Things had been quiet this month for the most part, which just meant Mark had more time to focus on the pack, and those who werenât. Things had been fine on the night of the moon, there hadnât been the same kinds of threats theyâd dealt with last month, and though heâd heard the sad howls of other wolves, the pack had been safe, and as far as he knew Robbie and Isaac had managed to make it through the night safely as well. He felt pretty certain heâd have known if they were in trouble, but he couldnât be sure.
They werenât his yet, they didnât have that connection, but Mark hoped they would at some point. And as much as he hoped to give them space, he found himself texting Robbie the next day, not exactly a check in - and yet entirely a check in. He didnât want to push, but he did want them to be okay.
And of course that also meant he needed to see Robbie himself, heâd like to get Isaac there too, but he got the feeling that was going to take some time. But he hoped theyâd figure things out.
Today though he was meeting Robbie, theyâd talk - not just about the moon, but how he was doing now that heâd been here for a little while as well. Mark had stopped by Queen Burger and got some fries and shakes, and had them sitting on the dash of the truck as he pulled up outside Pickman to meet Robbie.
He shot off a quick text, letting Robbie know heâd arrived.
The buzz of his phone would have startled him most days, but heâd been expecting it. Mark wanted to check in, and while Robbie was still a little⊠cautious about all of it, he couldnât help but remember how he felt during the full moon, when he heard the pack howling together. He wanted that, he really did. His phone buzzed on the table and he didnât bother with a response, just grabbed it and headed outside.
He pulled on his sweater as he walked out, just zipping it up as he exited the lobby and made his way towards Markâs truck. âHey.â He called to him, waving a little awkwardly before he rounded to the passenger side and climbed in the truck. He smelled the fries way before he even got it, and he grinned when he saw they were, in fact, coming from Marksâ truck.
âFuck yeah french fries.â He held his hand out to grab one and then remembered his manners. This was an Alpha, after all. He could feel it, even if Mark wasnât his. âSorry, can I have one?â He held his hand still over the fries, eyes wide and slightly expectant. Really you couldnât bring fresh fries in front of him and expect them not to be eaten. That was law basically everywhere with everyone.
"Hey," Mark greeted Robbie with a raised hand as he climbed into the cab beside him. He couldn't help but chuckle as Robbie began reaching straight for the fries when he got in, like it hadn't even occurred to him they might not be meant for sharing only to catch himself a beat later.
"How evil do you think I am?" He asked, a gleam in his eyes as he teased. "Go on, I got shakes too." He added, "Chocolate and Strawberry," He pointed at each, "I wasn't sure what you'd like." And options were always good. He wanted to make a good impression on Robbie, to help him see that he was just trying to help him. And maybe he could use that good impression to extend to Isaac in time as well.
But for now this was enough.
"You doing okay?" He asked him the truck pulling away from the curb, he'd considered taking Robbie into pack territory, or to his house or any number of places, but in the end decided maybe they'd go down to the beach, somewhere that didn't leave Robbie feeling the weight of the pack, where they could talk as equals.
âI donât know man. I was sort of indoctrinated into thinking you were the enemy, man.â He replied, which⊠okay, that was a pretty bad joke but Robbie who looked like a mix of horror and thinking he was the funniest man on earth shrugged and took a fry, shoving it in his mouth to ignore the awkwardness. âFuck yeah, shakes.â
Now to decide, because he liked both. He stared at the shakes for a moment before settling on the chocolate one, picking it up and taking a sip. âIâm⊠okay.â Robbie was more than okay, but he was also not even remotely okay. It was always a mix of things, now. Maybe thatâs how it would always be. Half new Robbie, who was making friends and safe, away from Ezra/Robert and Alpha Hughes and all the Bennetts, as he knew them.
âThe full moon was kinda rough, if Iâm being honest.â He sighed, chewing a little on the end of the straw before taking another sip and setting it back down in the cupholder. Heâd ruin that straw if he kept holding onto it, out of pure awkwardness and nerves. âI think I did a good job handling things but at the same time⊠It was really hard.â
Mark snorted softly in amusement, it was perhaps not a great joke but it was honest, and Mark appreciated that. "Here's hoping you never truly meet anyone evil enough to eat fries in front of you without sharing." He said with a small teasing smirk.
He let Robbie make his choice in shakes before he picked up the other for himself. He just listened, letting Robbie tell him some of what he was feeling. A dubious sort of okay, though Mark expected that, this place was bad enough but add to it everything from home, the different wolves running without a pack. He wasn't surprised that he just got a wary sort of okay from him.
"Hard in what way?" He asked about the moon - sure it'd be hard if you were missing your pack, but Robbie didn't seem to have one he felt comfortable calling his own back home, so that wasn't new here. "Were you two safe out there?" He asked uncertain if he'd made the right choice giving them space, staying within the pack territory rather than going out to meet them.
âI sure hope not. Even Ezra shared fries.â He snorted again, taking another fry. âI mean, Robert.â He had to correct himself. It was still hard to think of him as Robert, even though he was pretty certain that was true, now. As much as he didnât want to admit it, even Ezra had called himself that.
Robbie had made sure to share their location with Mark the whole time, or at least Mark would have been able to find them if they had gotten lost or something bad had happened, but he knew thatâs not exactly what he was asking. Obviously they were safe, since Robbie was here. âYeah - yeah we were okay. We had a good run, we had burgers beforehand and I almost caught him a deer. He did catch me a squirrel. We had way too much diner food in the morning after.â
It had all be pretty great. âI heard you guys, you know. The pack. I could hear you guys, since we ran not far from your borders.â Which was strategic - close enough in case it was necessary, but far enough so they wouldnât run into each other. Just in case. âIt broke my heart and I think, I think I remembered something, later on.â
Mark didn't touch the comments about Ezra or Robert, he had feelings about Robert Livingstone, and they were becoming worse and worse knowing what he'd done to Robbie. But it was clear Robbie still struggled with the distinction between the two and the memories he'd had implanted and what he'd lost. So he did his best to avoid it entirely.
"Oh shit, a deer?" Mark was surprised to hear that - especially his own recent thoughts about deer. There was still a part of him that wanted to get Gordo one, even if it wouldn't be appreciated. The fact that Robbie was here admitting that he'd tried to catch a deer for Isaac? That said something to Mark about the connection they were building. "That sounds like a pretty good night."
"I know," He'd seen the shared location, and Mark was just extra aware on the night of the moon, so he was just more aware of those moving in and around the territory. He was surprised to hear that maybe Robbie thought he'd remembered something. "Yeah?" He asked, "Anything you want to tell me?" Mark didn't think it was something he'd have as a memory, but he wanted to know more about Robbie's life, and the potential that maybe he could still get back the parts of him that had been stolen from him.
âA deer.â It was so stupid. âI caught it, too.â He groaned, leaning back against the seat for a moment and covering his face with his hands. âHe caught me a squirrel I missed and then we heard a deer and I was⊠showing off, I guess.â Because heâd failed at catching the squirrel, didnât want to be shown up, or seen like he couldnât⊠provide.
Milkshake retrieved, he took another sip of it, calming down. âI had the dang thing and then I lost my wolf because I remembered⊠chasing another deer, trying to catch one. I donât remember why but it was so important to catch it and I didnât, I wasnât fast enough and it got awayâŠâ Then so did this one, because without his wolf the thing had just bounded off like it was nothing.
It was bullshit. Isaac had teased him about it. âI donât remember it, you know, but I can figure it out. It was probably for Kelly.â He wasnât dumb. What else would he be catching a deer for? Or trying to, anyway. Which only made him realize trying to get that deer for Isaac, well. âOh shit, I tried to get a deer for Isaac. Iâm so hopeless.â
Mark stuffed a few fries into his mouth while Robbie talked, listening to him tell the story of the deer, and how Isaac had caught a squirrel for him earlier in the night. Showing off was a funny thing to call it, most born wolves would know what that could mean. But Mark wasn't going to tug on that particular thread.
He was surprised to hear that Robbie lost his wolf for a moment as he had a memory come back to him. He listened as he explained the memory, the truck pulling into a lot near the beach, and he put the truck into park and turned the engine off, shifting a little in his seat turning toward Robbie to listen to him talk.
"You're not hopeless." Mark said gently, though with amusement in his tone, clearly teasing a little. If Robbie was hopeless it was in a charming sort of way, not in a way that made him worry for him. "Well maybe a little hopeless, I can't believe you don't know what a green onion is."
He knew what it meant, in his heart, but it was so early - too early. Isaac wasnât his mate, he would have known that, wouldnât he? He would have realized it, felt it. But then, even with Kelly - with all his memories stolen away, he didnât really know it. There was something there, but it wasnât like heâd heard it would be, like it should have been.
And maybe, a little, it felt like betrayal. He didnât want to admit that.
âI didnât exactly grow up with a ton of cooking role models.â He replied, switching back to the fries to comfort eat now, sliding down in his seat as if he were trying to hide from anyone else possibly looking at him and judging. Oh God, there were so many wolves and things. What if they were listening? What if Isaac could hear him? Robbie groaned.
âWhere are we going anyway?â Since they were in the truck and all. âAnd - I donât know, the memory might not have even been real you know?â It had been a shock enough for him to become human again, to be so thrown off guard he actually lost his wolf, which he didnât even think was a thing that could happen. Maybe it was subconscious, or guilt or something. Who knew. He didnât.
Mark smiled gently when Robbie confessed he hadn't had a lot of role models when it came to cooking as he'd grown up - and maybe there had been but they'd been taken from him too - it was hard to say when it came to Robbie and Mark wouldn't push him to figure that out just yet.
"I thought we could walk around the beach a little bit," Mark said, nodding out of the windshield, the water just in view not far ahead. "Give you a little space to talk without feeling like you've got to worry about anyone else around." He explained - he wanted Robbie to feel comfortable around him and not to feel pressured, not about the pack or his memories or what he was making of his life now that he was here.
"It might be the sort of thing you could ask Carter about," Mark suggested of the memory, "But it might be something to just hold on to and consider for a little while." He added, Robbie didn't owe anyone recovering his memories, if he did it, it would be for himself and no one else. âWanna go for a walk?â
The beach would be nice - because it was far enough away and the water itself would be loud enough that it felt like maybe Robbie could spill some secrets without worrying about how much anyone else was hearing. He could be open in a way he hadnât been. Maybe. Mark seemed genuine enough - out of all the people he met back in Green Creek before ending up here, Mark always kind of came off as the most honest and open.
Kelly, even, had a hard time being open despite what they were supposed to be. It was hard for him - both of them. They both drowned in blue when they were near each other. It was a hard thing to reconcile when you had no memories of the person mourning who you were.
âYeah, I could walk.â He agreed, and that was a bit of an agreement to ask Carter about it as well, because thatâs something he would know. Robbie wasnât committing to anything yet, though. He got out of the truck - making sure to shovel a few fries in his mouth and grab the milkshake before shutting the door. âWhat would you do? If you were me.â
Mark nodded, grabbing the last couple of fries Robbie hadn't managed to finish off and his shake before he climbed out of the truck following it around to Robbies side as they made their way across the grass toward the beach together.
It was a big question, "Well I can't give you a fully honest answer because I can't imagine the weight of what you're carrying right now." He said first, because it was important that Robbie know that. Mark could offer him advice, and he could try and support him as best he could, but he couldn't ever fully understand what Robbie was going through because he'd never been through anything like that before.
"But, I think you've been given something of an opportunity here." He told him, grass giving way to rocky beach beneath his feet as they walked. "There may be a few people here who know you at various points in your life, but most of the people here don't - most of the pack doesn't, and everyone else who was brought here, no one knows your past, or what was taken from you. I think that gives you the chance to figure out who you might be outside of that weight of expectation. Beyond what people who knew you might have experienced, and instead give you the space to make new experiences."
"I hope in time you'll want to see if we can find a way to uncover those memories that were taken from you, but you don't have to stop living your life because you haven't made that choice yet. You're still an entire person worthy of relationships and connections just like everyone else." He wanted Robbie to know them, but he didn't want him to feel like it was something he owed any one either.
While Robbie knew Mark was right - really taking in everything he said, including the part about relationships and connections without the expectation and pressure of remembering, it was still hard to fully accept that as being something he could do. That he was allowed to. He felt like he was letting someone down even if he wasnât sure who that was. Carter maybe knew him. Gordo knew him. Mark didnât, and only Carter knew him with what happened to him. None of them knew how it ended up. Maybe it never got better.
Somewhere, though, in the back of his mind was that gnawing sensation that someone would be sad, upset with him for not remembering. Or maybe for remembering. Ezra would be upset, or Robbie would hate himself for things he remembered. Maybe Isaac would end up hating him, if Robbie were different remembering everything. It was so much to work through and he was, honestly, pretty happy being the person he was right now. He wasnât locked behind silver in the Bennettâs house. He wasnât trapped in Caswell with Ezra not Ezra.
It wasnât eight years later without him ever realizing it. It was just⊠Dunwich. With Isaac, and other people he may want to get to know or may not. Robbie sighed, walking carefully as the grass turned to a rockier terrain, his pace slowing a little with the resistance of the sand. âMaybe theyâll just show up at random times, like the one about the deer. Maybe not. I think right now, I donât want to actively try and bring them back.â He admitted, chewing his lip.
Maybe that was because of Isaac, or maybe not. Maybe it was because he didnât want to remember Kelly and feel alone again. He felt alone enough. âI know⊠Kitty and a few others have some opinions on that.â Which was a little frustrating, honestly. Maybe he didnât want any opinions. Or maybe he only wanted opinions that matched what he really wanted, reassured him it was okay to not want to remember right now. âI just donât want to disappoint anyone.â
Mark didn't have to be a mind reader to know that Robbie was struggling with this, his own expectations and likely what he feared were the expectations of others. So Mark did his best not to add to that as much as possible. "Maybe they will," He agreed, "Maybe that's just what you needed, some real time and distance from the person who took from you." Mark didn't want to say anything too bad about Robert Livingstone, not yet - not while Robbie was still struggling so obviously with what had been done to him.
"And you don't have to rush to try and figure out a way to bring them back." Mark assured him. "I'll be glad to know you however you allow me to do so." He told him, "Don't let people tell you how your life has to go - I think you've probably had plenty of that already from all sides, you don't need anymore of it." He added.
"It's not your job to make everyone happy," Mark knew he struggled with that himself, the desire to be a good alpha, to take care of his pack, to make sure they were all happy - it was something he wanted even before he'd made the transition to alpha but now that he had it was even more intense. So the last thing he wanted was for anyone else to feel that weight too, "Your job is looking after you - and maybe Isaac too." He added, neither one of them might be pack just yet, but he could encourage them to look after each other at the very least.
There was something about Mark that just put Robbie at ease, even if he wasnât his alpha. It felt like he could be, someday, if Robbie would let him. He had this desire to be around Mark more often then not, because he was just so damn understanding. Something about that mystery that sat around him, maybe, or the way his lips turned up in a smile that looked like it was hiding something - like a nice secret. It made Robbie feel safe.
âYou gotta stop it with the being all understanding and shit, really Mark, itâs obnoxious.â He joked, choking a little on the sip of milkshake heâd taken just after that, because Mark went ahead and mentioned Isaac. He might have tripped a little on his own feet, too. âYeah, Iâll look after him. Even if Iâm not an alpha, I think he and I - weâre pack. Itâs not like⊠how it is in our world, but I promised him I wouldnât let him get hurt, or hurt anyone else, because his shift is so different than ours.â
He felt bad for it, honestly, but theyâd had fun, and as he promised, Isaac hadnât hurt anyone. Except that poor squirrel, but Robbie would have killed it if heâd caught it himself. âThat doesnât mean neither of us want to join your pack at some point.â If anything, that meant Robbie was more likely to come around and give the pack a try, if Isaac wanted to. âWe just thought⊠it was a good idea for now.â
Mark laughed and just lifted his shoulders as if he was helpless to change things, "Sorry, you're gonna have to learn to deal with it." He told him honestly, Mark knew he wasn't perfect, he had fucked up plenty in his life, and he had no doubt he would again in the future. But the last thing he was ever gonna do on purpose was make any of that any one's problem but his own.
The mention of Isaac certainly had an effect on Robbie and Mark just let Robbie pull himself back together enough to assure him that he'd take care of him too. "I asked him to look after you too," Mark told him after Robbie explained that he'd promised Isaac he wouldn't let him get hurt, it felt only fair Robbie knew that Mark was meddling from both sides.
"Neither one of you need to feel like you have to join the pack," Mark told Robbie when he seemed quick to reassure Mark that maybe they would join at some point in the future. "Trust takes time to build, and you both are still getting your feet under you here. You take your time. The pack will be there if you ever feel like getting closer." Mark would always want them as part of the pack, but he'd respect their wishes if they preferred to hover around the edges rather than join fully. "Which is not to say that I don't want you there as soon as possible," He added after a beat, "But I get it - as long as you two are looking out for each other then that's the important thing for now."
He didnât mind dealing with it, not really, and the slight smile he gave at that, unconsciously, was proof enough that he didnât. It was easier with Mark, who was so wholly different than the one whoâd been there, protecting the wiâ protecting Gordo when theyâd captured him and taken him to what was supposed to be his home. Not that in personality they were different, but in looks and perhaps in confidence. This was an Alpha Mark, younger than he was when Robbie knew him.
So it didnât feel like it did with Gordo, who was more similar to the one Robbie had just left. Or like Carter, who was even more so and had almost the exact same timeline he did. It was just easier with Mark sometimes, especially with all the reassurance that he wouldnât have to join, or that he could take his time. As much as he wanted answers, Mark didnât have them - he knew if he asked, Mark couldnât tell him anyway. It was a bit of a relief, for him. âWhyâd you go and do that for?â He groaned, blushing at the thought that Mark had also asked Isaac to look after Robbie.
Which, maybe made him feel like Isaac was doing it as a favor, then, not just because he wanted to. The thought made him feel blue and he sipped his milkshake. No, no that couldnât be the whole reason. âI know you do, but thanks for not adding pressure to it. I donât exactly get memories back, being here, except for maybe the deer one but⊠I get feelings I think. Sometimes it just feels like Iâm missing something big and I donât want to be missing it. I think itâs the pack.â He admitted, shoulder brushing Markâs a little.
âLike I do and donât remember what really being part of one feels like.â
Robbie blushing was just as much an indication of what he was feeling as the admission that he'd attempted to get Isaac a deer on the night of the moon. "Well I couldn't be there to do it myself," He shrugged unapologetic for having made the request of both Robbie and Isaac. "So knowing you two were looking after each other was a good middle ground." They got the space they wanted, they got to learn what it was like running here on the full moon, and Mark got the peace of mind knowing that neither one of them were alone.
It wasn't perfect, nothing about this place was - Mark knew that - but he was trying his best both in his own life but for all those he'd made pack as well as others like Robbie and Isaac. He could just offer reassurances to Robbie for the time being, as he learned how to be here, and where he felt like he fit best and Mark would continue doing that.
"I think that feeling of missing something will linger on," He admitted, missing memories would always leave a hole, but they could work on finding other ways to fill that space until Robbie decided he was ready to work on recovering what had been taken from him. "But I think with a little work you can still find a kind of balance no matter what path you end up on."
He hoped it would end with Robbie as part of the pack, Mark wanted to put an arm around his shoulders as they walked, but refrained, instead just bumped him back a little more purposefully in return.
He wanted to share with Mark what it was like, running with Isaac - but he couldnât. That felt too intimate, not just because of how theyâd acted together, but because of the struggles they both had. While he was a little more open to sharing his own struggles, he wasnât for Isaacâs. That was for Isaac to share or not, if he wanted to. Fortunately, they were safe and Robbie had been able to help Isaac when he needed it.
âI know. Iâm sure it will feel like that way forever, if I never get my memories back.â He agreed, and he knew - he knew that there could be a balance, that he could find a way to feel different than he did now if he tried at it. Mark believed that, Isaac did too. Gordo and Carter had essentially said the same, too. Still, Robbie felt frustrated by it.
It was so easy for everyone else to say that. They didnât have their entire lives taken away from them, like he had. Almost his entire adult life, every important relationship he had made. Sometimes it made him so sad he didnât know how he could possibly carry on like this, with all these questions and all these fears. Other times it was enraging, and he just wanted to break everything in his path.
Instead, he did a lot of nothing. He did a lot of staring at walls or watching television. More like staring at the television while a show played and not taking in anything that was happening on the screen. Sometimes, it was going out with Isaac - the only times he kind of felt normal, more like himself. Just a lot of time spent trying to distract himself.
He didnât mind the bump from Mark, and he hesitated for just a moment before he stopped Mark from walking further, pulling him into a hug. âThis is really, really hard, Mark. It sucks. It fucking sucks.â
"Only you can know if that's a feeling you're prepared to make peace with so you can go on living your life that way." Because Robbie was right, that feeling would persist if he never got his memories back, and as much as Mark wanted to reassure him, to tell him it would be okay, this was something only Robbie could know about himself.
"I'd like to be able to just fix things for you, to gift you your memories back, or remove the weight of their loss, whichever you'd choose so that you don't have that hanging over your head. But -" He tipped his head just a little to one side as his shoulders hitched upward. "Life is never that simple, especially when magic is involved." And considering wolves wouldn't exist without magic it was something that seemed baked into their very existence.
Before he could say anything else though, Robbie was pulling him into a hug, and Mark wrapped his arms around him, squeezing tightly. Wishing there was more he could do to soothe this ache within Robbie, wishing he had better answers for you.
"It does suck," He agreed, holding Robbie tightly, like he could reassure him he was okay, he was whole and real and there and supported through just this contact. "It's awful what was done to you, that no fix is going to come without a loss." Because if Robbie decided he never wanted to get his memories back he'd lose the Green Creek pack, but even if he decided to fix that hole in his memories, he'd lose the bonds he'd had and relied on with those who had done this to him. It was an awful thing to have to live with. And Mark couldn't fix this no matter how much he wanted to.
"All I can tell you, is no matter what you choose, whenever you're ready to make that choice, I'll be here to support you." He promised, "And I'm positive you'll have others who would say the same." Gordo and Carter, but Isaac as well, and even more of the pack too he was sure.
Mark really needed to stop being right all the time. It was like every word he said was perfectly, exactly what Robbie needed to hear. It was kind of annoying, but it was also really reassuring. There was only a slight part of him that heard Ezraâs voice in the back of his head, reminding him that they were the enemy. They would say and do anything to get inside his head.
The hug, though, how could you fake that? And the smell. The smell of Mark and Carter and Gordo - and yeah, there were others there too, others he didnât know, but he smelled those three the most and his heart said homehomehome even though his head was saying something else, his head was denying it. He held Mark close, not wanting to let go yet.
âI know, and youâre right, and Iâm doing my best. I really am.â He was trying so hard, fighting the things he thought, the things he felt, and he was so tired. It was all in that hug, too, the fear and worry and exhaustion and Robbie adjusted his arms a little to hug Mark just a little harder, because now he was crying - fat stupid tears heâd been holding in since Lignite.
He sniffled after a while, finally letting go of Mark and looking away, a little embarrassed by his emotional display. âI donât want to have to choose at all, man. Iâm lost. Iâm so fucking lost and I donât⊠I donât have what I need here. I donât haveâŠâ Ox. Kelly. A Gordo who knew what heâd been through. A Mark who knew what heâd been through.
People who knew what they were facing. Who knew what he was facing. This Mark, he couldnât imagine - he hadnât seen it. He hadnât lived a life with Robbie like the other one had claimed, like they all had claimed and he didnât know what Robbie had done, what he thought heâd done, because he could tell in the way theyâd looked at him back in Green Creek, the way some of themâŠ
Robbie stopped, head hanging. âGod, I feel like Iâm losing it.â
"I know you are," Mark assured him, pressing comfort and reassurance as best he could to Robbie through the non-bonds they had at the moment, "I don't think anyone could look at you and not tell that you're doing your best." And then Robbie was crying, not the sort of shoulder-wracking sobs he probably needed, but it was something, a small break in the armor that he'd put on so tightly around himself from the moment he'd shown up here convinced that Mark was lying to him.
Mark didn't comment on the tears, not while they hugged or after Robbie released him, just let him have a few moments of release before he spoke again.
"All of us are just making do with what we do have here," He said gently, they'd all been lost in those first days and weeks that they'd been here in this place - it was like it was designed to throw them for a loop in the earliest days, maybe to encourage them to form the bonds to the community that came from all the insanity this place threw at the.
"You're not losing it, Robbie." Mark said stopping with Robbie again, reaching up to put his hands on Robbie's shoulders, like he could steady him physically and as he spoke. "You're fighting so hard with something so much bigger than you or us or so much that happens here, if you were losing it you wouldn't be fighting it, you wouldn't be questioning what it is you want, you're going to be okay, I will fight for you, Robbie." He promised. "I won't let you get lost to this."
Even through the broken bonds, Robbie could feel the little push, the comfort and reassurance. It was barely there, but it was something. He was glad Mark didnât comment on the tears and even Robbie knew he needed to cry more than that, that was just painful it wasnât even relieving to cry like that, but he couldnât. Not yet.
He knew he wasnât alone in it - that everyone felt lost here. Everyone was dealing with some shit here, feeling lost. Robbie didnât like comparing, he didnât want to try and minimize how anyone else was feeling. So he nodded, accepting what Mark was saying and trying to remind himself that it wasnât all that bad. That he had support here. He had this whole pack who wanted him. He had Isaac.
Still, Mark taking hold of his shoulders and reassuring him like that calmed Robbie down even more, and he looked Mark in the eyes, wanting to believe him - no matter the doubt that was crawling through his brain like a spider, rotting all the good feelings away - he wanted to trust Mark. I will fight for you, Robbie. Words heâd wanted to hear his whole life.
âOkay. Okay, I believe you.â And he did, he really did - in this moment, right here he believed him and he hoped he could hold on to that. âI want to trust you all, and I think I can, I know I want to and maybe thatâs enough.â