Who: Sirius and RemusKnap What: Saying good-bye When: Tuesday evening Where: Their house Warnings: None
The idea of Remus leaving scared him. It wasn't exactly a surprise. Remus had said to him before that he was eager to get on with their life, to get to the good stuff. And it wasn't that Sirius didn't want that too. There was just a sea of evil and bad things he had to get through first. He knew going back meant surrendering up his mind again. Undoubtedly, he would lose more memories. Bellatrix would pick him apart. He would test dark magic on himself again. Going back meant giving himself up -- with the promise that, eventually, he came back. It was hard though, to knowingly enter that breach. Maybe he wouldn't ever be ready for it. But he certainly wasn't ready for it now.
He sat quietly on the floor, leaned up against Remus' bed, waiting for him to come back. He had been tempted to remain as Padfoot, but it felt necessary, somehow, that he felt everything as his human self. His heart ached at the idea of both James and Remus not being here -- but it seemed important that he feel that because he could. There was a time -- and that time would come again -- where he would reveal in James and Remus not being apart of his life.
Maybe it would be easier for him to leave when both of them were gone. Or maybe when Lily, Harry, and Johnny were gone too. He just couldn't sacrifice what he had here yet.