to filter it specifically to her, so I read it and became agitated, of course. Things descended from there, starting with you accusing me of smothering you, then came you using Christina and the fact I am a murderer against me." Really, that argument had so much wrapped up in it.

"If you want, I could find the post for you to read? If you would allow me to use your phone as I did not bring mine with me." It might be better for Myka to read the post, not just have Helena recount what happened in it. Not that Helena was leaving details out, but sometimes how things were worded were important.

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agent_bering
2013-10-14 06:24 am UTC (link)

The only thing Myka could think to make her do something like that was being possessed by Alice – so Artifact whammying. But Myka knew there were no Artifacts here, even if that would have made a convenient explanation, Myka couldn’t just brush it off with that.

“Helena, I’m so sorry,” she started when she found the ability to speak again. “I can’t think of a way to explain that- not to excuse myself, but to give you an understanding why I did that. But I just don’t remember that at all. I’m sorry I did that, and I’m sorry I can’t give you an explanation.”

She didn’t need to see the post to believe Helena. And maybe someday she would go back and read that conversation. But right now, aghast as she was, she just needed to let Helena know she wouldn’t do that again.

“And I won’t, I promise. I won’t use Christina against you again.”

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indelibleink
2013-10-14 08:19 am UTC (link)

There certainly had been a couple occasions where Helena truly wondered about Myka when she'd been here before. Even if the using Christina against her had been some manifestation of resentment the younger woman still harbored against her for her betrayal, Myka still wouldn't be that vindictive. Or at least she shouldn't be. Myka was far more sensitive than that.

Helena knew Myka didn't remember being here before, so she was conflicted by holding this against her. But the fact of the matter was that it had happened. The Victorian woman was notorious for holding grudges, but she didn't want to hold one against Myka any longer. She wanted to forgive Myka despite the fact she probably would never get an answer as to why Myka had said that. But when Myka apologized, this time it did sound sincere whereas when she'd apologized before, the apology itself was buried within a mostly unrelated statement. The first apology hadn't seemed as sincere as it did now. So Helena did take comfort in that. Drawing in a deep breath, she let it out, and with it she let go of the residual anger and pain she held from that experience. And it was a release that Myka could see. Helena's posture relaxed a bit.

"Thank you," she responded. And she believed Myka when she made that promise. At least Helena didn't have to hold onto this any longer. "All I could possibly think of is that you had some residual resentment towards me for my betraying you, but I don't think you would actually use Christina against me even if you were angry. Or I should say I didn't think you would until that particular argument. But I accept your apology, and I believe you. You had apologized for that, but it did not sound sincere, so I hadn't completely accepted it. But I do now."

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