I'm certain that several of you see me as hysterical or stubborn or some combination of this and more. I am here to assure you I am not. I'm upset, deeply upset. I felt very insulted and a little betrayed by several of players and the mod. The one of players and I have talked through our problems, but there is still something to address here.
On Sunday there was a conversation to attempt to tie up the loose ends of the previous evening's plot point. This chat was not planned, but was necessary to determine the outcome of certain events. I had previous commitments that I kept even though I've been very ill for sometime now. Understandably these responsibilities made me late to the discussion. Things were decided in my absence that were upsetting but understandable which caused issues.
I made it very clear before I left the plot chat Saturday night that the end of this plot was incredibly important to me. I had attempted a course of action that was completely dismissed. I have questions about that, of course I do. If I didn't then I wouldn't be doing myself, my character or the moderators any favors. Questioning is not being argumentative or disrespectful. It is crucial that I understand my character's abilities and how they function which includes things she cannot affect as much as it does ways in which her abilities can be used.
This one concept that has been blown completely out of proportion was not my be all end all either. I have no problem with attempting something else. I only need to know what stats I will be looking at to work with after the first attempt fails. I also deserve to know why it fails. In every die based role playing game I have ever played every character has stat bonuses (die modifiers, drama points, etc) that they can apply in times of dire need. I also need to know what of these would be available to my character as this would be an intense and monumental situation for her. I have these questions and more. However I could not reach that point for all the people more concerned with talking about that one point that I could not move beyond it. I even ignored everything that people were saying in order to attempt to direct the conversation back to a constructive situation and was completely ignored.
The only time anything was said beyond hyper-focusing on asserting their power (or so it seems) was when a curiosity was expressed by what I meant by "rail roading." Well allow me to explain. In table top gaming when a game master designs the entire game to only go in one direction and will not allow the players to explore or try anything different it is called rail roading plot. There are two separate points I was blatantly told could not be changed-that my character would die and that others would be killed by these cars no matter what I did. Well if my or my characters actions could not possibly by any stretch of the imagination influence the course of events then there's no point continuing. And frankly I really don't appreciate being told by those in charge that their goal is to kill my character. I don't find it amusing. I find it pointless, cruel and insulting.
The other item I would like to address in regards to feeling betrayed is that there were certain promises that were made that were broken. I attempted to give the opportunity to change that, but was continually silenced or redirected back to an argumentative, confrontational part of the conversation. I do not feel like I was given an opportunity to speak. I do not feel as if I have been treated fairly. I do not know if these differences of perspective can be reconciled, but this is my attempt. This is my explanation. What happens from here is in your hands.
P.s. I have tried very hard to speak calmly and respectfully about these issues. I would appreciate the same in return. Any flames, angry or only argumentative replies will be deleted.