InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "always better the second day"

Casper Kim (casperkim) wrote in gooseberry,
@ 2016-12-09 19:51:00

Entry tags:

! journal, casper kim

[Warded to Asher]

I need your advice.
About Katya.
And the Winter Formal.
~~Shut up.~~

[Warded to Katya]

Do you like ice skating? ~~I still need some practice so~~ I'm going out to the lake tonight if you want to come. With so many people gone, it should be relatively empty for once. Still cold as shit, but you don't mind that so much, right?

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CASPER & ASHER

casperkim
2016-12-11 03:52 pm UTC (link)

~~Being with Katya is easy. The rest of this is so~~

Hilarious. But I'll figure something out. I'll ask her.

[...]

Have you noticed that all of your advice comes down to the same thing? Quit being a coward and fucking talk to Katya. Which, yeah, I guess that's what I have to do. I don't know what she wants, but I know that the idea of her being involved with someone else like she is with me pisses me off and that I was jealous when she was helping Krum during the Plunge. Which is absurd. And I know that there're other ~~people~~ girls I might fool around with if it was consequence free, but that there's nobody else I actually want to be with other than her. I know I want to take care of her. Even though I'm terrible at it. And the fucking dance doesn't change any of that, I guess. Even if I didn't ask.

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CASPER & ASHER

guthriegazette
2016-12-11 07:20 pm UTC (link)

I've often been described as hilarious. That's good though, I think you should ask her.

And...yeah, so maybe my advice is leaning towards the whole 'talk to her' line of thinking (not maybe, it is). But, unfortunately, that's sort of how you have a relationship with another person. You have to learn how to understand each other; you also have to know what she wants which, like you said, you don't know right now.

I would like to say, though, I don't think you're being a coward. This shit is hard, Casper, for almost everyone. It's scary and awkward and I'm right there with you in not finding talking about feelings fun in any way. But.. tell her the shit you're telling me right now. Seriously. It'll mean a lot to her to know that you want to take care of her, that you don't like thinking of her with someone else, that she's the only one you want to be with. I know it's terrifying in a lot of ways, but at least don't let what anyone else thinks or does about this dance have any effect on your choices. The dance is stupid, it's a distraction from the real things that you guys probably need to talk about. But ask her. If she wants to go, take her. And maybe mention that you want to talk about what you guys are, too.

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CASPER & ASHER

casperkim
2016-12-11 09:13 pm UTC (link)

By who exactly? If it's Aiden, he's humoring you.

Aren't I? Yeah, it's hard for everyone, but what's the worst that can happen? I tell her how I feel and she doesn't feel the same way and this stops. Things go back to normal. I can endure that. I know all that and I'm still not sure I can talk to her. Sounds pretty goddamn cowardly to me. [...] ~~But I don't want to mess this up.~~ [...] It's fucking stupid. I told her about mom and she knows the kind of person I am and she's still here. And I think this is going to be the thing that sends her running.

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CASPER & ASHER

guthriegazette
2016-12-11 09:33 pm UTC (link)

Aiden's always humoring me.

Look, Casper, you're afraid because even though you know you'd be fine, that things would eventually go back to normal, you don't want them to. If not wanting to lose a good thing is cowardly then let's welcome the rest of the world to that party. Stop beating yourself up for having feelings. It's good. ~~Even if it makes me scared yo~~ It sucks in a lot of ways but it's good. Being worried about this means you actually care.

~~I'm really proud that you told her about your mom.~~ I'm sure you were scared to tell her about your mom, about yourself... but those are things you've had to deal with before in various ways. Telling someone you care about them is out of your comfort zone, so of course it feels scarier in a lot of ways.

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CASPER & ASHER

casperkim
2016-12-11 11:37 pm UTC (link)

I know that I care about her, Asher. I'm not an idiot. ~~But I'm not so certain that actually caring is a good thing.~~

I wasn't scared to tell her. Not really. I needed to tell her to [...] balance things out. She'd been open with me and, for the lonest time, I just kept my mouth shut. It needed to be done. [...] We'd also had a lot of vodka; that probably helped. But I guess this needs to be done too.

Maybe I just need more vodka.

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CASPER & ASHER

guthriegazette
2016-12-11 11:57 pm UTC (link)

I know you're not an idiot, and I know you know, but you need to cut out the negative shit. It's a great thing to ~~love~~ ~~like like~~ care about someone as much as you care about Katya. It's a great thing that you guys can open up to each other, because while I don't know her very well I know you've got a lot of shit hanging over your head. Being open really means a lot coming from you.

So just own the fact that you care about her, own the fact that you're scared to talk to her because you care about her, and because of that you're scared this could somehow blow up in your face. Ask her to the dance. Tell her you want to be exclusive. And don't do it while you're drunk if you can manage it because you don't want something like this to seem like a vodka-induced request.

~~Boom. So sayeth Asher.~~

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