Kiley Ricks (kileyanne) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2010-05-18 23:21:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2009-07-14, kiley |
I'm all in tonight
Who: Cedric and Kiley
When: Evening
What: Dinner and an important conversation
Where: Cedric's townhouse
Note: This log is currently incomplete
With Ravyn in Tokyo, something he never would have okayed without Westley being in town, he felt a little better knowing that his brother wouldn't go find her there. No, he was fairly certain his brother had bigger fish to fry. The fact that the man was in town was more than a little unsettling to the witch and he feared what he had left in England. Was his father still alive? His younger brother? It bothered him at work and he knew it was distracting him. It was only a matter of time before he found his job, his home. His girlfriend. It didn't make sense to keep Kiley in the dark anymore. It wasn't protecting her. It was only making things worse.
Having her over for dinner seemed like a good way to talk about it. He'd asked her to bring an old shirt of hers, one she wasn't going to wear again. There were still supplies from when he'd made the pouch for Ravyn to make one for Kiley. Even if there hadn't been, he would have gotten what he needed. There was no way he was going to let her get hurt because of him. Not when he could do something about it They had been spending time together, more time then they had before he'd asked her out, and he cared greatly for the werewolf. And they talked often, given that the demons prevented them from seeing each other. She was important to him and he hoped she felt the same way.
Dinner was ready, just some burgers and a salad, mostly because it was finally sunny again and he would start things up when she got there. Or after he showed her what he could do. After all, the redhead had wanted to see his magic. He should set wards on her house too, now that he was thinking about it. The doorbell rang and Balin was already there, being extra watchful lately. 'It's your friend. The were.' Smiling, he opened the door for Kiley. "Hello, love."
Though she hadn't been able to hang out with Cedric in the wake of the demon attacks, Kiley knew him well enough to know something had been bothering him when they talked. She didn't know what, exactly, but she was hoping a night away from everything going wrong in the world might be a good start to fixing it. She for one was breathing easier knowing she could leave her house without facing another demon - because seriously, meeting a third one would be a bit much for her brain to handle right about now.
Getting out of work early for the day, Kiley went home, showered, only to return to work to get them drinks for their evening. Cedric might not be ready for another quad-shot latte, but Kiley knew he wouldn't turn it away. Drinks in hand, purse slung over her shoulder, she gave him a smile as he opened to the door, passing his drink to him. "Hey you," she said, cheeks still turning a little red every time he called her love. What, it was still new to her! "Thought you might need the extra caffeine."
Kiley leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. "How was your day?"
He grinned when she kissed his cheek, that being the highlight of his day. "Long. Come in, come in." Ced stepped aside to let her in and took the drink from her. "This will help with that. But then again, so will your being here. As soon as she was inside and the door closed, he slip an arm around her and pulled her in for a proper kiss, smiling even more when he pulled back. "That will help even more," he murmured softly. The witch led her into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. "How was yours? Are you hungry? Would you like dinner right away?"
It was much easier for him to focus on her for a few minutes before he got to the reason he was concerned, why it had been such a long day. Westley was evil, there was no denying that and he needed to be stopped. More than that, people needed to be warned. It wasn't going to be easy, but he would start with the one person outside the family he cared about most.
When he pulled her in to kiss her, Kiley gave a little squeak of surprise, but relaxed into it. He tasted like the latte she'd brought him and that made the werewolf smile. "That always helps," she reminded him, leaning up for another kiss. Though they'd spoken on the phone over the last few days, there was nothing like the physical reminder of what was between them, even if it was just a little kiss here and there.
Following Cedric into the kitchen, she leaned next to him, head resting against his shoulder a little as she sipped at her passion tea lemonade. "It was all right, got out a little early so I could head over here. And I'm fine to eat whenever you are, no rush." Kiley just wanted to enjoy the evening, and his company, no pressure whatsoever.
He really liked kissing his girl. She tasted sweet and he liked how she felt in his arms. Add to that the fact that she was his girl. That was nice too. Ced grinned down at her. "Yes. Yes it does, love." He had missed her physically being there. The Brit didn't realize how attached he was to the were until he couldn't see her, until he wanted to be safe, knowing that was more important than her risking her life because he needed to hold her. He could do that tonight it seemed.
"Got out early just for me?" Grinning, he kissed the top of her head, content to stand there for a little while, to hold her as she sipped her drink, His sat on the counter, forgotten after a few sips in favor of holding Kiley close to him. "Not hungry yet. Want to stay this a while. I missed holding you."
Kiley was the type to worry about those she cared for, those she considered to be part of her pack. She'd been that way since before she'd been turned, and it was perhaps one of the reasons why she'd gotten the form she did. It didn't help that she knew exactly what a demon could do to a person, and how it felt to face one - and she never wanted to do that again. Ever. Seeing Cedric in front of her, whole and safe, was a relief.
"Meant I had time to get ready, which was always nice." Even if her outfit wasn't really date night material, she didn't care, she was comfy. Also, she loved this t-shirt. Setting her drink aside, she wrapped her arms around him, so her head was tucked into his shoulder. "I'm game for that," she murmured, able to hear his heart underneath her ear. "Very much game for that."
He didn't really care much about what she was wearing. He cared about the way she felt against him. Ced loved it actually. He ran his fingers through her hair, kissing the top of her head. This felt good, knowing she was safe, that for a little while, he could keep her that way. "Think you look beautiful, love." And he did. He'd never seen a sight more beautiful than the woman in his arms, safe and whole.
"Good." Shifting, he scooped her up in his arms without a moment's hesitation and he brought her into the living room. "I think I need some snuggle time with you," he murmured as he sat down on the couch with her in his lap. "Hope that's alright with you."
Those words would always get Kiley to blush, and she tried to hide it by keeping her face pressed against him. "Thank you," she managed to murmur, though she didn't quite believe him. Nothing meant against Cedric, of course, she was just not the kind of girl she ever thought would be beautiful. She was a straight up nerd kid, nothing else to it.
She still gave a little shriek as he picked her up, though, her arms going around his neck as he carried her into the living room. "I'm not opposed to this," she said, slipping off her flats as not to get them on his couch.
He laughed a little as she shrieked. It was adorable and he held her close. "Good." Leaning in, he covered her lips with his own once more. It was a soft kiss, because he needed to feel her, to remind himself that she was okay. It was good. When he pulled back, he nuzzled her nose. "How was that?" he murmured. "Not opposed to that, are you?" The witch smiled against her lips and Ced couldn't have felt more at peace than having her in his arms.
There was something else behind Cedric's kiss, something Kiley couldn't explain, so she kept it soft, one of her hands reaching up to run through his hair. Was everything all right? "Of course not," she said, green eyes flicking up to his. "You could do it again, if you wanted." She didn't mind the attention in the slightest, truth be told.
Grinning, he tipped her back just a little to kiss her again. Cedric loved her eyes. They were so expressive and he could see her trying to figure it out. Later, after dinner. He'd talk to her about it all then. Right now he wanted nothing more than to make out with his girlfriend a little and relish the fact that he hadn't seen her in days and there had been demons out there. "How was that one?" he teased softly, kissing the tip of her nose.
Kiley couldn't help it - a soft growl, one that might have gone unnoticed by Cedric's human ears, slipped from her lips. It took everything in her not to pull him against her, to shift so she was laying down on the couch. She wanted to, but she didn't want to rush, didn't want to push, didn't want to give into that feeling that kept saying, over and over in her head, Mine, mine, mine. "Perfect," she breathed against his lips as she leaned in for another kiss.
If she wanted to keep kissing him, he was more than okay with that. Cedric kissed her again, opening his mouth to hers because he could. She was his girl. And for the first time in years, more so than with anyone before, he wanted to prove that. To stake his claim. Maybe her wolfish tendencies were rubbing off on him, but he didn't care. He let out the softest groan against her mouth.
Now that groan of his? Kiley definitely heard that, and she was not prepared for the rush of longing it sent through her. Her hand trailed down the side of Cedric's neck as this kiss deepened a little, wanting to touch him and trying to hold back at the same time, not wanting to rush anything. It had been forever since she'd made out like a teenager and Kiley couldn't lie, she did enjoy it. That, at least for now, Cedric wanted her, too.
His wanting of her wasn't going to change. But he would do his best not to rush things, not to push her. The last thing he wanted for her to regret a decision they'd made in the heat of the moment. As strongly as Cedric felt connected to her, he would never want that to happen. They kissed and he tightened his hold around her waist, other hand mimicking her own on his neck. She had the softest skin and the silkiest hair.
If they ever reached that point together, knowing how big a decision that had now become for Kiley, it was something she wanted them to decide together. Nothing spur of the moment, just something that they talked about beforehand. For now she was content with this, and the feel of his hand on her neck caused her to tilt her head back a little, wondering if he'd get the hint to move some of his attention there. Sure, it wasn't getting dinner done any faster, but Kiley couldn't feel any of the same tension in him now that she'd heard in his voice over the weekend. So if this helped, she'd totally take it.
She shifted and he looked up at her. For an instant, he wondered what she wanted and then he leaned in to kiss her neck. "This what you wanted, love?" he murmured, brushing his lips over the curve of her jaw. Ced nuzzled the skin behind her ear before started there and moving down the rest of her neck. When he reached the edge of her shirt and her sweater, he started up again, grinning against her. "Goddess, you're beautiful," he breathed softly against her.
Good to know that he didn't have to be told twice, and Kiley gave a little gasp as she felt the warmth of his mouth against her pulse point. It sent a pleasant little shiver down her spine, and one of her hands reached down to tighten in his shirt a bit. "Yes," she breathed back to him, licking her lips, blushing as he called her beautiful. She hid it by pressing her face against his hair, "I'm glad you think so." She could argue the point, but not now.
"I do." After tugging on her ear just a little, he moved to kiss her lips again. He slid a hand up her back, holding her close. "Think you're so beautiful," he murmured against her lips when he surfaced for air. Ced brushed back her hair and nuzzled her nose. He was glad she was his. More than glad. He kissed her again and smiled as he did so.
Kiley, in that moment, would never be able to understand how he could see her that way. She just saw the scars she kept hidden, evidence of what she'd been through, and that wasn't beautiful. Just flawed. She tried to keep her insecurities from finding a voice, though, not wanting to ruin the moment, not when he was smiling as he kissed her. Shifting, she found a more comfortable position against him - and that happened to be straddling his hips, one leg on each side of him.
He liked the position a lot, maybe a little more than he should. Cedric kept kissing her, able to stop. Here was this beautiful woman, in his arms, sitting in his lap, kissing him. "Kiley," he breathed, holding her close. He didn't see the scars, the woman who'd been attacked. He saw his little nerd. He saw the beautiful redhead who made him grin every moment he saw her.
She liked it too. More than she should for someone who now mated for life and knew exactly what this would do to both of them. In the moment, it was all right, knowing that Cedric wouldn't push her if she wasn't ready, that neither of them were ready for anything beyond this. "Yes, Ced?" she whispered back, her fingers still tangled in his hair.
"You're incredible, love." He smiled against her lips. Kiley made him feel so blessed. "I'm so glad you're mine." He rubbed his hands up and down her sides, holding her close to him. Despite the fact that they weren't mated, he still thought about it, about being tied to her for the rest of his life. And he really liked that thought.
It was the first moment either of them had said that aloud to each other, had really thought to define what it was between them. Yes, Kiley was Cedric's. His girlfriend. And if this lasted a while, then maybe she'd think about the mating thing, not wanting to rush into anything. It was a lot to ask of Cedric, given what most men thought about commitment and kids and the white picket fence. "I am," she said back, blushing hard at his words. "Yours, that is. I don't feel incredible."
Brushing her hair back, he kissed her cheeks, the corners of her eyes, across her forehead, down her nose. "You are. Incredible, I mean." His hands rubbed up and down her sides and he nuzzled her cheek. Cedric looked up at her and grinned. "You are beautiful. I understand why you don't think that, I suppose, but you are. I've never known anyone like you, Kiley."
Hearing him say the words again didn't do much to cool the blush heating up Kiley's cheeks. She might not be an empath, but she knew Cedric wasn't lying to her. Couldn't lie to her. "Even though I'll never wear short sleeves again?" she whispered. "That - that what I am, that it'll never change?" He still hadn't seen her wolf form, either. Kiley didn't want to scare him, but Cedric should know what he was getting into.
"You look sexy in long sleeves. But I don't care about that, about you're being a wolf. Kiley, you're beautiful to me, stunning. You have this strength." He brushed her thumb with his cheek. "I want you to understand that I care about you and that's not going to change because you were attacked." Cedric knew her before the attack, remembered what she was like. But he also knew her after. And she was incredible to him.
Kiley didn't see herself as strong. Not by a long shot. Not in the way Corwin was, because he was the one who went back to living his life after the attack, who refused to let what he'd become change who he was. It had taken Kiley so long to trust herself around people again after being turned, to let herself live her life. A year ago, even six months ago, she'd never have allowed herself to be as close to Cedric as she was right now. "I'm trying," she told him. "It's still kind of new. To me, anyway." She reached out to run a hand over his hair again. "I'm still getting used to the fact that you're actually here. You know. With me."
He smiled at her. "I'm not going anywhere, love. But what you call trying? Some people don't even have that in them. It is amazing, really." Leaning up, he kissed her softly again. He couldn't imagine what she'd been through but he knew what it was like to have your whole world change. He could have done something stupid when he lost his coven and his family, but he wasn't like that. He knew all too well that his sister still needed him and he wanted to be there for her, to find a new family, make one when the time came to it. And that decision, after a few years, brought him to Kiley. "You're stuck with me, Kiley. For as long as you want me."
Her "trying" was complicated, and she didn't quite know what she was supposed to do most of the time. All Kiley was really aware of was that she couldn't live the rest of her life locked up in her house, too afraid to see what was outside those doors. She had to trust herself enough to let go, even just a little, to know that she wasn't going to hurt anyone just because she'd been turned. Being with Cedric like this was proof enough of that. "I don't want you to go away any time soon," she murmured. She didn't know if he was talking about mating, it was way too soon to think about that, but she wanted to see where this went. For now, this, being held, getting those kisses, it was enough. It was more than enough.
Cedric grinned and leaned in for another kiss. Mating was barely a thought in the back of his mind, though it occasionally reared it's head. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he kept her close and he smiled up at her. "Good. Not really wanting to let you go any time soon." He ran her fingers through her hair and he leaned up to kiss her nose.
"Good." Really, that was all Kiley needed to know. Too many people were gone from her life now, and having just realized what she and Cedric could have together, if they gave it enough time, she didn't want him to disappear too. She snuggled against him for a second, bare feet pressed against his leg to keep her toes from getting cold. In a moment, she'd think about getting up and seeing if he needed any help getting dinner started.
He rubbed her side and held her close. Cedric didn't want to move, not at all. He wanted to keep her close, hold her until hunger took over. "Cold, love?" he asked when he noticed what she was doing with her toes. He rubbed his thumb over her jean-clad calf. A man could get used to being with her like this, getting to hold her.
"Not when you're holding me like this," she murmured, head resting in the crook of his neck. Cedric always smelled good to her, liking the hint of cologne and the fact that she couldn't smell the hospital anywhere on him. And, if Kiley was being honest, there was still a little thrill that went through her every time he called her love. Kiley let her eyes drift closed for a second, "When did you want to get dinner ready?"
"Sadly, that would involve moving and I'm not really looking to let you go just yet," he said softly. Cedric closed his eyes too, not realizing that she had, because he liked this. He liked this a lot. Being able to hold her and not have to worry about anything seemed to center the man a great deal better than anything else ever had. "Unless you're hungry but you have to promise that we can do this when we're done eating." Of course, that was after they'd talked.
"In a couple minutes, then. I can help you get everything ready so that way it doesn't take as long, if you'd like." Really, Kiley didn't mind, enjoying Cedric's company a great deal. A simple dinner together was just what she needed to keep her mind off everything else that was going on around them, the demons, all the sadness. "And we can come back to this. Maybe even watch a movie or something."
He gave her a little squeeze. "I think that sounds perfect, love." His finger tips drew circles on her calves through the cloth and he smiled a little more. "I don't have too many but Ravyn has a fair few. Suppose they're mostly romantic comedies and such, but they're all fair game." Shifting just a little, he leaned in and kissed her softly, just a brush of his lips over hers.
She gave him a smile. "I've already gotten you to sit through a romantic comedy once, for me. We'll see what we can find." Surely Cedric had to have at least one action movie or something they could watch... wouldn't he? Kiley was aware that her own tastes were a little skewed from the stereotypical girl movies, she liked to watch stuff blow up just as much as any guy would. She did rather like the way he was drawing circles against her leg, aware of the scars her jeans hid, but trying not to think of that now. Maybe Cedric wouldn't care about that.
"We'll see what we can find," he confirmed. Smiling, he kissed her cheek. "Suppose we should make dinner before it starts to get dark. Then we can get to more of this cuddling. I happen to like it." Cedric grinned a little more, not making any move to get up. "Oh, I almost forgot. Did you bring a shirt or something? I know you wanted to see what I can do and I have something I want to make for you."
"Likely, yes. And we will get back to this after." After a second, though she didn't want to, Kiley slid out of Cedric's lap and offered a hand to him to help him stand. Being a were, she was naturally stronger than he was, but that wasn't something she thought of often. "Oh! I did. Hope you don't mind if it's got a few coffee stains on it, I accidentally knocked a drink over on top of it a few months back." It was a faded old nerd tee, one of Kiley's favorites, with a quote from Mythbusters: I reject your reality and substitute my own. Oddly fitting, with the way things had turned out.
He let her help him up, though he didn't really need it and he tugged her arm a little to pull her back into him. "No, I think that makes it perfect. But dinner first, love." Leaning in, Cedric kissed the tip of her nose and smiled sweetly at her. "We're having burgers. And I made a salad to go with it." He led her into the kitchen and a few short minutes, they were outside, waiting for the grill to heat fully, Cedric's latte in hand. "Thank you again for this."
She smiled back at him. "Dinner first," she echoed. "Burgers and salad sound perfect," and her stomach agreed. Kiley had taken to eating a lot more red meat since she'd been turned, and preferred her burgers a little on the rare side - something Cedric might remember from their barbeque on the Fourth of July. She followed him outside, grabbing her passion tea lemonade on the way, smiling all the while. "Of course. Figured that if we were going to be staying up late, you might want a little extra caffeine." And because she thought it was a nice thing to do for him.
While the grill heated, he kept his arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head. "You're too good to me." Even when it was time for the meat to go on the grill, he kept an arm around her, liking the feel of her close to him and she wasn't objecting it seemed. Cedric was finally feeling settled. That was a good feeling. "Rare, right, love?" he asked, turning them over, his drink sitting on the side of the grill for the moment.
If Cedric wanted to keep her near him, Kiley certainly wasn't objecting. She rested her head back on his shoulder while he cooked, watching the process unfold before her and trusting Cedric to tell her if he needed help or not. The only time she pulled away was to take a sip of her drink, which she'd left next to his. "You remembered," she said, beaming up at him. "You know, I never really used to eat red meat before... well, before." He knew what she was referring to.
Glancing at her, he could see how pleased his memory had made her and he grinned even more, leaning in to kiss her softly. "Yes, I remembered." He rubbed her side a little, not wanting her to dwell on anything that she didn't want to think about. Even for a brief moment. "I always liked things medium rare. Well, except as a kid. When I was a boy, I liked it when it was black on the outside." Ced chuckled to himself and flipped the burgers again. Hers would be done in a moment. "As much as I'd hate to let you go, would you mind grabbing the salad from the fridge and the stack of plates?" That way they could eat outside and enjoy the growing twilight.
In the moment, Kiley didn't want to think about anything besides the two of them either, knowing it would just ruin the moment. "Black on the outside?" Kiley made a face. "Even when I was a kid I would've refused to eat that. Would've been like eating a piece of charcoal from the grill and thinking it was a burger. I'm pretty sure my dad might have done that once." The memory brought a smile to her face; her mother had teased her dad for years about that one. John Ricks had insisted that it was indeed a burger and no, he hadn't been that drunk when it happened. "Sure," she said, kissing his cheek before heading back inside, remembering where things were from the last time she was here.
When she returned, he plated their burgers and turned off the grill, helping her carry everything over to the picnic table. Cedric pulled her chair out for her to sit, making sure to move his chair closer to it once he'd sat as well. As soon as their plates were fill of meat and salad, he held up his latte for a little toast. "To a wonderful evening. There's no one else I'd rather spend it with," he said softly, smiling at her. He'd do anything for the woman next to him. Of course, he'd have done that if they were just friends too.
The pulling out the chair thing was still adorable, though he'd really been the only one who'd done that for her, and it still seemed like something out of a movie - like it was happening to someone else. Her tea was half finished, but she still raised her cup to tap it lightly against his. "To a wonderful evening," she echoed. And then she blushed, "And the company is pretty awesome, if I do say so myself." Kiley was, truly, enjoying the time she got to spend with Cedric.
Dinner was quiet. A little more talk of their days, his hand around the back of her chair as they did so. Once his plate was empty, Cedric sat back a little and looked up at the stars that were starting to appear. A man could get used to having someone like Kiley around. Not for the lattes of course, but for the company. For the fact that he felt comfortable around her. And he was reminded that she needed protecting. He couldn't let anything happen to her and he already knew what his brother would do to someone he loved. So he worried for her safety. But maybe what he'd had planned for later would ease that worry a bit.
Her drink finished and her plate empty, Kiley shifted so she was leaning against Cedric a little. He was looking up at the sky and she wondered what might be going on in his head, as it wasn't often he was so quiet. Kind of like when she'd first walked in that evening, come to think of it. "What are you thinking?" she asked, watching the stars above them. If something was worrying or bothering him, she'd rather know than not.
His arm wrapped around her a little more. "Just about what I want to show you. Why I want to show it to you." Ced looked over at her, silently asking if she wanted to curl up in his lap again. He certainly wasn't going to mind. His fingers moved over her shoulder a little. "What I want to make for you is something I made for my sister. It's a protection pouch. I just want you to always be safe."
Kiley turned her face up to look at him. "A protection pouch?" she asked, trying to remember what necklaces she'd seen on her sister, but to be honest, the were hadn't been paying attention. The last time she'd seen the girl had been around her brother, and Kiley had been more interested in seeing how Cedric was reacting to her. "Why wouldn't I be safe, Ced? I'm not - well, I'm not exactly defenseless. Not anymore."
"I know that, love. But there's something I need to tell you about why I left England." Cedric shifted in his seat so he could better look at her. "The coven was like my family. I loved everyone and being the oldest, my father was grooming me to become to leader upon his death. Which pissed off my brother Wesley. He seemed to feel I didn't deserve it. Unbeknownst to anyone else, he started gathering followers of his own, practicing blood magic, which is forbidden by our goddess. I caught him doing a ritual where he was going to sacrifice Amelia. In the end, he managed to blame me for it and everyone thought I had tried to kill her. Including Amelia. I was banished, forbidden from ever coming near the coven again. As soon as I left, he started threatening Ravyn, making it so she couldn't defend herself by not teaching her any magics."
It wasn't an easy story to tell but as soon as he started, it just seemed to flow. He told her of Ravyn contacting him, the two of them keeping in touch, Wesley's threat to kill her, that being her motivation for coming to the States. And, of course, the fact that his darling brother was now in town, threatening the life he'd made for himself here. "I know you can protect yourself, Kiley, I do. I just know what he's capable of. He wouldn't even have to be near you and he could hurt you. I don't want anything to happen to you. I would do anything to keep you safe."
Kiley sat there and listened, trying to absorb every detail before saying anything, or asking any questions. She'd figured there had to be something else behind the story about why he'd come to the States, when he first told her about it; but then again, he'd told her before she knew he was a witch. Much less a witch who came from a powerful coven, one he was destined to lead someday. It made sense, why he would feel the need to protect this new life he was building for himself here - and why he'd fight so hard against it. Kiley didn't know anything about magic, or about being part of a coven, but she understood pack mentality and fighting to protect your own. In a sense, that was what Cedric was doing.
"Nothing's going to happen to me," she said, though she couldn't assure that, two demon attacks were already proof enough of it. She reached over to take his hands in his, "But I do want to see what magic you have. And I will keep this pouch of yours on me, because you made it. If it will work." Kiley didn't know if it would or wouldn't, she couldn't feel anything coming from it. She didn't quite know what to do in the situation, but anything she could do to help, she would.
Smiling softly, he brought her hands to his lips. "I just want to do what I can to keep you safe, love." Cedric knew she was strong, stronger than she realized but he couldn't stand by and do nothing. Maybe she wouldn't feel it but he would. He would know. Deep down, he hoped she could feel it, that she would sense the magic that he put in there. He'd never asked his former fianceƩ if she felt it, if there was anything she could sense about his magic. Kiley, he would ask. He knew she would tell him honestly. "My abilities don't really compare with how you can protect yourself, I know."