InsaneJournal

Juniper hung limp and unresponsive in Edward's arms, not even reacting to the fact that she was naked, the water was freezing, and there was nothing between their bodies. Later, she'd be very unhappy that she'd been unconscious for this bit, but as it was, she had no idea what was going on.

It was working though. Juniper's fever lessened a little bit, moving away from the point of baking her brain, though still uncomfortably high.

And her brain, pulled into self-preservation mode by the fever, was starting to gain some ground. Her body didn't move, and she wasn't yet gaining any sort of consciousness, but in the silence that were her thoughts, one word made its way up to the surface.

Lost...

It took everything Juniper had in her to scramble to cling to the familiar voice, barely making it through. She was only getting a word or two from him, but it was Edward. He was there.

She listened to him with everything she had, trying to follow the sound of his voice, trying to respond, even though she couldn't. Juniper's face though, scrunched up with the effort, just a bit, her limply heavy eyelids creasing slightly.

...find you... she mentally breathed, both relief and worry lacing the tone, and her body stiffened slightly in Edward's arms.

It took another twenty minutes of scattered phrases and thoughts, but finally, it worked.

Juniper woke up with a gasp for air, shooting half up before she fell against Edward's chest, getting a bunch of water up her nose, which made her cough and sputter until she'd gotten her airways clear.

Then she clung to him with every bit of strength in her little body, and started to sob.

Juniper returned his kiss with tears on her lips and hung on to Edward as if she were terrified that someone would rip them apart. And really, someone almost had. She nodded against his neck at his demand, and really, she had no problem never going through that again, it had been horrible enough the first time.

"I'm so sorry..." she breathed, picking her head up to press another quick kiss to his lips. "I didn't know..." But somehow in her overly talkative life, Juniper didn't have the right words for it. All she wanted to do, and all she did, was kept kissing him, so relieved to be back in his arms.

"How high was it?" she asked, curling up around him, refusing to let go even for a moment. Then she realised where they were, and what they weren't wearing, and her eyes bugged. "Cor, my brain must have been poaching..." she breathed, as she had a pretty good idea that the only way Edward would take her clothes off was to save her life. Which wasn't an entirely pleasant thought.

Then again, his own thoughts weren't too bad...She smiled a little and kissed his collar bone, resting her head on his shoulder and letting out a little sigh. She didn't want to think about what had happened, to try and explain it to him, now that she knew what had gone wrong. All she wanted was to stay there, safe and secure, in his arms.

Lifting her head, Juniper looked at him for a long moment and then smiled softly. "I'm back now, and I love you," she reminded him, leaning down to kiss him again. She'd been through hell, but this, right here, was heaven.

"Easy fix," Juniper smiled, really not ready to move yet. She just shifted her leg off of his long enough to flip the lever stopping up the tub, and then slid her foot against the hot water knob until it came out nice and warm. "There," she smiled cheekily, waiting until the water temperature evened out a bit before flipping the lever closed again.

She was laying on her side next to him now, and so she brought her knee up, avoiding anything delicate, and wrapped her leg around Edward's waist, her body pressed flush against his. Truly unable to help herself, Juniper pressed her lips to the hollow behind his ear and ran her hand down his chest softly. "You feel so, unbelievably good," she muttered, tilting her face up a little bit to nip at his earlobe.

Taking up his hand in hers, Juniper kissed each fingertip and then brought his hand to lay it against her heart. "You found me..." she whispered, and then tilted her head up to kiss him, gently, but with an extreme amount of passion.

Juniper shifted easily against him, straddling him now as they kissed. His fingers biting into the flesh at her hips didn't hurt so much as made everything else feel even more amazing, and she let out a little groan against his mouth, kissing him harder.

Despite the fact that she wanted to just keep going, Juniper knew that Edward needed a moment, and so relented in kissing him when he pulled away, giving him that. Or at least, she stopped kissing his lips. His jaw and neck, however, got a thorough treatment, her soft mouth and dull little teeth moving across his skin, tasting him as if he were ambrosia.

Then she brought her face back to his and brushed the tip of her nose against Edward's own. Touch me, she begged, both with her thoughts and her eyes, catching his own. I want...I need to feel you, Edward...

She let out a little giggle that got lost against his mouth as he argued with her. Wrapping her arms around him, Juniper pressed her body flush with his, loving the feeling of molding around him the way that his build demanded.

His mouth against her throat had her letting out a little moan, and Juniper leaned back a bit, hanging on to him, leading his lips away from her collarbone to the top swell of her breasts, her fingers digging into his hair.

Somewhere in the back of her head there was the warning to not reciprocate, but like Juniper had argued, that was about as likely as lassoing the moon. Dropping one hand from Edward's hair, she reached behind herself, gripping his thigh, kneading her fingers up his leg slowly.

After she recovered from the shock of being very much alone, and the tub being relatively...well, extremely broken, Juniper broke out into a rather embarrassing fit of the giggles. That, right there, was the ultimate sexual validation, and while she knew that Edward was really trying to be a good boy, she couldn't help but enjoy the points her ego gained. After all, she'd made her boyfriend break the tub. That was fairly amazing.

She kept her thoughts to herself though, because she knew that teasing Edward about it right then would only make him mad, Juniper got up slowly, avoiding the broken porcelain, as he really didn't need the scent of an open wound added to the mix. Juniper wondered if her tub would get fixed, or if she'd have to move rooms, or just suffer with it. Though, given that her shower was relatively useless at this point, she could always borrow Edward's...Which of course brought about a whole slew of thoughts that she Iron Curtained quickly.

Wrapping a towel around her body, Juniper hung on to the wall with her good hand and slowly made her way out of the bathroom, her head swimming, given that she still definitely wasn't a hundred percent. Actually, now that she was upright and mobile, Juniper realised that she wasn't even at fifty percent.

"Edward...I think I'm going to..." And she did. She passed out.

She was coming around by the time Edward had her in bed, and Juniper didn't open her eyes right away, just took in a little breath and smiled. "You're not dead," she argued in a weak voice. "You're just cardiacally challenged." Yes, it's a word, shut it.

Then she opened her eyes and yanked her hand out from under the covers to cup his cheek. "Hi," she said with a little giggle, sighing and closing her eyes for a second. Crazy day, and from the bedside clock, it was barely half over.

"Can I have some water?" she asked meekly. Preferably not off the bathroom floor... Okay, so she couldn't help but tease him a little.

"It is in my dictionary," Juniper shot back, sticking her tongue out at him, rolling to her side.

Juniper laughed. "I told you tying me up might be a better idea than not," she pointed out with a little smirk. She knew he wasn't really upset with her, and so didn't worry much about the threat. She had a great deal more faith in him than he did in himself, after all.

Catching the clothes he threw at her, Juniper chuckled. You conveniently forgot knickers... she internally muttered, grinning, and then sat up slowly before pulling the white sundress he'd found over her head and shifting it down her body. Then, to be nice to him, she crawled to the other end of her bed and dug around in her dresser, finding the necessary undergarments and pulling them on quickly before he got back.

"You know what I think the problem might have been?" she called, laying back down and pulling her wet hair away from the pillow. "The hot water. It made me warm, which made my blood warm, and if it's anything like cooking or whatnot, it always smells stronger when it's hot..."

"You're no fun," Juniper grumbled, sitting up as Edward came back into the room, taking the water from him and having a sip before setting it aside.

Frowning, she bit at the inside of her lip as she listened to him and wondered where the line was between man and vampire. Sometimes, she didn't know. "I don't want you to be afraid to touch me," she said quietly, picking at the eyelets on the skirt of her dress, outlining them with the tip of her finger.

"I love you, Edward. And I want you to be able to be...I don't know...normal around me, I suppose, though that's not quite the right word." She reached out and took his hand in hers, running her fingers over his palm. "I wish you weren't afraid of me."

Juniper couldn't bear to look at him as he spoke. Her eyes closed and quiet tears ran down her cheeks, only picking up speed when he let go of her hand. She wished that her fever hadn't broken, that her brain had turned into mush, just so she'd never have to hear him say these things.

It wasn't sex she was after, not really. It was the need she had, for the first time in her life, to give herself over completely to another person. If she never made love again, but got to stay with Edward, she'd be happy. She just hated the fact that he had to steel himself against even being near her. That was what she wanted to change.

She couldn't even speak. Her thoughts were a mess of self-loathing and extreme pain at the fact that he was leaving her, and Juniper covered her face in her hands, leaning forward with her forehead pressed against the mattress, her shoulders shaking as she cried. She just wanted to die.

Juniper hung limp in his arms as he cradled her. She didn't want him to hold her only to take it away. He just didn't understand. The fact that being so close to him was even an option was big for Juniper. And she didn't know how to tell him what her experience with relationships had been prior to him. She didn't even want to think about it. It was too humiliating. But even so, little flashes of memories ran through her head, generally featuring Juniper faking enjoyment while rolling her eyes or staring off deadly.

As Edward kissed away her tears, Juniper closed her eyes and then lay her head on his shoulder, letting out a ragged sigh. "I'm happy here," she whispered, shifting a bit, burrowing herself against his chest as best as she could. "It was just...I almost died and we were naked and..." Juniper shrugged and sniffled, rubbing her hand under her nose. "I was stupid, and I wasn't thinking. I'm just so afraid that you'll decide that I'm too much trouble to deal with and you'll leave me," she admitted. "I want you. Forever. Whatever that means. Whatever I have to do," she told him, meeting his eyes for the first time. "Please don't give up on me. Please."

"It's not the sex!" she almost hollered, and then coloured up, putting her hand over her mouth and looking mildly mortified. "Sorry. It's just...I'm so conflicted, time-wise. Cultural expectations-wise," she tried to explain, and wasn't sure if she was getting it out properly. "My ex, Kingsley, he was very...modern. And pretty much the biggest twat you've ever met. He expected things that I wasn't ready for. That, even if I was ready, I didn't want to share with him." She sighed and shook her head. "There were things I'd wanted for my life, the same things you want, and they got taken away from me."

She wiped her face down again and then cupped Edward's face in her good hand, kissing him softly. "I've been there and done all of that, as they say. And just looking at you...It's a hundred times better than anything else that came before it. I'm just trying to reconcile the world now with the world that I was always more comfortable in." She wasn't making much sense and she knew it, so Juniper tried again.

"I wish I'd never met him. Because then, I'd still want you, so much, but I wouldn't have anything to compare what we do have together. I wouldn't compare things and I wouldn't know that everything else, everything that we can't do right now, would be so much better." She groaned and banged her forehead against his chest, which was relatively like slamming herself into a wall, so it worked. "I'm sorry I'm so broken."

If Juniper hadn't been afraid of fainting again, she would have gotten up and pitched a fit. Neither one of them were making any sense, and they were both just getting confused and hurt and frustrated. It was all so stupid, and she knew it, but she was sort of at a loss as how to make it better. Screwing up her face, Juniper scratched at her forehead and tried to figure out how to explain this to him properly so that he'd get it. For as well as he could adapt, they really were from different times, and that was part of the problem.

"Okay," she finally said, letting out a breath of air, puffing up her cheeks. "Up until now, certain things have been expected of me," she said slowly, holding up her hand, making sure he didn't try and interrupt her. "I know you don't expect anything, so save it. But it's my default to avoid drama. What I need from you is - when I get stupid - remind me that I don't have to be. Slow me down. Don't bugger off, if you can help it, because that just ends up leading us to this," she said, waving her hand around at the general crazy that filled the room.

"Don't let me go into autopilot. Okay?" she asked, looking at him hopefully and then palming her face. "Ugh. Forget it. Just come here," she laughed, grabbing his shirtfront and laying down, dragging him with her as best as she could to lay down next to her. "I think that fever broke my brain."

Juniper snorted. "Yeah, I guess," she said with a roll of her eyes, letting out a sigh. "I don't know why you put up with me," she admitted. "But I'm glad that you do."

Once he was settled next to her, Juniper slipped her foot between his and squirreled close, getting her legs all caught up in his and resting her hand on his cheek. For a minute, she just looked at him like she could see the world in his eyes, and then she sighed, her hand slipping down from his face until the tips of her fingers rest in the hollow of his throat, just stroking his skin softly.

"I had a dream yesterday, when I went to take a nap," she admitted quietly. "You know in films when they're showing the passage of time with the sun rising and crossing the sky and then setting a few times? It was like that. We were just laying there, like this, with the shadows changing. Just talking, kissing sometimes, laughing...just being together." She smiled a little and leaned in to kiss him softly. "I could spend my whole life like that Edward."

Juniper smiled, her eyes closing softly for a moment at his touch, but when she opened them, they were confused. "Speaking of knowing you completely..." she hedged for a moment.

He'd considered changing her, making her like him. And honestly, she didn't know how she felt about that. To live forever, given her history, would be a great coup, but at what cost? But then again, to live forever with Edward...She smiled a little and leaned in to kiss him. "That might be an option...If you're really sure you'd want to put up with me for that long," she added with a little quirk of her lips and a tease in her voice, though she was a little worried that he wouldn't.

Juniper's heart nearly broke at the look in his eyes, tears coming to her own. Cupping his cheek in her hand again, she leaned forward and pressed a gentle but purposeful kiss to his lips, then resting her forehead against his. "You can't," she whispered, letting out a little sigh that almost hinted at defeat.

But then she leaned back to look at him and smiled. "Because it's mine. It's not for anyone to take. Not you, not God, not anyone. With everything I've been through, all the lives I've lead, I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. My soul, my self, it's the only thing I've been able to keep over all these lifetimes."

"I know you don't believe me, but I'm limited on time, Edward. And before...I'd squared with that. Now, I have something I need to live for, and I'm not prepared to wait out fate to bring us together again. I'm not willing to bank on finding out who I was again in time to remember you. I don't want to take that risk."

Juniper, of course, knew exactly what he was doing, and rolled her eyes at him. For as distracting as he could be, he put too much faith in that smile of his. Or too little faith in her resolve, one of the two. "I haven't decided anything, Edward," she pointed out. "Just discussing it as an option. I'd rather be fully informed," she told him, but then let the subject drop. After all, he wasn't the only vampire she knew. Not even the only species of vampire. The options there were endless.

But, she'd let him win for the time being. "I should probably eat something," she allowed, not entirely sure how much of a walk she was going to be able to handle before he'd have to end up carrying her back to bed, but she'd give it a shot. Sitting up slowly, Juniper slid off the bed, fought a head-rush, and then dug around in her drawers for a pair of jeans, which she pulled on under her sundress. "Close your eyes," she ordered with a little smirk and a point at Edward, and then took off her dress, putting on a bra and a sweater, and finding socks. Once she was sitting on the bed and doing up her trainers, Juniper tapped his nose with the tip of her finger. "I'm decent."

Juniper didn't notice right away, as she was fighting to tie her laces with one hand, which was way easier said than done. Finally giving up, she just shoved the loose ends inside her trainers and then looked at Edward.

"Open sesame..." she called, tapping him between the eyes. Her eyebrows raised. "Edward? Hello in there..." And then she realised there was no 'in there' for her to get at. He'd closed her out completely, and wasn't responding. "Edward."

Kneeling in front of him, Juniper snapped her fingers in front of his face and then waved her hand back in forth, trying to get him to snap out of it. When none of that worked, she did the only thing she could think of. She kissed him, hard and passionate, right on the mouth, before pulling back to look for any sign of response.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" Juniper complained, rapid fire, not fighting against his grip, since that'd just break her arms, but at least she managed to give him a look that could have killed, had he not already been dead. Once he let go, Juniper fell back on her ass and flexed one set of fingers. It felt like both of her hands had fallen asleep from Edward cutting off blood flow to them.

"Oh, I'm not touching," she shot back, glaring at him from her spot on the floor. He was mad, well so was she, but at least she'd figured out what had set him off.

"You of all people should know that there is a difference between a plan and an errant thought, Edward," she pointed out, getting up and putting her hand on her hip. "Forgive me if I'm a little tired of dying. I'm so sorry that I appreciate the fact that maybe I have options now. I'm allowed to think about them, even if I'd never act on it. So sue me if I rather like the idea of not dying," she spat, and then walked out the door, slamming it behind her. God help him if he didn't follow her, even though right on the surface, she didn't want him to.