InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I ate your parents."

sirilla black is horny with her heart (canisirillacus) wrote in flippedrpg,
@ 2012-11-18 15:49:00

Entry tags:

ch: blood: remus lupin, ch: swap: sirilla black, p: annalisa, p: rachael

Who: Sirilla^swap & Remus^blood (aka Mary Smith & Larry Davis)
What: random run-in
When: Sunday
Where: Main Street.
Warnings: TBD

This world was far better than the last one. Sirilla had enjoyed the island, mostly, even the deserted island, until Trouble had left again. Cynically, she felt that this time it was probably for good. Even more cynically, she was starting to think that if she stayed here long enough (and she was still very determined to stay), she might lose everyone here that mattered. Even Dame Zeta, since she'd lost Miss Kappa before, though she hoped at least her dameface might be able to say goodbye.

Even when people returned, it hurt. Her colour-world counterpart was going through that right now, and Sirilla had a fair idea of how much it must hurt. She couldn't decide whether she was hoping to be in his position or not, with her own Moony returning. She hoped that if he did come back, she might be over him enough by then not to be quite so affected if he didn't want her back, for any number of reasons. Oldfoot hadn't been given nearly long enough, but Sirilla was going on half a month. Maybe, just maybe, she'd manage it.

In the meantime, she had plenty of distractions in this world. She was the mayor of this weird little town, which was a little bit confusing in that it meant she had a woman inside her head worrying about policies and laws and the like, but also awesome in that she still had her own mind enough to make it her own. She just needed to get this mayor lady to relax and do some fun things and then no one would really care if she didn't get something else right.

But of course, her enjoyment of her job couldn't keep out everything else forever; she was due for a reality check. It happened when she was walking down the street with a milkshake, greeting everyone as she went-- the handy thing about this Mary Smith lady was she seemed to know everyone's name-- when she ended up in front of Larry Davis. "Hello, Larry," she greeted him in her mayor's voice without thinking, and a split second later Sirilla's brain kicked in to remind her who this was. She glanced around to see if anyone was listening to them, and then lifted a hand to press the back of it against her mouth as if she were wiping away a bit of milkshake on her lips, even though she didn't have any. "I mean, Remus."

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

thumbtwiddler
2012-11-20 05:03 am UTC (link)

"I didn't say it because I didn't want you away from me because you didn't do that to me," Remus shot back, his navy eyes darkening in response to her tone. His eyes cut over sharply to her as he felt his temper flare at her words, crackling at what she wasn't saying. He stopped walking and drew over to the side, out of the middle of the sidewalk, and bit down hard on his lip.

"This is my two knuts, so feel free to take it or leave it," he started, forcing his fists to uncurl. His fingers twitched against his legs as he gathered his thoughts, refusing to steady themselves. "It hurt when Sirius was here from before that time and I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't the one I left behind. I kept treating him like he was that Sirius that I had last seen because this place is messed up and it's difficult to separate what you know from what you're seeing. Even now, when I know that the Sirilla that took my pygmy puff ages ago would have stood up for me, it's hard to keep the images separate because that's what I knew first."

He rubbed at the back of his neck as he half-turned away from her to glance at the window display behind him, allowing Larry a moment of normalcy. "Look, I'm not trying to compare even if it's sounding like I am because what happened in your world was horrific. It's just - I know it's hard to look at one and not think about what you know and, at the root of it, I'm just a selfish monster that wants friends around him."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

canisirillacus
2012-11-20 05:18 am UTC (link)

"I can tell the difference, thanks," Sirilla said. "And I am fudging fed up with people assuming that I can't. Yeah, part of it is that it hurts to have these other versions of her around, but the biggest part of it is that if I had it all to do over again, I'd never have any Wormtail, ever, at all, because if I'd just bloody well not trusted her in the first place, my real best friends would still have been alive and Hannah would have grown up with her parents, with me and Renee. This place is my fresh start and I only want to have the people around me that I know I can absolutely, positively trust with my life because that is the kind of loyalty I have to them."

There were tears in her eyes, from frustration and pain and fury, but she refused to blink them away, staring him down. "There are three friends in my world that I trust. Jane, Luke, and Renee. I'm probably never going to trust anyone else, but I trusted the other versions of them here because you were them, and you don't trust me, you don't trust my judgment. You think I'm blind to what's true in your world because of what happened in mine, but you're the one that's blind to what you're doing to me. I understand why you might have trouble trusting me, and if you'd asked me to stay away because of that, I would have respected that. If I really am your friend, you should be able to do the same."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thumbtwiddler
2012-11-25 11:40 pm UTC (link)

"If I'm so blind to what I'm doing to you, then tell me right now in plain English," Remus shot back, crossing his arms across his chest and looking down at her, returning the glare she had directed up at him. He let out his breath sharply, feeling like the big bad wolf that haunted children's stories, and threw his hands out in frustration. He felt like this conversation was spinning around in circles, and each person was at a different center of circles that barely touched.

"He's not coming to the next full. I chose you lot over him because that's what I wanted and thought best for the others, yourself included. I agreed to what you said months ago because I knew how that would affect you and wanted you to be able to run with your Moony. And yes, he was there even after I talked to him, but how in the world could I have transformed back to tell Pete to get out once I noticed he was there? The only thing I could do at that point was to get him away from you because I can't change at will to do that and hope that he's alive the next morning so I could explain what had happened."

Remus paused and rubbed at his forehead, trying to clear out the protesting Larry. "We all have problems here, Sirilla," he said. "The Marauders break. Flip, we're broken here because of this, and I only seem to be making it worse by trying to fix it. None of them would look for me if I was removed like Jane or Renee would look for you. I don't have that; I just have you lot. Well, I did. I want to fix this, but it seems like I'm just going in circles when I try to say I'm sorry."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

canisirillacus
2012-11-26 01:09 am UTC (link)

"You're breaking my heart," Sirilla said, honestly. "You hurt me, you made me feel unsafe and unwelcome and disrespected. You broke my trust. Not just you, but all of you, everyone who's been pushing at me over this issue. And the worst of it is that I am completely terrified for all of your safety, all of you who still trust your Wormtails, but if you were as terrified for my well-being as I am for yours you would have found a way to stop him, not warn him. There was enough time to talk to him between the time he arrived and the full moon, and if you waited until the last second, that's your fault. Even then, it doesn't take very many words, Remus. Don't come. Just don't come. Or if you were going to warn me, it could have been Wormtail's coming. The people I trust are the ones who would go out of their way and do whatever it takes to protect me, the same as I would do for them."

"You can't be forgiven if you don't take responsibility for what you did," she said, eyes darkening. "Trust me, I know that from experience. So stop making excuses and own up to it. Take your own advice and tell me in plain English that you're sorry."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thumbtwiddler
2012-11-26 04:50 am UTC (link)

Remus was silent as Sirilla talked, his dark eyes focused internally as he flicked through memories of his time both before and after coming to this place. Flickers of Sirius explaining to him why Snape had been in the passage right before the full surfaced, quickly followed by a door shutting in his face, Dora vanishing, empty name plates on his friends' doors, and Peter's familiar scrawl appearing in his journal. There were situations where he had varying levels of control over, and times where he had been on the other side. He remembered the elation he had experienced when he had seen Pete's writing - the handwriting of one of his best mates - and, as he did, acknowledged the fact that he had been caught up in the moment with his former friend that he had belatedly thought about his friends here. Even if it was everyone's job to make sure that Peter Pettigrews knew about the conditions of the full, he was from his world and it had been his responsibility to ultimately make sure that the terms were clear.

He glanced down into her darkening eyes, his own pair dark as the Atlantic "Yes, I'm responsible for not telling him in time," he conceded, some of the tension ebbing out of his arms. "I got caught up with reacquainting myself with a friend I never thought I'd see again and remembered the conditions too late. Not," he held up a hand, "that it's an excuse, but it's what happened. My world's not one of the ones deemed - for whichever reason - to be of much interest to whatever's being collected and studied, so yes. It slipped because I had never pictured myself explaining this to the Peter I went to school with. I'm far from perfect and mistakes happen, but it was never my intent to make you go through all of that. For all of that I'm sorry."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

canisirillacus
2012-11-26 05:17 am UTC (link)

Sirilla was silent for a moment before slowly shifting her weight, and then she spoke. "I don't need you to choose us. It's fine with me if you want to run with him and whoever else is willing to run with him, I wouldn't have been angry with you for that. I'm not unreasonable, Moony. Just the scent of him makes me murderously angry and I can't stop myself and-- this, separating myself, this is me trying to be merciful. This is as much as I can possibly manage, and I really need you to understand that."

She shrugged helplessly. "Mistakes can be forgiven, and Merlina knows I've been forgiven for worse." But it still hurt so much. Not just this conversation, but everything; this whole situation had torn her apart, torn her friends apart. She was on the verge of tears, but she blinked them back, swallowed down the lump in her throat. "I'm just really bad at forgiving. I could hold a grudge until honey freezes over--" she blinked, and then gave a short cough of laughter at how ridiculous that sounded. "Oh, this blooming town. You know what I mean."

"I'm trying, I really am. I don't want us to be broken here, I want to fix it, too. I'm trying, okay? That's all I can do right now."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thumbtwiddler
2012-11-26 02:45 pm UTC (link)

"I do understand that, and I'm not choosing this exclusively for you," Remus cautiously explained, stuffing his hands in the tailored trousers Larry preferred. "Yes, that's something big to take into account, but what if Remus from the faction world came back and didn't want to leave the group? Sirius stuck with me that last night, but I wouldn't want to put him in a spot to choose between us if it came down to it. I've been changing without my Marauders for a while now, even before I came here, but I can't do it alone even with wolfsbane. There are other ways I can include Peter, and I'm pretty sure Lily would hit me with her frying pan if he wasn't at our breakfast the morning after." His face colored slightly as he remembered the morning after; it hadn't been Lily that time who had greeted him with a plate full of chocolate chip pancakes.

He rolled his shoulder back and bent his knees, moving to prevent the chill in the air from settling in his bones. While fashionable, the coat Larry had hanging in his closet was meant more for drawing the eyes of the females in school than protecting against the November air. He cracked a smile as her words were changed and nodded, knowing what she was getting at. "You're about as bad as that as I am for speaking up against my friends," he said with a shrug, fishing in his pockets to see if Larry had anything stashed in there that could help. His fingers brushed against some spare change, a paper clip, his half eaten chocolate bar, before he pulled out a slightly crumpled, clean paper napkin he had pocketed at the store. He extended it towards her and said, "It takes time to move on and start repairing. Apparently the big guy's on our side for now, but, just in case he decides he doesn't want me any more, I really am sorry."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

canisirillacus
2012-11-27 04:06 am UTC (link)

The mention of Lily made Sirilla's heart squeeze a bit, because she had broken that friendship a bit too, and that was her fault. She needed to do something about that, but Merlina, she just wanted to hide under her blankets right now. She might have been doing that, except for this stupid mayor, except for her stupid pride that refused to crawl into a corner. "Then maybe we'll all be running together this month," she said. Except for the Wormtails, but she didn't bother to specify. "I'd like that."

She blinked at the napkin, but shook her head, composing herself. She wasn't going to cry, because she simply wasn't going to. She refused, and besides, they were sort of patching things up. She wasn't ready to cuddle up with him the same way she'd done with the faction world Remus, but she curled her arms around herself and met his gaze, dry-eyed. "Me too," she said. "Sorry that I let her get to me, that I'm still letting her get to me, even here. That what happened in my world and in colour is breaking things even when we're not in our worlds anymore, even when our Wormtails aren't around. It's not my fault that things are broken back there, but I'm the one that's here, the one that can't go back to the way things used to be. And that's not really my fault either, but it's hurting people, and I hate hurting people. So... I'm sorry that you got hurt, too."

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -