Dagmar Niemi (devilswater) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2010-02-09 14:13:00 |
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Entry tags: | #flashback, dagmar |
Only beginning to find release
Who: Bren and Dagmar
Where: Their dormroom @ UoM
When: December 2008 - finals week
What: Roommate-ly bonding, at odd hours for odd reasons
Finals week. Kajsa had told Dagmar about finals and nothing she'd said had made it sound in the least bit fun. And it wasn't, oh no, far from it. Dagmar'd witnesses three people completely break down under the stress and need to be escorted off and she totally understood why. Her nerves flitted between being strung tighter than a wire and completely loose and at ease, though there was that incidence with the girl in the caf but they couldn't prove that she'd driven her to run off in tears just because she had spilled milk on her shoes... but none of that mattered because right then it was time for sleeping. Lights were off, good nights were said and Dagmar - along with the little water fountain her mother had given her to put on her nightstand - was fast asleep.
Until something woke her up.
Orange light flickered through her closed eyelids and she groaned before opening them, already knowing what it was because it'd happened before. "God damn it Bren!" she growled as she flung her blankets off and sat up, glaring at the flames that were cheerfully dancing along the rug on the floor. Her rug. The fire was quickly trying to steal the moisture but luckily there was the fountain. It didn't take but a moment for Dagmar to fling the water on the fire, her temper rippling as the orange flames finally died. "You've got to learn to cut this out, okay." Dagmar's voice was sharp and she wasn't happy, at all. This wasn't the first time she'd woken to fire in the room and, as much as she wanted to call ResLife and have them come fix the problem, she knew that wouldn't do any good. Nor would calling her mother. "Because it's finals and I need to sleep, not wake up because there's a fire in my room that'd cheerfully burn me into a crisp! Seriously!"
Bren only woke up at Dagmar yelling, waking with a little gasp and looking briefly confused, looking around. There was a shuddery exhale and she was out of bed, on the side that faced away from Dagmar, pulling a box from under the bed and going through it. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just..." She found the candle she was looking for and had it lit barely out of the box, turning and sitting on the floor with it between her legs, hunched over so Dagmar was shielded from it by her body, although the flickering light was obvious in the dark room. "I'm sorry, I just..." She cupped her hands around the flame, staring at it, rocking back and forth a little without even realizing it, letting the flame soothe her. It was okay, there were no monsters and no Mosiah. The flame was a comfort, flames had protected her when she'd needed them, fire would always be there. She let her mind go blank, focusing in on the candle's flame, letting it grow until it was in danger of lighting something else on fire, unthinking.
One of those damn candles. Dagmar hated the candles that Bren kept but was was she going to do, turn her in? No, then she'd just go buy more and probably be mad at her while she was at it. They'd finally started to get along and she actually considered Bren her friend now, if possibly the oddest one she had with the whole fire elemental thing, and ruining it wasn't high on her list of things to do. Luckily for both of them she was too tired and drained to even think about snapping her head off. "It's fine... just... that's not fine." Dagmar's voice went higher and she moved her leg out to nudge Bren's back with her foot. That little candle flame wasn't little anymore and she really, really didn't want to have to explain to anyone why the hell they'd set off the fire alarms or why there were candles or signs of singes on way too many of their things. "Bren, hey, the fire! Tone it down a bit or I'm going to have to drench you again. Come on... what's so bad?" As water soothed her she only assumed that fire must be soothing for the dark-haired girl, even if she couldn't even begin to comprehend such a thing.
When Dagmar nudged her there was a noise that could have been a sob, and Bren quickly held her breath. She let the flame die down to normal candle-flame levels, rubbing at her cheek and trying to pretend like she wasn't crying now. Cause she totally wasn't, okay. And even if she had been, which she wasn't, she had a damn good reason. Dagmar could bitch and whine, but Dagmar did not wake up from nightmares of her older brother raping her, okay, so she could just shut it. Sniffling and concentrating, Bren managed to scoop the fire from the candle into her hands, bringing it close to her face but her concentration was broken and it flickered out. She tried to relight it but couldn't, so making a frustrated sound, she grabbed her lighter off the shared nightstand, doing it the old fashioned way. "Drench me right now and your white dress is ash," she said, but she couldn't put any heat behind it, voice croaking in a way that even a lifetime of voice training couldn't hide.
Was... was Bren crying? Dagmar blinked, craning her neck to get a better look at her roommate's face with the flickering candlelight. Okay, so a lot of times she liked to make girls cry and it usually gave her that sick thrill and the urge to make it worse, but right then that was subdued because hell, she really didn't want to see her crying. And yet she was. Couldn't even keep the concentration up to keep the flame away from the candle and worse, her threat rang hollow and empty. Now had there been meaning behind it Dagmar might have snapped and then they'd be arguing and at least that'd be better than listening to her cry but seriously? Now wasn't the time for that. Because she was seriously starting to wonder why Bren started fires at night, why Bren woke up in the middle of the night and a multitude of other things that were a lot easier to think about when she was too stressed and drained from finals to let her slippery nature get the better of her. "You're not going to burn my dress because you can't even keep a flame going. Put the fire out, or at least on the stand, and then come up here and talk or something because I'm starting to worry about you." Wow, that sounded weird to say and felt weirder. A water elemental worried about a fire. Really?
Bren sniffled and set the candle up on the nightstand, next to Dagmar's fountain. She crawled up on the bed next to Dagmar, needing to be close to a person if she was gonna talk, still staring at the flame. She was curled up, knees to her chest, making herself as small as possible -- and Brenna was not a big girl, so that was pretty small, the position making her look very young. She swallowed hard and took a breath, rubbing at her eyes again. "Ugh." She stood and leaned over to her side of the nightstand, grabbing her glasses to shove them on, then sat back down. "You know how I told you I'm not going back to Vegas for break?" she said, then cleared her throat to make it less croaky. "Do you wanna know why?"
Dagmar repositioned herself, lithe body stretched out along her bed behind Bren, head propped up on her hand as she listened. Part of her, that part she didn't like and tried to deny even existed except for when it was undeniable because it reigned supreme, was telling her to just shove the girl off the bed and curl up for sleep, but it was smothered by the rest. Bren had become a friend and Dagmar was as good to her friends as she could be. Especially when they were crying, which they definitely weren't supposed to ever do. "Yeah... I remember," she said slowly. It'd made her curious because who didn't want to go home for Christmas? Okay, so maybe her home wasn't awesome and only tolerable because her father was hardly there, but she was still going. "And if you want to tell me why then yeah, I'd like to know. Especially if maybe it can help you sleep at night without burning the dorms down."
Bren swallowed hard, rubbing her face with both hands, and scooting back a little so Dagmar's legs stretched out were touching her back. "Well. Okay, so, my family is Mormon. There are a lot of Mormons in Las Vegas, like, way more than you would think for Sin City, right? So like, desert, good place for fire, Mormon house, not a great place for some fire traits. All of them, technically. So like, hi there, black sheep. Like my parents never tried to stifle the creativity but they didn't do a lot for it either, and that's not really related though. But the thing is, I was the baby but totally not like, favored child. No, my mom's favorite was totally Rachel, and my dad's was...is, I guess...Mosiah."
She took a deep breath. "Mosiah is fucking crazy. Like, something is wrong with my brother's brain."
Mormons? Dagmar's eyes widened at that, she'd definitely not connected Mormons with Bren. Not in a million years. That just seemed so... not right. She nodded as Bren spoke, not wanting to interrupt in case it would put her off, getting the favorite child thing. Her mother never said it but everyone knew her favorite was Kajsa and their father, well, that was no secret. He adored Leif, the one most like him. The middle child just kind of... was. "Crazy?" Dagmar asked, trying to encourage her, scooting down so that she could curl more against Bren, knowing that the other girl liked feeling close to people. Besides, she was sleepy and Bren was definitely warm. Not that she'd fall asleep. She'd listen. "Like... how crazy and what's wrong?"
Bren shifted so they were basically cuddling, the affection a comfort. "Well, basically, I hit puberty, and like, you know how I kindof forget that I should like, you know. Not jump when I'm not wearing a bra and not hug people so much and not randomly shake my ass in the cafeteria? Yeah, well, I was like 13 when that started happening. And Mosiah was like, a creeper about it. Like I didn't get it at the time, but and are you really sure you wanna hear about this? It's bad. Like, you will completely understand the fire and the nightmares and most people have never dealt with or heard about something like this. It's fucked up."
Draping one arm over the other elemental, Dagmar stifled a yawn as she listened, eyes widening a little. Her brother was a creeper about it? An unpleasant sort of feeling was uncurling in her stomach and she didn't really think she wanted to hear this sort of thing so late at night. Only Bren was willing to tell her and maybe it'd help. She was, other than that nasty streak, a very good listener. Besides, Dagmar definitely got fucked up families. Hers was a poster child for them despite the perfect exterior so... yeah. "I'm all ears, Bren. Sleepy ears, but ears all the same and fucked up I can handle. Promise I'm not going to freak out on you. Okay, much as I can promise." Her moods could be a little unpredictable.
Bren nodded a little. "Well. I was like fifteen, and your mom said like, lust is a big thing for fire elementals, and that makes sense, because I was like okay, there's no way I'm making it to marriage so I want my first time to be with someone I trust. So my best friend, Carl, who we've known each other when we were six, agrees to do...the deed. Yeah. And like he had turned 16 before me and he'd had a girlfriend so like I trusted him to know what he was doing and whatever and so, I guess Mosiah found out somehow. Cause a couple weeks later it's just us in the house and he comes in my room." Bren was rushing, pushing the words out quickly, fearing she wouldn't get them out if she didn't, still watching the flame of the candle. "He's saying all this bullshit, like, I'm a whore, no better than Magdalene or Jezebel and like, a bunch of moronic Bible and Book ways...Book like Book of Mormon...ways of calling me a slut and then he starts coming toward me on my bed."
That was true, Linnea had remarked on how fire elementals tended towards all the passionate things. And Dagmar'd seen the evidence of that more than once. She didn't really understand it very much because she wasn't near as passionate, but she tried. At least for then. Even if the whole having sex just because with a friend just because seemed rather odd to her. She wasn't going to judge, that went against her very nature. Her throat felt a little dry because that bad feeling was building, her natural ability to read people and all the tension starting to tell her what she didn't want to know. Not about her friend. But still. "Go on, Bren, still listening," Dagmar reassured her, giving a light squeeze.
Bren put a hand over her face, taking a deep breath and squirming a little, a combination of her inability to sit still and a desire to be closer to Dagmar. "Well, basically, he shoves me down, and he's still saying all this shit and I'm screaming but no one's home and we don't have any neighbors for like 500 feet in any direction so I'm probably not gonna get heard, and the next thing I know he's on fire." There was a long pause and she spoke again. "When I was fifteen, my eighteen-year-old brother tried to rape me because he thought God told him to, and he only failed because I lit him on fire with my brain."
Lit him on fire. Dagmar's mind focused in on that because the rest was awful, it made that terrible part of her rear its head with a sudden desire to hurt this Mosiah no matter why he'd done what he did. Badly. Hurt him badly, worse than being lit on fire. Try drowning while you were on land and air was right there awful. Her grip on Bren tightened a little, tugging the other girl right up against her in a protective way. "I'm sorry, Bren," she whispered. If she had nightmares about something like that... then yeah, she might wake up with random spots of water all over the place. "I don't know what else to say except that yeah, get why you won't go back there. Preferably ever. Unless it's to light him on fire and keep him lit that way." Watch him squirm. He deserved it.
"Yeah. It's...the nightmares are worse than what happened," she said quietly. "Sometimes I try to light him up but fire's abandoned me. Sometimes it doesn't faze him. Sometimes he becomes the fire and it..." She turned, burying her face against the bed or against Dagmar's shirt, whichever she found first. "He doesn't fail, in the nightmares, unless you wake me up in time. This is why I don't like guys being in here," she said, voice muffled and tremulous again, in serious danger of crying.
Nightmares were always worse than the truth, that was something Dagmar knew. But she wasn't thinking about herself right them, the normally-selfish side of her mind content with imagining all of the terrible things that could be done to Mosiah. Especially knowing that it was still hurting Bren, making her have nightmares and wake up with things burnings and on the verge of tears. "I'm definitely going to do my best to wake you up in time every time," Dagmar promised, meaning it completely as she stroked Bren's hair, trying to keep her at least a semblance of calm. She really didn't want to see her cry. Especially not on my shirt... oh stop that, it's just cloth. "And that makes a lot of sense. Don't worry, they don't ever have to be anymore."
Bren nodded a little, letting the affection calm her down slowly. She retained enough concentration to put the candle out without having to move, then sighed. "Thanks." After a minute she felt a little steadier and moved back enough that she could see Dagmar's face again. "I found this place that rents by the week. Utilities included and stuff, it's not bad," she said, rubbing at one eye and fixing her glasses. "I've got enough saved to get me through break and I asked for more hours. And I can do the same thing for like, spring break and the summer and whatever. I'm not gonna have to see them anytime soon."
"Anytime." And Dagmar meant it as much as she could. Obviously not when she was in a mood or else Bren'd just end up worse than she started or when she was depressed due to one of those episodes, but any other time! As much as she could. "You know," she said slowly as Bren rearranged her glasses. "I'm just from Scarlet Oak, not even half an hour away. If you want to come hang out any time during break for any amount of time you're always welcome." Except when my father's at home. She winced a little just from thinking about what it'd be like if they meant. Probably not all that pleasant. "Mom'd be glad to have you. And me too, duh." Trying to lighten the mood, or at least make Bren smile even a little, she rubbed her nose against Bren's. It was definitely easier to be affectionate after hearing that and seeing Bren in such a state. Not to mention the exhaustion, that helped numb most all of the tension. "Because yeah, you're so not going to have to see them."
Bren nodded, managing a little smile. "Okay. Yeah, that sounds really good. I mean, yeah, you know about how well I do on my own," she said with a little laugh. "After, uh...after the incident, or whatever, Mosiah made up some bullshit story to tell them and my whole family was just, like, silent for like a week. Like, no one in the house spoke when I was around. And eventually it became clear they were gonna believe Mosiah's story. And so like, shit fell apart pretty much. My parents stopped paying for my voice lessons because obviously I'd been spoiled, even though Ammon and Sariah were out of the house by now so they could afford it. They would always, like, interrogate me and basically just short of call me a whore because obviously, like, something was wrong with me on that front because I'd made up a dirty story." There was a short, bitter laugh, the like of which was rarely heard from Bren, and she shook her head.
That was all insane. Dagmar couldn't imagine what she would have done if she were Bren and Leif had don that. Yes I do, he'd never have done it again that's for sure. There wouldn't have been an accident lighting on fire, there'd have been a purposeful drowning, give that dark side something to be pleased with. But Bren... obviously it'd damaged her and not just the act itself, but what came after. It definitely didn't make that churning feeling in her stomach any better. Only worse. "I don't even know what to say." She didn't like hearing a bitter laugh from Bren, it was just unnatural. It'd be like having to tell her to hurry up in the shower or something. "Except that if you ever want them to pay for it, let me know. Connections and just... that's seriously fucked up." She'd been punished for being assaulted.
"Well, I mean, it could have been worse." Perpetual optimist, Bren was. "He kinda pulled the same type of shit on Sariah. Like, he never tried to hurt her but she's only a year older than him. It goes Ammon, Sariah, Mosiah, Rachel, and me. But he made threats and when I told her what he was saying she believed me immediately. So like, I still kindof had an ally, and she didn't have any kids yet so she could afford to be around and sortof like run interference when it was really bad, in like the months right after. So like, yeah, it could have been worse." She nodded as if trying to drive the point home, although she was probably the only one who needed it driven home, as she was probably the only one who bought it at all.
More that she heard about this Mosiah, the more Dagmar didn't like him. "Maybe it could've been worse, but it sounds damn awful to start with and I can totally see why you have... problems." The water elemental shifted a little, reaching out for the glass of water on the stand to take a long drink. Wash away the dryness and concentrate briefly on something other than the fact that there was a fire elemental in her bed. "You ever talk to anyone about it? Like a psychologist?" That sort of thing was supposed to help those problems... right? Her mother'd gone to a special place for addicts and basket-cases when she was younger. Wasn't that bad a thing.
Bren shook her head a little. "No. It's not something my family could afford or believed in, and like, when would I have time here? I mean, I talked to like the school psychologist at my high school but I could tell she was basically writing it off as attention seeking. She told me to go to the police if I had any evidence but I didn't, and I couldn't even tell her about the fire cause like, how the hell do you explain that to someone? We don't exactly have a website I can link to. That's why she didn't believe me cause I couldn't explain how I'd stopped him. I didn't even know, cause like I had never made flame before and I didn't make that much again for like a year after that." She sat up, rubbing her hands over her face again. "Ugh, fuck, I'm awake now."
Well damn, that was like a nightmare come to life. Having a psychologist not believe you? But that was what they were supposed to do, proof or not! Weren't they? Glad the one I go to does. Even if her mother had to force her into it once every other month. "Sucks hardcore." Dagmar shook her head and stretched out with another yawn. Awake? She didn't want to be awake, she had her algebra final in the morning! Damnit, why did she have to be feeling nice now? "Do you want to play a game or talk some more or something? If you're all awake anyhow. Plus, don't want you having another nightmare and lighting half the place on fire." If anything did happen to her clothes Dagmar wasn't going to be a happy camper. "Or twenty questions... since, well, I don't think there's really anything else you could say that's worse. Right?" Oh god, what if she could?
Bren saw the nervous look Dagmar was giving her and giggled, scratching the back of her neck. "No, I don't really have anything worse. Except maybe him using scripture. But I've told you enough crazy-ass stories. You can go back to sleep if you want, I might go practice for my jury or find a spot for fire. Or we can play twenty questions if you're up now." She stood, picking her candle up and setting it back in the box, which got shoved under the bed again. She went to her closet, where there weren't too many actual clothes, rather than instruments. She had a keyboard and two guitars and a bass and a cello and a practice drum pad and possibly an oboe in here, and headphones she could plug into the things that needed amps.
Oh good it wasn't going to get worse. And then Bren was rifling through her closet and musical instruments. And there was another weird thing about her, she kept instruments in there instead of a ton of clothes like Dagmar thought was totally acceptable. Not that she thought she'd ever be able to convince her of that so trying was pointless. Curling back up, cuddling her body pillow now that Bren was off the bed, Dagmar realized she wasn't just going to be able to drift back off to sleep, exam or not. Wasn't like she was expecting to pull off some phenomenal grade or anything. It was only math. "Now that you've gotten me awake sleeping's not going to be easy." Dagmar's tone was almost accusatory, but teasing at the same time when she rubbed at her eyes. "You totally need more clothes in that closet, by the way, it's what you're supposed to put in it." She couldn't think of a question, not after what she'd been told. Talking back to sleep was nice though.
Brenna came up with her acoustic guitar, sitting cross-legged on her bed with it in her lap, hugging it briefly. She plucked out a few notes quietly. "I keep my clothes in my dresser, I don't need more space than that." Granted, her dresser was packed quite tightly with the clothing in it. Bren had a tendency to keep everything forever, so her dresser never really got emptied. Unless all her clothes were on the floor, which wouldn't be weird for her. She sang something softly, voice not as good as it could be because she wasn't warmed up, but still nice to listen to. She had a warm, smoky, Mae West-style contralto when she was singing well that could blow pretty much every other freshman vocalist out of the water.
Notes and singing, that was nice. Even if Bren's voice wasn't what it usually was. Maybe that was to be expected after what she'd revealed or maybe it was the whole just-been-sleeping thing, Dagmar had no idea. Because she wasn't a music major so things like that washed right over her head. "I've seen your dresser and the poor thing's more abused than my closet." And that was saying something because Dagmar wasn't lacking for every sort of clothes that existed. "So... how long have you been interested in music? Other than forever, forever's not a good answer and I deny it. Can't give that answer!"
"Umm...as long as I can remember? I mean, Ammon's always liked language and learning new languages and stuff, I think he speaks five or six now. My mom's always loved to dance. Sariah's always loved animals, she's a vet now, and Rachel could always like, blow everyone else out of the water with gymnastics, or any athletics. So, being really into one thing isn't weird for my family, I guess. Even as a baby my mom told me I was always banging on pots and pans and whatever." She shrugged, switching to a different song, one she'd written a guitar part for that was usually sung a cappella. "Home is behind, the world ahead. And there are many paths to tread."
"That's really close to forever," Dagmar rolled her eyes. Being really into one thing she could get, most of her family was really into swimming but then they were all water elementals. "You do have a really pretty voice though, I'll give you that." Dagmar couldn't carry a tune to save her life, unlike her mother. Why she'd never know. It'd have been weird if they could both sing though because there weren't a whole lot of things that the two actually had in common. "Come on, ask me a question or else it's no fun. Plus I'm coming up dry on what to ask you because really, after what you've told me? Don't feel like there's anything I can ask."
"Well, forever's the answer but you said I couldn't say forever!" she protested, sticking her tongue out. "Ummm...Tell me about your siblings. I know you have them but you don't really talk about them much." She was still singing softly when she wasn't speaking, a song about a little soul in a big world. She kinda knew how it felt sometimes. She switched from the simple to the more complex version on the guitar, knowing she retained information better the more was going on. Somehow, especially when she was deprived of sleep, concentrating on one thing was too much to ask, but concentrating on many at once was easier.
Dagmar almost expected a 'so there!' statement, but only the tongue. Rolling her eyes again she thought about the question as she listened to Bren sing. It was a soothing noise and she enjoyed it quite a bit. Soothing, almost like listening to a stream babble. "Well there are my brothers, Leif and Valterri. Leif's like, twenty-seven or something and he's never home. We don't really get along because he's a lot like our dad, like seriously, a lot in pretty much every way. Valterri's sixteen and he's a bit of a sweetheart, real quiet though, loves his hockey." Sometimes how sweet he was, especially in comparison to the rest of them, bothered her. How come he did that so easily? "And my sister's. Kajsa's twenty-two going on twenty-three and she's out in Kalamazoo working as a paralegal, comes back to see mom a lot." She was different too, more like Valterri and always had such a level head, Dagmar didn't get that. "And of course, little Satu's eleven and a complete brat. Water like me and mom and oh, she's cute and she uses it. Manipulative little thing, that's her. They're not too bad altogether." Dagmar shrugged. "Definitely not as bad as your brother."
Bren rolled her eyes briefly. "Yeah. Well, I'm not gonna lie, I use the cute too. Like, I haven't had to use the pout on you, but don't even think you'll never see it. Because you will. And the liptremble, and the puppy eyes, and I can warn you about all this and you will still fall for it every time." She grinned delightedly. "I think it's a baby of the family thing. I totally used it on all my siblings. Mosiah would like..." The smile faded some and she looked back down at her guitar. "Like, this one time you kicked someone out when I got back and like you were obviously about to have sex or something but didn't get there and the person you were kicking out obviously had the worst case of blue balls ever? Yeah, whenever I pouted Mosiah looked like that."
The pout? Dagmar didn't even want to know but if she could turn down Satu's pout then she had no doubts she could turn down Bren's. "Oh I'd like to see you try, flame-girl, because I don't give into cute things." And she didn't. Really pretty things? Yeah. Really hot things? Also yes. But just cute? Not a chance. Though the comment about that particular time... yeah, Dagmar did snicker at that. Her little streak had decided that that was just the funniest thing ever. "He got over it, went and slept with one of the cheerleaders or something to fix his little problem since I was over that." Wasn't that what guys were good for anyhow? Shrugging, she pointed at Bren. "You won't ever have a reason to pout at me anyhow. Don't have anything you want!"
"I'll pout, like, for the hell of it though. And you think you can resist, but you can't!" she chirped. Dagmar had had a lifetime to build up a resistant to Satu, and Bren had had longer to practice. "I think that if anyone ever tried to kick me out of bed...I would kill something. Like, I would burn their bed. Or cry. I do not handle that shit well. And I honestly don't understand how you can like...be indifferent about sex. I mean, it's biological! Anyway. Your turn to ask a question."
"Don't you dare. I am not above getting you wet, okay?" And she meant it. Dagmar did manipulative and getting her way, she wasn't so good when it was turned around and going off on Bren? Probably not the best idea she'd ever had. "That's just another difference between us, I guess. You're all 'oh my god, I have to have sex now, pleeeease' and I just sort of... do it. Because it's fun, but it can be more fun to deny them. Isn't it supposed to mean something? Mom made it sound like it should and sometimes I actually try to listen to her. Okay, but question, hmm... have you ever gone swimming? Like at all. Baths don't count."
Bren cracked up at that, covering her face with one hand, but she didn't comment. "Wow. Um. Swimming? I think I went once as like a toddler. Haaaated it, would not stop screaming, so no one tried to make me go again. And yeah, sex is probably supposed to mean something, but you know..." She punctuated the sentence with a loud, careless strum. "My brother was desperately attracted to both my sister and me, so I'm allowed to have some fucked up ideas about it." She went back to plucking. "I mean, you know, it's fun, and it's bodies, and it's a biological imperative, and it feels nice, and...and it feels like he wins if I let it be a scary thing to me," she said, staring down at the guitar. "It definitely means different things depending on who you're with."
What was Bren... ohhhhh. Good one, Dagmar, try and think about what you're saying. Her face flushed and she was glad it was dark so Bren wouldn't see. She wasn't quite as casual as the other elemental about things like that... or maybe she was and just didn't care enough. Because she could start things and not finish them because she'd lost interest or something like that. Cruel to them, fun for her and it didn't depress her as much as some of the other things she did. Had she ever dated someone seriously? Probably not. "Doesn't have to be scary, totally don't think it should be, just so long as you're careful and don't get in any sort of trouble. Ever. Don't want to see you hurt." She twisted her fingers up in her comforter. "So come on, your question."
"Yeah, like, I don't bring guys here just cause like, I don't know, if someone was pulling some shenanigans I can't really run away cause it's my room, right? That's why I go to their room and make sure the door stays unlocked, or we're in some like, neutral zone. I had sex in the music building once. I've had sex in the third floor lounge," she commented. "Ummmm...hm. What's the best thing you've ever done?"
Sexual conquests much? Were all fire elementals like this?! Maybe that's another reason we don't interact with them so well. Dagmar's blanket was now all twisted up underneath of her and she pointedly ignored commenting at all on the fact of where Bren did or didn't have sex. Especially the public locations. She spent time in that lounge for God's sake! Her mood had flickered from tolerant to distressed at some point for some reason and her voice reflected it. "Define 'thing'. Because if we're talking in general then I'm saying the scholarship based off of my swimming abilities. If we're talking sexual since that's what you're so fixated on then it was on the diving board down at the pool after that big race earlier this semester when I set a school record."
"Damn!" Bren said, sounding impressed. "If you were not over there I would high five you so fucking hard, oh my god," she said, laughing. "I was talking about like, in general, actually, not so much sexual, but damn, that is, like, that takes skills, son. Like, you need balance." Bren was still laughing. "Oh god, I see you in like, a whole new light now!"
A whole new light? Hopefully that was a good thing. Judging off the way Bren was laughing it probably was so hey, she'd take it. "I have very good balance, thank you, especially when falling into the water would just ruin everything. Not for me, but for him. And I was actually wanting it so... yeah, didn't feel like it." Had she then Dagmar would have done it faster than she could blink. New and interesting ways piss people off, wonderful. "Alright, so... have you ever dated anyone? And you know what I mean, gone out with and not just banged or anything. Multiple sexings so don't count, had to have been a relationship."
"Haha sexings. A couple times, yeah. Not here, yet. Like, me and the friend I lost it to ended up more or less in a relationship for awhile. And there was a girl I dated the summer before senior year. It was awesome, her parents were great so I spent hardly any time at home that summer, which was definitely a good thing. There've been like, are-we-or-aren't-we, semi-exlusive, dates-but-is-this-a-relationship...fling
Dagmar whistled lowly, even if she was feeling irritated for no particular reason. "Fire elementals and relationships must not mix so well, huh?" she asked, releasing her comforter to reach out and let her fingers rest in the fountain of water. That helped the irritation a little. "I thought I was bad just because I got bored with people!" Why wasn't she getting tired again? "Come on, give me another. Hit me with your best shot or something like that since I just got an interesting little insight."
"It's not cause I'm fire! How many steady relationships have you had, Miss Watery-Ice-Queen-Superior-Pants? Also, I'm pretty sure it's like proof of an existence of a higher power that we're roommates because like, even if 10% of people are fire elementals and 10% are water that works out to like, what...a one percent chance of one of each being in a room together?"
Ice Queen was sooo not a new one, Dagmar'd gotten used to that one back in high school. "I think it's because you're fire," she maintained, flinging an arm over her face. "And I don't know, one maybe? Everyone said we were dating and he was pretty upset when I told him to go away. And that's proof of a higher power out to torture me." Again, over dramatic, but she laughed at the end so hopefully Bren wouldn't be offended. "But that wasn't a question, faaaaiiiiiil."
"Excuse you! You fail, I want my pink taco shirt back. Fine, um...tell me about your favorite anything," she said, leaning over to plug the keyboard in with it still sitting on her lap. "Song, book, shoes, memory, anything." She pressed a key and it blared a note out at her, eliciting a squeak. She quickly turned it down and hit the key again, at a much more agreeable volume.
"Ow, damnit Bren!" Dagmar protested the blaring keyboard, having much preferred the guitar. At least that thing didn't try to take out her eardrums. Sometimes living with a music major was worse than the fire elemental part. "Favorite... hmm... memory. When I was, like, ten and finally stopped being a little bitch to my mom for having been gone for a year. She took all of us, except Leif because he never does anything with anyone but father, to Lake Huron for the day. It was a lot of fun, first time I actually managed to get water to do anything for me. Mom was so proud, she actually cried. It was great." She smiled at the memory, irritation melting away easily now that she was thinking about something pleasant.
Bren smiled. "Awwww. That's sweet. You can't ask a musician their favorite song but right now, like the past few days, it's been this really old song called Hard Hearted Hannah. It was written in like, 1910 I think or 1920, before World War 2, and it's about this woman who is basically a maneater. Like one of the lyrics is 'she's a girl who loves to make men suffer, to tease em and thrill em, to torture and kill em.'" She started playing the notes on the keyboard and singing. "She's hard-hearted Hannah, the vamp of Savannah, GA." Her voice was sounding a little better now. "It's awesome, and for a bunch of music theory reasons you won't understand. But okay, your turn."
Part of Dagmar liked being told she had a sweet best memory but another part struggled against it. But she was starting to feel sleepy again so it wasn't really able to get a hold. Bren's singing and playing helped with the sleepy thing and Dagmar let her eyes close. Mmm, comfy bed. She didn't even mind being told that she wasn't able to understand something theory related. "How about this; why didn't you move out when we started really not getting along? I probably wouldn't have been able to live with me, I know I flash 'massive ice bitch' when I get going." Or normally to some people, their own fault for rubbing her wrong.
"Honestly? I tried," Bren admitted, now playing something that sounded pretty complex, but soft, and she was still talking so apparently it was second nature. "But as a freshman, I could live here or in Baker. Baker is co-ed, and there were like, six open beds in this building and a long line of people who put in for transfer before me. I seriously considered moving to Baker but I mean, can you even imagine if I got a male roommate? I would never sleep. Plus, the fires just pissed you off, they didn't freak you out. I got an offer for a bed in this building but I didn't take it, and like a week later your mom stepped in."
Snorting quietly, Dagmar imagined how much of a pain that would've been to deal with. She hadn't even bothered trying because like hell was she going to be chased out of her own room. And yes, in her mind it was her room first and Bren's second. That was shifting a little so that it was a mutual thing but the fact remained that at first she hadn't much cared about how Bren felt about anything. And she'd made sure that was known. By pretty much everyone. Though she had to admit... "Glad you decided to stay. I've gotten pretty used to you fire-girl. You actually put up with the mood swings." Sort of. As well as anyone who wasn't her mother or sibling could be expected to.
Bren smiled. "I'm glad I stayed too. And that was actually a show of emotion, holy shit, and oh my god I really wanna fucking burn something right now." She made a frustrated noise, banging a few cacophonous chords on the keyboard, but she was restraining herself in Dagmar's presence. "I guess it's my turn to ask something. What number are we on anyway? Whatever, ummmm. What's a life lesson you learned the hard way?"
"No burning!" Dagmar opened her eyes for long enough to point at Bren accusingly. "So no burning. And I've no idea. Nine or ten?" She closed her eyes again and snuggled back under her comforter, though it was still colder than she really liked. Needed a heated body pillow or something for winter. "Guess that'd be that you can't really trust most people. Say they're your friend but then you have a bad day and suddenly you're terrible and they've split. Not that I care." Of course she didn't care. Right? Right. Wrong, her sleepy mind tossed out and she yawned as she asked her next question. Just because she wanted to hear the answer. "Getting off the serious topic - what rank am I on the scale of hotness? Better be high too." And she yawned again, rolling onto her side and curling up against her pillow.
"Like from 1 to 10? Hmmm..." Bren tilted her head. "I don't know, it's tough to answer that, everyone is attractive for different reasons. I guess in sheer numbers, like to me cause of my type or whatever, I'd put you at a...seven. Sometimes an eight. Depends on the day. I have a thing for Spanish girls, and voluptuous girls. What about me?" Bren was mostly okay with her body, although like any girl that age she liked the occasional reassurance.
Seven or an eight. Even as sleepy as she was, Dagmar still frowned. Okay, well, personal tastes taken into consideration she definitely wasn't Spanish or voluptuous. Very much Finnish and willowy. "Guess I could give you the same. Most of the time. When you're not all firey, you know. When you're playing with fire it's... okay, then it hovers steadily at seven. Like your eyes." Another yawn. "Turn up the heat since it's closer to you? Cold over here and unlike you I don't radiate heat."
"I don't radiate heat," Bren said, but she got up and turned the heater up. "I'm used to desert nights, which are like, balls-cold so I guess as long as the day is warm it doesn't bug me." She idly played a few notes, then looked up. "Wait, what about my eyes?" she asked, blinking.
"You radiate heat," Dagmar insisted sleepily. "And it's winter so the days are cold and I like being warm at night. Not hot, but warm." She would need to have her mom get her some more blankets over Christmas or something. "Weren't you listening? I said I like your eyes. They're all dark and pretty and yeah. Something wrong with that? Because I'm not taking it back." Once Dagmar said something that was that, especially if she'd convinced herself it was true. Plus she'd heard other people agree with her on this point.
Bren tilted her head, considering this for an inordinately long time. Then she shrugged. "My mom is Hawaiian. I have her mouth. And her jaw. And her hips. And her legs. And her eyes. My dad is scottish though, that's why I look white. Rachel looks, like, really really Hawaiian. Like you probably wouldn't know she's half white. Same for Ammon. Sariah's kinda between and Mosiah looks white like me."
Dagmar wondered why Bren had gone all quiet, that was unusual for her. Maybe she didn't like her eyes? "Then you need to show me a picture of your mom because she must be hot. Even if she doesn't treat you like she should. So shouldn't be treated that way, deserve better." Yawning again, Dagmar felt herself starting to drift off into that half-asleep state where she lost control of her mouth. Kajsa always took advantage of that sort of thing. "Say you should be part of my family but that'd be weird because you're fire and way too dark and... okay, so you're a nine on that scale. Because of the eyes. Just the eyes. One more question and then I'm passing out. Makes it even."
Bren pretty much grinned her face off at getting a 9. She'd never gotten a 9 before that she knew of, she tended to fall between 5 and 7, and only Brenna Wilson would have this thought process when fully awake and sober. "One more question..." she said, still playing softly, intending to play Dagmar to sleep once they were done, and then go outside and light things on fire. "How old were you when you lost your virginity?" she asked, going for something simple but that would totally be shocking to Dagmar if she were awake. Bren didn't find it that shocking, but she knew her roommate well enough now to know what could set her off.
"Ummm..." Fully awake Dagmar probably wouldn't have answered that without a lot of beating around the bush. Or at all for that matter. Not because she was embarrassed or anything, but just because it wasn't the sort of thing she talked about as much as, say, Bren. Sleepy as she was it wasn't too big a problem though. "Sixteen, to a guy on the swim team. He was a senior and everyone kept telling me to go ahead, except this one girl was really jealous... just did it. Hurt a bit, and we didn't talk after because I said I didn't want to go out with him. Only ever kissed a girl, game of spin the bottle at some party."
Bren smiled at that. "Yeah, that sounds like you," she said, voice soft, and went quiet, playing something and singing softly. "Another ditch in the road, keep moving. Another stop sign, keep moving on..."
Dagmar's awareness, which hadn't been that sharp to be completely honest, faded away almost completely when Bren started singing again. Shifting on last time onto her side, wrapping up around her body pillow, she made a quiet noise. "Night, Bren," she murmured. "Don't have any more nightmares, okay." And then she drifted right off to sleep, soothed by the music.
Bren continued to sing and play until she was sure Dagmar was asleep, then put jeans and a hoodie on and fled with her lighter to burn the shit out of something.