Loki Laufeyson (laufeyson) wrote in history_dot_com, @ 2012-07-23 17:21:00 |
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Entry tags: | ~idun, ~loki |
No Expectations [tag: Idun]
OOC: Takes place when Hel, Fenrir and Jormungandr are young and still living with their father in Asgard.
Sometimes Loki felt like a shadow of himself. As if he were always bending and flowing with what was expected of him without so much as an actual thought as to what he wanted to do. He was expected to be lewd and lascivious. Which was sometimes the case, he wouldn't never argue that it wasn't, but while he was promiscuous -there was no denying that either, he did have some measure of control. He was not a man with an insatiable lust governed by what lay beneath his trousers. Most of the women that had actually shared his embrace understood that. Those who did not -whether by his choice or theirs, didn't understand and simply propagated his reputation.
It didn't matter that he treated women with respect, that he never went where he wasn't invited, or that he would never physically harm a woman no matter the level of violence she may show him -which if anyone observed his rather short marriage to Angrboda, they would know. No, what mattered to the Asgardian populace at large was that he rarely lacked a warm female body to share a bed with and that he was apparently quite skilled what he did when he got them there. At least he hoped the latter was being spread around too.
Then there was the matter of him causing trouble for everyone. But he wasn't always trouble, was he? Was he not also a good friend? A confidant and someone worthy to take with on grand excursions. Did not Thor, Hoenir and Odin value his company even away from Asgard? He wasn't the only one to cause anyone headaches. Thor could be terribly obstinate at times. Did no one see that?
What's more, wasn't he a good father? Loki liked to think he was. Granted, he had been a rotten husband and he had all but completely abandoned his first two children -Eisa and Einmyria. He rarely saw them. But he never hurt them physically. Did leaving them behind ruin his qualification of being good to them? And what of Sleipnir, who he had gifted to Odin's care, out of shame more than anything else. Not in the colt itself, but shame as far as how he was birthed and created.
And he had a hall that was filled with laughter. The laughter of his children. His very... odd children. He worried over them, cared for them as best he could. But no one probably expected that of him. Hell, even Odin probably expected him to abandon these three too onto someone else's stead.
It got to be overwhelming at times, living up to everyone's expectations of him. It was at these moments, when Loki thought he might burst with internal strife and frustration that he found himself sitting in Idun's orchard. It was where he was, sitting at the base of an apple tree with a fat blade of grass between his hands, bringing it to his mouth to make it make a loud buzzing horn sound.
Loki liked the orchard. It was peaceful. No one expected him to be anything here other than what he was. The woman who maintained the orchard equally never expected him to be anything other than what he was. This was his sanctuary. A place to hide from the Aesir and from expectation and just... be. He tossed the blade of grass aside, plucked another one from the ground and did the same as before -making it buzz by blowing with it brought tight to his lips.