InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Cuddy is a man."

tirefire (tirefire) wrote in installment,
@ 2022-03-12 16:58:00

Entry tags:

narration: network, zzdrop: lavender james

who else can't sleep??

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teratology
2022-03-13 03:43 am UTC (link)

OK SO...

the king and queen were having trouble having a baby, so am "Old Woman" (witch) helped them out but was like "ok listen, LISTEN, ok?? you're gonna take a bath and once you do that, there are gonna be TWO onions under the bath. LISTEN CAREFULLY THIS IS IMPORTANT— you have to PEEL and THEN eat the onions and you'll have a baby."

and the queen was like 👌 got it

then she took a bath, found the onions and........ JUST BIT INTO A WHOLE ONION??? did not peel it at all, then afterwards was like "OH OOPS— ok ok i'm gonna peel this second one for SURE now." but it was too late 😞

anyway her first baby came out as a serpent (that's prince lindworm!!) and they THREW HIM OUT THE WINDOW TO LIVE IN THE WOODS BECAUSE HE WAS UGLY??? and they raised the second son who came out as a normal human baby.

then when the second son grows up, he's looking for a bride and prince lindworm appears like 😏😏😏 NUH-UH-UH, I'M THE FIRSTBORN, I'M THE HEIR, YOU CAN'T GET MARRIED BEFORE ME.

so they have to marry him off...

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	calibur 2022-03-13 04:19 am UTC (link)
	that's really not too bad as far as witch fertility treatments go... who just bites into a whole onion?! HOW'D SHE MESS THAT UP? yikes. yikes. yikes. so then how'd you get pulled into it? volunteer as tribute? evil stepmom? evil dad? punishment for stealing? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

teratology
2022-03-13 08:11 am UTC (link)

LIKE AN APPLE. 😱 I DON'T KNOW!! you'd think there'd be at least a little hesitation before eating a whole onion?? especially a magical one?? but i suppose if you're desperate enough for an heir to the throne, you'll do anything.

so anyway, it was my evil stepmother of COURSE. i was ✨too kind and beautiful✨ and she thought it made her own daughter look poorly in comparison so she was like "nyeheheh >:)" when she heard the monstrous prince was looking for a new bride after killing his other brides on their wedding night. 🥴 so she went to the king and queen and told them that i would be SO VERY THRILLED to marry him.

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	calibur 2022-03-13 07:25 pm UTC (link)
	maybe she'd never had an onion before and thought it was like an apple. damn those evil stepmothers. I wonder what disney's going to do when they make it to this one. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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