Who: Hesper and Sirius. What: Doing what they do best. Where: Her home. When: April 3rd.
I hate to say it but it has to be said You look so fragile as I fuck with your
Clutching the glass in her hand firmly she sat slouched in the chair in her study, her heels abandoned somewhere in the middle of the room and her feet propped up on the table and she glared at some point across the room and once again cursed her husband and the day she had ever met. All he had been since the day she met him was a constant source or frustration and annoyance and rather than abandon that attitude at some point in his life she was certain that it only seemed to get worse the older he got. And it sure as hell had not changed any here in the after life. She either wanted to strangle him or hit him most of the time and when she didn't have either of those urges she was trying to get closer to him to get him to do those things to her that only he could do. It was a never ending constant loop for them and one she wondered if it would ever change. As much as she hated him though she knew that she would never be able to survive without him. That point had been proven clearly to him after he had died and she was left alone, only growing more miserable with every day that passed until she had finally died as well. There were days she hated herself for needing him so much but it was what it was and she would never change a bit of it.
Well, no. That was a lie. If she could she would change his hatred and his disdain for Arcturus. It got incredibly hard to try and choose between the two of them and yet it felt like she constantly had to do so for as much as Sirius hated and despised Arcturus she knew that he felt the same way if not worse towards Sirius. But Sirius wanted to have his cake and eat it to and that was not something she could or would ever be able to allow him to do as it would mean cutting Arcturus off completely and she would be damned to the deepest levels of hell before cutting him of her life completely. Sirius was either going to have to learn to over look it and deal with it or he was going to spend the rest of eternity miserable as she was not budging on this matter, not in the least.
Slouching lower in her chair she continued to stare across the room, glaring at Merlin only knew what as it all continued to run on permanent loop in her mind. Especially the conversation they had had. Of everything he could do to her or threaten her with his latest threat was one that scared her more than it pissed her off and Hesper hated having that feeling and she hated him even more for being able to affect her in such a way. He could scream and yell and threaten her and even hit her all he wanted and most it only served to make her even angrier with him and lash back out at him but the thought of him with another woman, of allowing someone else to touch what was rightfully hers and please him in the ways that she felt only she could do and was allowed to do scared the fuck out of her. What if he did do such a thing and found that he no longer needed her? What if he did such a thing and discovered that he could survive without her and left her? Hesper did not even want to think about what a such a thing would do to her. She did know for certain though that if Sirius ever did cheat on her, if he ever did find his way into the bed of another woman that she would never be able to tell another living soul about it as it would be admitting defeat and weakness on her end of things. It would be admitting that Sirius had finally found something that he could truly hurt her with and it would be admitting that she did actually feel something other than disdain and hatred. It would also be proving that she was not strong enough or that she herself was enough to hold onto him and that was not a defeat she wanted to admit to experiencing.
Scowling even more at the mess of feelings that were now swirling around inside of her she hurled her glass of whiskey across the room, watching with little satisfaction as it smashed against the wall and bits of glass and liquor stained the hard wood floor and once more she cursed him for having such an affect on her.