InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "..What are you doing, Dave?"

Jessica Vaisey (littlevaisey) wrote in landing_rpg,
@ 2009-05-25 13:23:00

WHO. Evan Pucey and Jessica Vaisey
WHAT. They needed to talk.
WHERE. Slytherin Boys' Dormitories
WHEN. After class.
RATING. TBA
STATUS. Incomplete / Closed

The recent days had never felt quite so long and cold. But that day, Jessica was hoping that she could somehow relieve herself with what burden she's been carrying with the chance to talk things over with Evan. She missed him quite a lot, and though her time had been spent with Hugo, a boy who had been nothing but amazing to her, she still couldn't feel ultimately happy. Not with what had happened with her and Evan, she couldn't. Her smiles, though given with sincerity, can't seem to reach her eyes, and she was sometimes afraid Hugo would take notice of the. If he has, he has not said a word to her. She was grateful for it.

With a fist clenching in her chest, Jessic a climbed the boys' dormitories to Evan's room. Upon reaching his door, she hesitated before lifting her hand to knock lightly on the hard wooden surface and twisting the door knob. "Evan?" she called out in her small voice. "Are... you there?"

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evanpucey
2009-05-25 12:48 am UTC (link)

Evan didn't know what he was doing. He didn't know what he was supposed to say, though apparently according to Tony he was supposed to apologize for being such a jerk since Jessica had already done her fair share and then some of apologizing. He was supposed to make things okay again and somehow let things go back to normal despite knowing that he had nearly shagged her and that she obviously fancied him.

Right. He could do that. Right.

Evan had been pacing the room trying to come up with the perfect, magical solution when he heard the gently knock. His head immediately whipped up, and he took in a breath, before answering in a calm voice. "Yes, come in, Jess," he called to her.

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littlevaisey
2009-05-25 01:42 pm UTC (link)

He asked her to come inside, so she did. Jessica closed the door behind her with a faint click, took a few steps and stood awkwardly in the center of the dorm with the lack of anything else to do, her hands tightly clasped behind her. Evan stood a little away from her, looking as immaculate as he had always been except for the exhaustion that was so painfully clear in his eyes. She kept her own gaze casted to the floor.

Before, it was so easy for her to cross the floor's length to his bed and take her spot on one side. Now, she could barely look at him.

In the faintest, almost inaudible voice, she asked: "How have you been?"

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	evanpucey 2009-05-25 09:40 pm UTC (link)
	"Uh. Okay," he answered, made uneasy by the quietness of her voice. Tony was right. He had hurt her. She looked awful, not physically, but emotionally, and he hesitantly made his way over to her since she seemed too timid to enter the room any further than she had. "Er- So..." He trailed off, before finally giving in with a sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm an arse, Jess." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

littlevaisey
2009-05-26 12:26 am UTC (link)

It was tempting to move away when he had taken steps towards her. Something in her still feared of going too near him, after remembering what had happened in her room, when he said he couldn't even look at her. The mere memory of it made her chest tighten more.

But she stopped when he... apologized. Doe eyes looked up to search Evan's expression. "What do you have to be sorry for?" she said, sighing. "I was the stupid one who..." Liked you. "...deceived you. That was wrong of me to do that to a friend, and I would do anything for us to be in good terms again." I've missed you a lot was at the tip of her tongue, though what with how sensitive things are becoming, she didn't think it was a good idea to tell him that.

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	evanpucey 2009-05-26 12:38 pm UTC (link)
	He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his. "I was a jerk to you." Evan was clearly uncomfortable. He didn't do apologies. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he had apologized to anyone, save maybe his father and that wa smore out of fear than anything else. "I... freaked out and said some things I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

littlevaisey
2009-05-26 01:06 pm UTC (link)

Jessica's eyes did not miss the way Evan had scractched the back of his neck, a sign that he was nervous about apologizing. In all the years she had known him, she's known quite a lot about who he was. Even was the sort of person who does things with a purpose, and one who never apologized for anything. This certainly caught her off guard, and it showed in the way her eyes widened as she looked at him.

"I'm so sorry." Jessica said, shaking her head, a curtain of dark hair falling down from her shoudlers as she bowed her head. "You had every right to say those things you've said. They hurt, but I've done something far worse. I deceived you. You don't deserve any of that... not when you're already carrying so much on your shoulders. I ... just ... wanted to kno-" she stopped,ot sure if she should go on with that train of thought. Questions swam in her mind, most of them about where they were going to go from there.

"Do you forgive me?" she asked.

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	evanpucey 2009-05-26 08:15 pm UTC (link)
	"Yes, I forgive you." He didn't want to tell her that she hadn't done anything that awful, that he lied all the time, though maybe he tended to be more truthful with her, but he kept his mouth shut. He wasn't ready to go down that road at the moment. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

littlevaisey
2009-05-28 12:39 pm UTC (link)

Jessica couldn't quite put into words what those four simple words did to her. Relief crashed over her like a tidal wave, happiness made her insides knot but not in the ways they did before. These were pleasant knots. But still, there were things she needed to know, wanted so desperately to know from him...

"Thank you." she said, bowing her head to him once. "Where do we... go from here though?" It was a question that only he could answer.

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evanpucey
2009-05-29 10:41 am UTC (link)

Evan sighed at her question, one he had been hoping to escape having to answer. There was no way of doing that now, he supposed unless he faked having to disappear to somewhere, which wasn't the best excuse considering he had asked her to meet him here at this specific time so they could have time to talk.

"Jessica..." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "You have to understand that I'm... not a datable person. I don't date people because I'm not... well, I'm not loyal enough for that kind of thing, and I know I'd only end up hurting people. You're a good friend, Jess, and it's okay that you have this... thing." He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "But I just... don't see how that would work."

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littlevaisey
2009-05-30 09:33 pm UTC (link)

Jessica watched him intently, waiting in anticipation for the answer he seemed unwilling to give. She did not mean to make things harder for him, but she knew going into this and agreeing to meet him that she would rather ask what she wanted to know, and give it her all no matter what the outcome would be so when she left, she would have no regrets. That was her goal.

This thing. She didn't quite know why hearing him refer to her feelings for him as such. Perhaps it was his tone, one that told that he would rather acknowledge it existed at all. It hurt her far more that she would ever lead on. "I suppose this means you would rather... just be my friend then?" she asked. "Even though you know how I feel... about you... You'd just be happy pretending something's not there... when you know that it can't just go away when you want it to?"

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evanpucey
2009-06-01 09:46 am UTC (link)

Evan had assumed that after he had insulted her like he had done that afternoon, Jessica would be perfectly willing to give up her infatuations. Girls who were attracted to Evan weren't attracted to them because they liked who he was. They liked his name or his reputation or his appearance. Jessica knew an awful lot more than all that bull, and she had seen the worst of him. Why on Earth would she consider dating him for half a second?

"We don't have to pretend it's not there," he said slowly. "But you're one of my best friends, Jess. I don't think you having a crush is worth losing you. Besides you'll... find someone else soon. That Hugo Weasley guy seems nice." It took a great deal of effort not to grimace at htat. Evan didn't like sending anyone into the arms of a Weasley. He was having enough trouble dealing with Ben's ridiculous infatuation with the nerdy one as it was.

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littlevaisey
2009-06-01 10:35 am UTC (link)

Jessica's hands closed into fists behind her as she listened to Evan speak. Even though she has spent perhaps the entire day readying herself for the worst things that he could say, it was nothing compared to truly hearing him speak to her. Did she truly think that a happy ending was meant for her after what she's done? Evan could never see her anything more than a friend, even though she believed now that her feelings for him have been developing for longer than she was aware fo it. Maybe she just had to accept that... "I don't think I can bear the thought of not being your friend. SO I don't think you have to worry about me going anywhere..." she told him truthfully.

"Find someone else soon..." Her eyebrows drew together at the mention of Hugo. She looked at Evan through narrowed eyes, searching his expression for what he could be thinking. "What... are you trying to say?" she asked. Was he implying that he wanted her to be with Hugo?

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evanpucey
2009-06-02 12:21 am UTC (link)

Evan hesitated at her body language. He hadn't thought saying that would upset her. After all, she had been spending an awful lot of time with the Weasley kid since their spat, and he would've thought she would be glad to hear that he had no intentions of keeping her to himself when he was not willing to date her. So why did she look upset?

"Well, you know, he's..." Truthfully, Evan knew next to nothing about Hugo Weasley aside from the fact that he was a Weasley, not a pureblood, and was a prefect. Basically, his polar opposite, which was probably in Jessica's best interest. "Nice?" Suggesting a Weasley was not a pleasant experience. Honestly, uttering the Weasel name in a positive light was like punching himself in the face. "You might... give him a chance or something, you know?"

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littlevaisey
2009-06-02 02:58 am UTC (link)

Jessica was not upset exactly. She felt defeated more than anything, and not too soon after self-pitying consumed her thoughts. She appeared far better than she was feeling however, her expression seemingly calm despite the sadness she felt in her heart.

It was confirmed seconds later that Evan truly was suggesting that she try things out with Hugo. It was quite painful to hear, especially since he knew how she felt about him. He was rejecting her and pushing her to someone else. Sha wanted to tell him that she and Hugo have become good friends, and he's helped her through some difficult times. He was a friend but instead she found herself asking: "Is that what you want me to do, Evan?"

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	evanpucey 2009-06-02 06:47 pm UTC (link)
	Evan sighed. "I don't know what I want you to do, Jessica. I want you to be happy, and if you think that this Weasley kid will do it, then yeah. But I think it's pretty obvious I'm not... the best when it comes to those kinds of decisions." He laughed nervously, not quite meeting her eyes. He hesitated a moment. "I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was, Jess." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

littlevaisey
2009-06-03 12:55 pm UTC (link)

The line of Jessica's shoulders thawed when Evan was finished speaking. Her heart sank in her chest, tears threatening to rise on her eyes again, even though that was the last thing she would want to happen in front of him. Before, if there was one person she could freely be herself in front of, it was the boy standing before her. But at this very moment, she could barely hold herself together and already, she was hating herself for appearing so weak.

"Don't apologize, Evan. You didn't change..." It wasn't as if it was a fault of his that he couldn't see her as something more than a friend. "I did." She wanted to tell him that she believed she was going to be happy with him, because she always has been. But she guessed she would hear a response like 'but things are different...' and though she already knew that, she knew she might not be able to handle hearing it out loud. It was all her fault after all. "I guess everything's good then?"

Suddenly, she felt a pressing urge to leave. "I... have to go, so I'll see you?" after a sall wave, Jess turned and was about to head for the door when a thought made her stop. "Can you tell me something though?" She turned so she could look at him. "Does the fact that I'm middle class have anything to do with anything?" She could feel a tightening in her throat, and stinging in her eyes but she tried to keep calm. She was afraid he'd receive this the wrong way, so she continued, more gently: "You can tell me. I'm not going to hold it against you. I just... want to know."

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evanpucey
2009-06-03 01:19 pm UTC (link)

Evan froze at her words, shoulders tensing visibly from the relaxed state they had finally fallen into. He knew exactly where she had heard those words, and the betrayal burned deep in his gut as his hands clenched into fists. "No," he replied, willing his hands to unclench and his muscles to relax. It might have been a white lie. It had a small bit to do with why they weren't dating, but it was not the main reason by any means. "I told you it has nothing to do with you, Jessica, and I can't imagine why anyone would have told you differently." He grabbed his book bag to toss over his shoulder, then thought better of it and through it back on his bed. "I've got to go."

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littlevaisey
2009-06-03 01:56 pm UTC (link)

The moment she saw the change in Evan's demeanor, something in her knew that she should have just kept her mouth shut. Jessica swallowed, her insides knotting painfully as she saw the other's clenched fists, then his attempt to calm himself. Oh, how she wished she could have just walked away.

Without another word, she just turned her back to him and left her heart heavy and broken. She only hoped she hadn't done something that would lead to another horrible thing...

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