InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Happy Birthday Tony"

_rebelrebel (_rebelrebel) wrote in flippedrpg,
@ 2012-08-03 01:47:00

Entry tags:

ch: bdh: andromeda tonks, ch: knap: sirius black, p: annalisa, p: veetee

Who: Andromeda^BDH & Sirius^KNAP
What: Seeking out some family
When: Aug. 3, evening
Where: Her room
Warnings: Angst?

He had decided to seek her out sometime after they had spoken in the journals. He just hadn't known when that movie was until he was already heading toward her room. Maybe it was a little too brash -- but he just needed somebody who wasn't a part of the world he had come from. No conversation was ever easy when it came to them. Everything came with expectations and far too many emotions. And he loved being around Sirilla, but he knew that he could board himself up in her room.

And Andromeda, even she wasn't his Andromeda, was family. He needed to know how to make things right with her, even if wasn't precisely fixing the problems just yet.

It was only when he knocked on her door that he remember that everyone else was considering this Christmas Eve. He probably should have brought a gift -- although she was probably with people, so it was probably just stupid of him to come. But he could say hello, he figured. He could make that step.

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andspiralling
2012-08-05 05:56 am UTC (link)

He had managed to get another smile out of her. A small and wry one, but a real one, not the kind she had put on for the other versions of her daughter, for Ted, for her grandchildren. Genuinely amused, she said, "You always were a cheeky one."

She took a sip of her tea, enjoying the bitter taste, and then lowered the cup. She let out a long breath and attempted to relax back into her chair, which was easier than the first time she'd sat down. Whether it was the tea or the fact that their conversation was actually going rather well, she wasn't sure, but she certainly wasn't putting any energy into keeping up a pretense anymore. That was a nice reprieve.

"Yes," she said. "They're disappointed and hurt, but they're such good and honest people that they forgive you anyway." She thought of Teddy, and the idea of him made a flicker of pain cross her face. His disappointment and distrust was so hard to bear, but when he insisted that he didn't want any other version of her, when he said that he had probably already forgiven her even though he was still hurt... that made it all a million times worse. "And that, of course, only makes you feel like an even more terrible person."

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_rebelrebel
2012-08-05 06:15 am UTC (link)

A cheeky one. He couldn't even remember the last time that anybody had called him anything like that. But it made him so happy, made his chest feel a little tight, when she spoke to him like that. Because, really, he had thought he had lost something when he had found that Bella had betrayed him. It had been selfish of him, because he'd wanted to take some part of his family with him. But Andromeda -- Andromeda had always been so much more than Bellatrix, able to see not only his potential, but also just love him for his flaws. And tell him off when he was being stupid with needing to cast him out of her life.

He'd missed her. So much.

It was exactly how he felt about James -- all the time now. All that consistent belief, and the way he looked at him. The way he forgave him so easily, and the way he just expected more and more and more, and Sirius had flat out told him, that he wasn't that person James wanted anymore. And still --

"I'm still so angry with them," Sirius confessed, his voice still soft. "And maybe I have no right, but --" The anger coiled inside him all the time anyway, a rage that surfaced its head whenever it felt like. Uncontrollable and unexplainable.

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andspiralling
2012-08-05 06:26 am UTC (link)

"What are you angry with them about, Sirius?" Andromeda asked. Her voice was quiet, too, but not with sympathy or pity. She watched him, relatively calmly, her hands curled around her cup. "Everyone has a right to feel the way they feel."

That was a lesson she'd learned early on, she and Sirius both. A lesson they'd learned in childhood, that they shouldn't have to suffocate their own emotions and desires for the sake of their family. That they shouldn't be forced to be something they weren't.

It was different for Andromeda now, of course. She had turned into them anyway, had become the coil of twisted emotions that her sister had been, that drove her to violence. But she still had a choice, surely; there was still some hope for her, there had to be. Some kind of redemption, some kind of purpose. She did believe that, but she had very thoroughly lost her way, and finding it again seemed nearly impossible.

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_rebelrebel
2012-08-05 06:47 am UTC (link)

"I don't even know," Sirius answered, and his voice belied that he knew the painful irony of what he was saying and was having a difficult time with it. He pressed one hand up to his mouth for a minute. "I mean, that's the real fucked up part of it, isn't it? I don't have any right to be mad with them. I'm the one that --"

He cut himself off, realizing that he was rambling. But it was true: he was the traitor. Remus and James had never even done anything against him. They had been fair better friends to him than he to them, apparently.

And he felt bad all the same, because he hadn't meant to unload this all on Andromeda.

"I'm sorry," he said finally -- and grinned as he said it, even if it wasn't quite as genuine as before.

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andspiralling
2012-08-05 07:04 am UTC (link)

Andromeda listened to him, trying to piece together what he was saying. "You said Bellatrix was in your head," she said. "She made you distrust me. Did she also make you angry?" She gave him a wry smile. "She's very good at that."

The vast majority of her vindictive rage was directed at her sister. If it had been someone else, anyone else -- someone she didn't love, despite all the bitterness between them -- maybe she could have coped. But her sister had taken so much from her, her own sister. The violent betrayal of it was just as horrifying as the grief. How had the other Andromeda coped with that? Had there been no involvement from Bella, in her world?

She smiled too, and ran her fingers over the curve of her cup's handle. "You can tell me, Sirius. If you want to."

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_rebelrebel
2012-08-14 05:43 am UTC (link)

"She didn't make me distrust you," Sirius answered, and there was something of a sad smile on his face. But he felt he had to be honest on this point. There was no doubt that she had made him distrust Remus and James. But Andromeda was a murkier subject. There had never been the same pressure there had been with his friends. But there had been a sort of warning, the eternal possibility that she might side with them instead of him. Maybe if he had tried harder, Bella would have deterred him. But he hadn't tried harder on that front. He had given up his cousin too readily.

"I don't know," he said, because he didn't. He was angry enough on his own. But he and Bella had never been an especially good combination. They fed off each other in the worst sort of ways. Who knew where his anger ended and hers began now?

"She made me think that they were my enemies," Sirius said finally. "And I planned all sorts of awful ways to kill them."

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