InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "SHARPEN YO" PENCIL!"

Theodore Nott (nottfinished) wrote in finnigans_rpg,
@ 2015-01-05 21:50:00

Current mood:	tired
Entry tags:	character: ernie macmillan, character: theodore nott, journal: theodore

Journal Entry | Theo #5
Glad that's over

I keep dreaming about frigate birds, I think. Or not frigate birds, great black crows carrying hearts in their beaks, lots of them like they were bunches of some weird fruit

Not good enough to be in any shows, but. Better out than in? ~~I wish I could be bothered enough to be worried but at least they aren't dreams about-~~

Still waking up with headaches though

Private to Ernie
Hey, are you okay? I haven't heard from you lately. ~~Did I do something?~~

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Dean/Theo

artistdean
2015-01-08 05:41 pm UTC (link)

I've been thinking on this since you posted it, but here's to just writing it down and going with it. I always err on the side of better out than in. Not that it always helps how you want it to, or at all to be honest.

Also, art really doesn't have to be good enough for a show, even when you're a professional. There are many things I've done that will never see the light of a gallery or the public.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	Dean/Theo nottfinished 2015-01-11 02:30 am UTC (link)
	I've seen your artwork, i can't imagine that anything you've done is unworthy to be seen As for better out than in - I'm not convinced How are you doing? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Dean/Theo

artistdean
2015-01-11 11:18 pm UTC (link)

You've seen what I sell. Not what I draw in sketchbooks with horrible proportions, or when I make five different wrong colour choices on a painting which all clash horribly and I have to start over. Trained doesn't mean perfect. Perfectionist possibly.

The art spew on a page thing isn't for everyone, but it helps some. Helped me. I paint my feelings out. Well sometimes I do. Definitely paint my nightmares out. Which can be disturbing for people, including me.

I've got some things going on, but I've put it all aside for a week. I'm writing this from Spain. I'm on an actual holiday away which I haven't done in far too long.

How about you, aside from the bird dreams? Or including them?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Dean/Theo nottfinished 2015-01-15 12:26 pm UTC (link)
	If it's honest I'm going to like it Nightmares? And that helps? How, like, just straight from your head to the page? I'm sorry, I should leave you to your break I'm not sure. The bird dreams are... unpleasant. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Dean/Theo

artistdean
2015-01-15 04:46 pm UTC (link)

Yeah, the nightmares helps. It gets them out of my head. Sadly it doesn't help stop them especially, but it sort of helped me process them a bit. The painting mostly happened a while ago, soon after all the war stuff when the nightmares were worse. I did paint them pretty directly though. Far less careful than my usual paintings. I finally sold some of them at my most recent show. I felt like I could begin to let them go.

It's okay. It's not like we're doing anything with appointments really. Just some wandering and stuff. Nice change of scenery.

I hope things improve. Dreamwise and feeling better wise.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Dean/Theo

nottfinished
2015-01-18 09:01 pm UTC (link)

I saw them, they were very intense. I admire your honesty.
Do you think doing so has assisted? I suppose there's something to be said for it, like lancing a blister or cleaning a wound despite the pain it causes at the time. Isn't it difficult? To recall those images and put them onto canvas or paper or whathaveyou? Please tell me if you'd rather not talk about it.

I see, you're with Seamus Finnigan? I hope your time out works for you

Thank you very much

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Dean/Theo

artistdean
2015-01-19 03:01 pm UTC (link)

For me I think, yes it's helped. And yes, it's sort of getting the crap out sort of thing. And honestly? I'm really visual and the dreams stay with me, so stopping them being only inside my head was actually good for me. And considering the amount of time I've spent on this with my therapist it's actually fine to talk about it.

~~Not with, we aren't a couple~~ Yeah, January is basically the only time my best mate can be convinced to leave the damn pub for more than about a day and a half at a time.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Dean/Theo nottfinished 2015-01-19 10:21 pm UTC (link)
	But there's no way to get them out and have them stay on the page and out of your head? So to speak. Is it easy to do? You can reassure him that the place is still standing and looking fine. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Dean/Theo

artistdean
2015-01-19 10:53 pm UTC (link)

I- No. I don't think so. It might work better for some than for others, but it wasn't permanent for me. It did help ease them somewhat, and time has helped a little more so long as I stick to my potions and my mindfulness strategies and things.

It was incredibly difficult to start, especially the first time, but once I got going it was really cathartic. Not always easy, but sort of weirdly satisfying. For a long time they were really hard to look at afterwards and they're still... not easy, but I've been able to let some of them go now. Seems like a positive step.

Thanks, he'll appreciate it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Dean/Theo nottfinished 2015-01-19 11:55 pm UTC (link)
	I'm glad it helped. Helps. I'm glad you're coping better anyway. It sounds very difficult. ~~I'm not sure I-~~ You should give yourself credit for having done so. It can't have been easy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Dean/Theo artistdean 2015-01-20 12:34 am UTC (link)
	Thankfully I am. I have bad days or weeks, but overall I'm doing far better. It can be, but the end product was worth it. At least for me. Even if the whole thing didn't stop the nightmares it did help me understand them somewhat. Process them a bit. Deal with them slightly more easily. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Dean/Theo nottfinished 2015-01-20 03:07 pm UTC (link)
	That's good to hear I'm glad it's given you some peace of mind (Reply to this) (Parent)

	goodlight 2015-01-20 06:17 pm UTC (link)
	I like the colouring and the effect on the upper half of the second one. It makes me wonder if you could charm it to look like hazy clouds were passing in front of it. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	nottfinished 2015-01-26 01:58 pm UTC (link)
	It sounds like you know more about it looking at it than I did when I drew it You can have it, if you want (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	goodlight 2015-01-28 06:26 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, I didn't mean that I could do it. I haven't started actually applying spells to painted works yet, I've just read a lot about the theory. ~~I couldn't just~~ I could buy it. How much would you charge for something like that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nottfinished 2015-01-30 02:34 pm UTC (link)
	Still, you seem to have an eye for things. Finding the silk purse in the sow's ear so to speak. I should be paying you; it's not worth anything, to me or to anyone else. If it pleases you, you can have it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	goodlight 2015-02-02 05:06 pm UTC (link)
	That's very generous of you. Would you like one of my sketches in exchange? I have lots I don't really know what to do with. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nottfinished 2015-02-03 03:42 pm UTC (link)
	Not at all I would be glad to have something of your making. A straight swap? (Reply to this) (Parent)