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Remus Lupin is a badass. ([info]crescered) wrote in [info]flippedrpg,
@ 2012-07-30 22:30:00

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Entry tags:ch: div: lily evans, ch: div: remus lupin, p: lisa ii, p: silyara

Who: Div!Lily and Remus
What: Walking and talking
When: Monday night
Where: ...around
Warnings: Language, sad stuff.



Remus had located the pamphlet on this place and while he thought it was a little childish to have done it in crayon, he was finding it very useful. Everyone knew about the other worlds it seemed, and Remus didn't like not knowing. It was hard enough to be in the dark upon first arriving but now every time he spoke to someone new he had a ton of information to absorb. Most of that information took awhile to acquire, too. The pamphlet, however, presented it all to him in clear explanations that was simple and the way he liked to study things.

It was also helping to take his mind off of everything. At first he was just surprised, confused, maybe even a bit scared to have just appeared someplace entirely different with no real guesses as to what had happened. Then he started to understand, mostly with Lily's help, and a few others filled in some gaps. Then he had to process it all, learn to accept that he now had a new life to live, at least until he found his way back. That part was easier. Especially when Lily seemed to have already been through it - reassurance was key.

After that, though, Remus was left to think about what it truly meant. His home was gone. Dauntless might as well have never existed. His parents, unreachable. Everyone besides James and Lily, actually. Sure, there were other versions walking around, but the thought of anyone replacing anyone from his world was almost disgusting. No other Sirius could take the place of the Padfoot he lived with, nor the Peter just downstairs. They were his friends - how long would he go without seeing them?

It was enough to damper any liking for Christmas he may have had. While he had always been awkward when accepting gifts from others, the general spirit of Christmas was something he looked forward to. The snow was pretty, the music was upbeat, and everyone seemed to have more cheer in them. Now, though, he wanted nothing to do with Christmas and planned on skipping every damn event that was to be held. He was angry deep down, though he was doing well at hiding that below a layer of placated sadness. It was obvious in the way his shoulders sagged as he sat in a chair by himself, bent over the papers he went through again and again.



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[info]gunsnlily
2012-07-31 03:49 am UTC (link)
Their walk was slow, and Lily was in no rush. There was no exact location in mind, though she did want to leave the compound. She wove her arm through his, as a small gesture and reminder. It brought back many memories, of other walks, some happier, some not. But that was okay. She gently led Remus toward the doors, the exit of the Compound. She'd always been fine in the cold, and her clothes were warm enough.

Outside Lily stayed quiet as they moved. She gently slowly led them away from others, so that it was just the two of them walking. Her eyes glanced over, and even looking forward her focus was on her peripheral vision. There wasn't anything to say yet.

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[info]crescered
2012-07-31 04:05 am UTC (link)
Remus' mind wandered as they went through the compound, taking note of everything he saw and trying to remain calm. It wasn't difficult with Lily's arm around his own, making him feel like it was just another day, just another walk at home. Any minute now, they could turn around and head back inside for dinner with James, Sirius, and Peter, maybe even a few others. But no, this was nothing like that.

When they stepped outside, he took a deep breath, pulling in the sharp air. It wasn't too cold and he had to admit that it was a beautiful scene, flurries everywhere, the snow packed in clean, white piles. He actually thought of Hogwarts for a moment. Only once they were far away from others and the compound did he look over, his eyebrows knitted. "I'm sorry, but I can't like it here, Lils."

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[info]gunsnlily
2012-07-31 04:15 am UTC (link)
Their feet left soft tracks in the snow, were someone trying to follow them. Snow began to fill them up again, but the depressions stayed. They were in no blizzard. Lily loved winter, and since hearing Harry was born in December, Lily loved it even more. It gave her hope, the way it promised new life to come each year. Remus's mood tampered hers because Lily cared that he wasn't happy. That affected her, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

"You don't have to, Rems," she replied, looking up at him as they walked. Scientists had said they didn't control who came here, but Epsilon had arranged for she and James to live together. That had been on her list. Remus had been there too. Looking out into the snow, Lily felt conflicted - by no means was she sorry to wish for the company of her friend. Yet she had not wished to bring him here only to be miserable. "I asked for you," Lily stated, "All of you."

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[info]crescered
2012-07-31 04:28 am UTC (link)
A soft huff left his lips as his head tilted down, eyes focusing on the lack of a trail they were taking. Every once and awhile he would let his shoe kick up a bit of a snow, just for the hell of it. No, he didn't have to like it there, but he didn't want to be anything other than content and happy - whether that was from growing up in Amity, or because he never wanted to burden others, even with his emotions, well, it didn't exactly matter.

Remus clenched his jaw just slightly and paused to look at the redhead. "I can't blame you," he admitted after a moment. Averting his gaze, he shrugged. "I asked for Sirius, but I figured he would be good for Prongs, too. The more Marauders from our own world, the better, right?" It sounded good to him and he doubted Sirius would be as unhappy.

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[info]gunsnlily
2012-07-31 04:35 am UTC (link)
The world, as she saw it, had to have differed greatly from Remus's eyes. She had always learned how to be happy. When Amity's ways were not for her, Lily had forged her own path, toward helping people, bettering herself, and yes being happy. Dauntless made her happy, even though it had been some time since she had been with her faction. James and Remus, yes, but even their class had more initiates than that. Still, Lily was happy - not in every moment, but most of the time.

"Sirius would be good for me too, Moony," Lily used the nickname the boys had for Remus, "I agree. The more of our friends the better." They were the ones she had become used to in her life. The rest of her family, Lily loved them, but she was used to their absence. "Siriuses are popular," Lily commented, "Maybe that means he'll come. James did. You did." The four of them were very popular. Peter less so. Mary not at all.

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[info]crescered
2012-07-31 04:53 am UTC (link)
"I know," Remus sighed. They all ended up working together, something like a unit of friends who functioned best with each other. They all had their individual relationships with each other and how they fit into the group on a whole. No one was really surprised since they went through Gryffindor together, then went on into Dauntless, and all moved into the same house. Weird, maybe, but Remus never really questioned it. He was happy there.

"Maybe." If he didn't, Remus would just have to live with it until something changed. Replacements were unacceptable, though he was very interested in the other versions of everyone, just because it was a curious thing. He took a deep breath. "Sometimes I hate how much you make me feel better. Isn't it good to deal with that stuff sometimes?" Moony gave her a small grin, one that meant he belonged with the Marauders, in Dauntless, at her side as best friend.

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[info]gunsnlily
2012-07-31 05:01 am UTC (link)
Remus's presence and mood reminded Lily of how much she was missing - of her life, of her current life. James had made her long for the future, with a son and a marriage and still their friends. But her life was happy when she'd been taken, albeit not at the very moment she was taken. Fear landscapes weren't about happiness. Strangely she'd gone the longest ever in her life without moving through it, since she joined Dauntless. That ritual of her life was gone, for now. So much missing. But Lily had learned how to be happy, without parts of her life.

Leaning a little more against Remus, Lily smiled. They walked with white all around them, emotions walking a fine line between terribly sad and joyously happy. Even wavering as they were toward happy - as that smile did - their hearts were along the border. "My apologies for breaking into sad times," Lily replied. It was light hearted, but a couple moments later she spoke more seriously. "I try to deal with that stuff on a regular basis, at least once a week," Lily spoke quietly. She had not been as good at that since being here, and that was a problem.

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[info]crescered
2012-07-31 08:42 pm UTC (link)
It was true, even as Remus admitted to feeling better, he was teetering on the edge. Any small push could put him dangerously on either side. But that was just how it was and he was okay with that for now, until something was resolved and maybe he would just have to sleep it off. It seemed that there was nothing he could do to change things, and while that felt a bit final, it would help in the moment. Knowing there was nothing to do would allow him to stop worrying over it. At least too much.

Remus gently nudged his arm against Lily at the apology. Obviously it was okay. He turned to study her face when she turned more serious, but he wasn't surprised at all. "That's how we were trained, right? Face your fears over and over until you can handle them. I can see why you'd try to keep that routine up, for other things." It helped to compartmentalize their emotional troubles.

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[info]gunsnlily
2012-07-31 08:56 pm UTC (link)
Cowardice bred out of fear. Facing fears was important. Overcoming them was important, but it was also important to know what she feared. If she did not know, was there not the possibility that in a moment of crisis she could be a coward? If she knew something was her weakness, she was prepared more than being taken by surprise. As much as she loved surprises, Lily didn't like all types. Entering her landscape was never a joyful matter of wonder and expectation.

"Yes," Lily agreed, "And I wonder - " She had been thinking it even more seriously since James arrived, since he mentioned their son, their Harry. But even meeting the other Harry's had been enough to make her wonder. Had her fears changed? If so, how had they? "I wonder if being here changes them," Lily looked over at Remus, "Knowing so much of what happens to me, to us, in other worlds. It's nothing I had imagined before." But Harry was the crux of it, they all were, and Hannah too.

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[info]crescered
2012-08-01 04:17 am UTC (link)
"I imagine it does," Remus nodded seriously, looking over at her again. Everything had already changed for him, that much he knew, but he wasn't sure how he felt about those changes. If they were to return to their own world with all the memories of this place, their entire history could change. Unless this was meant to happen from the beginning, something like a push in the right direction to keep everything on track.

"I never thought I'd have a child. You and James, yes, you were meant for it," he smiled, thinking of how the family he pictured always seemed perfect. "So to know that it's possible, and safe, for me to actually have one...It just changes everything." Moony shrugged and glanced around. He felt significantly different.

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[info]gunsnlily
2012-08-01 04:54 am UTC (link)
Having children was both one of her most important goals and the most terrifying part of life. Yes part of it hinged with death, but that fear had never been about dying. Though her counterparts hadn't died in childbirth, they had died when Harry and Hannah were so young, it was almost the same thing. One of her greatest fears. And she was there for them now, and she would do the same for them their mums had in a heartbeat. And it changed her, talking to her children, who were still the most amazing remarkable people. Ah, it was joyous beyond belief.

But of course, Lily thought, as she listened to Remus. She has simply loved the many children of his here without thinking about what that meant to him. Children, Remus ... it was meant to happen and possible and changed everything too. His fears had been completely different from hers on the matter. "It does," Lily agreed, some happiness bleeding through the serious nature of their talk, "It takes time to comprehend it. I still need more time." She kept close to him.

"But we have each other," she added. Remus and Lily. And James.

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