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Benjy Fenwick is a Keeper ([info]bwick) wrote in [info]loremrpg,
@ 2011-04-02 23:36:00

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Entry tags:benjy fenwick, septima vector

Characters: Benjy Fenwick and Septima Vector (At least for now)
Setting: Saturday, early afternoon, Three Broomsticks/Hogsmeade
Content: SFW
Summary: Benjy is trying to apologize to Septima from earlier in the week.
Status: Incomplete


Even though Benjy had talked over his concerns with Kira earlier in the week, he was still uncomfortable with how he had left Septima Monday morning. Going through the rest of the week, it was if he was riding an automatic broom. By the time the weekend rolled around, Benjy barely remembered even going to classes or Quidditch tryouts, which was really saying something. But when he woke up Saturday morning, he felt slightly better, because he knew that he finally had a chance to make things right between Septima and himself.

As soon as Benjy made it to Hogsmeade, he made a quick trip to replenish his ink wells that were smashed when he flipped over in the Charms corridor and the contents of his bag dumped out. Otherwise, as far as snacks and non-essentials, he would wait until after his meeting with Septima. Kira had helped ease his mind as far as him being the direct reason that Septima was so upset, but he still felt quite guilty for adding to her foul mood.

He walked into the Three Broomsticks and started scouting for an open table. The well-worn tables and general atmosphere helped to calm Benjy's nerves immediately. Luckily, he got there before the lunch rush hit and most of the other students were off looking at all of the knickknacks and other random accessories that always came along with a trip to Hogsmeade. In the back corner of the store there was an open table. This way they would be a little out of the main path for when all of the other students came in.

Sitting alone at the table, Benjy ordered a butterbeer and sipped on it, waiting for Septima to show up.


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[info]victory_v
2011-04-04 10:17 pm UTC (link)
Having just received her drink from the barman, Septima turned round to see Benjy coming over. Flushing slightly pink in surprise, she stood up from the stool. "Of course" she replied, getting up to follow him to the table he had chosen.

"How have you been?" she asked, arranging her bags safely under the table.

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[info]bwick
2011-04-04 10:48 pm UTC (link)
Waiting until after Septima took her seat, Benjy joined her. He responded, "I've been, well, not so well, actually. I've felt absolutely terrible since earlier this week. I'm really sorry that I upset you. I just tend to get caught up in my thoughts from time to time and I need to focus better. But I want to let you know that I promise to listen and focus and help you out with whatever is bothering you."

After a week of processing through everything, he couldn't hold back anymore. "Sorry, again." After a second, he added sheepishly, "How have you been?"

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-05 06:10 pm UTC (link)
Septima looked to the floor for a moment before plastering a more sociable expression on her face. "Trust me, you can't feel any worse than I did. Do. You know" she said, trying to speak in a way that made sense, which for some reason she was struggling with today - most unlike her, really.

"I shouldn't have said anything, it wasn't fair of me to speak out in such a way" she added, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear before sipping her Gillywater.

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[info]bwick
2011-04-05 07:54 pm UTC (link)
Taking a quick breath to steady his nerves, Benjy exhaled with purpose and continued, "Obviously it was bothering you. And I don't mind listening to your problems. I want to help you. It's...I mean, I can't stand to see my friends so torn up about something and not do what I can to help."

Benjy began to drop his vision back to glass in his hands, but forced himself to focus on Septima. He was going to do everything possible to face this situation head on. "So I'm here. For whatever you want to talk about."

Pushing the issue was what caused such a problem before, so Benjy decided to leave the conversation open for Septima to direct.

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-07 05:43 pm UTC (link)
She nodded, feeling that Benjy had made a great effort to apologise, and the least she could do would be to acknowledge that, even if it still wasn't her favourite topic of conversation.

"Thank you" she said softly, gripping her glass tightly. "I appreciate your help, but really, there's nothing much can be done at the moment." She couldn't help but look down, desperately trying to get the unwanted mental images from her mind.

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[info]bwick
2011-04-07 09:50 pm UTC (link)
"Oh, of course," Benjy replied back just a little dejectedly. He appreciated that Septima had joined him and he had the chance to apologize, but he was really expecting that they would have some deep, heart-felt conversation about what was bothering her. In fact, he hadn't even considered that she wouldn't want to talk about it. "If, when, either way, I'm here if you need me."

"So, did you stop at any of the shops?" Benjy had noticed that Septima brought some bags in, so he figured this would be a safe topic to transition to.

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-07 09:59 pm UTC (link)
With the sudden change in topic, Septima somehow knew she'd hit a nerve. Even someone as socially unaware as herself could tell that something was wrong, although she wasn't quite sure how she'd offended him. Truth be told, she simply wasn't used to deep and meaningful conversations, and the idea of baring her soul in a place such as this... well, the last thing she would want would be to be overheard and for her concerns to make it back to her father.

The horrible mental images were starting to come back. She barely heard Benjy speak, and when she had finished, she looked up at him again, her confused thoughts written all over her face.

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[info]bwick
2011-04-08 02:26 am UTC (link)
The guilt that Benjy had been feeling was completely replaced by worry. "Are you OK? Do you want to leave?" Benjy was already out of his seat and stepped around the table to help Septima up. "We can go somewhere else, or I can take you back to the castle. Or, do you...do you just not want to talk to me?"

As soon as the idea came into his mind, Benjy couldn't help but think that this must be what Septima was thinking. She had left the Great Hall earlier in the week after talking with him and told him not to come looking for her, and now she was looking all sorts of uncomfortable trying to talk to him again. He took a step back toward his seat to give her some space, but never took his eyes off of Septima.

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-09 12:38 pm UTC (link)
Septima sighed, tucking the loose strands of hair that had fellen forward back behind her ears, buying time to think. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him, not at all - she just didn't know how. She wasn't used to it, this business of talking to people about her deeper, hidden thoughts.

"It's not that. I just don't know where to begin" she said quietly.

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[info]bwick
2011-04-09 05:27 pm UTC (link)
Benjy sat back down. Talking with Kira earlier in the week had put the idea of "blood quality" in his mind, but he wasn't sure how to bring up the topic. Mustering all of his tact, Benjy asked, "Does it have something to do with my family, or similar families, and how...some members are not witches or wizards?"

Just talking about it unnerved Benjy. Witches, wizards, people should be judged based off of their actions and how they treat others. Not off of where they came from. Sadly though, not everyone agreed with Benjy on this.

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-11 10:37 am UTC (link)
At that, Spetima frowned ever so slightly. Her brow slightly furrowed in confusion, she looked up. Surely he wasn't asking her if she had an issue with him for not being pureblood, was he? To her, Benjy was just Benjy - her housemate and team captain, and frankly she didn't give a damn about where he came from (although she naturally was reluctant to mention that her parents might disagree... but it wasn't as though the heritage of her captain was likely to cause them concern...).

"What do you mean?" she asked warily, not wanting to dive straight in with accusations where there may be no reason for any.

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[info]bwick
2011-04-11 12:57 pm UTC (link)
"Well, Kira said something about how some... pureblooded families can pester their children into relationships. With other pureblood families." Just saying the word "pureblood" made Benjy feel uneasy. "And, I'm... I mean, if that's something that you're dealing with..."

Honestly, Benjy didn't know how to continue the conversation at this point. If this wasn't what was bothering Septima, he may have just caused irreparable damage to their friendship. But neither of them felt very comfortable with the conversation, so something had to be approached more directly.

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-11 01:28 pm UTC (link)
"They do" Septima said, though stopping short of outright confirming her own suspicions about her parents' intentions, not wishing to complicate things still further. "It's the way things have always gone, I suppose" she added, with a listless shrug of her shoulders.

She wasn't going to bring up the mention of his sister... he'd obviously been talking about what had been going on with them lately, but the last thing Septima wanted to do was open that particular can of worms.

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[info]bwick
2011-04-11 06:15 pm UTC (link)
"That doesn't make it right, though." Benjy was beginning to understand how deep some of the pureblooded ideals ran. He knew there were members of his family that had been prejudiced against because of their lineage, but he thought that time had passed and it was something that was all but gone.

"Sorry," Benjy preemptively apologized. "It hurts knowing that there are still people who truly believe this nonsense. I mean, I know people in my family have had to deal with this in the past. But I thought we had moved past it."

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-12 03:12 pm UTC (link)
Septima quickly raised an eyebrow at that first comment, settling down as he apologised and elaborated. She was quiet, honestly thinking about how to phrase what she said next. It seemed as though the reality of what being a society pureblood meant was slowly starting to sink in for Benjy, and she didn't want to ruin that by pushing the issue or sounding flippant.

"Perhaps the rest of society has moved on, but there are so few pureblood families left now that it's almost like living in a microcosm - so few are left to carry on the traditional ways, so there is more pressure for the young ones amongst us to conform as a result. It would be easier if it was something I was ready for, but after Hogwarts I want to live knowing I can live for myself for a while" she sighed, sipping the last of her drink.

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[info]bwick
2011-04-12 07:50 pm UTC (link)
Benjy was having a hard time deciding where Septima actually aligned herself. On one hand, it sounded like she didn't approve of the ideals of the pureblood-elitest, but on the other, she seemed to be defending them and it almost sounded to Benjy as if she was not ready to give it up.

"I guess it's something that I will never truly understand. I still don't think it's right to treat people differently based off of their lineage but, we've also fought so hard to incorporate aspects of the non-wizarding world that we sometimes overlook some of the beneficial aspects of our wizarding heritage."

Deep down, he was hurt knowing that his relationship with Septima would always be slightly skewed from what it had been. But he also recognized how much he valued her friendship and team camaraderie. Finally, his eyes dropped from her face to his empty glass.

He had no idea what more he could say at this point, and hoped that she would have something more to add.

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-12 07:59 pm UTC (link)
It wasn't until Benjy said the last of his speech that it began to dawn on Septima just what he was actually saying. There was a huge gulf between where she had come from and from where he had always been, and hearing what he truly thought... well, it wasn't pleasant to hear. But it was becoming to turn into a bit of a wake up call - one that was forcing her to take her head from the clouds and face up to the reality of her situation.

It was swiftly turning into a case of her life versus her family... and she wasn't ready to make that choice. Not yet.

"You... you don't think I think less of others because of who they are, do you?" she asked tentatively, not sure that she would like his answer.

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[info]bwick
2011-04-12 08:41 pm UTC (link)
Forcing his gaze back up to Septima's, Benjy answered, "I don't think so. But I know that where they come from is something that you'll always be aware of."

And that was the truth. He didn't believe that Septima held any prejudices against him or other non-purebloods, but her family and upbringing had ingrained in her that it was still something to be noted.

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-12 08:47 pm UTC (link)
Septima frowned. Though it was clear that Benjy was the sort of person to be frank with what he felt, she couldn't help but feel that there was a little bit of disapproval in his voice.

"I can't help where I come from, you know" she mumbled quietly, for it was true - none of them chose their own families, whether they were pureblood, Muggleborn or somewhere in between. "And I can't help that my parents have expectations for me, either... whether it's something I want or not, I will never be able to change what they want for those of us that are left."

She sat back in her chair and finished the Gillywater, looking more than a little rejected and finally resigned to the fact that some day soon, she would have to make the choice to stay or go.

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[info]bwick
2011-04-12 08:58 pm UTC (link)
Septima could have slapped Benjy across the face and it would have hurt less.

"No, I didn't mean that. And I know you can't, any more than I can. I mean, all of our parents are pushing us in some way, and none of us can help it. Some of that pressure is just a little different."

Benjy fiddled with his empty glass for a moment, and added, "I'm sorry that this got to be such a big deal. I didn't know how much pressure it really was for you, and it's not really something fun to talk about."

A few laughs escaped from Benjy. "I would ask you here to apologize, then have to apologize for apologizing. I'm a bit too dense for my own good sometimes."

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-12 09:15 pm UTC (link)
"No, it isn't" she said, though more softly this time. "And it isn't just you who should apologise... I should have realised sooner that it isn't normal for everyone... I suppose it seems really strange when it's not something you've grown up with."

His laughs sounded slightly bitter to her, and to her own surprise, this was more than a little bit painful. Reaching across, she patted his hand gently. "Don't apologise for it, Benjy" she said. "Really. You've been far more fair about this than I could ever have been."

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[info]bwick
2011-04-12 10:37 pm UTC (link)
A genuine smile spread across Benjy's face. Septima's words touched him and made him feel much better about the whole exchange.

He turned his hand over and gently squeezed Septima's. "Thank you. You've been more open than I think most people would. I really appreciate your honesty and your friendship. If I can ever help you out with... anything, just let me know."

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-13 12:26 pm UTC (link)
Keeping a brave face, Septima did her best to smile and squeezed his hand back. Knowing there were at least a few people in the castle who would support whatever decision she made really did make her feel better, but at the moment it was all she could do to just not cry at the thought of what lay ahead.

She sighed. "All that needs to be done is wait and see what my parents have to say for themselves, I think. And whenever that happens, I guess I'll have a decision to make."

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[info]bwick
2011-04-13 10:41 pm UTC (link)
Benjy wanted to say something about Septima's last comment. Waiting for her parents to bring it up wasn't really dealing with it, but they had already been so close to damaging their friendship that he didn't want to chance it. And, regardless, he knew that she really didn't believe in pureblood superiority, and that was good enough.

"How about we get some lunch? I don't know about you, but I could really eat." Benjy smiled back at his friend. He could tell that they both needed a break from the seriousness and to just spend some time enjoying what little time they had left before entering the "real" world.

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[info]victory_v
2011-04-14 11:17 am UTC (link)
There was a course a reason for Septima wanting to wait. Ultimately, she loved her parents and wanted to think the best of them - it was possible that they would allow her, their youngest, more leeway than the others as they had always done. Even if this was not the case, the time for them to discuss a formal match could yet be years away, in which time she could have plucked up the courage to find someone by herself. In Septima's view, there would be no need to kick the hornets' nest just yet - only if they brought it up whilst she was still at school.

Removing her hand slightly shyly, she nodded. "I think that's a good idea" she said, deciding there and then to ignore the matter and have a good day for a change.

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