InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Use the Schwartz!!"

tirefire (tirefire) wrote in installment,
@ 2022-03-12 16:58:00

Entry tags:

narration: network, zzdrop: lavender james

who else can't sleep??

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	teratology 2022-03-13 01:40 am UTC (link)
	uh huh!! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tirefire 2022-03-13 01:42 am UTC (link)
	so what was it like being a sexy wormdragon (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teratology 2022-03-13 01:43 am UTC (link)
	oh no i was just a regular human. i married the sexy wormdragon. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tirefire 2022-03-13 01:45 am UTC (link)
	oh so you're like one of the og monsterfuckers (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teratology 2022-03-13 02:53 am UTC (link)
	yup yup yup!!! that's right! i was all 😏 take off your skin... and he was like 👀 ok but you have to take off your smock and i was like 🙈 hehe okay... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tirefire 2022-03-13 02:53 am UTC (link)
	AND THEN WHAT (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

teratology
2022-03-13 03:57 am UTC (link)

HE DIDN'T KNOW I WAS WEARING SEVEN SMOCKS THAT NIGHT. so we made a little game out of it 🙈

(oh also for backstory: he ate all his other wives on their wedding night before consummating the marriage. i was like... the third.)

ANYWAY, the game was to get him to shed all his snake skin so he would be too weak to eat me. and i was just scrubbin it all off him with a lil bit of lye and milk and a good brush. (boar bristles are the best.) and then after he shed all his skin, there was a human man underneath 👀 and then we... 🥵

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	tirefire 2022-03-13 03:59 am UTC (link)
	wait wait wait i'm guessing this is like. little red 🐺 ate and not 👅🍑💦 ate oooo or you were the only wife he 😏😏😏😏 ate (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teratology 2022-03-13 04:04 am UTC (link)
	oh yes, he murdered those girls for sure. it was a huge deal in the village because there were only so many eligible girls. they had to be virgins (it was a different time) and also love him willingly. so i ended up being the only wife he didn't 🐺 eat but instead 👅🍑💦 (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tirefire 2022-03-13 04:07 am UTC (link)
	powerful (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teratology 2022-03-13 04:09 am UTC (link)
	i know anyway the moral of the story is you have to make him work for it (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tirefire 2022-03-13 04:11 am UTC (link)
	tru sometimes. sometimes it's nice just to be honest like. hey bb i wanna get it thnx (Reply to this) (Parent)

	skinandfin 2022-03-13 05:21 am UTC (link)
	omg you are so interesting (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teratology 2022-03-13 06:41 pm UTC (link)
	good interesting or bad interesting? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	skinandfin 2022-03-13 07:55 pm UTC (link)
	oh, good interesting, definitely! besides, is there a bad kind of interesting? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	teratology 2022-03-13 08:41 pm UTC (link)
	i don't think so, but usually people who say "you're so interesting" mean it in a bad way. it's hard to tell tone through text. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	skinandfin 2022-03-13 09:01 pm UTC (link)
	oh no, i wasn't being shitty or, like, critical or whatever! your story was interesting, and the way you told it was totally entertaining, and you seem like a super fun person. i'm being entirely sincere! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	calibur 2022-03-13 02:28 am UTC (link)
	i really want to hear this story. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

teratology
2022-03-13 03:43 am UTC (link)

OK SO...

the king and queen were having trouble having a baby, so am "Old Woman" (witch) helped them out but was like "ok listen, LISTEN, ok?? you're gonna take a bath and once you do that, there are gonna be TWO onions under the bath. LISTEN CAREFULLY THIS IS IMPORTANT— you have to PEEL and THEN eat the onions and you'll have a baby."

and the queen was like 👌 got it

then she took a bath, found the onions and........ JUST BIT INTO A WHOLE ONION??? did not peel it at all, then afterwards was like "OH OOPS— ok ok i'm gonna peel this second one for SURE now." but it was too late 😞

anyway her first baby came out as a serpent (that's prince lindworm!!) and they THREW HIM OUT THE WINDOW TO LIVE IN THE WOODS BECAUSE HE WAS UGLY??? and they raised the second son who came out as a normal human baby.

then when the second son grows up, he's looking for a bride and prince lindworm appears like 😏😏😏 NUH-UH-UH, I'M THE FIRSTBORN, I'M THE HEIR, YOU CAN'T GET MARRIED BEFORE ME.

so they have to marry him off...

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	calibur 2022-03-13 04:19 am UTC (link)
	that's really not too bad as far as witch fertility treatments go... who just bites into a whole onion?! HOW'D SHE MESS THAT UP? yikes. yikes. yikes. so then how'd you get pulled into it? volunteer as tribute? evil stepmom? evil dad? punishment for stealing? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

teratology
2022-03-13 08:11 am UTC (link)

LIKE AN APPLE. 😱 I DON'T KNOW!! you'd think there'd be at least a little hesitation before eating a whole onion?? especially a magical one?? but i suppose if you're desperate enough for an heir to the throne, you'll do anything.

so anyway, it was my evil stepmother of COURSE. i was ✨too kind and beautiful✨ and she thought it made her own daughter look poorly in comparison so she was like "nyeheheh >:)" when she heard the monstrous prince was looking for a new bride after killing his other brides on their wedding night. 🥴 so she went to the king and queen and told them that i would be SO VERY THRILLED to marry him.

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	calibur 2022-03-13 07:25 pm UTC (link)
	maybe she'd never had an onion before and thought it was like an apple. damn those evil stepmothers. I wonder what disney's going to do when they make it to this one. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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