InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You look so fine."

Remus Lupin is a badass. (crescered) wrote in flippedrpg,
@ 2012-07-30 22:30:00

Entry tags:

ch: div: lily evans, ch: div: remus lupin, p: lisa ii, p: silyara

Who: Div!Lily and Remus
What: Walking and talking
When: Monday night
Where: ...around
Warnings: Language, sad stuff.

Remus had located the pamphlet on this place and while he thought it was a little childish to have done it in crayon, he was finding it very useful. Everyone knew about the other worlds it seemed, and Remus didn't like not knowing. It was hard enough to be in the dark upon first arriving but now every time he spoke to someone new he had a ton of information to absorb. Most of that information took awhile to acquire, too. The pamphlet, however, presented it all to him in clear explanations that was simple and the way he liked to study things.

It was also helping to take his mind off of everything. At first he was just surprised, confused, maybe even a bit scared to have just appeared someplace entirely different with no real guesses as to what had happened. Then he started to understand, mostly with Lily's help, and a few others filled in some gaps. Then he had to process it all, learn to accept that he now had a new life to live, at least until he found his way back. That part was easier. Especially when Lily seemed to have already been through it - reassurance was key.

After that, though, Remus was left to think about what it truly meant. His home was gone. Dauntless might as well have never existed. His parents, unreachable. Everyone besides James and Lily, actually. Sure, there were other versions walking around, but the thought of anyone replacing anyone from his world was almost disgusting. No other Sirius could take the place of the Padfoot he lived with, nor the Peter just downstairs. They were his friends - how long would he go without seeing them?

It was enough to damper any liking for Christmas he may have had. While he had always been awkward when accepting gifts from others, the general spirit of Christmas was something he looked forward to. The snow was pretty, the music was upbeat, and everyone seemed to have more cheer in them. Now, though, he wanted nothing to do with Christmas and planned on skipping every damn event that was to be held. He was angry deep down, though he was doing well at hiding that below a layer of placated sadness. It was obvious in the way his shoulders sagged as he sat in a chair by himself, bent over the papers he went through again and again.

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crescered
2012-07-31 08:42 pm UTC (link)

It was true, even as Remus admitted to feeling better, he was teetering on the edge. Any small push could put him dangerously on either side. But that was just how it was and he was okay with that for now, until something was resolved and maybe he would just have to sleep it off. It seemed that there was nothing he could do to change things, and while that felt a bit final, it would help in the moment. Knowing there was nothing to do would allow him to stop worrying over it. At least too much.

Remus gently nudged his arm against Lily at the apology. Obviously it was okay. He turned to study her face when she turned more serious, but he wasn't surprised at all. "That's how we were trained, right? Face your fears over and over until you can handle them. I can see why you'd try to keep that routine up, for other things." It helped to compartmentalize their emotional troubles.

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gunsnlily
2012-07-31 08:56 pm UTC (link)

Cowardice bred out of fear. Facing fears was important. Overcoming them was important, but it was also important to know what she feared. If she did not know, was there not the possibility that in a moment of crisis she could be a coward? If she knew something was her weakness, she was prepared more than being taken by surprise. As much as she loved surprises, Lily didn't like all types. Entering her landscape was never a joyful matter of wonder and expectation.

"Yes," Lily agreed, "And I wonder - " She had been thinking it even more seriously since James arrived, since he mentioned their son, their Harry. But even meeting the other Harry's had been enough to make her wonder. Had her fears changed? If so, how had they? "I wonder if being here changes them," Lily looked over at Remus, "Knowing so much of what happens to me, to us, in other worlds. It's nothing I had imagined before." But Harry was the crux of it, they all were, and Hannah too.

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crescered
2012-08-01 04:17 am UTC (link)

"I imagine it does," Remus nodded seriously, looking over at her again. Everything had already changed for him, that much he knew, but he wasn't sure how he felt about those changes. If they were to return to their own world with all the memories of this place, their entire history could change. Unless this was meant to happen from the beginning, something like a push in the right direction to keep everything on track.

"I never thought I'd have a child. You and James, yes, you were meant for it," he smiled, thinking of how the family he pictured always seemed perfect. "So to know that it's possible, and safe, for me to actually have one...It just changes everything." Moony shrugged and glanced around. He felt significantly different.

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gunsnlily
2012-08-01 04:54 am UTC (link)

Having children was both one of her most important goals and the most terrifying part of life. Yes part of it hinged with death, but that fear had never been about dying. Though her counterparts hadn't died in childbirth, they had died when Harry and Hannah were so young, it was almost the same thing. One of her greatest fears. And she was there for them now, and she would do the same for them their mums had in a heartbeat. And it changed her, talking to her children, who were still the most amazing remarkable people. Ah, it was joyous beyond belief.

But of course, Lily thought, as she listened to Remus. She has simply loved the many children of his here without thinking about what that meant to him. Children, Remus ... it was meant to happen and possible and changed everything too. His fears had been completely different from hers on the matter. "It does," Lily agreed, some happiness bleeding through the serious nature of their talk, "It takes time to comprehend it. I still need more time." She kept close to him.

"But we have each other," she added. Remus and Lily. And James.

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