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Tweak says, "Mushrooms!!!"

Emily Elwood (tearslikerain) wrote in genome_project,
@ 2011-07-08 12:31:00

Entry tags:

emily elwood, july 2011, sam monroe

Who: Sam & Emily
What: A talk
When: Friday, July 8th, afternoon
Where: the beach
Rating: Medium

Emily stood on the beach just staring out at the ocean. She was standing close to where she met Calvin the night he left...now he was back...her father brought him back. She just couldn't figure out his angle...he never did anything without having an ulterior motive...so what did he want from Calvin? It didn't matter though, she would stop him before he could try anything. Calvin was her best friend and she'd die before she's let her father use him.

She shook her head to clear her of those thoughts, today she was meeting Sam. This was the first time they had really spoken since her birthday...before she found out about him and Mia. God, she was so stupid, of course he wasn't going to wait for her...she told him not to...but...she sort of wanted him to. She wanted him to possibly care about her enough to take time to be alone, to get over it. But once again the guy didn't seem to hurt as much as she did. Also...when they broke up...she had pouted her heart out to him, told him she definitely felt something for him more than friendship and he...said nothing...nothing. That hurt, but it hadn't really hit her yet since her mind was still foggy over Jacen and she was just so...confused. On her birthday she had wanted to tell him her good news, that she was over Jacen and had a handle on everything else and that she wanted to maybe start something with him if he was willing to try. To maybe have something with him when it was their decision, not effected by anyone else. But...she chickened out...she was too nervous...also firelight on a really cute guy isn't a good combination for nerves.

Emily brushed some of her hair behind her ear. She didn't even really know why she asked him to meet her. What was she planning on doing...yelling at him, crying, or would she do their classic of dancing around the subject. She took a deep breath and decided that whatever happened happened and she waited for Sam and steeled herself to not burst into tears at the sight of him.

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canyouseemenow
2011-07-09 12:03 am UTC (link)

Sam couldn't seem to shake the distinct feeling that he was in for something less than comfortable. The only thing he could compare it too was the sensation he got when he was about to get tackled on the football field. Like a sixth sense. Like Peter Parker's Spider-sense. Sam would definitely agree that if he had a spider-sense of his own, it was a-tingling alright.

And truthfully, this was a little odd. He hadn't spoken to Emily since her birthday which was whatever. It was neither here nor there to him. He hadn't wanted things to be awkward with her, but sometimes it was unavoidable. So while on one hand he was glad to be able to maybe be friends again, there was still that sinking suspicion that this probably wasn't going to be the time or place.

He sighed and tried to shake it off when he got to the beach. He spotted Emily pretty quickly and gave her a quick wave of recognition before he reached her, "Hey. Pretty nice day for the beach."

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tearslikerain
2011-07-09 01:27 am UTC (link)

Emily glanced back when she felt that prickling sensation on the back of her neck. Her heart froze in her chest as he gave her a little wave. Why was it that even little things like that almost made her swoon. However she ran the thought of Mia through her head and that made the anger and heartbreak settle in again. She glanced back out at the water and didn't even glance his way when he greeted her.

"Hey," she said a little sharply, "Follow me, I don't want to do this in front of everyone, I think I've been publicly humiliated enough for this month." Emily's voice didn't raise from it's low numb tone. She turned and walked towards the edge of the beach that was shaded in trees. Once there she took off her light hoodie,

"This is one my most favorite spots on the beach, I come here to think or when I need or to escape, whatever I need at the time. It's the closest I think I'll ever get to finding my own secret garden." She put her hoodie on a rock and sat down. When she did that she met his eyes, "Sit down, I need you to answer some things for me."

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canyouseemenow
2011-07-09 01:50 am UTC (link)

Well this was already weird. Sam stuffed his hands into his pockets and followed her. Sam had never been one to follow gossip but he had become more wary of it since everythomg that had gone on since Valentine's day.

But if he felt uncomfortable before it was nothing compared to being put on the spot like that. Sam's face flushed as he took a seat on a rock opposite her. "Um... Okay, I guess."

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tearslikerain
2011-07-09 02:11 am UTC (link)

Emily simply stared at him after he sat down. He was uncomfortable...good...he should be. She had things to say and he was going to listen and he was going to give her answers. He wasn't just going to sit there and be silent, he was going to give her answers. She glanced down at the ground and made a circle in the sand with the tip of her shoe as she thought over what she wanted to ask him first. She didn't want to scare him off to soon so she decided to start small,

"Why didn't you tell me about you and Mia?"

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	canyouseemenow 2011-07-09 02:28 am UTC (link)
	Sam frowned. Now what kind of question was that? "I don't know." He scratched the back of his head, "I didn't realize that I was supposed to tell you." Seriously? Plus it was pretty much common knowledge anyway. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tearslikerain
2011-07-09 04:58 am UTC (link)

Emily rolled her eyes and let out a sigh, "I'm saying that you were supposed to but you did say you wanted to be friends and usually friends tell each other these things. Also since I am you ex it might have been nice to inform me." She ran a hand through her hair and stood up as she walked away from him slightly,

"And if you had told me I wouldn't have help onto the foolish notion that once I moved on that you and I could take a chance on us, a chance that we chose ourselves that wasn't effected by anyone else." She took a breath to hold back her tears and turned back to him, "You were what kept me holding on, kept me actively trying. I just kept telling myself 'Come on Em, you can do this. Once you get a handle on this you can maybe start something wonderful with a great guy like Sam.' You should have told me, then I wouldn't have been chasing a stupid fantasy all that time."

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canyouseemenow
2011-07-09 02:54 pm UTC (link)

"Uh. Okay?" Sam managed as she started to walk away from him. Was it always this complicated to date? He couldn't remember. But he also distinctly didn't remember ever telling any other girl he'd dated that he was going out with someone else.

As he listened to Emily go on, Sam's face began to set in a stubborn expression. This wasn't fair. He didn't ask her to base all her hopes and dreams around him. He was just an 18 year old guy. They'd broken up. He'd been through something very weird and he was glad to be able to move on and not have to think about being puppeted by someone else anymore. "That's not fair." He said quietly, "You can't make me out to be the bad guy in all this. If you wanted to finally get over someone else, fine. That's great for you, but it's completely unfair to hold me back while you were doing it. Especially since we weren't dating because it was our idea. You're not being fair to me and I really don't appreciate it."

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tearslikerain
2011-07-10 12:38 am UTC (link)

"I wasn't trying to hold you back, remember I told you not to wait for me...even though I sort of hoped you would," Emily tucked some hair behind her ear as she glanced to the ground quickly, "I'm not trying to not be fair, but it was two weeks Sam, two weeks, I mean...I thought it might take at least a month. I mean did I really mean so little to you, I mean even as a friend?" She crossed in front of him them turned back around sharply as she spoke in a much harsher tone,

"Also...fair...you're one to talk about being fair. When we broke up I poured my heart out to you and you said nothing. Did you ever care for me at all, even for a moment." As the sentence continued on her tone became softer and turned into a more heartbroken tone. She couldn't stop the silent tears that had managed to escape her eyes. She hated that she was being so weak and falling apart around him, but...she needed to know. He knew how she felt, now it was his turn to tell her.

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canyouseemenow
2011-07-10 01:15 am UTC (link)

"I hate to break it to you, but it was a whole month. We broke up in April. I didn't ask Mia out until the end of May." Not that he had been keeping track. But it was the truth, and also it was high school.

Sam did not want to be there anymore. He hadn't agreed to come out to be judged and grilled. With his hands in his pockets, he stood up scowling. "I don't know, and that was over two months ago. I know we were friends and that was great, and then some weird shit went down and now I'm just trying to forget about it. I really like Mia and I know it's me saying that." He sighed. He didn't appreciate her making him feel like a dick. "You're a great girl, Emily. I don't know what you want from me. But I'm happy, and I'm sorry if you're not."

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tearslikerain
2011-07-10 05:29 am UTC (link)

"Oh really...then what was that at Nathan's party...yeah...I was there. Nearly drank myself into a coma, luckily Toni was there and managed to stop me. You know what, he actually seems to care more about me than you ever did and we never even dated, we never kissed, we never even hung out. I think that's a little messed up logic there. Also don't pretend like you didn't know Mia was flirting with you when we were still together...yeah I know about that too." When he stood up Emily was torn between slapping him for the harsh things he was saying to her or to break down completely and fall into his arms. Since neither action seemed like a good idea she remained silent. She shook her head,

"No...no...you don't get to tell me you don't know again. I told you everything that I felt and now it's your turn. Did you ever care about me, even for a moment? Did you ever feel something for me more than friendship?"

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canyouseemenow
2011-07-10 03:07 pm UTC (link)

What the fuck? "What, were you like, spying on me or something? Who I talked to at Nathan's party isn't really your business. I'm sorry that you'd do something like that to yourself, but I didn't even know that you were there. You didn't exactly say hi or anything. And if she flirted with me when we were still going out, I don't remember and who cares? When I was with you, I was with you. If someone was flirting with me it was harmless." Sam ran his hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration. This was really getting out of hand and he was about to just walk away, but he didn't want to be more of a jerk than she already seemed to be making him into.

"I don't know what you want me to say here. If you're looking for some undying love confession fantasy where we ride off into the sunset on a white horse, then you're not going to get it. I could've felt something more if we'd had time, maybe, but we didn't. But to ask me if I cared about you at all means something entirely different. You're my friend and I always care about you, even though you're making me feel like a fucking ass-hole right now." Sam hated talking so much. Perhaps this was why he never did. Nothing good seemed to come out of it.

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tearslikerain
2011-07-12 02:25 am UTC (link)

"Spying on you? Please...get over yourself already. I went because it was open to everyone. I got there glanced around to see if I saw anyone and there it was. I was still a little heartbroken over the whole thing so seeing that you were fine and I was miserable hurt a little bit. And I'm not going to apologize or be ashamed of how I felt. I think being a little upset about that is perfectly normal." Emily was just as frustrated at he was. Where the hell did he get off, she had been nothing but honest with him and he couldn't answer one stupid little question? "Who cares? I care. I don't know about you, actually you probably think it's cute. But personally I think when you flirt with someone who is already dating someone else that is kind of sketchy thing to do. Makes you look like you're trying to ruin whatever they might have. It may have been harmless but only if you're saying you didn't flirt back?"

Emily started to walk a bit away from him then turned quickly at his statement then stormed back over to where he stood, "I'm not asking for that all I want to know if you felt anything for me. I'm not asking if you loved me or anything, trust me you've made that perfectly clear that you don't and I guess never did. All I'm asking is if you felt something a bit more than friendship just for a moment. Because I want to know if I read everything completely wrong. I thought you might have felt something when we kissed in the park, I thought since you kissed me back that meant you felt something. So that's all I'm asking." She rolled her eyes, "Well I wouldn't have to make you feel this way if you wouldn't avoid the question. Also I'm doing this because I am sick of tired of this happening over and over again, and I wasn't going to let it happen again." She quickly swiped a tear away from her eye, "I feel something for a guy and I'm unsure how they feel because of all the mixed signals you guys love to throw at us. I tell him how I feel, they are emotionally unavailable at the moment, they need time to think...then...all of a sudden I see them with another girl. Yeah, that's really time alone. They tell me they want to be friends and I never hear from them. So I am left alone all confused with all these questions that never get answered. I basically get cast off and fade into the background once they find someone else. I mean...I'm tired of feeling like a stand it....I'm tired of feeling so...worthless. I'm not asking much Sam, just tell me did you ever feel more than friendship for me...that's all I want to know."

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canyouseemenow
2011-07-12 03:19 pm UTC (link)

Sam sat down again. Part of him really just wanted to walk away. The part of him that still listened to his mom said that was probably a bad idea. He had been friends with her and for that reason didn't want to be rude, but the other part of him was asking if it was really worth it. He sighed and shook his head. He didn't have anything to say that wasn't just going to set her off, and he was kind of just exhausted from listening. Personally he thought she was reading too much into something so small, and if she really thought Mia had been up to something wasn't it her that she should take this up with, not him? Anyway, if she thought he'd been "cheating" on her, wasn't it a little late to bring it up?

"I'm pretty sure I just answered that question, if you were listening." He sighed. He didn't feel as if he owed her any conversation of his feelings. He didn't like to have them pried out of him, and he didn't much like talking about them in the first place. If she liked to wave them around freely for everyone to see, that was her choice.

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tearslikerain
2011-07-12 04:46 pm UTC (link)

Emily shook her head, "No you didn't, you said you'd always care for me as a friend and also you said you weren't going to declare your love for me, which isn't what I was asking for. When we kissed in the park, when it was our choice, you kissed me back...I felt something and I thought you did too. I'm just want to know if you did feel something or if I have been reading things all wrong." She looked away really quick,

"I didn't bring you out here to make you break up with...Mia," her voice slightly broke on the girl's name, "but when we broke up I just had so many questions, so many things that were left unanswered and I couldn't do it again. I couldn't just let it end while I'm left with the fallout, all hurt and confused, while you go off and get on with your life. I mean I want you to, but...I didn't want to just fade into the background like I have every time this has happened before. The guy I like picking someone else."

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canyouseemenow
2011-07-18 09:12 pm UTC (link)

Sam wasn't sure if there even was an answer to her question. And no matter what he said he'd be digging himself a hole that he couldn't get out of. "I don't know." He replied, "And don't tell me that isn't an answer. It is, and it's the only one I have for you. Therefore it's the only one you'll get. The whole time we were hanging out and dating I didn't know what the fuck was going on, and right now I can't even think back that far to really tell you what I felt like 3 months ago. I don't remember, because half the time I didn't even feel like I was thinking for myself. So that's all I've got for you. I don't know. That's my answer and I'm sticking with it."

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tearslikerain
2011-07-18 11:55 pm UTC (link)

Emily heart fell slightly when he said he didn't know...he wasn't going to tell her anything. Why was it that boys got over things so much quicker than girls. Was this normal that a boy and a girl share something then it ends the boys goes off just fine and the girl is left to suffer through her feelings alone. Now that really wasn't fair, girls really did get the short end of the stick when it came to things.

"Well then I guess there is nothing else to say," she walked closer to him and handed him and envelope and a cd, "happy early birthday, I had it in a drawer, I put it together when we were together and I still want you to have it. Also I'm giving you the only copy of your shower pic," she let a little smile sneak onto her face, "he showed me initially to tell me that I should date him instead of you because real men don't sing in the shower. I told him no, that you and I were in love and the I find singing in the shower an adorable trait. Also there are the photos we took in that booth at the arcade that one time. They're pretty cute, but we don't look disgustingly cute. It's like normal tolerable cute. Didn't know if you might want them." She stuck her hands in her pocket and passed him on her way to the beach before she left completely she turned back cautiously,

"Sam, I'd like to be friends with you, I really would, I just don't think that now is the best time. Right now I'm still at the point where I'll always want more and also where seeing you with Mia won't break my heart all over again. I hope you understand, I want to, I do, but...I just need time. Will you...wait for me?" She gave him a sad little smile to tell him that she was asking if he'd still be around and want to be her friend once she was ready.

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