Adrian Ivashkov 🧛🏼 (ivashkinator) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2019-08-19 19:22:00 |
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Adrian turned away from Jill and walked over towards Rose. “Hey little dhampir, are you--” he started to say, then froze up when he saw them. Belikov leaned in and kissed Rose on her forehead. It was perfectly chaste, really, but the tenderness in the gesture, and more than that, the way Rose looked up at him...she had never looked at Adrian like that. And then there were their auras, which burned so brightly with that deep purple of love and desire--he hadn’t even tried to read their auras, they were just impossible to miss. His face dropped as a tightness gripped his chest. One moment he’d been excited to surprise his girlfriend, and the next he felt, well, this. Adrian locked eyes with Rose for only a moment, and if the look she’d given Belikov hadn’t confirmed it, then the guilt and remorse he saw there now certainly did; that hadn’t been a platonic moment, and it probably wasn’t fleeting, either. Adrian turned away, feeling like a complete idiot. He’d always thought that Rose might still have feelings for Belikov, that they might have moved too quickly into their own relationship; Adrian had even asked her as much on more than one occasion, giving Rose an easy opportunity to end things, because he didn’t want to take advantage of her loneliness and confusion, and he certainly didn’t want to play second fiddle to Belikov, either. But Rose had always assured him that her feelings had changed, that she didn’t love Belikov anymore, nor did he love her, that she loved him now. She’d told Adrian so, and he’d said it back--the only difference was that Adrian had really meant it. For the first time in his life, he’d really meant it. Stupid, Adrian thought. Why would she ever choose him over the likes of the indomitable Belikov, back from being a Strigoi and still perfect as ever? Even if she had stopped loving him for a while, Adrian at best was just a sorry excuse of a rebound, and probably everyone had known it but him. “Let’s hurry,” said Mikhail, snapping Adrian out of his churning thoughts, though the tightness in his chest and throat remained. As Adrian turned toward Sonya’s car, he heard Rose murmur to Belikov. “Remember, talking to him is my responsibility, not yours.” Adrian knew she hadn’t intended for him to hear that, but dhampirs were never very good at keeping their voices low enough so that Moroi couldn’t hear. It made him feel even worse to know that this was something the two of them had talked about already. He was something they’d talked about already, which meant...this probably had been going on for a while now, he was just too delusional to pick up on it. He slumped into Sonya’s car as Rose took off with Mikhail, off to infiltrate the alchemists. Jill slipped into the back. After a steely moment of silence, Sonya asked, “Nervous about the trial?” “Yeah,” Adrian said absently, pressing his temple into the glass window. The back to school party had always been one of Connor’s favorite Dunhaven events; not that he was ever so enamored with the idea of returning to school, but it was nice to see friends who’d gone away for the break, and there was always a bit of youthful rebellion in the air that energized Connor. Plus, he never turned down a good party. Connor was especially looking forward to this one, because Iris was back from her study abroad trip, and this was where they’d planned to meet. He had been teasing Josie when he caught sight of Iris out of the corner of his eye. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he winked at Josie, then walked over to where he saw Iris. “Iris! Hey--” Connor began, then froze mid-sentence once he saw who Iris was with, her so-called ex-boyfriend, and that she was kissing him. Iris broke away and her eyes widened, “Connor!” she burst. Alessio, the ex, reddened and looked vaguely ashamed. It wasn’t a difficult situation to assess--Connor knew they’d both just returned from the same study abroad program, he’d just thought...well, he’d trusted Iris when she said she didn’t have feelings for Alessio anymore. Words failing him, Connor simply turned around and tried walking away from his problems. Iris trailed after him, “Connor, wait,” she said. In spite of his urge to storm off, Connor stopped, then turned. “Why should I?” he asked. “Just...let me explain,” she said, sounding exhausted already. “What’s there to explain?” “I’m...I’m sorry,” Iris said, and judging by her expression, she seemed to genuinely mean it. “I didn’t intend for this to happen...I never wanted to hurt you. It’s just...studying in Barcelona, we reconnected. I was reminded of how he makes me feel, how we bring out the best in one another--” “Believe it or not, Iris, I don’t particularly feel like hearing about your romantic time in Barcelona with Alessio right now." “Fair,” Iris sighed, realizing she’d been rambling, “I really am sorry, Connor. I--I do love you, just not...not in that way. We don’t...do for each other what Alessio and I do for one another, you know? We don’t build one another up.” “Well, that’s funny, because I thought we did. I wish you’d have let me know a little sooner that this is how you feel.” “That’s just because you’ve never really experienced it,” said Iris, “You’ll know it when you feel it.” There was a beat of silence, Connor too frustrated to even answer to that. “I know this probably sounds lame, but...I really do still want to be your friend, Connor. I’ve always loved you as a friend. We shouldn’t have...we just didn’t work as a couple, but as friends…” “No.” “No?” “No,” Connor reiterated, “Because you know what? This is a pretty shitty way to treat a friend. You could have talked to me first and told me how you felt. It still would have hurt, but this? This is humiliating, and all this shit you’re saying, about all the things I didn’t do for you, it just makes me feel…small and stupid for feeling some sort of way for you, when you didn’t--when you say you couldn’t feel the same way.” “I’m sorry,” Iris repeated, but by now, it was devoid of all meaning. “Whatever,” Connor said and walked off. Connor woke with a start, unceremoniously ripped from his sleep by the ending of that dream-memory hybrid. He didn’t feel at all rested, either. Leaning back into his pillow, Connor let his brain process it all. He knew that Rose and Adrian had had a...troubled relationship, he just hadn’t realized how similar it was to his own with Iris. He also hadn’t realized that it had been a year since they’d broken up in the messiest way possible; it’d been a year since he’d even spoken to Iris. Connor saw her around campus, sometimes, usually with Alessio and the friends they used to share, but...Connor kept well away from them. At some point--and Connor wasn’t sure when, exactly--it had stopped hurting quite so badly. Of course, that was probably why his subconscious saw this a fit time to remind him of it all, and how his dream-twin had suffered similarly. Some details of that night had blurred in Connor’s memory until now. He’d forgotten all of what Iris had said, about how he would know what it felt like to be with someone who really built him up, and part of him wondered if he did now. Ever since meeting Sofia...Connor felt like being the best of himself as much as possible. Not to impress her, because she already seemed perfectly content with him as a friend just as he was, but because Sofia seemed to always see the best parts in him; she believed in those best parts, and she made Connor want to as well. Not because she wanted him to change or be different, but because Sofia accepted both the good and bad parts of him, and still chose to have faith in the good. These were incredibly dangerous thoughts to be thinking. Sighing, Connor threw off his blankets, knowing better by now than to think sleep would return to him. |