Terry Boot (toboot) wrote in fourteenshades, @ 2014-08-23 15:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | draco malfoy, x-terry boot |
WHO: Draco Malfoy & Terry Boot
WHAT: A talk.
WHERE: Draco's office
WHEN: Thursday afternoon (backdated)
RATING/STATUS: PG/Complete via gdocs
Terry had always considered himself to be a logical man capable of making his own decisions
Terry had always considered himself to be a logical man capable of making his own decisions. He did not generally allow his emotions to make his decisions for him, in particular when said emotions were covered up with anger. But the revelation of who Peter was had caused him to see red caused him to question his own ability to trust people.
But Peter was not the matter at hand that day. The matter at hand was Rosie's education. He walked up the gray steps of the castle to find Draco, and enroll Rosie in school. With the season starting to edge towards fall, it was time for her to start taking classes and having fun with kids her own age instead of following dad around the movie theater. As much as he'd enjoyed it, she needed time to grow away from him.
It did not take him long to find Draco, and the man was hard to miss with his head of hair. While Draco looked similar to his school days, Terry didn't. He'd lost weight, grown facial hair, and learned how to dress well. He came with an only half hearted smile as he greeted Draco politely.
"You said to come see you about preschool for my daughter, Rosemary?"
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Terry wasn’t the first blast from the past to show up at Draco’s office. First there had been Katie, who had (understandably) told him off. Then there had been another version of Luna who brought him pudding (Draco liked her). Finally, Remus showed up to make sure Draco wasn’t going off the deep end when so many of his mates disappeared and then reappeared “wary” (code word for “allowed to ignore”) of him. After all those spur of the moment visits, Draco considered shutting his door, but he knew that was off putting to students who needed him. It was also cowardly.
Well, at least Terry warned him that he’d show. In fact, Draco invited him. They needed to discuss Terry’s little girl. And if Draco was being honest? He likely wouldn’t have known Terry if he fell over him. Draco obsessed over the trio in school and grew up with a few of the other students from each House, but other than that? Draco didn’t pay much attention to those who didn’t enter his orbit. He only hoped he hadn’t thrown a sneer Terry’s way or laughed at something he said in class, but Draco didn’t kid himself. Even if he didn’t say or do anything directly to Terry, he’d have reason to dislike him anyway, not just from school, but because of his role in the war.
Well, to hell with it. Draco decided to let his life both in the village and at home speak for him. If others kept grudges years old that was their problem. He grew up. And for that reason? Draco Malfoy was sitting in a small office fine-tuning the school packages for the students. The packages included books, supplies, and sweets (Draco’s personal touch). He was no artist so he planned to ask Amelia or Albus to help decorate the wrapped boxes.
He looked up when Terry appeared. He nodded and smiled. “Hullo...Terry Boot, I assume?” He remembered talking to the little girl who called herself “Rosie” on her journal and then Terry asking about school. He stood up, walked around his desk, and held his hand out. “Welcome, welcome, have a seat. Would you like a cup of tea?” He always had tea brewing in case one of the students or professors stopped in.
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“Yeah, Terry,” he said, shaking his hand without hesitation and adding that yes, tea sounded lovely. He took a seat, feeling rather formal as he watched Draco and began to fiddle a bit with the edge of his shirt, looking a little uncomfortable. It really had nothing to do with Draco and everything to do with the combination of being in a situation where he was playing Dad so fully and the fact that his mind was full of Peter and how very upset he was about the meeting with Sirius and Peter.
"My daughter, Rosie, she needs to be enrolled I think. She's five," he explained, coughing a little into his hand. "She isn't even born yet in my time, so I do not really know her education so far. She's smart though, she's clever I mean. She likes to run around a lot as well," he said, as if he needed to convince Draco that his daughter should be allowed to attend with the other kids as well. Perhaps it was more that Terry felt so out of his depth in every other part of life, but he actually had a better handle on Rosie. Not being a dad, just being there for her. He still saw a difference.
Maybe he was the only one who did. He wondered what his therapist would say about all this.
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Draco quickly poured two cups of steaming tea. He placed one in front of Terry along with a small container of milk and several sugar cubes. He listened about Rosie, but he noticed Terry’s fidgeting too. He decided he didn’t want to make anything more awkward so he pulled a chair near Terry rather than sit behind the desk. He figured that the seating put them on a level playing field. “I didn’t know about mine either and here they are both grown with one having a baby.” He couldn’t help smiling as he spoke about Scorpius and Cressida. “I have a granddaughter here too so don’t go feeling too old just yet.” His tea was mostly milk and sugar by the time he stopped talking, but that was how he liked it. He cleared his throat when he realized he likely babbled on about things Terry wasn’t interested in. Why would he be? “But, yes, there are other children here around her age so she should feel at ease, I hope. The professors are rather good. There is Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, Remus Lupin, and Nikki Weasley. They have quite the rotation set up so each student, regardless of age, has time to learn according to his or her ability.”
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“I don’t think you can really beat founders,” Terry offered with a light laugh, not mentioning Lupin in the name only because well… Lupin had been his teacher. He was biased, he’d pick Lupin over even a founder every time. But Lupin had been his own teacher, had fought in his war with him, and had just been a damn good person. He took his tea with just enough cream to change the hard edge of the leaves, sipping it slowly and keeping his eyes on the other man.
“What do I need to do to enroll her?” he asked, crossing one ankle over the other knee, trying to relax, but he hadn’t really been able to relax in so long that he didn’t even know what to do about that anymore, and so he finally just blurted out what was on his mind.
“You were hated, I mean- for a while. Your family was. But here, you’re respected. You changed. You grew up, you changed,” he said, his cheeks going a bit red the moment the words came out and he realized how many levels of dumb he was in that moment.
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Draco opened his mouth to explain he’d put Rosie’s name on the list and that Terry was welcomed to meet the professors or observe a class, but then Terry shocked him. Draco wasn’t sure why the subject shifted to him. He felt partly annoyed, but mostly sad. He wasn’t wrong thinking his past was in the back of people’s minds, was he? He told himself people had bigger things to concern themselves with and he was just insecure, but Terry’s blurted words confirmed his fears. He tried to remember his older self. He had been happy. He had his wife and family and he moved on from his past. But he wasn’t that man yet. He wasn’t even living in a normal world. He constantly needed to prove himself. He was tired of it.
“I nearly died,” Draco said finally. “I watched…” He swallowed past the lump that quickly formed. He was still too close to the war. “I haven’t actually spoken much on this with anyone outside my Mental Healer, Terry. Forgive me, but why are you….” He didn’t know how to finish that thought. ‘Curious’ didn’t seem the right term. “I don’t want to be one of them,” he said quietly instead of finishing his question, but the unspoken concern hung in the air.
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Terry couldn’t help but be grabbed by the mental healer comment. He’d needed one for a long time, had started using one after the attempt on his own life. It took a moment for him to speak, knowing that they’d changed gears very fully from talking about Rosie’s education.
“I’m a muggleborn. After the war, I had… I have, I suppose, a lot of trouble with it all. But I sort of held onto the brotherhood aspect of the DA, and that helped. Then… other things happened, and I saw a mental healer, but we never talked about trying to forgive people who had been in the war. And now, here, I found someone I could see myself enjoying their company in a very long term manner. I wanted them to meet my daughter, but Sirius Black told me they’re a death eater, and I saw the mark and now… now I don’t know.”
Terry picked imaginary lint off of his pants and tried to think of his next words.
“If anyone was going to know if they’d reformed it would be you, right? I mean. You did it- you do it.”
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Draco may have still been learning to pick up on cues from other people, but even he could tell part of Terry needed to discuss whatever was bothering him. His ears perked at the mention of his cousin. Sirius certainly had no love lost for Death Eaters. A little pang went through him. Sirius said he’d listen to Draco’s story when Draco was ready, but he didn’t know Draco had been Marked. Listening to Terry made Draco think Sirius wouldn’t be any more understanding of him than he had been with Terry’s friend. “I never…I was a joke to them,” Draco replied. He stood up to pour more tea, but only because he needed to move. He took his time with it. “I was Marked, but I was nothing to them. I couldn’t…I wasn’t strong enough to…to do what they wanted.” He looked back over his shoulder. “So I am not sure we can all be lumped together,” he admitted. “Some really enjoyed…really enjoyed the…the tasks. The torture.” He made himself say “torture” because it was cowardly not to. “But many have come here from a time where they are still ready to reevaluate things. Most of them never got the chance to at home like I do.” It was difficult walking the line between two worlds. Draco could understand the pull of Death Eaters even though he wanted no part of murder. “Not all of them realized what they signed up for,” he continued. “If you care about this friend and he has really made an effort, it seems…” He sighed and finally sat down again. He looked at Terry head on. “Nothing hurts more than really caring about people and having them change their minds just because of your past or because a new friend shows. I’ve been there. It is bloody shite to be honest. It is one thing for those directly affected, but…I mean, if this person hasn’t done anything to you or your family directly, why ostracize him if he is showing you he is trying?” Draco paused. He said a lot to a virtual stranger and he realized he was putting himself into Terry’s friend’s shoes, which might not have been fair. Then again, he too picked up on Terry mentioning a Healer, which made Draco feel an odd little connection. It was difficult accepting that sort of help. “I will say most of them have been trying here. Without You Know Who and their families, it is easier to be what they might have been.”
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"How do you know?" Terry asked, looking at Draco as if this man, this man who had once been so utterly wrong and mean and cruel in some cases, would magically know everything and have all the answers that he needed. What he wanted was for someone to simply tell him 'yes, Peter Pettigrew has redeemed himself' or 'no, he is still dark and twisted on the inside'. He didn't believe that Peter, the young man who had been so scared and wide eyed at just a kiss, was a horrible death eater. But he was. He would be... he had been?
Just the idea of having a husband in the future had terrified Terry before, now he had a death eater bringing him pears anonymously.
"If it's sincere, I mean. Do you have just have to trust it? I mean- this person, he's famous for what he did. Pettigrew, I mean... everyone knows. I'm sorry, this isn't a fair conversation, you're not my mental healer."
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Pettigrew. Ah, that made sense considering Sirius had been the one to tell. “Proof is in actions, isn’t it? He could betray you, possibly, but so could anyone else.” He shrugged. “I don’t know him well.” He only remembered Peter from home. Peter had symbolized everything Draco didn’t want to grow into back there. At one point, Draco thought he’d take Peter’s role if You Know Who kept sparing the Malfoy family’s lives. It was definitely a role he didn’t want. But the man had done nothing untoward in the village as far as Draco knew. “My friend, Lea, cares about him. She trusted him enough to leave a letter to him in the event she vanished. And Remus? He is married to my cousin and he was close to Peter once. He cares about him here too.” He hesitated for a beat. “I am not a mental healer,” he agreed, “But I know how important it is to talk about and how...some won’t understand.” He had offered Susan the chance and he’d offer Terry now. “I am willing to. If you want.”
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Terry looked up at Draco, hearing the words and knowing that he was going to have to continue trusting Remus’ leading, and that the offer Draco made was one he had to listen to. He stayed quiet for a few moments before putting his tea down.
“I’d like that,” he said, feeling ready to accept the offer for help, even if he hadn’t asked for it. Because he did need it, he needed someone to talk to, who could understand him but it seemed so utterly pushy and rude to ask Draco to take on the yoke that was Terry’s depression and history. He wasn’t sure if the other man was ready for all this, and so he slipped to his fault of making a joke. “I mean, if you really want to listen to the ramblings of a gay muggleborn trying to figure out single fatherhood, sure.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
It was like the words ‘I’m fine.’ Done for the benefit of those around him, but not himself. Because it wasn’t real, even if Draco’s words had started something in his mind about Peter. Something that was going to lead to Terry Boot finally giving into what his heart wanted.
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Draco welcomed the levity even if it was just a defense mechanism to Terry. Draco’s past was never far from his mind, but he hadn’t expected to discuss it so openly with his ex-classmate. Draco wondered if he’d regret it, but only time would tell. It was an odd feeling. Neville mentioned something to the effect of how fighting in the war changed people when Draco mentioned things were different for him during their first journal conversation. After talking to Susan and now Terry, Draco felt a little less batty. The papers had a field day with him at home, but he wasn’t bonkers. He’d show them eventually. He just hadn’t lived through it yet.
He chuckled. “Children are entertaining. I like them. I suppose that is how I wind up working with them in my future.” It still seemed so far off. “What is it you do back home?”
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“I’m a librarian, I also help mend the books. Since so many of the magical history works are both single editions and old, I repair them as they get older. It’s really… very particular and slow going work, but I actually miss it. I was good at it, I understood it. Here I work at the movie theater, which isn’t bad, but the hours make it hard to spend more time with Rosemary sometimes,” Terry said. “From what I can tell, I don’t leave the library in the future. Apparently I marry my ex at one point and have Rosie, which… I can’t even really focus on because I have no idea how that happened. But I guess a lot of us are like that, right? We’re at point A and we can learn about point C and it’s like… how in the bloody hell happened during B, right?”
Terry raked a hand through his already wild blonde hair, twitching his nose for a moment before switching which leg was bent and which was firm on the ground. “So, do I just bring Rosie in then?” he asked.
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Draco nodded along as Terry explained part of his life from home.“The first day is September 1,” Draco answered. “We will likely have something to celebrate opening. If she’d like to see the castle and meet the professors before then, I am sure I could arrange something.”
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“Perfect,” Terry said, standing up and offering Draco his hand. “Thank you for helping me with… all this,” Terry said, still not totally ready to treat Draco like a therapist. Maybe a friend, Terry was never too snobby to believe that he could be above making new friends, in particular ones that actually were making an effort in their lives. “I’ll bring her by, I think she’d enjoy that,” Terry said.
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Draco shook the offered hand. He was no therapist, but he could be a friend. He was learning that about himself. “You should come to the party if you like. Astoria and I are throwing one. Some of the other children will be there. Rosie might like it? It looks to be large so plenty of people to see.” He meant plenty of people to interact with besides Draco in case Terry felt awkward about it. “You can just write us to let us know. It is at the Manor on Saturday around six.” He didn’t want to put anyone the spot.
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“Great,” he said, smiling and trying to shake off the oddness of his feelings. Now he felt angry- not at Draco or at Peter or at Sirius. But at himself. He wanted to slap himself upside the head, he wanted to yell at himself for not trusting his initial feelings and thoughts. He smiled at the invitation, thinking that he would go and see what it was all about and see what it was all about.
“Thank you, Draco,” Terry said, sincerity clear in his voice as he left the office.