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Schuldig ([info]sweetlikehoney) wrote in [info]labyrinth_rpg,
@ 2009-03-29 17:24:00

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Entry tags:armand, complete, day four, schuldig

Who: Armand and Schuldig
When: Day Four, after the ball
What: Someone's got some 'splainin to do...
Where: Their room
Rating: It's Armand, and Schu. At least an R.
Status: Complete!

The ball had been better than Schuldig had expected. The dancing had been surprisingly fun, the panic from the huge monster had been entertaining, and he'd gotten laid, which was always a plus. He'd gotten out from the bathroom and Faith almost immediately went over to the crying kid, so, searching mentally for Armand, he decided it was time to head home. The walk over the huge courtyard where the Labyrinth used to be had been long, but the telepath had hardly noticed, too wrapped up in his own thoughts and the thoughts of others.

When he finally got back to the room, he was still thinking about Faith. She was such a complicated girl, intriguing. How she could go from fucking someone in a bathroom to comforting a small girl almost reminded him of himself. "Hey babe." He grinned at Armand, leaning over to kiss him softly (and probably still tasting and smelling of Faith, to his vampire senses) before taking the jacket he had worn to the ball off, looking somehow completely right and at home in the poet's shirt and vest.

"Have fun?" Schuldig sat on their bed and then turned onto his side to look at Armand, his hands running through his long hair almost unconsciously. He was still so wrapped up in himself, Faith, and now Armand, that he didn't even realize what Armand had done once they had separated, simply that he had left when the monster came. And, in all honesty, he didn't think it was his business to care.


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[info]vagabond_child
2009-03-29 09:10 pm UTC (link)
It hadn't been at all bad, showing Juniper around. She was a special sort of person, really, to be willing to spend time with the vampire that had just attacked her. Most people would have been very sensibly running or... well... dead. Though Armand didn't need to kill when he fed, which was a damn good thing, he usually did. Because, really, why would he care about mortals? But the telepath girl had interested him, and though the conversation had been a bit strange, he hadn't hated her.

He'd sort of assumed that Schuldig would be back to their room before he was. In the confusion of leaving the ball with a hysterical telepath, he hadn't gotten Schuldig's mental message to him. There was not the slightest hint in his mind that anything was unusual. So when he got back and Schuldig wasn't there yet, he was a little confused. But maybe he'd just stayed longer... much longer... he gazed out the window, informing himself that he wasn't scared, he wasn't upset, he was just waiting...

He heard Schuldig before he smelled him, but did both long before he saw him. A smile touched his lips but... something was wrong. He smelled differently, and when he kissed him, he even tasted different. He tracked the human telepath as he wandered around and then sat on the bed. He didn't respond, not mentally. Instead, he slipped into his mind, reading it as easily as he would pick up a book. His eyes widened and he shook his head. "Please tell me that it isn't..." His eyes restlessly studied the figure on the bed, and he knew very well it was true, and worse, Schuldig didn't even seem to care.

"...Bastard..." He murmured the word and then turned to look out the window once more, refusing to look at the redhead.

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-03-29 09:27 pm UTC (link)
Schuldig had barely even realized Armand was upset until he spoke. Then, all lightness left his eyes and he frowned deeply, confused. What had happened to make Armand so...oh. "What's wrong?" But he knew what was wrong, it was impossible not to pick up. The question was more of a 'Why does that upset you?'

He sat up quickly, moving to the edge of the bed and reaching for Armand, but then letting his hand fall. Schu just wasn't used to anyone being like this. They'd slept together, and now he'd slept with someone else, and...he did that a lot. In fact, he was fairly certain Armand had done that too. So other strange reasonings went through his mind. Did vampires think they had some kind of control over those they bit? Did Armand have some kind of problem with Faith?

"If you thought we were together or something..." Because seriously. Who would think that after one night? "Fuck, Armand, just look at me." He hated feeling guilty in general, but being guilt tripped for a reason he didn't even understand was not on. And why the hell was Armand being mad at him affecting him this way? If it was anyone else, he was sure he would have laughed.

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-03-29 09:39 pm UTC (link)
Armand closed his eyes and rested his head against the window. The cold air outside made the glass cold, which normally he would have hated, but actually felt sort of nice right now. It helped him keep his anger in check. Mostly. His mind went back to when he was a mortal, when his beloved Marius had sent him away to 'experience the world', but gotten mad at him for doing so. Was he doing the same thing? Or something similar?

For a long time, he stayed where he was, his eyes gazing out the window by seeing nothing. Time after time, his lovers had left him, and the simple truth of it was that no one had ever needed him as much as he needed them. But Schuldig had waited less time than most... and none of this was helped but the confusion he could feel coming from behind him, and the fact that he knew Schuldig wasn't understanding, and what was worse, that the human was right. There hadn't been any conversation about...

Something inside him snapped. Sadness turned to anger, and he did just what Schuldig had asked him to. He turned around, his eyes fired up with rage, and grabbed the human by the neck. It was a grip that was almost, but not quite, strong enough to stop the flow of air, but Armand was holding himself back. He could have easily killed him. "You didn't even wait as long as they did!" Moving more quickly than any human could, he slammed the redhead against the wall and held him there, glaring up at him, Schuldig's feet dangling a few inches above the ground.

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-03-29 10:29 pm UTC (link)
There was a long period where Armand didn't even acknowledge him, just staring out the window, and Schu hated it. Plain out anger, he could deal with, sadness, he could deal with, but that disappointment...he saw it so often too. Brad used it, Nagi used it, he used it...hell, Farf used it. It was the shunned anger of someone who had depended, and been betrayed, and this was even worse because he couldn't figure out what he had done wrong.

But then, he got his wish. It all happened so fast, though. He saw those burning blue eyes, and then there was a tight hand on his neck, and then his back and head hit the wall. Even his reflexes weren't good enough to do anything but watch as it happened.

But, now that there was violence and yelling, he at least had a way to retaliate. He choked slightly, but was able to go from confused to confused and angry in zero point two seconds. "Fuck! Armand, what the fuck? Didn't wait to do what? Shit, leave you? I haven't! There was nothing to fucking leave! You're the one being an asshole here!" He had to stop, though, for breath, panting. In reality, he was quite scared. He knew that Armand could kill him without blinking. But adrenaline had kicked in, and intense, sharp blue eyes just glared deeply at the vampire.

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-03-29 11:23 pm UTC (link)
Armand was normally fairly quiet, especially compared to the flamboyance of vampires like Lestat and Marius. But when he got angry, all bets were off. Even while mortal, he'd earned a bit of a reputation for having truly spectacular temper tantrums. This, clearly, was one of the temper tantrum times. Chances were good, nothing would derail the vampire until it had run its course.

So he kept the human pinned there, just barely on this side of choking him, and it was a close thing. Even in the depths of his anger, he remembered that he could kill the telepath easily, and he didn't want to do that. Quite.

"I'm a vampire. I'm entitled." He glared up into Schuldig's face, and then, disliking that he was above him, he pushed him up as far as he could and then dropped him to land heavily on the floor. He stepped back. "You enslave my heart and then run off with some whore... and a vampire Slayer at that!" Not that he was particularly worried about Faith being able to hurt him. She was just a mortal, in his opinion. The look on his face was almost a pout as he crossed his arms over his chest and simply glared at the telepath.

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-03-30 01:35 am UTC (link)
Schuldig was glad that he was finally not being choked, but really, that landing could have been a lot gentler. He glared up at the vampire, not bothering to stand up, shook his head, chuckling bitterly. "Enslave your heart? I fucked you, not married you! If you were so in love with me and wanted me only for yourself, you should have said so! You're not stupid, Armand, you know my nature."

He ignored the comments about Faith being a vampire slayer. He didn't care, honestly. She hadn't tried to kill Armand yet, so it wasn't any of his business what she was or did before she came here. He doubted she could kill Armand if she tried, anyway. And if she did try, the telepath would probably kill her.

The pout was somehow still adorable, even when they were both angry, and he'd just been thrown against the wall. It was becoming more and more clear that he felt for Armand. He just didn't know what it was he felt, and he didn't want to think about it, really. He looked away, now, refusing to look at Armand just as the other had before.

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-03-30 01:56 am UTC (link)
The problem with what Schuldig was saying was that it made a lot of sense. No words had been exchanged about faithfulness, so this was all coming from him. This didn't stop him from being pissed off, though. If anything, it made it worse. Much, much worse. In reality, he wanted to pin the human against the wall again, but he restrained himself. Barely.

"You should have known." The vampire went over to sit on the bed, but then changed his mind and instead perched on top of the coffin. He didn't want to smell Schuldig on the sheets, or, rather, not any more than he already would just naturally. "You should have known it, damn it..."

The lack of sense in what he was saying was clear, but then... Schuldig was a telepath. He could have known. So it wasn't as stupid as it might have been. Still pretty stupid, though, and that made him even angrier. He clenched his hands into fists and looked down at the smooth wood of his coffin. "You should have KNOWN!" He started yelling again, and by the time he'd reached the last word, he was screaming loudly enough to make even another immortal have sore ears.

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-03-30 02:14 am UTC (link)
Schuldig looked down, flinching slightly. "Yeah. Yeah I should have." It was true. He could have known Armand was going to react this way if he hadn't been so distracted with...other things. He could have told Armand that he didn't intend for this to be permanent.

"I should have known, because none of this is new or strange to me, and I've had so many relationships where things happen this suddenly, and I'm really, really nosey." He couldn't help the sarcasm, really. It was his natural reaction to things. And in a way, he was just trying to help Armand understand, and...apologize? No. He wouldn't apologize for something he hadn't even done wrong.

There was a misunderstanding, that was it. But Armand was overreacting, and this wasn't his fault. His voice went darkly serious. "I'm not a empath, Armand. I couldn't have known how you felt. I'm sorry." Shit. What had he said about not apologizing?

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-03-30 02:36 am UTC (link)
Armand sighed softly, and then looked away as well. He studied the wall with apparent intense concentration, though it was not a particularly special wall. It did have a rather remarkably ugly picture of a rosy-cheeked little boy and a puppy, which sort of made him want to gag. Jareth had odd ideas about what sort of art a telepath and a vampire would enjoy.

"When you live forever, you know that there's no time for things to go slowly. Relationships with vampires are usually this quick." Or, at least, ones with the vampires he'd known. Maybe there were some that moved more slowly, but, for most, though it seemed like a contradiction, vampires did seem to move faster than mortals.

He slid down off the coffin and walked over to Schuldig. Carefully, he reached out and put a hand on the other man's shoulder. I know you're scared of the things going on, my love, I know this, but I am here and I am not going anywhere. If you didn't know before, you do now.

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-03-30 05:19 am UTC (link)
Schuldig frowned deeply, but let the hand sit on his shoulder for reasons he didn't quite understand. "I'm not scared." But yes, I know that now. I just wish you had told me beforehand. I think the back of my head still hurts. Walls are hard, you know. He was still thinking, still confused. Did he actually want this? Did he even have a choice?

Maybe he was afraid. "I'm assuming this means you don't want me sleeping with anyone else, then? What if I do?" Maybe he was pushing Armand a bit, but he wanted to see how far he could push. At least this time he was more prepared for any reactions Armand might have.

You're kind of hot when you get angry, you know. He smirked up at the vampire, making light of things as always. Maybe in a bit he'd stand up, but for now he was alright just where he was.

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-03-30 05:32 am UTC (link)
The vampire had been tentative at first, because he knew that some people really didn't react well to his fits of temper. He hadn't at all been sure that Schuldig would want to be touched. But he didn't really seem to mind, so that was a good thing. Armand smiled and knelt down so he was on the same level as the telepath.

Yes, you're scared, and I confuse you because people don't really act like this in your world. The telepath was projecting things all over the place, so while Armand usually had to work to get much out of a telepath, it was very easy right now. Walls are hard. Thank you. I'll remember that one, because I hadn't known before. He could be sarcastic with the best of them.

His hands clenched into fists at his sides when Schuldig spoke, but he forced himself to speak calmly. Relatively. Though he was literally cutting into his hands with his nails. You won't. You're mine, don't you understand that? He shook his head slightly. You're always beautiful, but of course, you know that.

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-03-30 06:05 am UTC (link)
Some of them do. They end up getting used or disappointed. He grinned a little at the sarcasm, glad that at least Armand didn't seem to be angry anymore. "Good. It's an important lesson." He glanced intently into Armand's eyes now though, knowing that he was hurting himself and intensely possessive. It intrigued him, and he found he liked it. If I'm yours, then you're mine.

Schuldig took one of Armand's hands, pulling it up and stroking it open gently before kissing the cuts in his palms, coating his lips with blood. Then, he lent in, kissing Armand deeply and sharing his own blood with him. The hand was dropped so that Schuldig could instead thread his own hand into Armand's hair, tugging him slightly closer.

Then, turning, he pinned Armand to the wall, switching their previous positions. Schu's pressing was much gentler, though, and not choking Armand. He broke the kiss to look deeply into the other's eyes, tilting his head slightly. Deal?

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-03-30 06:25 am UTC (link)
Armand winced and recoiled slightly. He wasn't really all that good at hiding his emotions, and he wasn't even trying. The fact was, he had been used and disappointed quite a bit. That never seemed to stop him, really, from continuing to do it. Was he doing it again? Well, if he was, he didn't care. He couldn't change who he was he was, and didn't really want to.

Yours? A mere mortal? But his voice was teasing. Obviously, he didn't mind being claimed by this rather extraordinary being. Though he could have easily resisted, he allowed his palm to be revealed. The nail marks there were very clear. He watched in something between bemusement and surprise as the human leaned down and tasted his blood. Of course, the wounds closed him right away, but not before Schuldig had gotten blood on his lips.

The whole thing was an incredible turn on, tasting his own vampiric blood on his lovers lips, as well as the fight that had happened, and the relief that it was over and Schuldig didn't hate him. So he allowed himself to be pushed into the wall, didn't even consider fighting, and in fact pulled the human closer to him. He pretended to consider, and then smiled and nodded. Deal.

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-03-31 04:34 am UTC (link)
Schuldig saw the pain, but ignored it. As far as he was concerned, if Armand wanted to talk about it, he would, but it wasn't his business to push. Mmm, mine. My lover, my vampire, my angel, my pet. And I am yours. Your lover, your mortal, your devil, your... He paused. He hadn't thought about where he was going with that before he said it, and he didn't know if Armand would take kindly to having that particular metaphor used. Yours.

Schuldig smiled slightly, finding the blood strangely erotic as well, and knowing that Armand did. And here he had thought that there wasn't anything he would like that he hadn't already tried. Trust Armand to be the one to prove him wrong. Pulling back, a mischevious glint entered his eyes and the telepath smirked slightly. "How should we spend the rest of our evening, then?"

They'd only been together for what, two days? And yet it felt like so much longer. He was a bit scared. Things never got emotional this fast before, he never let them. Any yet something about this boy, this vampire, was so compelling. An exception to his normal rules about commitment. This distressed him, and for a moment he looked down, but taking a deep breath, he ignored it and went back to smiling at Armand. If there was one thing he was good at, it was succumbing to temptation and ignoring any instincts that warned otherwise.

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-03-31 04:58 am UTC (link)
There was a long moment of silence, both physical and mental, as Armand thought over what Schuldig had almost said. It had been quite easy to read, though he didn't find telepaths were always so easy, in his very limited experience. But maybe because Schuldig had come so close to actually 'voicing' it, it was easier. He didn't know. And frankly, he didn't really care. He had other things on his mind.

Finally, he laughed and nodded a bit. Perhaps. Clearly, he was far from displeased. After all, the happiest time of his life had been when he had a master, though he'd been less than grateful to Marius most of the time. Even, at one point, chopping down the blond vampire's door with an axe because he wouldn't talk to him. Wordlessly, he allowed Schuldig to see this. He wouldn't be an easy pet to keep.

The vampire shrugged and wrapped his arms around his lover, pressing his body against him. He was still very warm from the blood he'd drank earlier, and felt nearly human. A bit harder, more like stone, but he could easily pass. "I think you know very well what I want to do..." Vampires were sensual creatures, and this was all too obvious as he threw himself at the redheaded telepath. Just let it go for now. Just go with it, let it happen, it will anyway. And I'll be here. Meanwhile, his lips were tracing a path down Schuldig's cheek and jawline, and down to his neck.

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-03-31 11:24 pm UTC (link)
Schuldig chuckled softly, relieved that Armand didn't have a problem with him thinking about their relationship in those terms. It was always hard to tell what his little angel would be upset about, and what he would simply laugh about. He wouldn't give it up for the world, though. It kept life interesting. He'd never grow bored with Armand, that he was certain of. I wouldn't refuse to talk to you, but good to know. I'll be sure to hide the axes.

At the words and lips on his neck, he shivered, arching slightly toward them. As far as Schuldig was concerned, the vampire could have him any time he wanted him, dangerous or not. "I'm starting to get an idea..." The telepath smirked, tone still mischievous. At the mental advice, he simply nodded. That was exactly what he planned to do.

Schu smiled as he nuzzled into Armand, sliding his hand along his side and under his shirt to feel the skin there. "Mmmm, you're..." And that was when realization hit. He pulled back as quickly as he had moved in, eyes narrowing dangerously. "You're already warm." The assassin was far from unintelligent, and had already begun to equate Armand being warm with him having fed. This had been when he had fed from him, though, and he knew very well that Armand hadn't had him that recently.

He searched Armand's mind quickly, and growled softly at what he found. "You...and yet..." Making a sound of disgust, Schu stood up and turned before Armand could pull him back, moving toward the window, though he had no idea what he would do once he got there. He just couldn't look at the vampire.

It all wouldn't have been so bad if Armand hadn't just gotten angry at him, hurt him for sleeping with Faith, when he didn't know better. That whole time, Armand had just come from seducing and feeding from a human telepath, not once, but twice. Schuldig knew that Armand didn't need to feed every night. He also knew that Armand knew that if he did need blood, Schu was more than available. And, he had experienced first hand that feeding was just as intimate and intense as sex, if not more so.

The hypocrisy was almost unbelievable. To think, he'd believed Armand when he'd made him feel special like that, played on his weakness for having his ego fluffed, when in reality he was just another delicacy to be kept and guarded for as long as possible. He'd fucking fallen for that bullshit. And then the one time that he actually did, almost, let go and relax, embrace those feelings... "Fuck. I bet you were laughing at me that whole time, huh? For a telepath I'm an amazingly easy mark, it seems." This he muttered bitterly, under his breath, but he knew Armand could hear it, and read it in his mind if he couldn't. He wasn't hiding any of the anger and extreme sense of betrayal there.

While he had remained tightly cold with his frustration this far, now he kicked the wall harshly. The whole thing was like having a bucket of ice water poured over him in it's suddenness, and the disappointment that came with it. But hadn't he said that? That those who believed in such things only got used and disappointed?

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-04-01 12:09 am UTC (link)
The vampire laughed, feeling comfortable and lustful all at once. His anger was forgotten, and, like many teenagers, he wasn't good at holding onto grudges, not really. Things could make him angry, but they didn't retain their hold over him much. Quick to anger, quick to forgive, and he had passed right through the whole process. That was before I was a vampire. Now, I could knock down the door easily enough.

Maybe it should have surprised him that Schuldig was so ready to entertain thoughts of commitment, since most people wouldn't be jumping into things this quickly. But then again, for vampires, it seemed to be fairly normal to be this devoted and so swiftly, too. He could read it in his lovers mind, if he tried, and knew this was a big deal, but he didn't really feal it. He'd been a vampire for too long to really remember being mortal.

But then, suddenly, it seemed he was going to get an abrupt lesson. Everything changed in a split second, and the vampire was left to blink in confusion. One moment, he'd been happily nuzzling his lover as a prelude to some more interesting activities, and the next, he was left completely alone. Even with his preternatural senses, it was sudden, completely out of left field. He frowned and rose to his feet, his eyes on the angry telepath.

There was nothing for him to do but listen. As always, when people were angry around him, at him, he tended to get a little bit freaked out. His mind flashed back to a blond vampire, images of himself seducing him, drawing him in, and then attacking him in an attempt to kill him. Lestat had been so angry... and this felt like that, sort of, hurt him as much as it had hurt when Lestat had been moved to anger. And then turned him away... he closed his eyes against the barrage of images, of his own thoughts, and just continued looking at Schuldig.

It took him a couple of moments to come back from himself, to hear what the telepath was projecting so loudly, and by the end, he was shaking his head frantically. "No, you've got it all wrong, it's nothing like that..." He walked over to the window and stood anxiously beside the redhead, fingers itching to reach out and touch him, but not quite daring. He flinched slightly when Schuldig kicked the wall, but stayed where he was by his side.

No, damnit, stop it! You can't possibly be jealous because of... I'm a vampire, my love, I feed on blood, you can't honestly expect me not to feed, it's my nature. Even while totally in love with Marius, with Lestat, with Louis, with Daniel, I fed. If you were a vampire, you would understand... Which probably wasn't a helpful thing to say, really, but then, aside from Daniel, all his lovers had been vampires, and they'd understood.

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-04-01 12:49 am UTC (link)
'If you were a vampire, you would understand...' The words rung in Schuldig's head, and he turned , glaring harshly at Armand. "No! You're right! I'm not a vampire! I'm just a...how did you put it? A mere mortal? A play thing, food, I get it. I'm not your precious Lestat or your beloved Marius. I'm not the beautiful Louis, and I'm not Daniel, your child. You call me that, your love, and yet you called them all that too, didn't you? Didn't you! And Juniper, were you in 'love' with her too, for as long as it took to gain her trust and affection?" He was still disgusted with himself for falling for such a thing. In fact, he couldn't decided whether he was more angry with himself or Armand.

"It's in my nature to have sex with more than one person, isn't it? Not required...your feeding isn't required either. But I'm used to it. And yet I was willing to try, for you, because it upset you that much, but when I get upset it's just 'you don't understand'? NO! I don't understand. But at least I was going to make a fucking effort. You, you just..." He growled and turned his head away again, glaring out at the lights as if they were the ones that were making him angry. Then, he whispered, shaking his head, "You sicken me."

"I don't want to be just another one on your list, Armand. This is exactly why I don't do this. When I fall, I fall hard, and I've seen too many people just....GRR!" The telepath made a loud noise of frustration, slamming a closed fist against the wall and then pressing his head against it, trying to calm his breathing. When he next spoke, it was cold enough to crack like ice, chilling in it's cruelty. "Just get away from me."

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-04-01 02:08 am UTC (link)
Armand recoiled more, but at first, kept his place at Schuldig's side. He wasn't stupid enough to try and touch him, though he wanted to. The anger radiating off his lover hit him almost like a physical blow would. Really, it was worse for him, the anger, because Schuldig could hit him all day and not make the slightest mark. He was fairly old, after all, and his skin was starting to feel much like marble. Not to the extent of Marius, of course, but suffice it to say, Schuldig couldn't hurt him. Physically. Emotionally, however, he could, and was.

"Don't speak of them..." His voice was barely above a whisper, the pain at hearing the names of everyone who had betrayed him spoke aloud clear in everything about him. Oh, yes, he suffered, and under the assault of Schuldig's words, he didn't have the will to hide it. "I don't want to hear their names. How can you say such things to me? That you're nothing more than food? I don't let food master me." In fact, Armand had had several human boys as pets over the years, but they had always been his pet, not the other way around.

Despite the fact that he was almost five centuries older than Schuldig, he felt very lost and confused as he looked at him. Softly, he spoke. "I can't apologize for needing blood to live... or, if I did, it wouldn't be sincere." But when Schuldig ordered him away, he hesitated, and then went. Over by his coffin, on the opposite side of the room, he laid his hand on the smooth, satin-finished wood as if to remind himself what he was. Tears sprung in his wide eyes, and he simply looked at his lover, not speaking again.

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-04-01 03:24 am UTC (link)
"No? Because that certainly seems to be what you're treating me like. You said it yourself. I'm not a vampire, I'm human, and humans are nothing more than food to you. That pretty much clears things up right there, doesn't it? And tell me, because I'm curious, why is it, when you don't want to hear their names, that you're constantly thinking about them? Constantly comparing me to them? Ever thought that maybe I'm sick of hearing their names too?" He turned his head to watch Armand go over to his coffin and smirked, scoffing slightly.

"But oh, wait, that's right, you don't have to think about how I would feel, I'm just a mortal." He turned fully now, eyes almost pleading as they glanced up from under long red hair. "You could have fed from me if you truly needed it. You could have fed from me. What was so much better about her? Was it the fact that she was female? Please, Armand. I may not understand, but I want to. You could have killed me, you realize? You choked me and could have killed me! Do you even understand how frightening it is, to be completely and utterly confused and have the one person you care about choking you? Do you even know what it feels like to fear death? And that whole time! That whole time, you were being a complete and utter hypocrite. How am I supposed to feel about that?" He was desperate and it showed, blue eyes as intense as ever but now full of grief.

"I don't even...I'm angry, but it seems like no matter what I say, you don't have any answers. No explanation to make this any more sane. And I can't...I can't deal with this right now. I don't want to do this. Part of me wants to stay angry, and part of me can't. And then another part of me wants to forgive you, but I can't do that either. And all these explanations I'm coming up with for myself, all these horrible reasons for why you did what you did, I want to believe them, but the way you say the things you do...I can't even believe my own excuses! You...You infuriate me!" There were tears in his eyes now too. Anger, fear, confusion, need, he was a complete mess.

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-04-01 03:40 am UTC (link)
"You're putting words into my mouth that I never said..." The vampire blinked tears away, somewhere between angry and hurt, not really sure what was going on. "It never even occured to me to think of you that way, that's the whole problem! If I could have turned you into a pet, that would have been entirely different. Falling in love with a mortal is terrifying. Each day, you're on the brink of disaster. That's why I have normally clung to my own kind. But it's hard to think of you as a mortal, you're too much like me." He thought about that for awhile, then added in a quieter tone. "Only better, better than all of us. That's the tragedy of loving a mortal."

His hand, still slightly browned from the sun, rested on the wood, still drawing strength from it. He tried to fight it down, but he was getting angry again. The words the human was just flinging in his face... "Yes, I found a girl and fed from her. It's what I do. I'm a vampire. Do you know how much blood I could take? Enough to kill you five times over, especially when I'm injured." He held up his hand, still darker than usual, though it made him look more human. "Do you want me to kill you? Would that prove a point to you? You do not have enough blood in your entire body to feed me, not to fill me."

Despite his best efforts, he was getting angry again. He couldn't help it. "And you, you were having sex in a bathroom, of all the crude things, and you have the nerve to accuse me of being a hypocrite?" Angry was better, he decided. He wasn't so close to tears this way. "Your actions were no better than mine! And I forgave you! Why are you doing this to me? I fed on her, I will feed on her or others again, do you understand that? I'm a vampire!"

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-04-01 04:03 am UTC (link)
"Oh. Oh yes, that's right. You forgave me. AFTER I SWORE I WOULDN'T DO IT AGAIN! And does this mean you were lying when you said you didn't need to feed? It's obviously not quite like food, if you can live without it, is it? What is it then...more of a lust? So I must control my lusts, but you don't need to control yours?! Please explain to me how that's fair!" He fell onto the bed, now, squeezing his eyes shut to try and blink back tears and letting out a long, shaky breath.

"I would have been fine with you feeding on whoever you wanted. Sleeping with whoever you wanted. Loving whoever you wanted. I automatically assumed that we weren't tied to each other. It was you that wanted commitment, you that got angry at me, almost killed me over it. I wouldn't have voiced a problem with this, if you hadn't made it so abundantly clear what you wanted, and made me seem like the one in the wrong. You let me be confused and scared when you did something just as bad!" The telepath clenched his jaw, trying to gather his thoughts and failing pathetically.

"You mentioned that I was jealous, but I'm not jealous. I'm angry, I'm betrayed! I'm not mad about you feeding. I'm mad about you holding yourself to different standards than me! So if you want to feed, feed. But to then go and make me feel guilty for doing something when I had no knowledge that you didn't want me to...it's disgusting!" And then, his head snapped in Armand's direction.

"Maybe you should kill me. It'd fix a lot of problems, wouldn't it? The confusion would be completely gone! You'd be a vampire, and I'd just be one of your victims. None of this falling in love bullshit. Just death. I think that might be nice."

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-04-01 04:12 am UTC (link)
"Fine. If you insist that feeding is like sex, it must be so. After all, you're the expert. You've been bitten twice, is it? So, of course, how stupid of me to think I might have a damn idea why I did something! Excuse me for..." He cut himself off, angry with the whole situation, and stormed over to the window where Schuldig had been standing until recently.

"If you can't handle the fact that I am what I am, fine. I won't try to make you. And I won't hold you to any promise you made, since I apparently got it out of you under false pretenses. I disagree, but I don't really think that matters to you. What does it matter, anyway? What does any of it matter?" He took a deep breath, trying desperately to calm himself down, but these fits of temper he got into were always a bit hard to control. But he could kill Schuldig just by getting too angry and forgetting himself. A human, a mortal, fragile inherently.

"I'm not going to kill you. No matter what you do. Someone who has my love gets that, whether they return it or not." Then, he'd tried to kill Lestat, but really, wasn't it Lestat's strength that had actually made Armand feel love for him? He sighed and rested his forehead against the cold glass, gazing out at the night to keep from having to look at the human.

His voice was very soft when he spoke again. "If I disgust you so much, well, I won't stop you from leaving. Or protest if you put me out, since you were here first." How was it possible for him to be all fire one second, and sound so defeated the next? But, then, it wasn't so much a surprise to him that this was falling apart. The only shock was how quickly it had happened. "I wouldn't want to burden you with my presence."

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-04-01 06:18 am UTC (link)
"I'm not saying that I know more than you. But I've asked you, begged you to explain it to me, to help me understand, and you haven't. Who's fault is that? I want to understand, to be able to forgive you, but I can't with the information I have. Yes, I've been fed on twice, and both of those times have been amazing, intimate, sexual experiences. Are you saying what you did to Juniper was different?" He sighed, curling up and pulling his knees close.

"I don't want to leave, Armand. I don't want you to kill me. I just want to understand. Can you try, for a moment, to think back to when you were mortal? Did you understand Marius? Did you want to? I can't...I can't know what it's like, and that kills me. Because what it seems like makes me burn with anger, and yet you insist that it's not how it seems." He rose, and in what seemed like a flash, much like vampire movement really, he was next to Armand, cupping his face. "Please. Tell me, show me. Help me to understand and forgive."

This was his last chance, really, to come out of this with some sort of sanity. He was so confused, but he didn't want to be angry at Armand anymore. He couldn't handle having those beautiful features so upset, and he found it hard to hold a grudge against the boy for very long. It was frustrating, how much of a hold the other had over him.

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-04-01 06:35 am UTC (link)
"There is a difference between sexuality and sensuality. Didn't anyone ever..." He sighed softly, and brought his fingers to his temples. Of course, he didn't get headaches anymore, but even after five hundred years, some habits from mortal life remained. "I... I don't know how to explain! It eludes me! Yes, it was different. I didn't make love to her, as you did to your Slayer, did I?"

He took a deep breath, knowing if he was going to get anywhere with this, he needed to not be yelling. Even if he was beyond frustrated with trying to explain something to someone who had little base of reference. "Marius took me as a slave, my love. You are anything but. But I knew Marius was different from the beginning, and I wanted what he had." He tried to remember back to the bratty child he had been then.

Maybe if he had been less focused inward, he would have noticed when Schu actually got off the bed and came to him. Maybe not, though. The telepath was good. But the next thing Armand knew, his face was between his lovers hands, and they were so close together. He searched his eyes, and then sighed softly. "I wish... I wish there was some way to...." He frowned, and then rested his head against Schu's forehead, really more of a caress.

"I can show you!" Excited, he put all his experiences into the forefront of his mind. Sex, and how it was only done with those he loved, and feeding, which was done regardless of who he was with. How there were aspects the same. But could Schu understand the context? He had no idea, but had to try.

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[info]sweetlikehoney
2009-04-06 09:16 pm UTC (link)
"I didn't make love to her. There was no love there. For me, sensuality is almost deeper than sexuality...I'm sexual with everyone I find attractive. Raw sex means nothing. It wasn't like when I was with you, when..." When he had cared. It bothered him. He hadn't expected there to be any real affection for Armand. And yet if there hadn't been, why would be still be here? Why would he have this need to work things out, to have Armand still want him? It was ridiculous, it was frightening, but it was there.

He sighed and looked down, pouting a tiny bit. "I wanted to be special, feel special: your beautiful, powerful telepathic human...but now there's someone else that can be that." And his ego didn't take well to such things. When their foreheads pressed together, Schu simply smiled, soaking luxuriously in the pleasant detail and prose of Armand's thoughts through the increased connection...which would turn out to be nearly fatal.

He knew Armand was going to show him beforehand...but he had expected simply pictures and feelings, not technicolour and surround sound experiences. He had expected sensations, but none this intense, none this rich. A sharp gasp escaped him and he staggered, pressing a hand to his temple (in real pain, unlike Armand's gesture) and shutting his eyes as he fell against the wall. His brain had gone into overload, trying to process and let Schuldig see and feel everything Armand had given him. It was all overwhelming, the potency was overwhelming. He wanted it all, took it all in, knowing he would have a horrible migraine after but not caring, simply amazed and hungry for all of it. Groans escaped him as years and years of gorgeous and luscious feelings washed over him.

He was lucky that his mind was so much stronger than most mortals'. Humans only use a small percentage of their brain...for Schuldig, a little bit more of that was 'unlocked', in a way, and it allowed him to go into overdrive without shorting out. He'd dealt with 12 million busy voices in his head at once and only developed a dependency on headache medication, he could handle this. He hoped.

Some time through it all he'd fallen back to the floor, and eventually it all faded, ending on Armand's most recent feeding on Juniper, and he managed to open his eyes, but he was panting from both exertion and arousal from the incredibly sexual (and sensual, a part of him now clarified) memories. The room was spinning slightly, and he closed his eyes again, swallowing. "That was very, very stupid, and dangerous...but thank you. I'll say more when I have the energy, I promise."

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[info]vagabond_child
2009-04-06 10:37 pm UTC (link)
Remorse filled him instantly as he felt the tension in the telepath's mind. Had he ever shown a mortal any of the things he'd shown Schu? Yes, he'd opened himself mentally to other vampires, on occasion, but only to them. But, then, most mortals didn't have the ability to handle it, even as well as Schu had. But Armand, though he was a vampire, did feel guilt.

Part of him would never get past his unbringing, which had been deeply religious. And guilt had been a big part of it. So, perhaps more than most vampires, he felt it strongly. And he had hurt this man, which horrified him. He rose to his feet, walked over to his lover, and then knelt down beside him. Very, very gently, he wrapped his arms around him and picked him up, needing hardly any strength to do it, though Schuldig was taller than him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think..." Which was his major flaw, most of the time, it seemed. Along with his dependence on others that was never shared. He deliberately spoke out loud, kept his thoughts shielded, to keep from hurting the telepath any more than he already had.

Effortlessly, he deposited the human on his bed, and then climbed in with him. It was hours yet until sunrise. He didn't have to go to his coffin, not yet. Gently, his fingers roamed over Schu's face, trying to ease the pain, cuddled up close to him, whispering softly again. "I'm sorry..."

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