Nikolai smoothed down the final corner of the blanket and stood, brushing dust off his hands. He considered the makeshift campsite, lips quirking in a smile. He'd set up a tent, blankets spread out the front of it and a small fire in a cauldron to help keep them warm in the cool spring air. He had a picnic basket- enclosed for the moment to ward against ants or other critters, and he'd gotten Ellory to help with enclosing the clearing, safeguarding it from any intruders.
Glancing at his watch, he checked the time- Sabrina should be here any moment. He reached for the ice bucket, uncorking a bottle of wine and tucking the cork in the top of the bottle before settling it into the ice, letting it stay cool.
He heard her arrival, and he smiled. "You made it!" Nikolai crossed to her side, sweeping her up for a hug and a kiss. "How are you?"
The sun felt divine on her skin as Sabrina had made her way through the forest to where Nikolai had said to meet him. It had been a long month of dreary weather, the last week with nonstop rain echoing Dunwich’s mood. But now spring had begun to unfurl all around her. The birds chirped, flowers bloomed, and for the first time in months she felt like she could actually breathe without looking over her shoulder.
There had been injuries and what had happened would linger in other ways, but the Deep One was locked away. He wouldn’t be popping back up to cause any further chaos.
She hugged Nikolai tightly, lips lingering against his as he greeted her. She thought he looked better than he had since the possession. Was he feeling as relieved as she was? “Good. I finally feel unburdened, you know?” she murmured, taking one of his hands in hers.
Sabrina looked over at the setup, brows rising as her mouth formed an almost perfect ‘O’. It was beyond anything she could have imagined. “You spoil me.” Not that she was complaining.
"No more than you deserve," Nikolai insisted. "It's not that much more than you did for Lupercalia."
He smiled, dropping his chin to the top of her head as he held her against him. He was feeling a lot easier now that he wasn't possessed and the sea god didn't seem to be an immediate issue. He couldn't imagine what it would be like if Sabrina had given herself up to him- sure, it might be easier for most of the town, but he would definitely have been miserable. It also helped that the threat of the shadow creature inside him felt like less of a threat. "Unburdened. I like that. And hopefully we can both relax a little today. We shouldn't be interrupted- Ellory does some wonderful magic with the trees. I don't understand it exactly, but she was really helpful."
He led her over to the blanket, pausing to toe off his shoes before he settled down, patting the ground for her to join him. "How has your afternoon been?"
She had contemplated giving herself over at one point, but Sabrina remembered how miserable her cousin, aunts and friends had been when she’d sacrificed herself back home. They hadn’t ever really moved on from it even after she’d come back. Nor had she. She couldn’t do that to the people she loved again.
Even if it meant some others got hurt. That was the Deep One’s fault. Not hers.
She toed off her own shoes and laid down on the blanket. The last few of her worries ebbed away as she closed her eyes, letting herself get comfortable. “I dunno. We didn’t have a tent back then.” It was a nice touch. “And I’ll have to send her a thank you gift.”
Nikolai lay back, turning onto his side to watch her as she relaxed and got comfortable. "No, but you had a pretty wonderful set up." He smiled, breathing a small laugh. "I'm sure she'd appreciate it."
Shifting a little, he reached over, fingers playing with her hair. "There's food when you're hungry. And I brought some wine. Massage oils, if you'd like one."
“I’m not about to say no to a massage but only if you let me give you one too.” She let out a happy sigh at his fingers in her hair. This was nice, peaceful. Exactly what she’d needed after all of the crazy. Especially the last month. For a couple of hours she could focus on nothing but him and not worry about the world crashing down around them.
“What food did you get? Or did you cook it?” She wasn’t sure how she’d managed to snag him. A gentleman and he could cook.
"Of course. I'd hoped you might say that." He smiled as he said it, clearly teasing. Leaning over for a quick kiss, he pushed himself up, sitting cross legged behind her as he nudged her to lift her head and settle it on a pillow in his lap. Nikolai smoothed her hair out, then started to gently massage her temples and scalp.
"Mostly some bits and bites. Bread, cheese, cured meats. Fruit, nuts, things that are easy to eat and will keep- it's cool enough that I'm not too worried about most of it holding up while we're out here. Otherwise, I hadn't really planned anything out here except some time together to relax and hopefully have no distractions."
“I can always magic the temperature around the food if you get worried,” she said, wriggling her fingers in the food’s direction before his fingers distracted her. It was calming, her body relaxing with every touch.
Her mind could never seem to relax as easily though. The quiet of the moment allowed it to stretch outward, picking at threads she’d have preferred to leave alone. But the more relaxed she grew, the stronger her thoughts became until Sabrina couldn’t hold them back any longer.
“Do you think I’m selfish?” she asked, pushing up so she was sitting and looking at him. “I mean…it…I know that giving myself over would have spared everyone a lot of pain and suffering.” He’d never have been possessed. No one would have turned to stone or been lost at sea. “I didn’t want to though. And I keep hearing people’s…”
“Some thought I should have.”
"I'm not. But if we think we need it, we can do that." He easily fell quiet, focusing on her, gently smoothing tension out of her scalp with his fingers. Nikolai didn't get many quiet moments back home, time to simply bond with another. It was nice, getting to do something like this, feeling her trust in him as she relaxed.
Then she sat up and he blinked in surprise. "No," he replied immediately. "I- no, I don't think it's selfish to not wish to end your life." Or at least, her life as she knew it.
He was quiet for a moment, picking his words. "Perhaps it would have ended things more quickly. But what's to say the sea god wouldn't want more? Or someone else? Are we to turn others over every time some being asks? Do you immediately offer your throat simply because a vampire is hungry? How far would it go?"
He shook his head. "I saw some of those comments. And perhaps they would wish to be the sacrifice, but I don't think anyone can truly know what they'd do until they're put in that situation. And there was no need to hand you over if there was a chance we could contain him. Sacrifice should be left as a very last resort."
“I did it before, back home.” Their crying was something she’d never forget. The shattering of Nick’s heart as he’d locked up all the terrors and come out, saying they’d won and she had lay dead on that slab. Her aunties guilt over not being able to do anything to save her. Zelda’s specifically as she’d been the one to put the blade to Sabrina’s skin. She’d seen it all from her little Sweet Hereafter, felt their heartbreak that had only grown with each passing day.
“I didn’t want to do it again. Especially when this wasn’t just death. I could maybe do dying again. But this…” She knew the implications of being his bride, of what that might all entail once she was in that watery depth. “That wasn’t death. That would have just been prolonged torture.”
She knew what Nikolai said made sense but her heart and head were at war over it. “I’d like to think sacrificing someone would be the last resort but I don’t know how to feel about knowing its not for some here.”
"If they're all that ready to sacrifice, then we can send them first next time," Nikolai replied. Selfish of him, perhaps, but there had to be a way to solve things here without giving someone up. "Everyone should have a choice- it might be worth it for them, but they don't have the right to make the decision for you if you're the one having to give up everything."
He fell quiet for a long moment, then reached to tug her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm really glad you didn't this time. I don't know what I would've done if you had. I don't care that I ended up possessed, and we were able to return everyone-" well, almost- "back to their usual form."
Nikolai took a careful breath. "I don't think there's really any easy choice in the matter. Or any truly right answer. Unfortunately not everyone is going to think the same way, and thankfully more people were willing to help us figure out how to keep you safe than were willing to sacrifice you without your consent. I don't care if that makes us selfish or crazy. How can we expect to survive what happens here if we don't work together to save us all?"
She pressed her face into the curve of his neck as she held onto him. “I thought of you and Rory.” Daimon. Julia. Sookie and so many more. People she cared about and who cared about her. She didn’t want to give them the same scars she’d left on her family back home. “I couldn’t do it to you. I couldn’t do it to me either.”
And he was right. The statues had been fixed. No one was still having nightmares that left them catatonic and floating. There were going to be lingering issues but there always were in Dunwich. Every month brought about a new horror. There was no changing that.
“I am thankful for everyone who did help but I don’t think I’ll ever look the same at those who were so willing to not.” Sabrina didn’t like to think that there were probably others. Ones who’d filtered and she’d never know about. They’d probably show their hands in other ways though.
Nikolai closed his eyes as she pressed her face to his neck, and he gave her a little squeeze. "Selfishly, I'm glad. And I know Rory and all of your friends would be just as glad as I am that you didn't do it."
He pressed a kiss to her temple. "I don't blame you. I wouldn't be able to. But now you know who to trust a little less in a fight. But I hope we don't ever have to consider sacrificing you again."
He'd been scared. Not so much for himself, but for the loss of her. She was important- not just to him, but the whole community of MISTakes. And the thought of her being taken without her consent, treated in whatever way by the sea god..he'd heard some of the god's thoughts about her while they shared. The shadow creature had shielded him from the worst of it, but he'd heard enough.
Thank the gods he never got his hands on Sabrina.
"I'm glad we're here now."
She had definitely made note of who not to turn her back on. It was odd to think that was now something she needed to do again but Sabrina wasn’t about to let down her guard around some people. Being sacrificed was on the bottom of her list of repeat experiences. No one would get sacrificed in Dunwich if she got a vote. Not even those who would have so easily done so to her.
“So am I.”
They’d come out the other end of nonstop chaos and a rollercoaster of emotions. Maybe now she’d be able to sleep through a night, unworried about the Deep One breaking inside. There were other nightmares that might come, but one less worry was at least a little bit of progress.
Sabrina rested her head against his shoulder. “How are you feeling after everything?”
He’d been possessed and they’d talked about it a little but the end of the month had been even more tumultuous than the rest.
Nikolai smiled, giving her another small squeeze. He considered her question for a moment, his gaze moving over to the fire he'd set in the cauldron. Flames were visible just above the edge of the cauldron, flickering hypnotically.
"I'm..okay. Tired? And relieved. I never doubted that you'd help find a way to save me once the sea god took over, but I felt pretty awful that it happened in the first place. I didn't want to hurt you- I don't ever want to hurt you. Not if I can help it, at least." He knew that he wasn't perfect, that he would probably make mistakes and they might hurt each other in small ways, but he didn't ever want her to lose trust in him. "I think the shadow creature helped more than I knew. But- for whatever it's worth, I hope you can trust now that I'm in this entirely- you and anything else here that might happen isn't going to scare me away from you."
She threaded their fingers together as he talked before bringing his hand up to her mouth and pressed a kiss softly to the back of it. “It’s worth the world.”
He’d stuck with her through all of it, never saying an angry word to her about what he’d had to endure. She’d waited for them, used to others throwing what they were going through at her because others had hurt them because they were loved by her. But Nikolai hadn’t. Not once.
Sabrina wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to thoroughly explain how much that meant to her. Outside of her family no one else had ever done that. “People usually walk away or…they say things. Hurtful things. But you never did.”
“And I’m glad it helped you. I hope it continues to help you.”
Nikolai smiled as she kissed his hand. The smile faded as she spoke of others, and his hold on her tightened infinitesimally. "I couldn't walk away. How could I? Only a monster would leave you alone to face something like that."
He might have had a monster inside him, but he wasn't going to let her do that. "Besides. I love you. And I think a part of that is facing things together. I'm not going to run away from that."
“I think that’s how it's supposed to be as well.” It helped that they were both older, weathered by their pasts, and not teenagers who were feeling a million different emotions at once. They had both endured a lot at the hands of something dark and managed to come through to the other side of it.
“And I hope you know that it’s mutual. When you need me I’m going to be at your side too. No running away, no matter what we have to face because I love you.” And Dunwich didn’t get to darken what was between the two of them.
"Good." Nikolai shifted a little to steal a kiss. He was glad that they generally seemed to be on the same page, and it never failed to amaze him to hear her tell him that she loved him.
"We'll find our path here together." One more kiss, and then he leaned back so he was lying down against the pillows, tugging her down with him. "What about you? How are you feeling after everything?"
“I don’t know.” She meant it as she curled up against him. “Exhausted. Angry. Sad. Relieved. Uncertain.” It was a flurry of emotions but exhaustion was probably the one winning out most of the time. “I want to relax, you know? Like he’s trapped. He can’t get to me or hurt anyone anymore, but I still feel like I’m looking over my shoulder half the time, waiting for the next thing.”
For him to somehow get out of the box or one of his minions to try and break him free.
“I’m not sure what to do next. Except focus on here and now.” The pieces of her life that she could control a little. Not look too far forward when everything could change in a second.
"I think all of that seems reasonable." Nikolai let his hand move up to toy with the end of her hair. "I hope that in time you'll be able to relax a little. Or at least be able to relax with me."
And it wasn't that he didn't think she was capable, but he liked being able to help. Liked being a safe haven for her, someone she could turn to. "Maybe we just try to live. Like you said- focus on the here and now. And trust that the next time something shows up, you aren't alone. We aren't alone- we have each other, and we have friends who will be there for us, just as we will be for them."
She shut her eyes again as his hand found her hair, letting his touch ease her soul. He was a safe haven for her. The Deep One hadn’t managed to change that. Sabrina knew that had been his plan when he’d possessed Nikolai. To make it so she was uncomfortable to be around the man she loved. He’d failed.
And Nikolai was right. They had one another, they had others, and they’d be there for one another and them. It was time to try and live again. Dunwich didn’t get to break them. No matter how hard it tried.
“I think you’re right. We try to live. We deserve the chance to do so.”
Nikolai smiled as she closed her eyes, and he slid his hand up, fingers gently massaging the back of her neck. "We do," he agreed. "We deserve the chance to choose what we want and how we want to live."
He kissed the top of her head once more. "Speaking of choices, would you let me know when you're ready to eat or drink? Or we can break into those massage oils or anything you want- the only thing I wanted was to spend time with you."
Sabrina let out a happy, little sigh feeling content for the first time in ages. “I’ll let you know but for now let’s just lay here like this for a while.” Rest and simply enjoy one another’s company. It was all she needed.