[Private to self, Ash can see]
I feel like such a baby; one week its the howling and then I'm okay- I get my bravado back. The next week my nightmare comes true and I break into pieces... I don't know how Ash even tolerates me. I feel like a bundle of nerves, a nervous wreck.
...I think maybe I should talk to Ash about this and see if he can help me. If he doesn't find me repulsive.
I need to kick myself in the ass and harden up..