InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Misha Collins is God"

Billy Kaplan is (notawarlock) wrote in doors,
@ 2014-02-15 04:05:00

Entry tags:

cassie sandsmark, thor, wiccan

Private, Ben S
[A text to his Cupid.]

I haven't decided whether I should be embarrassed or feel something else entirely.

They're really, really nice gifts. That I don't deserve.

[Ben S]

Are you seriously trying to set me up on blind friend-dates?

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 03:55 am UTC (link)
	What? No! ~~Mostly no.~~ Your cupid and I were just talking. That's all. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 06:20 am UTC (link)
	You're not a good liar, you know that? I feel like you're my mom and you're pimping me out to other kids on the playground. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 06:23 am UTC (link)
	I really, really am. And ths' not what happened. I just said that you could maybe use a friend. Someone to talk to, that's not me or Liam. ~~I don't know that you even talk to Liam.~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 06:31 am UTC (link)
	A good liar, or pimping me out? I don't even talk to Liam. He just sorta [...] well, he's not super chatty with me. Like, at all. And I talk to people. At work. On the journals. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 06:33 am UTC (link)
	A good liar. I'm not pimping you out. ~~Not exactly.~~ [...] He's quiet, I know. [...] I just [pause, pause, pause] know you're hurting. I can't make that better and I can't bring him back, but I figured this would probably hurt less than sticking your foot in that pool. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 07:07 am UTC (link)
	Lying about big things and lying about social trivialities are different hats, Benjamin. [...] You don't have to treat me like glass. I'm not going to shatter. ~~I'm alread~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 07:17 am UTC (link)
	Did you just call me by my full first name? [...] I didn't think you were. [...] Was I wrong? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 08:23 am UTC (link)
	You mom-d me, so I'm mom-ing you. [...] Wrong to think that I need a friend? No. Am I pathetic for feeling pathetic when you have to go finding some for me, though? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 08:33 am UTC (link)
	But I didn't, not really. They asked what you might want, so it wasn't quite like pimping you out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 08:35 am UTC (link)
	I don't know if I want friends, Ben. To care about more people that might not be here tomorrow? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 08:40 am UTC (link)
	Or they might be. We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 08:42 am UTC (link)
	Trust me when I tell you I realize that. What I don't know is if I can handle that maybe, alright? I don't know what I can handle. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 08:43 am UTC (link)
	And that makes it not worth it to try? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 08:46 am UTC (link)
	It's not a matter of worth. [...] I lied. I am glass. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 08:48 am UTC (link)
	Getting hurt is [...] inevitable. But between that are a lot of great things that you can do, great times, happy times. Those are just as inevitable. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 08:51 am UTC (link)
	What if I don't want to be hurt? If I can't handle it? What then? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 08:53 am UTC (link)
	You can handle more than you think. And when you're hurt, that's why you have other friends around, who'll help cheer you up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 08:55 am UTC (link)
	[...] What's wrong with me, Ben? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 09:06 am UTC (link)
	I think you're depressed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 09:08 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, you're not winning any psych awards on that one. [...] ~~I meant~~ ~~I'm more~~ ~~I'm wrong~~ F (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 09:09 am UTC (link)
	I'm not your psychiatrist. Or a psychiatrist. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 09:13 am UTC (link)
	I should be okay. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 09:21 am UTC (link)
	[A minute later.] I mean, I'm supposed to be okay. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 09:23 am UTC (link)
	You're almost as bad at lying as I am. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 09:28 am UTC (link)
	Now you're just being spiteful. [...] Everyone goes through loss, Ben. I know that. You know that. I'm not under some impression that my brain's decision to freak out makes me deserving of any special treatment. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 09:31 am UTC (link)
	It doesn't matter what you're supposed to be. I couldn't imagine losing one of my siblings, any of them. It doesn't mean that you require special treatment or that you don't require treatment. But maybe you should talk to someone. An actual psychiatrist with an actual degree. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 09:33 am UTC (link)
	That shit costs money, mate. And I'm not taking it from you, when you're already charging me way less for rent than is logically fair. I do my thing. I draw. I get it out, my way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 09:41 am UTC (link)
	Think about it, Ronan. I don't like seeing you hurting like this. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan notawarlock 2014-02-16 09:47 am UTC (link)
	I'm thinking about it. Every day. I'm thinking about a lot of things. I know that what I'm doing to you - to both of you, because Liam didn't sign up to live with someone like me - isn't fair. I owe you more than that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Ben/Ronan agoodman 2014-02-16 10:00 am UTC (link)
	Being fair doesn't have anything to do with it. You're not being good to yourself and until you do, how can you be positive and good to anyone else? (Reply to this) (Parent)

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