InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Oops I did it again!"

_rebelrebel (_rebelrebel) wrote in flippedrpg,
@ 2012-08-03 01:47:00

Entry tags:

ch: bdh: andromeda tonks, ch: knap: sirius black, p: annalisa, p: veetee

Who: Andromeda^BDH & Sirius^KNAP
What: Seeking out some family
When: Aug. 3, evening
Where: Her room
Warnings: Angst?

He had decided to seek her out sometime after they had spoken in the journals. He just hadn't known when that movie was until he was already heading toward her room. Maybe it was a little too brash -- but he just needed somebody who wasn't a part of the world he had come from. No conversation was ever easy when it came to them. Everything came with expectations and far too many emotions. And he loved being around Sirilla, but he knew that he could board himself up in her room.

And Andromeda, even she wasn't his Andromeda, was family. He needed to know how to make things right with her, even if wasn't precisely fixing the problems just yet.

It was only when he knocked on her door that he remember that everyone else was considering this Christmas Eve. He probably should have brought a gift -- although she was probably with people, so it was probably just stupid of him to come. But he could say hello, he figured. He could make that step.

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andspiralling
2012-08-03 06:05 am UTC (link)

Andromeda was not with people. She probably should have been, because she did have family here, far more of it than she had at home. Their presence made her happy, temporarily, while they were around, because she was pretending to be the Andromeda she'd once been, the one who had been happy. The one who'd had a family which had made her happy. But keeping up the pretense, the facade, was exhausting. Christmas world seemed never-ending, a bright and shiny and happy hell that she couldn't escape.

She had tried to reach out to Sirius, with the idea that she might be able to find some relief. Find some sort of closure, through talking about her problems, so that she could begin to make her mistakes up to Teddy; surely that would be the best possible Christmas gift she could give him.

All it had done was open up her wounds, dredge up everything that she'd been holding at bay. The sucking black hole inside her, the gaping maw of her desire to be important, to have purpose, to be something, anything, other than what she was. A widow, a failure, a murderer, a disappointment. She had strength to keep her composure and hide all of it, but underneath the surface her emotions festered and wore down on her sanity.

This was the fuel that she had turned into motive, into revenge. Even if that had been an option here, she knew better than to take it, but she was completely lacking in outlets for it. She considered going down to the kitchens to bake, or to the gym to use one of the punching bags, but had done neither. There was too much risk of running into someone, especially on Christmas Eve, and the thought of spending the night pretending to be happy and warm and loving made her stomach clench. Even though she had nothing to do here, it seemed the better option to stay in her room idly going insane, even if the only benefit was not having to pretend otherwise.

But she had half-expected a knock on her door, because she had enough family here that odds were someone would get it into their head to stop by, even if it were only to say hello. She had plenty of cookies baked to give out to people, even if she had utterly failed at coming up with better gifts for anyone; the harder thing would be going through the motion of giving them to people. At the moment, she couldn't stand pretending to be alright, but nor could she stand Theodore's disappointment or Sirius's brand of sympathy.

Restless and irritable, she attempted to compose herself-- probably not nearly so well as she would have liked-- before opening the door. It was Sirius on the other side, and a flicker of annoyance crossed her features in the split second before she realized it wasn't the version of him she'd been talking to. Her posture eased slightly, and her expression softened; she managed a smile, but it took effort. "Hello, Sirius."

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_rebelrebel
2012-08-03 06:25 am UTC (link)

He was surprised to find that he was just happy to see her. With Remus and James -- he was still more scared. There was still that punch of emotion, that uncomfortable mixture that was born of his fear and his hate and his guilt. But Andromeda -- he was just quietly relieved, happy to see her in the most sincere of ways. Maybe it was because Bellatrix had never tried to turn him against her. He had made the decision to simply avoid her, worried that that relationship had been sacrificed when the Marauders and the Order had been split. He had never been angry with her; he had just always quietly missed her.

And he knew, again, that it wasn't his Andromeda, but she was such a familiar sight, that he couldn't help but smile, the action almost shy. He wanted to hug her, but he didn't. He kept back a little, keeping himself in check. The sixteen-year-old in him would have been astonished at how often he kept himself controlled, but he was too wary in general, and he was too wary of being hurt again in particular.

"Hello, Andromeda," he answered. "I didn't think to bring anything," he said by way of apology, turning his hands toward her for a moment. "But I wanted to see you." He paused. "I hope that's okay."