Adrian Ivashkov đ§đŒ (ivashkinator) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2019-08-19 19:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | !narrative, * emily, c: connor reed |
Who: Connor Reed --> Adrian Ivashkov
When: August 19, 2019 --> Whenever that happened in VA & August 24, 2018
Where: A parking lot somewhere in PA (??) and the Dunhaven woods.
What: Connor dreams of when Adrian and Rose broke up...then has a parallel memory of his own bad break-up.
Rating: Low.
Prompt: đ
Adrian turned away from Jill and walked over towards Rose. âHey little dhampir, are you--â he started to say, then froze up when he saw them. Belikov leaned in and kissed Rose on her forehead. It was perfectly chaste, really, but the tenderness in the gesture, and more than that, the way Rose looked up at him...she had never looked at Adrian like that. And then there were their auras, which burned so brightly with that deep purple of love and desire--he hadnât even tried to read their auras, they were just impossible to miss. His face dropped as a tightness gripped his chest. One moment heâd been excited to surprise his girlfriend, and the next he felt, well, this. Adrian locked eyes with Rose for only a moment, and if the look sheâd given Belikov hadnât confirmed it, then the guilt and remorse he saw there now certainly did; that hadnât been a platonic moment, and it probably wasnât fleeting, either. Adrian turned away, feeling like a complete idiot. Heâd always thought that Rose might still have feelings for Belikov, that they might have moved too quickly into their own relationship; Adrian had even asked her as much on more than one occasion, giving Rose an easy opportunity to end things, because he didnât want to take advantage of her loneliness and confusion, and he certainly didnât want to play second fiddle to Belikov, either. But Rose had always assured him that her feelings had changed, that she didnât love Belikov anymore, nor did he love her, that she loved him now. Sheâd told Adrian so, and heâd said it back--the only difference was that Adrian had really meant it. For the first time in his life, heâd really meant it. Stupid, Adrian thought. Why would she ever choose him over the likes of the indomitable Belikov, back from being a Strigoi and still perfect as ever? Even if she had stopped loving him for a while, Adrian at best was just a sorry excuse of a rebound, and probably everyone had known it but him. âLetâs hurry,â said Mikhail, snapping Adrian out of his churning thoughts, though the tightness in his chest and throat remained. As Adrian turned toward Sonyaâs car, he heard Rose murmur to Belikov. âRemember, talking to him is my responsibility, not yours.â Adrian knew she hadnât intended for him to hear that, but dhampirs were never very good at keeping their voices low enough so that Moroi couldnât hear. It made him feel even worse to know that this was something the two of them had talked about already. He was something theyâd talked about already, which meant...this probably had been going on for a while now, he was just too delusional to pick up on it. He slumped into Sonyaâs car as Rose took off with Mikhail, off to infiltrate the alchemists. Jill slipped into the back. After a steely moment of silence, Sonya asked, âNervous about the trial?â âYeah,â Adrian said absently, pressing his temple into the glass window. The back to school party had always been one of Connorâs favorite Dunhaven events; not that he was ever so enamored with the idea of returning to school, but it was nice to see friends whoâd gone away for the break, and there was always a bit of youthful rebellion in the air that energized Connor. Plus, he never turned down a good party. Connor was especially looking forward to this one, because Iris was back from her study abroad trip, and this was where theyâd planned to meet. He had been teasing Josie when he caught sight of Iris out of the corner of his eye. âDonât do anything I wouldnât do,â he winked at Josie, then walked over to where he saw Iris. âIris! Hey--â Connor began, then froze mid-sentence once he saw who Iris was with, her so-called ex-boyfriend, and that she was kissing him. Iris broke away and her eyes widened, âConnor!â she burst. Alessio, the ex, reddened and looked vaguely ashamed. It wasnât a difficult situation to assess--Connor knew theyâd both just returned from the same study abroad program, heâd just thought...well, heâd trusted Iris when she said she didnât have feelings for Alessio anymore. Words failing him, Connor simply turned around and tried walking away from his problems. Iris trailed after him, âConnor, wait,â she said. In spite of his urge to storm off, Connor stopped, then turned. âWhy should I?â he asked. âJust...let me explain,â she said, sounding exhausted already. âWhatâs there to explain?â âIâm...Iâm sorry,â Iris said, and judging by her expression, she seemed to genuinely mean it. âI didnât intend for this to happen...I never wanted to hurt you. Itâs just...studying in Barcelona, we reconnected. I was reminded of how he makes me feel, how we bring out the best in one another--â âBelieve it or not, Iris, I donât particularly feel like hearing about your romantic time in Barcelona with Alessio right now." âFair,â Iris sighed, realizing sheâd been rambling, âI really am sorry, Connor. I--I do love you, just not...not in that way. We donât...do for each other what Alessio and I do for one another, you know? We donât build one another up.â âWell, thatâs funny, because I thought we did. I wish youâd have let me know a little sooner that this is how you feel.â âThatâs just because youâve never really experienced it,â said Iris, âYouâll know it when you feel it.â There was a beat of silence, Connor too frustrated to even answer to that. âI know this probably sounds lame, but...I really do still want to be your friend, Connor. Iâve always loved you as a friend. We shouldnât have...we just didnât work as a couple, but as friendsâŠâ âNo.â âNo?â âNo,â Connor reiterated, âBecause you know what? This is a pretty shitty way to treat a friend. You could have talked to me first and told me how you felt. It still would have hurt, but this? This is humiliating, and all this shit youâre saying, about all the things I didnât do for you, it just makes me feelâŠsmall and stupid for feeling some sort of way for you, when you didnât--when you say you couldnât feel the same way.â âIâm sorry,â Iris repeated, but by now, it was devoid of all meaning. âWhatever,â Connor said and walked off. Connor woke with a start, unceremoniously ripped from his sleep by the ending of that dream-memory hybrid. He didnât feel at all rested, either. Leaning back into his pillow, Connor let his brain process it all. He knew that Rose and Adrian had had a...troubled relationship, he just hadnât realized how similar it was to his own with Iris. He also hadnât realized that it had been a year since theyâd broken up in the messiest way possible; itâd been a year since heâd even spoken to Iris. Connor saw her around campus, sometimes, usually with Alessio and the friends they used to share, but...Connor kept well away from them. At some point--and Connor wasnât sure when, exactly--it had stopped hurting quite so badly. Of course, that was probably why his subconscious saw this a fit time to remind him of it all, and how his dream-twin had suffered similarly. Some details of that night had blurred in Connorâs memory until now. Heâd forgotten all of what Iris had said, about how he would know what it felt like to be with someone who really built him up, and part of him wondered if he did now. Ever since meeting Sofia...Connor felt like being the best of himself as much as possible. Not to impress her, because she already seemed perfectly content with him as a friend just as he was, but because Sofia seemed to always see the best parts in him; she believed in those best parts, and she made Connor want to as well. Not because she wanted him to change or be different, but because Sofia accepted both the good and bad parts of him, and still chose to have faith in the good. These were incredibly dangerous thoughts to be thinking. Sighing, Connor threw off his blankets, knowing better by now than to think sleep would return to him. |