Alanna Faulman (flighty_munk) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2010-02-13 20:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2009-07-03 |
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow
Who: Alanna and Max
Where: Bargain Books
When: 9:00 a.m.
Friday meant classes. Of course this Friday also meant that she got to go out shopping but that was after classes. First she had to make it through. Okay, second she had to make it through. First she had to get her coffee and actually go to Ann Arbor. The coffee was even more necessary than normal because of that email from Roxy about the party she could not go to. Still muttering to herself and the other girl's lack of sensitivity for certain matters that were apparently not important enough to remember - maybe she just sent it to everyone in her address book? - she swung by Starbucks to pick up a white mocha frappucino, sipping at it as she started just walking. She had over an hour to spare before she even had to leave and getting to campus early had never been something she was a major fan of. Meant she lacked something to do.
Oooh, the used bookstore! Alanna had been in there once back in March or something and not again since. It's not like I'm going to buy anything just because I go in, the redhead reasoned as she pushed the door open and stepped inside, pushing her sunglasses up to the top of her head before glancing around. Maybe she would be able to find a good book to read in-between classes so she did not feel the need to text and pester all of her friends to see if any of them were not busy... her eyes darted carefully around the store to take in all of the surroundings, noting what would and would not be in the way of a quick exit as she walked up to a shelf and started to peruse the titles, sipping occasionally from her drink. "Hmm... what to read, what to read."
There was a lot of mixed emotion over what had happened, Max was pissed she was out of an employee again but at the same time, after she had accidentally touched Wally it had been too strange for her to look at him. She settled on being slightly more depressed than usual, which meant the store was a little messier than normal but soon it would pass and she would have the store to clean and keep her busy. At present Max was sitting in a comfy chair beside the till and reading Jane Austen, because right now she needed a love story. She had a scarf wrapped around her neck, because her bookstore always seemed to be a little chillier than average. Even in the summer, which would have unnerved her if she'd actually thought about it for an extended period of time.
As the bell over the door jingled Max didn't bother looking up, but rather stuck up a gloved hand to announce her presence and mumbled a "Good morning," before lowering her hand to flip the page and continue reading. That morning she had woken up to learn the past of her coffee pot, which she had bought new a few weeks earlier after her other one had broken. It wasn't very exciting and so she had simply scowled and slipped on her elbow length gloves. They looked silly with her outfit, but Max was far beyond caring about what she looked like. She would rather look a fool then see someones past because they happened to brush her arm. "New arrivals are on the left wall," she said, looking up to smile and point to the wall lined with 'new' books.
The voice startled Alanna a little, her heart racing as she gave a little jump, blinking rapidly until she calmed. "Thanks," she said, voice a little higher than normal. Oh stop it, she's not going to jump me! Seriously, she's just sitting there reading and... wearing gloves. In the summer. That go up to her elbows. Sure it was a little chilly in the shop, but not really cold enough for gloves like that. Most people went for sweaters first. Alanna's attention was distracted from the whole search for a book because of those gloves. She had a pair like that that she had worn for pretty much all of high school. She had hated them and would never understand someone willingly pulling them on. Unless... "Interesting gloves," Alanna remarked, even as she stepped towards the new arrivals, not wanting to upset this blonde. Upsetting people was always low on her list of things to do. "I've got a pair a lot like that. Comes in handy sometimes."
She had already gone back to her book and didn't notice the look she was giving her gloves. It probably wouldn't have bothered her if she'd noticed, but Max could be a little unpredictable sometimes. At first the words that were directed at her didn't register right away and then Max looked up after a few moments. "Um, yeah, I suppose," she shifted her eyes uncomfortably, most people didn't point out her strange use of long gloves. Max's mind started working immediately and then it clicked a few minutes later. Is she...? I haven't met anyone else in years. There weren't a lot of people like Max and it was hard to come by them, but they were easy to spot. Most of the time. Looking over the other woman and noticing her gloved hands, Max was fully convinced she had just met another person like her. "I'm Max," she said, pulling off her glove and extending her hand. She wanted to make sure, she wouldn't reach out to shake another persons hand, gloves or not. This was just a test of sorts, Max didn't want to get her hopes up. It was nice talking to people like herself.
Alanna had not meant to make the blonde uncomfortable at all and bit her lip, a little nervous suddenly, and then the woman was tugging her glove off and offering her hand. Oh, the redhead was fully capable of reaching out and shaking her head. She knew that there would be no images or emotions to it and that, more than anything, was what stopped her. She'd accepted it with Aaron as much as she could but a total stranger? Alanna really didn't want to start a day that was supposed to be nice off with something like this. A complete lack of anything from someone else, she almost never even felt their warmth anymore. "My name's Alanna, nice to meet you Max. But I really don't want to shake your hand. No offense or anything I just... it makes me uncomfortable." When Max had taken her glove off the redhead had been struck by the realization that maybe she just got cold hands in here or something. Having gloves did not really mean anything and what were the chances that she would meet two others in the same month? Biting her lip again, Alanna looked down, pushing a piece of her hair back. "Sorry. I'm just weird about that."
"Ah-ha!" Max said, standing up suddenly and smiling triumphantly, her hand now pointing at Alanna. "You are like me, aren't you? You touch things and you can see their past, can't you?" There was a new life in Max, she was excited about meeting someone else like her. The other person she had met, because it had only ever been once before, wasn't interested in talking to Max and she wasn't one to chase people down. This was different though, this was someone exactly like her walking into her shop. What luck! "How long have you had it? I've had mine since I was 14 years old, I absolutely hated it. I still do, especially during the summer. It get so hot!" Now she was rambling, it was good to talk to someone who understood though and Max never had that before. "I'm sorry, look at me rambling away without letting you get a word in edgewise!" Smiling wide, she stared back at the other woman and waited for her to respond.
Alanna's eyes widened and she jumped back a little when Max stood up, her heart racing like crazy and her limbs flooded with adrenaline as flight tried to take over. She was naturally flighty and the chipmunk thing only helped that. But what Max said, about being like her and seeing things about the past by touching things... that kept Alanna rooted firmly to the ground. She could not just run out when she was faced with someone who had what she had lived with almost her whole life. Half of her wanted to but it was overshadowed by the rest. "I... I was born that way," Alanna said at last, swallowing hard and trying to calm her pulse down. Going into cardiac arrest in a bookstore for no real reason would probably not look all that good. "Touching things and knowing everything. Not letting anyone touch me because it didn't hurt but I didn't want to know... yeah, all that. I know all that. You weren't born like that? You... umm... got it? How?" Alanna'd not known that was possible, to become clairsentinent on accident.
Instantly Max felt bad, she didn't mean to scare Alanna. Lowering her hand she smiled sheepishly, giving the other woman a smile. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you," she said softly. "It's just been a very long time since I've met someone like... well, me." The words that Alanna said took a while to register and when they did, all Max could do was stare at the woman in front of her. It seemed like a curse when she'd gotten hers and that was after she'd spent years being able to touch things. Being born with this thing, never being able to touch something without seeing it's past, that was a little heavy. At least Max knew what it felt like to be blissfully ignorant to past of other people and random objects. "Wow... I-I'm sorry. I've only had mine for 18 years... I can't imagine being born with it," going silent Max looked thoughtful and shuddered at the idea of being cursed for life. She looked up as Alanna spoke again. "Hm? Oh, oh yeah. I was 14 and I fell through the ice and hit my head. When I woke up... well, I knew that my Doctor had watched his younger brother die and that one of my nurses had caught her husband cheating." The memories stirred something and Max sighed, a little forlorn. She missed being able to touch people and things freely.
Alanna was not sure if she would have been happier not meeting people like her, or like she used to be. Knowing that there were others meant knowing that they too had to deal with it. Or still had to deal with it since she herself did not. Though... maybe Max had it worse than she had? To live for fourteen years and not have to deal with it then being struck with it. That could not be easy. The reverse of what had happened to her. "Oh, don't be sorry," Alanna said quickly. She was not in the habit of revealing herself to people at random, but she was also not in the habit of coming across someone who shared the abilities she once had. "I don't, umm... deal with it anymore. Just jumpy because over twenty years will tend to do that to someone. But you know that." She rubbed at her arm uneasily and shifted, eyes going to the door again. "That's awful though, that you had that happen. I'm really sorry. No one should ever wake up and be cursed with it." It was a curse, right? Just one that she happened to miss on occasion since hers had been replaced with another. "Do you... uhhh... want to talk about it? I can listen."
For Max it was being able to connect to someone who understood the hell she went through. That constant apprehension of touching people and even inanimate objects for fear of seeing their past? Sure it was horrible to think other people shared her curse, but it was comforting at the same time. To know that she wasn't alone or insane. There were times in her life when she wasn't sure if she hadn't just cracked, if the 'visions' were merely a figment of her imagination. It took Max a minute to absorb the information. She didn't deal with it anymore? How, why? "Excuse me, but, what? H-how?" she said, slowly walking toward Alanna. It was impossible! Max had tried figuring out ways to get rid of it, had even contemplated hitting her head again but she didn't want to run the risk of getting another horrible power. You never know. She shook her head and waved her hands as if brushing everything aside, none of that mattered now, not when Alanna had just said she no longer suffered the burden of touch-know. "I-I'm sorry to push this, but how?" If it was something simple, Max was going to scream.
Coming closer, Max was coming closer. Alanna's eyes darted to the door again and she tried to convince herself that she would not feel bad if she bolted and never came back. Only she would, she knew that she would, so she had to stay. Because helping out this woman... maybe she could. Even if that desperation in her eyes was a little worrisome. It was like what she had seen in Ariana's when she had been half afraid that the blonde would ask her to bite her or something. Calm down. Don't freak out. Freaking out is very very bad. But so is telling her that I'm a bitten! The full moon was coming closer and people could be a little crazy about that whole thing. The last thing Alanna needed was to be forced into a cage by some police officer because this woman told them that she was dangerous. "If I tell you, you can't like, freak out on me." Alanna made that disclaimed before taking a deep breath. Aaron would probably shake his head and Jamie would full out call her an idiot. "I got by a were about a year ago, turned me into one. When I changed, the ability just vanished. Gone like it was never there. It... it was terrible." Alanna shuddered at the memory, rubbing at the goosebumps that had sprung up along her arms. Bad, bad memory.
It was an unconscious effort, the way her feet moved forward bringing her closer to Alanna. Max was just way too intrigued by the idea of not being plagued with her horrible curse to realize the discomfort of the other woman. She stopped and waited, a little impatiently at that but she kept it to herself. For a few seconds she examined the other woman and realized how uncomfortable she was, taking a step backward and hoping she wouldn't run out the door and leave Max wondering just how she'd gotten rid of her horrible powers. Only a little taken aback by her words, Max nodded excitedly and leaned in conspiratorially. "No, no, of course not. Promise." She said with one final nod, it was almost with desperation that she agreed. The words took a while to actually soak in... bitten by a Were. So it wasn't an easy fix, but these powers weren't exactly permanent which was enough to cheer Max up slightly. The trade off was becoming a horrible beast once a month, but it already happened once a month. (Teehee, she could still make jokes.) "Hm, really? Wow." Letting the information swish around in her head, Max was seriously considering this as an option. It would mean abandoning her Element though! Ooh, this would be tough. "I'm sorry, that must have been horrible!" Max finally said, realizing that it probably was a horrible experience but at least she wasn't plagued by the past.
Alanna knew that look. It was almost exactly like the one that Ariana had given her. Sometimes Alanna wondered if she would have had that look too. Maybe. Possibly. She had no idea and would not know now. Oh well. She had two perfectly good examples to show her. Maybe Max was more desperate because she knew what it was like to not see things with every little touch. "Yeah, horrible." Alanna was fidgeting worse than before, shoving her hands into her pockets when she realized that if she did not then she was likely to knock something over. "It's like losing both your arms or something, drives you a little crazy." A little? Way more than a little. Six months of isolation was not 'a little'. "But hey, that's not really something anyone likes to hear about. Crazy people and all. Can I ask you a question?" Not actually waiting for an answer because she almost never did, Alanna continued, "Did you know what you were when you changed? I mean, did you have someone to... explain it or did you sort of just go along?"
Furrowing her eyebrows she tried to think about how horrible it would be to lose her power and nothing came up. The only thing she felt at the thought of losing her powers somehow was joy. To be able to touch things and people again, it was a dream that Max had been chasing for 18 years. Max couldn't imagine missing this curse and she looked at Alanna as if she'd just sprouted another head, but quickly glossed it over to a more neutral sympathetic look. After all, Alanna had been born with hers and didn't (literally) stumble across it as Max had, so she was new to being able to touch things. What a strange thought. "I think I can kind of imagine that," Max had lost the use of her arms when she'd hit her head. She refused to touch anyone or anything. With a sigh, she unconsciously stepped back and looked down at the floor momentarily before clearing her throat and raising her head. "No... no, I was all alone. I didn't know what it was actually called until I'd gotten to America. No, I had to figure it out all on my own." Deflating slightly she remembered the sad the little girl sitting alone in her room, tears streaming quietly. Max was far past crying over it now.
What Alanna did not mention was the added horror of being bitten. How much it hurt to change and the terror of losing yourself. Then waking up the next morning covered in blood and bruises, having torn yourself apart to the point where you had to go to the hospital despite being a were. Sometimes Alanna thought that maybe, just maybe, it would not have been so bad if she had not had to deal with that on top of completely losing a sense. Her own personal six sense that she only missed because it represented what she had lost. The humanity thing. "There's more but I can't really explain it. I don't want to explain it... and I'm sorry that you were alone. That you have it." She was especially sorry for that since, unlike herself and Ariana, Max had not been born that way. "Have you learned how to cope? At all? I see the gloves... thick enough to help?"
Shaking her head she tried to clear her mind of the small child, sad and alone. It had been worse when she was getting used to it and getting used to the idea that she'd never be able to touch anyone with out seeing part of their past. Max had gotten used to it, well, as used to it as one could get and now she only got broody on the odd occasion that she seen someones past. "What do you mean, 'there's more'?" Max asked, tilting her head to the side. "Oh, no. It's fine... really" A half-hearted smile on her face, she waved her hand as if to bat away the apology. It didn't take Max long to realize that she'd probably have to spend the rest of her life wearing gloves, it wasn't just any type of glove though. The knitted ones, usually came in an array of colours, those didn't help. It had to be something more tight-knit and usually heavier, which could suck in the summer. "Oh yeah, a lot of trial and error when I was younger lead me to the perfect pair of gloves." Max decided to leave off the bit about her drinking, that was much more personal.
More. How did she explain - simply - that being bitten meant pain at first? Then a pain that never really went away... and that being a rodent, especially a chipmunk like her, meant being afraid of so many things and that getting too scared meant risking changing into that monster no matter what stage the moon was at? Alanna knew she was cute, and that chipmunks were cute, but nothing she had heard about her hybrid form even indicated that she was near cute when she was like that. "I mean that being bitten means being a monster straight out of the old movies - Wolfman? Bitten were. Can't control what you do, total monster when that happens. Lose yourself." It was terrible to know that there was at least one night every month if not more that she would not really be Alanna but something else, something... less. She could have gone back to not touching things in exchange for that being gone now. Maybe. Depended on the day. "Glad you got yourself some gloves that work, or at least help. Though if you really think that what I am is a better alternative... trial and error, maybe you'll see that it's not." Alanna exposed her hand and held it out towards Max.
In all honesty Max hadn't really thought about being a monster, all she was focusing on was being rid of her powers. The ones that prevented her from touching people, simple hugs could result in knowing someones entire history and that was enough for her to get ideas. That was jarring though, to think that once a month she'd turn into the Wolfman and completely lose yourself. "Really?" Max said quietly, she was speaking more to herself then. This was something she'd have to think about, living the rest of her life without human contact or as a beast. "You can touch people though, right?" These next words had a note of desperation, it had been so long since Max had touched someone without fear. That fear was what held her back from... nearly everything and she was sick of being afraid. Would she ever be able to trade her powers for human contact, easy human contact? Something most people too for granted.
"Really," Alanna agreed. Maybe this meant that Max had actually listened and let it get through her head that everything was not sunshine and candy. Hopefully that was the case because Alanna did not want to hear about some girl getting torn apart because she went out and got mauled by a rabid wolf. "Um, no not really. It feels too weird to me, like I was suddenly given a sense I didn't have most of my life. Still getting used to it." Not the case for someone like Max who had been able to touch things when she was a kid. "But now that I've possibly freaked you out and put ideas in your head that you definitely don't need... I think I'm going to get going. Have class in Ann Arbor soonish." And she had not even been able to find a book to read. "It was nice meeting you, Max." Sort of.
She sighed, there was definitely a lot to think about. It certainly was a tempting idea, being able to touch people again without fear of seeing something she'd rather not. If she lost her clairsentience, logically she would lose her connection to Air and the thought made her shudder. Max may not focus on her elemental powers nearly as much as she did with her clairsentient powers, but she still loved Air and losing it would be like losing a piece of herself. Was it worth it? That was something she was going to have to think long and hard about. The idea of it was crazy enough without Max seriously considering it, but it was a testament to how much she disliked her extra power. "It certainly must be strange, I'm sorry." she answered, earnest but still a little wistful. "It's alright," Max smiled half-heartedly. "Of course, um, have a great day." Alanna hadn't freaked her out, no, she'd given her quite a lot to think about though. "Yeah... yeah you too, Alanna." Whether that was the truth, Max wasn't sure. Was it a good thing, this new information?