InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "toolbelt of love"

Casper Kim (casperkim) wrote in gooseberry,
@ 2016-12-09 19:51:00

Entry tags:

! journal, casper kim

[Warded to Asher]

I need your advice.
About Katya.
And the Winter Formal.
~~Shut up.~~

[Warded to Katya]

Do you like ice skating? ~~I still need some practice so~~ I'm going out to the lake tonight if you want to come. With so many people gone, it should be relatively empty for once. Still cold as shit, but you don't mind that so much, right?

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	CASPER & ASHER guthriegazette 2016-12-10 01:50 am UTC (link)
	So... how to ask her advice? Happy to help regardless. [...] :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

CASPER & ASHER

casperkim
2016-12-10 05:09 am UTC (link)

~~Forget it.~~
~~You don't have to enjoy this so fucking much.~~

If you draw another face at me, this conversation is over.

But. Yeah. Sort of. Katya hasn't mentioned the damn thing once, but I have to assume she wants to go. She likes things like this. Last time, she just pushed me to go with her and I did, but I shouldn't put it all on her all the time. ~~I don't want her to think she's got to~~

[...]

I know this one's different, though. So can I just ask or does it have to be more than that?

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CASPER & ASHER

guthriegazette
2016-12-10 11:55 am UTC (link)

Sorry, Casper. I know sometimes my kidding can go a bit too far. ~~I've been feeling a bit off~~ I'm just happy when you come to me for advice. I'll behave, promise!

Anyways. You should definitely say something. Might be worth asking her if she wants to go, but offer up an alternative for the night on the off chance that she doesn't. You know I'm a huge sap but I've never been one for ~*grand gestures*~ when it comes to asking people to dances. I don't think it has to be anything more complicated than: Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the dance with me? If you'd rather skip hanging out with all those losers, let's go on a walk and enjoy each other's company instead.

I know you sort of resist the idea but... you're properly dating. This isn't an out of the blue idea, going to the dance together, so I especially don't think it has to be anything elaborate if that's what you're concerned about.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	CASPER & ASHER casperkim 2016-12-10 12:47 pm UTC (link)
	[...] Okay. Yeah. I can do that. Fuck grand gestures. Katya and I aren't properly dating, though. We never talk about that shit. But everyone acts like you only take someone to this thing if you're serious. So is asking her like asking her to ~~be my girlfr~~ be serious? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

CASPER & ASHER

guthriegazette
2016-12-10 06:43 pm UTC (link)

Should be easy enough to ask. You can even inject your usual charming snark I'm sure!

As for the properly dating... fair enough. Plus you know my feelings about labels and throwing them around, but I guess maybe it's worth you considering how you feel about your relationship to one another and what you want to come of it. It's ok to not really know, but it's good to think about whether you're viewing this as essentially dating, especially in terms of exclusivity. If you don't care about being exclusive and she doesn't care about it either then it's all well and good, but I think it's better to at least bring those things up so no one gets hurt when unexpressed expectations aren't met.

Er. That wasn't really your question, though. School dances are school dances. We're in high school - you're not asking her to cut off her arm for you or something. Pretty sure people often take someone they're not serious about; plus, I wouldn't put a lot of stock in what everyone seems to think something means because we're young and everyone is different. Ultimately though it all depends on how you view it and how she views it, which may involve the dreaded talking to get sorted out, but... yeah.

[...]

Do you want to be serious?

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CASPER & ASHER

casperkim
2016-12-11 03:52 pm UTC (link)

~~Being with Katya is easy. The rest of this is so~~

Hilarious. But I'll figure something out. I'll ask her.

[...]

Have you noticed that all of your advice comes down to the same thing? Quit being a coward and fucking talk to Katya. Which, yeah, I guess that's what I have to do. I don't know what she wants, but I know that the idea of her being involved with someone else like she is with me pisses me off and that I was jealous when she was helping Krum during the Plunge. Which is absurd. And I know that there're other ~~people~~ girls I might fool around with if it was consequence free, but that there's nobody else I actually want to be with other than her. I know I want to take care of her. Even though I'm terrible at it. And the fucking dance doesn't change any of that, I guess. Even if I didn't ask.

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CASPER & ASHER

guthriegazette
2016-12-11 07:20 pm UTC (link)

I've often been described as hilarious. That's good though, I think you should ask her.

And...yeah, so maybe my advice is leaning towards the whole 'talk to her' line of thinking (not maybe, it is). But, unfortunately, that's sort of how you have a relationship with another person. You have to learn how to understand each other; you also have to know what she wants which, like you said, you don't know right now.

I would like to say, though, I don't think you're being a coward. This shit is hard, Casper, for almost everyone. It's scary and awkward and I'm right there with you in not finding talking about feelings fun in any way. But.. tell her the shit you're telling me right now. Seriously. It'll mean a lot to her to know that you want to take care of her, that you don't like thinking of her with someone else, that she's the only one you want to be with. I know it's terrifying in a lot of ways, but at least don't let what anyone else thinks or does about this dance have any effect on your choices. The dance is stupid, it's a distraction from the real things that you guys probably need to talk about. But ask her. If she wants to go, take her. And maybe mention that you want to talk about what you guys are, too.

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CASPER & ASHER

casperkim
2016-12-11 09:13 pm UTC (link)

By who exactly? If it's Aiden, he's humoring you.

Aren't I? Yeah, it's hard for everyone, but what's the worst that can happen? I tell her how I feel and she doesn't feel the same way and this stops. Things go back to normal. I can endure that. I know all that and I'm still not sure I can talk to her. Sounds pretty goddamn cowardly to me. [...] ~~But I don't want to mess this up.~~ [...] It's fucking stupid. I told her about mom and she knows the kind of person I am and she's still here. And I think this is going to be the thing that sends her running.

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CASPER & ASHER

guthriegazette
2016-12-11 09:33 pm UTC (link)

Aiden's always humoring me.

Look, Casper, you're afraid because even though you know you'd be fine, that things would eventually go back to normal, you don't want them to. If not wanting to lose a good thing is cowardly then let's welcome the rest of the world to that party. Stop beating yourself up for having feelings. It's good. ~~Even if it makes me scared yo~~ It sucks in a lot of ways but it's good. Being worried about this means you actually care.

~~I'm really proud that you told her about your mom.~~ I'm sure you were scared to tell her about your mom, about yourself... but those are things you've had to deal with before in various ways. Telling someone you care about them is out of your comfort zone, so of course it feels scarier in a lot of ways.

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CASPER & ASHER

casperkim
2016-12-11 11:37 pm UTC (link)

I know that I care about her, Asher. I'm not an idiot. ~~But I'm not so certain that actually caring is a good thing.~~

I wasn't scared to tell her. Not really. I needed to tell her to [...] balance things out. She'd been open with me and, for the lonest time, I just kept my mouth shut. It needed to be done. [...] We'd also had a lot of vodka; that probably helped. But I guess this needs to be done too.

Maybe I just need more vodka.

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CASPER & ASHER

guthriegazette
2016-12-11 11:57 pm UTC (link)

I know you're not an idiot, and I know you know, but you need to cut out the negative shit. It's a great thing to ~~love~~ ~~like like~~ care about someone as much as you care about Katya. It's a great thing that you guys can open up to each other, because while I don't know her very well I know you've got a lot of shit hanging over your head. Being open really means a lot coming from you.

So just own the fact that you care about her, own the fact that you're scared to talk to her because you care about her, and because of that you're scared this could somehow blow up in your face. Ask her to the dance. Tell her you want to be exclusive. And don't do it while you're drunk if you can manage it because you don't want something like this to seem like a vodka-induced request.

~~Boom. So sayeth Asher.~~

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	Casper/Katya catseyenebula 2016-12-10 04:49 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, sure! I like ice skating, I tend to do it at home so it's pretty fun. I don't mind cold at all. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya casperkim 2016-12-10 05:27 am UTC (link)
	~~Great.~~ [...] Great. I'll be heading down after dinner, but come whenever you want. I'll be there a while. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya catseyenebula 2016-12-10 05:29 am UTC (link)
	I'll be there after dinner! Nowhere else I'd rather be. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya casperkim 2016-12-10 05:41 am UTC (link)
	Okay. We can just head down together, then. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya catseyenebula 2016-12-10 05:48 am UTC (link)
	Sounds fantastic. My skates will finally come in handy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya casperkim 2016-12-10 05:55 am UTC (link)
	~~I don't know if you were at the hockey game last week, but~~ Fair warning, you'll probably skate circles around me. [...] I'm working on it. That shit's harder than it looks. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya catseyenebula 2016-12-10 06:00 am UTC (link)
	I can give you secret lessons. I don't think you did too badly at the game. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya casperkim 2016-12-10 06:07 am UTC (link)
	I didn't fall on my ass, anyway. But thanks. I may take you up on that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya catseyenebula 2016-12-10 06:08 am UTC (link)
	Promise I won't laugh if you do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya casperkim 2016-12-10 06:13 am UTC (link)
	Even if you wouldn't, I'd prefer to keep my dignity intact. No ~~more~~ falling on my ass. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya catseyenebula 2016-12-10 06:14 am UTC (link)
	Won't tell a soul and if necessary I'll keep my eyes closed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya casperkim 2016-12-10 06:20 am UTC (link)
	Your dedication to helping me not feel like an uncoordinated asshole is noted and appreciated, Katya. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper/Katya catseyenebula 2016-12-10 03:25 pm UTC (link)
	Ha! That's a great description for my plans. (Reply to this) (Parent)