Zacharias Smith (bloodyfantastic) wrote in lockewood, @ 2011-05-25 00:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | cedric diggory, zacharias smith |
Who: Zach and Cedric
Where: Cedric's and then a clearing in the woods (away from the lake)
When: Wednesday, May 25th - early afternoon
What: Some people like to celebrate their six month anniversaries
Status/Rating: In progress / TBD
At least it was nice out, Zach observed as he made his way to Cedric's cottage, a basket filled with food (and a gift) in hand. I was almost too nice out. The birds were even chirping.
Zach had it on good authority that nature was mocking his pain.
Though, he told himself, at least he wasn’t paralysed anymore. Sure, his left side was slower than his right and if he didn’t watch himself, he tended to drag his left leg a bit, but he could move. All told, not a ringing success, but not an untold disaster either.
But though he told himself this time and time again, it didn't seem to lift his mood. Now that Cho was here, everything would be different. Cedric might not have noticed. Hell, he might even be in denial. But it didn't change the fact that Zach was probably dying. It didn't change the fact that Cho did have feelings for him, strong feelings. It didn't change the fact that Cedric wasn't gay, that when, if ever, they got intimate, Cedric was going to run. True though it was that Zach had fought this tooth and nail, every step of the way since coming back from... there, he knew the truth. He had known the truth for some time: he wasn't straight. In fact, one might say that he was quite bent, and the notion that Cedric had the bits he had was nothing but appealing to him; no anxiety, no fear, no disgust, no confusion. He wouldn't run. But Cedric would.
And he should, too. Zach was going to die. And it wasn't right for him to monopolize Cedric. Cedric would be the one left behind mourning someone he claimed to love, while no one else cared except that it hurt Cedric. Hell, people would probably malign Zach for stringing Cedric along, for causing him pain by dying. After all, he had never done anything right, not in his whole life, and now, right now, he was being selfish. He was selfish for walking over to Cedric's with his picnic basket. He was selfish for not having put an end to it once and for all last night. He was selfish for wanting to hold on to the only person who seemed to give a damn whether he lived or died, whether he was in pain, whether- Whether he sped things along. After all, he was dying, it was only a matter of time. Though he knew it would be better to get it over with, to have it done, to die sooner rather than later, to save Cedric additional pain by letting him get more attached, he couldn't. Zach was a coward, after all. Far too much of a coward to do the right thing. He always had been.
And now, Cedric would be the one to pay the price for his cowardice.
He climbed the stairs leading up to his boyfriend’s front door and took a few steadying breaths before knocking, the knuckles of his left hand barely connecting with the wood. They seemed more interested in petting it than in knocking, and Zach frowned in concentration and annoyance, knocking again, better this time.
I'm fine, he told himself sternly before the door opened. Everything's fine. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I get to be with Cedric one more day. I get to pretend 'forever', 'always', one more day.
He smiled before the door opened, forcing some heart into it, lest Cedric see right through it and call the whole thing off. He needed Cedric to believe... that he was whole, like Cedric clearly believed him to be. He couldn't let him down now.
“Ced? I’m going to catch a sunburn out here.”