Tweak

InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Burn the witch!"

Juniper Golding (juniper_golding) wrote in labyrinth_rpg,
@ 2009-04-13 11:05:00

Entry tags:

complete, day six, edward cullen, juniper golding

WHO: Juniper and Edward
WHEN: Day 6, around lunchtime
WHAT: Juniper getting her mental ass kicked by Jareth's rules/getting in a huge fight with Edward
WHERE: Juniper's room
RATING: R-ish
STATUS: Complete

Something had gone very, terribly wrong. Though Juniper had been rightfully confident in her ability, apparently, her ability wasn't one that was allowed any longer. Jareth must have done something, put up a mental teleportation block as well as a physical one. That was the only thing that could have left Juniper as she was now. Weak, ravaged, and mentally closed off, completely unconscious.

But something was changing. Though she didn't move, and didn't speak - audibly or otherwise - Juniper began to run a fever. Her skin flushed red and beads of sweat formed on her face, her body fighting so hard to keep her brain from boiling that her hair, clothes and bed became sopping wet in barely a minute.

Something had changed, but it was clearly not good.

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edwcull
2009-04-15 12:21 am UTC (link)

My mother taught me better than to paw through a lady's underthings, especially when she's standing right there, Edward countered and the whole tone of his 'voice' betrayed the fact that he was rolling his eyes. If you think you can manage to find them on your own without passing out I'd recommend finding some, if not . . . well then we'll be behaving ourselves anyway. No more close calls tonight.

"It's not just the scent of your blood that's the problem, Juniper," Edward informed her when he came back with her water. He handed it to her before taking a seat on the bed. "It's my self control. What happened to the tub was very nearly your hip. The one side of my brain is trying to convince me it's okay to touch you but the fear is stronger which is why we've been lucky so far. You have a way of making my brain take a walk and leaving nothing but my instincts left to govern my actions. Instincts that aren't always good or particularly gentle which is a risk we can't afford."

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juniper_golding
2009-04-15 12:28 am UTC (link)

"You're no fun," Juniper grumbled, sitting up as Edward came back into the room, taking the water from him and having a sip before setting it aside.

Frowning, she bit at the inside of her lip as she listened to him and wondered where the line was between man and vampire. Sometimes, she didn't know. "I don't want you to be afraid to touch me," she said quietly, picking at the eyelets on the skirt of her dress, outlining them with the tip of her finger.

"I love you, Edward. And I want you to be able to be...I don't know...normal around me, I suppose, though that's not quite the right word." She reached out and took his hand in hers, running her fingers over his palm. "I wish you weren't afraid of me."

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edwcull
2009-04-15 12:41 am UTC (link)

Edward smiled gently and took her hand in his and brought it up to his mouth. He place a soft kiss there and then brought it further up to press against his cheek before lowering it but not letting go. "It's not you that I'm afraid of, Juniper. It's myself. And as much as I love you, and as much as I do want you, you have to understand that we may never be able to be intimate together how you want. I still think that there are certain things that need to happen before such a thing takes place, and that it's probably much too soon to be as physical as we have been, but I am willing to try in . . . shall we say anticipation of such a day occurring, to at least be able to work up a modicum of that control. But Juniper, try as I may I just may not have the strength or control that it takes. I'm not Carlisle. He can work with humans and hardly notices the blood, but for me it's much harder to resist. Carlisle has never tasted human blood save for the brief barely there sample he had from me, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett. But me? I spent ten years feeding off of humans, glutting myself on the blood of those I thought evil, not because I had a desire to kill or do evil, but because I lacked the control to do otherwise. It was only my self-hatred that brought me back to Carlisle."

He was silent a moment, the smile faded from his lips. He glanced down and then gently set her hand on the bed. "I'm afraid that if I'm never able to touch you that you'll, not 'lose interest' in me, but that you may become so frustrated that you need to move on. I understand that physical love is an important part of most relationships but I may not ever be able to give you that, and I don't want to deny you something so basically human."

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juniper_golding
2009-04-15 12:51 am UTC (link)

Juniper couldn't bear to look at him as he spoke. Her eyes closed and quiet tears ran down her cheeks, only picking up speed when he let go of her hand. She wished that her fever hadn't broken, that her brain had turned into mush, just so she'd never have to hear him say these things.

It wasn't sex she was after, not really. It was the need she had, for the first time in her life, to give herself over completely to another person. If she never made love again, but got to stay with Edward, she'd be happy. She just hated the fact that he had to steel himself against even being near her. That was what she wanted to change.

She couldn't even speak. Her thoughts were a mess of self-loathing and extreme pain at the fact that he was leaving her, and Juniper covered her face in her hands, leaning forward with her forehead pressed against the mattress, her shoulders shaking as she cried. She just wanted to die.

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edwcull
2009-04-15 01:01 am UTC (link)

Edward pulled her forward into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly against her. "Juniper, I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to. I'm perfectly happy to spend the rest of your life with you and never have more than just this: my arms around your waist, my lips against your skin. This is enough for me. I never thought that I would even have this much in my life and I'm happier than I can ever remember being and I remember everything from the moment I woke up after being turned. The reason that I'm telling you these things is that I want to be honest with you. You deserve to have the ability to choose, fully informed, whether or not this is a life you can live."

He pressed his face against her neck and breathed her in and then cupped her face and lifted it up to meet his gaze. He brushed the tears away from her face and kissed the wet trails they left on her cheeks. "You've already given me more than I ever dared asked for and completed a piece of me I didn't even know was missing. All I want is this: you, here in my arms and happy. I already belong to you so completely and I don't think you realize it. You don't realize how much you've changed me in just a day. And I will do everything it takes to make you realize how much a part of me that you already are. But at the same time you need to understand that while I can give you intimacy I may not ever be able to bring you any kind of release. That's all. If you can live with that I'm yours forever, but I don't want you going into this misguided into thinking that I'm stronger than I am and something that I'm not. I love you. I always will."

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juniper_golding
2009-04-15 01:16 am UTC (link)

Juniper hung limp in his arms as he cradled her. She didn't want him to hold her only to take it away. He just didn't understand. The fact that being so close to him was even an option was big for Juniper. And she didn't know how to tell him what her experience with relationships had been prior to him. She didn't even want to think about it. It was too humiliating. But even so, little flashes of memories ran through her head, generally featuring Juniper faking enjoyment while rolling her eyes or staring off deadly.

As Edward kissed away her tears, Juniper closed her eyes and then lay her head on his shoulder, letting out a ragged sigh. "I'm happy here," she whispered, shifting a bit, burrowing herself against his chest as best as she could. "It was just...I almost died and we were naked and..." Juniper shrugged and sniffled, rubbing her hand under her nose. "I was stupid, and I wasn't thinking. I'm just so afraid that you'll decide that I'm too much trouble to deal with and you'll leave me," she admitted. "I want you. Forever. Whatever that means. Whatever I have to do," she told him, meeting his eyes for the first time. "Please don't give up on me. Please."

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edwcull
2009-04-15 01:24 am UTC (link)

It broke his heart a little to see her plead with him that way. His heart constricted and he pulled her closer into his arms. "Juniper, darling you don't have to beg. I'm already yours. If I thought even for a moment that I could handle it without hurting you I would offer myself to you right now if it would take even a fraction of the pain away." Because while he didn't share Jasper's gift for emotions, they often came along with the thoughts behind them and right now it was hard to feel anything but her hopeless desperation and a world full of pain.

Despite it all he did have to smile, though it was a bitter expression. "We're saying the same thing you and I. I'm terrified you'll leave me because I can't touch you and you're afraid I'll leave because you need so badly to be touched. We're both afraid we're too much trouble for the other and desperate for them to ignore it all and stay." He kissed her again, trying to make it comforting, reassuring. "Juniper I'll never leave you, not unless you tell me to. Not even if I do have to tie you down to pry you off. Please don't be so sad."

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juniper_golding
2009-04-15 01:37 am UTC (link)

"It's not the sex!" she almost hollered, and then coloured up, putting her hand over her mouth and looking mildly mortified. "Sorry. It's just...I'm so conflicted, time-wise. Cultural expectations-wise," she tried to explain, and wasn't sure if she was getting it out properly. "My ex, Kingsley, he was very...modern. And pretty much the biggest twat you've ever met. He expected things that I wasn't ready for. That, even if I was ready, I didn't want to share with him." She sighed and shook her head. "There were things I'd wanted for my life, the same things you want, and they got taken away from me."

She wiped her face down again and then cupped Edward's face in her good hand, kissing him softly. "I've been there and done all of that, as they say. And just looking at you...It's a hundred times better than anything else that came before it. I'm just trying to reconcile the world now with the world that I was always more comfortable in." She wasn't making much sense and she knew it, so Juniper tried again.

"I wish I'd never met him. Because then, I'd still want you, so much, but I wouldn't have anything to compare what we do have together. I wouldn't compare things and I wouldn't know that everything else, everything that we can't do right now, would be so much better." She groaned and banged her forehead against his chest, which was relatively like slamming herself into a wall, so it worked. "I'm sorry I'm so broken."

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edwcull
2009-04-15 01:56 am UTC (link)

Edward looked at her sympathetically, but uncertain of what exactly to say or do to make this right. He understood that it wasn't exactly the physical side of sex that she was after, but he wasn't sure what it was she did want. Yes, he knew that she wanted the intimacy, the feeling of closeness that sex often brought (or so he had heard), but he felt like he already felt that way. How could he share with her a feeling he wasn't sure could be translated into words? For the second time tonight he found himself thinking of Jasper. He had always thought of his brother's gift as a bit of a burden, but he'd trade anything for it now if it made Juniper feel better.

"I guess I'm not . . . certain . . . what exactly it is you do want from me, Juniper. I understand it's not sex that your after, though I do believe you deserve some kind of warning, and that it's the emotional intimacy you want but . . . I guess I feel as though I'm already feeling that with you and if you don't . . . I'm not sure how to give that to you." He didn't bother blocking his thoughts, he was far too wrapped up in them. He wondered if perhaps Esme had been right. Maybe he had been brought over too young. Maybe the emotion he was experiencing was very immature and he just wasn't capable of feeling or understanding what it was that Juniper needed because he hadn't been old enough or mature enough when he just . . . stopped.

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juniper_golding
2009-04-15 02:08 am UTC (link)

If Juniper hadn't been afraid of fainting again, she would have gotten up and pitched a fit. Neither one of them were making any sense, and they were both just getting confused and hurt and frustrated. It was all so stupid, and she knew it, but she was sort of at a loss as how to make it better. Screwing up her face, Juniper scratched at her forehead and tried to figure out how to explain this to him properly so that he'd get it. For as well as he could adapt, they really were from different times, and that was part of the problem.

"Okay," she finally said, letting out a breath of air, puffing up her cheeks. "Up until now, certain things have been expected of me," she said slowly, holding up her hand, making sure he didn't try and interrupt her. "I know you don't expect anything, so save it. But it's my default to avoid drama. What I need from you is - when I get stupid - remind me that I don't have to be. Slow me down. Don't bugger off, if you can help it, because that just ends up leading us to this," she said, waving her hand around at the general crazy that filled the room.

"Don't let me go into autopilot. Okay?" she asked, looking at him hopefully and then palming her face. "Ugh. Forget it. Just come here," she laughed, grabbing his shirtfront and laying down, dragging him with her as best as she could to lay down next to her. "I think that fever broke my brain."

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edwcull
2009-04-15 02:33 am UTC (link)

"So basically you want me to continue on in the same manner I have been?" He looked at her now, definitely more confused than he had been before. He shook his head and decided that taking her suggestion of forgetting it for now would probably hurt a lot less to think about. "I think it broke mine too in that case. Listen, whatever else happens, just know that I'm not going to give up on you or leave, yes? I may not always understand you, or be able to give you what you want - and I'm not just talking about sex, I mean in general. The fact remains that you are my first and only love and even if I become horribly frustrated and confused by you, I'll never stop loving you."

There, he hoped and prayed that she would understand and that whatever damage this 'Kingsley' had done to her would be repaired simply by his loving her. Of course he doubted things would be that simple, but he could try anyway. Maybe a one on one father/son chat with Carlisle was in order. He could probably stand to get a little advice from the man who'd been married longer than most people lived.

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juniper_golding
2009-04-15 02:43 am UTC (link)

Juniper snorted. "Yeah, I guess," she said with a roll of her eyes, letting out a sigh. "I don't know why you put up with me," she admitted. "But I'm glad that you do."

Once he was settled next to her, Juniper slipped her foot between his and squirreled close, getting her legs all caught up in his and resting her hand on his cheek. For a minute, she just looked at him like she could see the world in his eyes, and then she sighed, her hand slipping down from his face until the tips of her fingers rest in the hollow of his throat, just stroking his skin softly.

"I had a dream yesterday, when I went to take a nap," she admitted quietly. "You know in films when they're showing the passage of time with the sun rising and crossing the sky and then setting a few times? It was like that. We were just laying there, like this, with the shadows changing. Just talking, kissing sometimes, laughing...just being together." She smiled a little and leaned in to kiss him softly. "I could spend my whole life like that Edward."

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edwcull
2009-04-15 02:59 am UTC (link)

Edward smiled and closed the distance between them pressing a kiss to her forehead. He let his nose trace a line down the center of hers and then pressed a soft kiss to her lips. He smiled and pet her cheek. "Because I love you."

He listened to her recount her dream and smiled at her gently. He supposed that was possible if things somehow drastically changed and felt a pang of guilt at how close he'd been to changing them earlier that evening. "So could I, Juniper. I've never wanted anything else that to have someone in my life who could just know me completely. I want that to be you."

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juniper_golding
2009-04-15 03:04 am UTC (link)

Juniper smiled, her eyes closing softly for a moment at his touch, but when she opened them, they were confused. "Speaking of knowing you completely..." she hedged for a moment.

He'd considered changing her, making her like him. And honestly, she didn't know how she felt about that. To live forever, given her history, would be a great coup, but at what cost? But then again, to live forever with Edward...She smiled a little and leaned in to kiss him. "That might be an option...If you're really sure you'd want to put up with me for that long," she added with a little quirk of her lips and a tease in her voice, though she was a little worried that he wouldn't.

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edwcull
2009-04-15 11:01 am UTC (link)

Edward felt ashamed, almost overwhelmingly so, and deeply embarrassed that she had caught his train of thought. What he was . . . it was a curse, not some form of salvation. What he lived wasn't really life but the ghost of an existence.

"No, Juniper. This life is not for you. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and willingly and in a rational state of mind I would never even consider it. If I had done this to you, or asked Carlisle to force it upon you . . . I would have never forgiven myself." He looked up at her from where he was hiding his eyes and there lay a pain so deep it was almost beyond the human realm of understanding. Edward had been fairly devout in life and believing the way he did, every day now was a curse rather than a blessing. One more day forced to live inside a demonic shell.

"I love you, Juniper. How can I take your soul from you?"

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juniper_golding
2009-04-15 11:11 am UTC (link)

Juniper's heart nearly broke at the look in his eyes, tears coming to her own. Cupping his cheek in her hand again, she leaned forward and pressed a gentle but purposeful kiss to his lips, then resting her forehead against his. "You can't," she whispered, letting out a little sigh that almost hinted at defeat.

But then she leaned back to look at him and smiled. "Because it's mine. It's not for anyone to take. Not you, not God, not anyone. With everything I've been through, all the lives I've lead, I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. My soul, my self, it's the only thing I've been able to keep over all these lifetimes."

"I know you don't believe me, but I'm limited on time, Edward. And before...I'd squared with that. Now, I have something I need to live for, and I'm not prepared to wait out fate to bring us together again. I'm not willing to bank on finding out who I was again in time to remember you. I don't want to take that risk."

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edwcull
2009-04-15 11:20 am UTC (link)

Edward was not willing to negotiate this topic, but he was too emotionally drained to fight about it. He'd been through the wringer of his emotions and back in the last hour and he needed some time before working himself up again otherwise he was likely going to end up throwing a temper tantrum of massive proportions.

Deciding the best course of action would be to distract his rather persistent girlfriend, Edward offered her his most dazzling smile and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You know it's still pretty early in the day. Why don't we go out and enjoy the weather?" Of course that's when he realized it was raining so he switched tactics quickly. "It's overcast and raining and I can walk around without being made a spectacle. Why don't we go and spend some time at this renaissance fair I keep hearing about. I've never been to one before and this could be my last chance."

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