Lizzie Chivers (pretendreality) wrote in genome_project, @ 2010-05-27 17:27:00 |
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Current mood: | uncomfortable |
Entry tags: | may 2010 |
Who: Lizzie and Luke
What: After school talk. Air needs to be cleared
When: Tuesday 25th after school
Rating: PG-15 for swearing
Lizzie didn’t want to do this, she hadn’t wanted to be the one to reach out and try and restart communication between herself and Luke. It shouldn’t have been her. She wasn’t the one that had screwed up. She hated that she felt guilty because she’d pulled away from him. But everyone had told her she was in the right, she’d been right to be mad at him and to be hurt. She kind of hated herself for wanting to give him a chance to explain himself. She wished that she could just keep the grudge held because it was better that way, right?
She’d been hurt and humiliated. She didn’t give a shit if he liked Mao and if Mao liked him. It was the fact that she hadn’t known and then there had just been lies on top of lies and she felt like she’d been betrayed by one of the few people she never thought she would be. Her brother was right, she was way too naive. Way too trusting. Not that that meant she deserved what happened, not at all. But it was good, it was a good eye-opener to the world around her and the way that people could be, even if you thought you knew them. She’d never wanted to be bitter or jaded, or feel that kind of hurt and anger that came from having your whole world thrown into a curve.
She hated the control that Luke had over her. Used to have over her. She wasn’t going to let him have that control anymore. She was not going to give in to whatever she felt. This was a talk to clear the air, nothing more and nothing less. It was to give Luke a chance to explain because he deserved that. Or something. She was trying to be fair.
But that was it.
And it was going to take time for her to feel like she could actually trust Luke again.
She hugged her arms around herself as she waited by the lockers for Luke to come. She hoped he would, but she equally didn’t want him to. The longer she waited, the more she was beginning to change her mind. Her heart was hammering and she swallowed past the lump in her throat.
“Pull yourself together, Elizabeth,” she muttered, leaning against a locker and knocking her head back against it. It made a dull thud and she closed her eyes and just breathed, waiting.