Kiley Ricks (kileyanne) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2014-02-27 10:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | #solo, 2009-10-04, kiley |
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees
Who: Kiley and her brother Corwin (NPC’d)
Where: SOHS → their house
When: A couple hours before sunset
“It’s time.”
Kiley didn’t need to look up to know where Corwin was, leaning over her computer, staring down at her. She could feel his eyes on her for most of the afternoon, watching, judging how she was doing by the little tells he knew to look for. Try as she might, she could never hide anything from her brother, and right now, he was the only one here for her to lean on.
In truth, she was a wreck. Mason was still stuck in the high school, and they hadn’t gotten a single hint of news in the week since he’d disappeared. To make matters worse, tonight was the moon, and Kiley hated the moons. At least last time, Mason had spent the day with her, they’d gone for a run, and he’d reminded her that she was not the monster she’d become tonight. He gave her strength to face this, and she needed that. Then there was Savvy, going through hell because she tried to help find Mason within the school, something Kiley felt overwhelming guilt about, too. Reading the news this morning hadn’t helped, either, because the last thing she wanted to think about was the possibility of registering as a were, much less as a bitten one. All she thought of was the first X-Men movie and how well such legislation had gone over.
But she wasn’t Storm, or Jean Grey, or all those other characters she admired. She was just Kiley. And she was a mess.
Corwin still hadn’t budged from his spot, arms crossed in front of his chest. “Did you hear me?”
“Yeah.” Kiley rubbed at her eyes. “We can wait another few minutes.”
“No, we go now.”
“But what if-”
“No, Ki. This isn’t up for debate.” Though Corwin wasn’t her alpha, technically - Mason held that position - there was still enough authority in Corwin’s voice that made her look up and take note. He’d have his own pack someday, but he’d always be pack to her. “If something happens overnight, then great. Awesome. We’ll be back in the morning. Where would he want you to be tonight?”
She drew a breath and slowly let it go. “He’d want me to be safe.” Hands down, she knew that to be truth. She’d never be able to live with herself if she hurt someone else the way she’d been, even if she didn’t have control over her actions. Tonight she’d be in her cage, locked away from everything. It was the only way. But she’d never be okay with it. She’d never be over it.
Corwin knew that, too. He had since they’d been turned. He’d been there for her when no one else was, and he was still sticking by her now. Kiley loved him for that, even as she watched him pack up her laptop, then grab her bag and throw it over his shoulder. Somehow, even the nerd patches covering said bag didn’t look out of place on him. “Then you know we have to go. Besides,” he glanced over his shoulder, looking at the rest of the Normandin base camp around them, “I think some time at home will do you some good.” He held out a hand to her. “Come on. I’ll drive.”
The walk back to Corwin’s car was a quiet one. Kiley was well aware that they were getting looks as they were leaving, but thankfully, no one said a god damn word to her about why she was going now. They knew she was bitten. They knew she couldn’t be here. And she thought of Mason, and what he’d do in a moment like this. He’d hold his head up. He wouldn’t be ashamed. And so Kiley didn’t hang her head as she walked, just looked straight ahead, focusing on her brother. Corwin was strong enough for both of them right now.
The Rickses had a routine, when it came to the moons. It was understood that Kiley went into the cage first and Corwin was the one who let her out. She’d perhaps thought about asking Mason if he wanted the responsibility, but seeing as he had his own pack to think about, and always would, she’d never had the courage to take that next step. Now, as she prepared for another moon with only her brother to rely on, the thought was still in the forefront of her mind. It didn’t take long to gather the things she’d need for the morning - a blanket and a change of clothes - and soon Kiley found herself staring at the cage, staring off into space.
“Hey.” Corwin laid a hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”
She just shook her head and stepped away from him so she could pull her sweatshirt over her head. Next went her tee, then her jeans, all clothes she wanted to someday wear again. Then, quite softly, so only Corwin and his enhanced hearing could listen, she said, “I’m going in the cage.”
Corwin blinked. It wasn’t like Kiley to want to face this any sooner than she had to, and there had been times in the past where he had to drag her into the cage. She just wanted it to be over with, and the sooner the better. Sunset was coming for her anyway. The moon was coming for her. And it was about time she faced that.
It took her brother a moment, but finally he nodded. “Okay.” He guided her in the cage, locked it up, and tested to make sure the door wasn’t budging. “Are you sure about this?”
Closing her eyes, Kiley slid down in against the back wall of the cage. “Yeah.”
“I’m gonna go for a run before I go into lockdown.”
She nodded, still not opening her eyes. “‘Kay.”
“It’s gonna be all right, Ki.”
“I know.”
Corwin’s footsteps lingered on the stairs, leaving Kiley alone in her cage in the basement. She could hear him walking through the house for a few minutes, and then, nothing. Just her and the cage and the monster inside her. It didn’t matter how close it was to moonrise, she could feel it rising within her skin now, and she couldn’t fight it much longer.
She drew a breath and let it out, her palms flat against the floor of the cage. When she opened her eyes, she imagined a grey and brown wolf hunkered down by the door, waiting for her. Then he’d shift, and big human hands would let her out, tell her it was okay.
But the wolf wouldn’t be there.
There was only her. Only the monster.
And in that moment, Kiley let the change take her, fur and teeth and claws erupting from her body, and she didn’t think anymore.