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Tweak says, "Cranial infarction!"

Michael Abbott (particularity) wrote in incanesco_rpg,
@ 2011-07-14 00:46:00

Entry tags:

!incomplete, michael abbott, robert bones

Who: Michael Abbott & Robert Bones
What: A Walk Before Sleeping to Calm a Foul Mood
When: Just Before Curfew, Wednesday, October 13 (backdated)
Where: A Basement Corridor
Rating: SFW
Status: In Progress

It wasn't anyone's fault, Michael's bad mood. He new it, and he would never be the sort to blame anyone. It killed him that Aaron and Hyperion and Teddy were grating on his every last nerve, driving him to madness. Aaron was just trying to make him feel included. His asking if he wanted to be part of the group Halloween costume was nice in and of itself; they could have, after all, just left him out entirely. He'd have to decline now, of course. Halloween was ruined already and it was still the better part of the month away. Long story short? He was a prat. A friendless prat. Just like he deserved for being so awful and bland and boring and moody.

He got up wordlessly from his bed where he'd been stretched out and didn't say a word to any of his dorm mates. Tugging his robes on over his nightshirt, tucking his wand into the place inside his robes where it always was, he rushed out of the seventh year Hufflepuff boys' dorm as quickly and quietly as he could. He didn't want to answer any questions, didn't want to talk to anyone. It shouldn't have gotten to this point, yet it had, and he felt worse for it. Really, he was frustrated, hurt, and confused, and as he was generally a quiet and introverted sort of person he just couldn't handle so many emotions pumping through his system at once. Fight or flight had kicked in, but it wasn't so much an "or" as it was in normal people as it was an "and;" he wanted to get as far away from people as he possibly could, and yet his wand hand was absolutely yearning to start casting spells left and right at just about anyone and anything.

Absolutely fleeing, trying to clear his head, he walked briskly, his eyes on the ground, until the tiles stopped looking quite so familiar. Having taken a number of twists and turns along the way he wasn't quite sure where he'd ended up, but at least it wasn't his dorm room. Teeth clenched, he reached into the front of his robes and whipped out his wand as quickly as he could. Michael had a fondness for learning hexes and jinxes despite the fact that he seldom used them. He had every intention of casting something nasty at an innocent nearby wall, but he let out a long sigh then took a deep breath. There was no point. Instead, he decided to do something useful: practice.

"Protego," he whispered with a bit of a sigh, and a bright, transparent blue sort of light formed a shield in front of him, his eyes opening so he could gaze at the spell and appreciate its simple beauty.

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particularity
2011-07-14 06:06 pm UTC (link)

Apparently he wouldn't be getting away quite so easily as he wished that he would. Blast. "No, I'm not sure." A heavy sigh escaped him, and he leaned against a nearby wall. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to keep you from anything. It's just...been one of those days. A horribly bad one despite all intentions for it to be otherwise. An uncooperative day, really. And it just...got to be too much. My mates, they were having a laugh, and I just didn't find them funny. At all. In fact, I just...want the lot of them to disappear."

"That's awful, innit? Thinking things like that about people who are supposed to be your mates. It's just...hard. Sometimes. I love them all dearly. But I just don't feel like I fit. I mean, I feel like I'm always chasing after the lot of them asking them to wait up for me. And it's even harder knowing that you're not the athletic one, or the good looking one, or the funny one, or the popular one, that there just isn't a place for you. Not really. I mean, nobody...nobody cares about the quiet one. The shy one. The hard worker. I'm just not interesting. And I'm also not good at talking about things. I could never tell any of them why I'm upset. They'll just tell me that I'm talking nonsense, that none of it's true. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. It's how I feel. It's like...what I feel always gets brushed off. And I hate it."

He wasn't going to cry. He wouldn't let himself cry. Especially since he was feeling worse for having exploded, having let everything out at Robby. "I'm sorry. It's your birthday. I..." He shook his head and gave his wand a squeeze before tucking it back into his robes.

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rattlebones
2011-07-14 06:14 pm UTC (link)

"Yeah, and the last thing I want on my birthday is one of my friends off feeling miserable on his own." Robbie sighed, straightening up away from the wall, and cleared his throat. "Listen, Michael, for what it's worth, I'm not going to tell you you're talking nonsense. No, I don't believe it's true - actually, I know it's not true, because I care about you - but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter. What you feel matters. And you're not keeping me from anything, don't worry. Although..."

He looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded. "There is something I want to do, but only if you're coming along with me. I mean, I want to show you something. Can we walk and talk?"

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particularity
2011-07-14 06:28 pm UTC (link)

Shoulders slumping, head hung, he nodded feebly and cleared his throat. "All right. Then I won't be off on my own. I just wanted to get away. Especially since two of the people I'm slightly cross with share a bedroom with me. Truth be told I don't have any idea where I thought I was going, though. I am glad you came. I'd probably be lost and missing otherwise. And...thank you. For caring." He glanced up at Robbie, trying a smile that failed miserably.

"I'll go along with you, yeah. I don't want to keep you from anything. Where are we going? I can't promise I'll be good at walking and taking, though. Forgive me if I stumble. Sometimes these slippers trip me up."

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rattlebones
2011-07-14 06:38 pm UTC (link)

Robbie smiled back anyway, taking a couple of steps towards Michael to touch his shoulder cautiously. "No problem. And it's a surprise. I'll tell you when we get there." This with another smile, brighter than the first, as he squeezed Michael's shoulder, then turned to lead him back the way they'd come. As he walked, he looked over his shoulder to make sure Michael was following. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to. But if there's anything you want to get off your chest, I'm listening."

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particularity
2011-07-14 06:45 pm UTC (link)

Michael wasn't used to being touched. His family wasn't a great family of touchers, and he didn't really have any friends who were particularly physically affectionate. The touch to his shoulder came as a bit of a surprise. Fortunately he didn't shrug it off. It was some small comfort, he had to admit, and it was also delightfully reassuring. Like Robbie actually cared.

"I don't really know what to say," he said softly, sliding his hands into the pockets of his robes. He cleared his throat and glanced up at the back of the other boy's head. "Aside from the fact that I don't feel like I'm good enough for anybody. Or anything. And I don't know where half of this is coming from."

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rattlebones
2011-07-14 06:59 pm UTC (link)

"Honestly?" Robbie dropped back a couple of steps so they could talk without him craning his neck. "I think we've all felt like that sometimes. I know I feel like that an awful lot. But knowing other people feel the same about themselves... it isn't always a lot of help, is it?" He sighed, pushing his fingers back through his hair, and put his hands back in his pockets. "I'm not going to pretend I've got the answers to any of this. I mean, Merlin, I only just turned seventeen, it's not like I'm holding the mysteries of the universe or anything. But... do you mind if I ask what about you you don't think is good enough?"

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particularity
2011-07-14 07:13 pm UTC (link)

"Well...it is a bit of a help. Knowing that other people feel that way. But I look at everyone and don't understand why or how they could feel that way. I mean, I feel like everyone is so much better than me. At everything. Everyone's got their own things that they're good at, and I'm just...me. I have to try really hard to even be passable at most things. It's just utterly, utterly defeating. Plus I think that there's something wrong with me sometimes. Like, genuinely wrong. Like I'm a kind of deviant..."

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rattlebones
2011-07-14 07:19 pm UTC (link)

"Trust me," Robbie said gently, "everyone thinks they have to try harder than everyone else. It's like swans, right? You look around and you see everyone sailing on through life like they haven't a care in the world, and you think hey, why can't I do that, why do I have to work so much harder to get anywhere? But that's only because you can't see how hard everybody else is paddling to stay afloat. Even the ones who are, like, stellar at something - they still have to try. Some people are just better at hiding how hard they're trying. Does that make sense?"

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particularity
2011-07-14 07:31 pm UTC (link)

Like swans? That was a new one on him, but he supposed there might be some merit to what the other boy was saying. He did feel like that a lot of the time. Like everyone had it so easy. Those were the moments when he'd suddenly feel guilty, though, on account of his life not being all that bad. So what if he had to work really hard? Some people worked really hard and got absolutely no payoff at all ever. He'd hate to be one of those sorts.

"I suppose you're right," he said softly, fingers playing with the inside of the lining of his pockets. Apparently the part that was important to him didn't matter so much. Courage failing him, he swallowed down the thought of confessing. No one wanted to know that about him, anyway. He cleared his throat and glanced up at Robbie. "Thank you. For listening. I'm sorry for acting like a spoiled brat. Or a moody little girl."

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rattlebones
2011-07-14 07:44 pm UTC (link)

Robbie laughed. "You're not acting like a brat or a little girl, Michael. I'm flattered you trusted me enough to tell me how you're feeling." He started up a flight of stairs, fingers trailing up the handrail as he looked at Michael. "There's nothing wrong with feeling bad, I promise. Everyone feels bad about themselves sometimes. And there's nothing wrong with telling people, either, especially not if they want to know. The only thing that's bad is bottling everything up. That'll drive you nuts if you keep it up too long."

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particularity
2011-07-15 03:02 am UTC (link)

Michael had talked because he frankly felt like he had nothing to lose. He was friends with Robbie, but he wasn't the caliber of friends that he was with, say, Teddy or Hyperion or Aaron. They didn't share a room, too, which had a lot to do with it. He felt like safe territory for reasons unknown. As he followed Robbie he simply nodded. He had trusted him enough to tell him how he was feeling. That was true.

"I do bottle things up." As if Robert didn't know. Still, at least he could accept it. "I don't know...I can't be any other way. I don't want to be a bother with my emotions to anyone. So I just keep stuffing things down and stuffing things down. But sometimes I can't quite keep it all down. And it comes bubbling back up. Like tonight. still, I think I'd rather not bother anybody. This isn't so bad a way to be I don't think."

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rattlebones
2011-07-15 06:52 am UTC (link)

"Maybe you're right. Still, call me a hypocrite, but I don't believe it's healthy." Robbie knew the school well, and there was a shorter way... he turned down a narrow corridor at the top of the stairs, chewing on his lip. "Look, Michael, I'm sorry if this is starting to sound like a lecture. I don't mean to say you're in the wrong. I just don't like to see you upset, that's all."

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particularity
2011-07-16 03:10 am UTC (link)

"I won't call you any such thing. That would be rude, and my goal isn't to upset or offend you." Sarcasm and jokes and figures of speech were usually lost on Michael when he was in a serious mood, and it seemed that this one went way, way over his head. "But...don't worry about sounding like a lecture. I've been lectured plenty. Sometimes it really helps."

Not one who was particularly familiar with shortcuts as he just stuck to ways that he found tried and true, Michael didn't quite recognize the corridor that they were turning down. He clenched his fists in his pockets, fingernails digging into his palms as he felt a wave of nerves wash over him. "You never answered me, though, Robbie. Where are we going...?"

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rattlebones
2011-07-17 09:47 pm UTC (link)

The Owlery had a very distinct smell. Most people didn't like it much - any room where that many birds spent that much time was always likely to smell a little rank - but Robbie honestly didn't mind it much. It smelt quite a lot like the barn attic back home. That smell was in the air now, so he decided the secret was probably not worth keeping.

"We're just heading to the Owlery," he answered Michael, turning back over his shoulder as he started up the steps. "There's something I want to show you there."

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