InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "it was me, Dio!"

Emily Elwood (tearslikerain) wrote in genome_project,
@ 2011-07-08 12:31:00

Entry tags:

emily elwood, july 2011, sam monroe

Who: Sam & Emily
What: A talk
When: Friday, July 8th, afternoon
Where: the beach
Rating: Medium

Emily stood on the beach just staring out at the ocean. She was standing close to where she met Calvin the night he left...now he was back...her father brought him back. She just couldn't figure out his angle...he never did anything without having an ulterior motive...so what did he want from Calvin? It didn't matter though, she would stop him before he could try anything. Calvin was her best friend and she'd die before she's let her father use him.

She shook her head to clear her of those thoughts, today she was meeting Sam. This was the first time they had really spoken since her birthday...before she found out about him and Mia. God, she was so stupid, of course he wasn't going to wait for her...she told him not to...but...she sort of wanted him to. She wanted him to possibly care about her enough to take time to be alone, to get over it. But once again the guy didn't seem to hurt as much as she did. Also...when they broke up...she had pouted her heart out to him, told him she definitely felt something for him more than friendship and he...said nothing...nothing. That hurt, but it hadn't really hit her yet since her mind was still foggy over Jacen and she was just so...confused. On her birthday she had wanted to tell him her good news, that she was over Jacen and had a handle on everything else and that she wanted to maybe start something with him if he was willing to try. To maybe have something with him when it was their decision, not effected by anyone else. But...she chickened out...she was too nervous...also firelight on a really cute guy isn't a good combination for nerves.

Emily brushed some of her hair behind her ear. She didn't even really know why she asked him to meet her. What was she planning on doing...yelling at him, crying, or would she do their classic of dancing around the subject. She took a deep breath and decided that whatever happened happened and she waited for Sam and steeled herself to not burst into tears at the sight of him.

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tearslikerain
2011-07-12 02:25 am UTC (link)

"Spying on you? Please...get over yourself already. I went because it was open to everyone. I got there glanced around to see if I saw anyone and there it was. I was still a little heartbroken over the whole thing so seeing that you were fine and I was miserable hurt a little bit. And I'm not going to apologize or be ashamed of how I felt. I think being a little upset about that is perfectly normal." Emily was just as frustrated at he was. Where the hell did he get off, she had been nothing but honest with him and he couldn't answer one stupid little question? "Who cares? I care. I don't know about you, actually you probably think it's cute. But personally I think when you flirt with someone who is already dating someone else that is kind of sketchy thing to do. Makes you look like you're trying to ruin whatever they might have. It may have been harmless but only if you're saying you didn't flirt back?"

Emily started to walk a bit away from him then turned quickly at his statement then stormed back over to where he stood, "I'm not asking for that all I want to know if you felt anything for me. I'm not asking if you loved me or anything, trust me you've made that perfectly clear that you don't and I guess never did. All I'm asking is if you felt something a bit more than friendship just for a moment. Because I want to know if I read everything completely wrong. I thought you might have felt something when we kissed in the park, I thought since you kissed me back that meant you felt something. So that's all I'm asking." She rolled her eyes, "Well I wouldn't have to make you feel this way if you wouldn't avoid the question. Also I'm doing this because I am sick of tired of this happening over and over again, and I wasn't going to let it happen again." She quickly swiped a tear away from her eye, "I feel something for a guy and I'm unsure how they feel because of all the mixed signals you guys love to throw at us. I tell him how I feel, they are emotionally unavailable at the moment, they need time to think...then...all of a sudden I see them with another girl. Yeah, that's really time alone. They tell me they want to be friends and I never hear from them. So I am left alone all confused with all these questions that never get answered. I basically get cast off and fade into the background once they find someone else. I mean...I'm tired of feeling like a stand it....I'm tired of feeling so...worthless. I'm not asking much Sam, just tell me did you ever feel more than friendship for me...that's all I want to know."

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canyouseemenow
2011-07-12 03:19 pm UTC (link)

Sam sat down again. Part of him really just wanted to walk away. The part of him that still listened to his mom said that was probably a bad idea. He had been friends with her and for that reason didn't want to be rude, but the other part of him was asking if it was really worth it. He sighed and shook his head. He didn't have anything to say that wasn't just going to set her off, and he was kind of just exhausted from listening. Personally he thought she was reading too much into something so small, and if she really thought Mia had been up to something wasn't it her that she should take this up with, not him? Anyway, if she thought he'd been "cheating" on her, wasn't it a little late to bring it up?

"I'm pretty sure I just answered that question, if you were listening." He sighed. He didn't feel as if he owed her any conversation of his feelings. He didn't like to have them pried out of him, and he didn't much like talking about them in the first place. If she liked to wave them around freely for everyone to see, that was her choice.

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tearslikerain
2011-07-12 04:46 pm UTC (link)

Emily shook her head, "No you didn't, you said you'd always care for me as a friend and also you said you weren't going to declare your love for me, which isn't what I was asking for. When we kissed in the park, when it was our choice, you kissed me back...I felt something and I thought you did too. I'm just want to know if you did feel something or if I have been reading things all wrong." She looked away really quick,

"I didn't bring you out here to make you break up with...Mia," her voice slightly broke on the girl's name, "but when we broke up I just had so many questions, so many things that were left unanswered and I couldn't do it again. I couldn't just let it end while I'm left with the fallout, all hurt and confused, while you go off and get on with your life. I mean I want you to, but...I didn't want to just fade into the background like I have every time this has happened before. The guy I like picking someone else."

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canyouseemenow
2011-07-18 09:12 pm UTC (link)

Sam wasn't sure if there even was an answer to her question. And no matter what he said he'd be digging himself a hole that he couldn't get out of. "I don't know." He replied, "And don't tell me that isn't an answer. It is, and it's the only one I have for you. Therefore it's the only one you'll get. The whole time we were hanging out and dating I didn't know what the fuck was going on, and right now I can't even think back that far to really tell you what I felt like 3 months ago. I don't remember, because half the time I didn't even feel like I was thinking for myself. So that's all I've got for you. I don't know. That's my answer and I'm sticking with it."

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tearslikerain
2011-07-18 11:55 pm UTC (link)

Emily heart fell slightly when he said he didn't know...he wasn't going to tell her anything. Why was it that boys got over things so much quicker than girls. Was this normal that a boy and a girl share something then it ends the boys goes off just fine and the girl is left to suffer through her feelings alone. Now that really wasn't fair, girls really did get the short end of the stick when it came to things.

"Well then I guess there is nothing else to say," she walked closer to him and handed him and envelope and a cd, "happy early birthday, I had it in a drawer, I put it together when we were together and I still want you to have it. Also I'm giving you the only copy of your shower pic," she let a little smile sneak onto her face, "he showed me initially to tell me that I should date him instead of you because real men don't sing in the shower. I told him no, that you and I were in love and the I find singing in the shower an adorable trait. Also there are the photos we took in that booth at the arcade that one time. They're pretty cute, but we don't look disgustingly cute. It's like normal tolerable cute. Didn't know if you might want them." She stuck her hands in her pocket and passed him on her way to the beach before she left completely she turned back cautiously,

"Sam, I'd like to be friends with you, I really would, I just don't think that now is the best time. Right now I'm still at the point where I'll always want more and also where seeing you with Mia won't break my heart all over again. I hope you understand, I want to, I do, but...I just need time. Will you...wait for me?" She gave him a sad little smile to tell him that she was asking if he'd still be around and want to be her friend once she was ready.

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