InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Bake 'im away, toys!"

Aoi, Misaki (pinksunbeam) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-01-31 00:37:00

Entry tags:

maeko, misaki

Who: Misaki and open
What: Wandering around the shopping district of Iburi
and visiting the fabric store.
When: Post dungeon/Recovery
Where: Shopping district
Why: Just wanting to think and try to destress

How many times had she played the Trap fall game in the last couple of hours? Ten, twenty? She had lost count, and going online had not helped any. She'd read some fanfiction to get her mind off everything.

Tom had died, he actually died. Yes he was brought back, but, he had died. Physically, his body had stopped working and...

Misaki visibly shuddered. She'd heaved when she got back to her dorm room. Things had not gotten better, dreams of birds attacking her, strange masked faced creatures chasing her down, a river with no end and the dead around her, becoming lost in a hospital with faceless puppets bearing down upon her with hands outstreched. Worst of all the laughing face of her shadow, skin made of lace, holding her in a glass bottle, and she was unable to get out. She felt like she was going insane.

Now she was going to add Tom's lifeless form, along with Keiichi's and a crazy shadow demigod poser wrapped in a japanese flag to her nightmares. It was enough to make her sick. She wondered how the others were doing as she looked around the stores and paused by a window. When was the last time she'd dyed her hair? Two months ago, going on three maybe...she didn't remember, it had been a while. She could see the roots in her alburn hair coming out, and it really looked sad.

Glancing around she noticed a hair salon and wondered if she could get it colored. She heistated some, touching the locks and looking at the window. Blue eyes peered back, false eyes, the color that she liked. Eyes that were only there to make her stand out, get noticed in some way. Misaki had been wondering if it was a good way, really. Even if people sometimes told her they looked good, in reality she'd been given strange looks by those around her. She didn't like just being part of the crowd though, she never had.

Taking a breath she made up her mind to cross the street, and looked around to see if anyone was coming.

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giantfruitbyday
2010-01-31 07:05 am UTC (link)

Maeko was finally done packing. Speaking to Kanaye had done a lot for her nerves. Just knowing she wasn't alone had done a lot for her nerves.

Dead people were not pleasant. Fire was not pleasant. Ito was not pleasant and was also stupid.

And her torch was broken.

She wasn't sure why she'd even need a torch. But torch and first aid kid were the first things that came to mind when she left the house for any amount of time. She'd bought a new torch and then gone to restock on dressings for her hands in case they openned again.

She emerged from a pharmacy a few doors from the salon, squinting against the august sun.

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pinksunbeam
2010-01-31 07:12 am UTC (link)

Misaki noticed her for a second, waved, but didn't go over. Something rather uncommon with the pink haired girl, who normally would jump at the chance to run over to Maeko. She was still stareing at her reflection almost unsure of what she was looking at.

Her hand kept reaching up and fingering her hair, then glancing at Maeko, then back at her own hair and lost in a daze of confusion about something. Pink hair on Maeko had, oddly upset her, in a way she couldn't fathom. It wasn't anger at Maeko, persay, more at a general idea. She always felt the hair was something different that made her stand out, but seeing Maeko in it had, made her confused and unsure of who she was.

So she was playing with her hair more then usual.

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giantfruitbyday
2010-01-31 07:19 am UTC (link)

And there was Misa. And. Even if Misa wanted to forget that she existed, she still needed to do that whole apologising thing.

And, well, today seemed like it was a good day for swallowing pride.

She glanged from side to side, then crossed the road over to ~~her friend. her owner. her responsibility.~~ Misaki.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to call you anything back there." She said, hands twitching around the paper bag she was clutching to herself.

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pinksunbeam
2010-01-31 07:27 am UTC (link)

Misaki shrugged some looking at Maeko via reflection. She seemed serious, for once, and in a odd way it made her look older then she was. The younger girl paused and blinked some.

"It's fine, you're right, I can be stupid at times. Sorry if I upset you, dumb guard shadow covered my mouth before I could finish what I was saying to the shadow in there."

Misaki touched her hair again and looked down at it. "This hair is dumb."

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	giantfruitbyday 2010-01-31 07:34 am UTC (link)
	What on earth was she talking about? She wasn't even facing her. "You're not stupid." She said, shaking her head. "And even if you were you're not meant to accept that you are. You're supposed to say 'No I'm not' and try harder to not act stupid." Her expression softened. "It's not dumb. It's your hair." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pinksunbeam
2010-01-31 07:41 am UTC (link)

Misaki shook her head, "No I am, I really don't have much common sense, Maeko-chan. Seriously. I always open my mouth when I shouldn't, and well you've been telling me for years I hurt people and I don't think about it at all."

She turned at looked at her, "Tom died in there, and things are getting more serious. I really don't think about how it affects things, and I get selfish. If I hadn't have been focused on worrying about you and Kanaye-san, maybe I would have seen something going on with Keiichi-kun, or even you."

"It's my hair but it's fake, the whole thing is fake," Misaki said and fingered it again, then looked at the hair salon. "It's fake, and everyone in dungeon saw the real me in there. How can I go around, looking like this when it winds up being a false person. As much as I don't like my hair the way it is, it is my hair, and a part of me."

She looked down, "My relationship is fake."

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giantfruitbyday
2010-01-31 07:53 am UTC (link)

"That's acting stupid, not being stupid. If you advit you're acting stupid you can just act differently. If you admit that you are stupid then you can never act any other way."

If there was one thing Maeko was pretty good for recently, it was calling bullshit on things. Which was what she was doing now.

"Aoi-san." She said, voice and expression hardenning again. "You're saying dumb things again. How is that fake at all? You're doing fashion. Fashion is all about expressing who you are my making choices about the way you look. Even I know that." She paused, apparently thinking, then shook her head. "Who you choose to be. And who you chose to be by changing your appearance? If that's who you want to be then it's a bigger part of who you really are by far than anything that's forced onto you by genetics."

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pinksunbeam
2010-01-31 08:09 am UTC (link)

Misaki looked down, "Is naieve a better word then? Overly optimistic? Why can't I seem to stop though? I honestly do try to think, but my emotions keep making me charge in." She started to play with her skirt some. "I can't act smart, because I'm not smart. There are things I'm just not able to get."

She looked up at Maeko, "I don't hate science, I can't get it for the life of me. I try to but, I just get drained on it, can't even figure out what the formula was really about. The minute I think I have it, it's wrong,and I feel like I'm going to be judged."

Misaki bit her lip, "I really don't know who I want to be though. I thought I did, I thought I wanted to be what other people wanted me to be. I thought I wanted to be what you wanted me to be, what Keiikun wanted me to be. But even that failed." She looked at Maeko, "Your relationship with Senpai. It's more real then mine with Keiichi."

She glanced at their reflection, "He never saw me as I was, I never shared that with him. Like I didn't share the mahjong with you because I thought that you would think it was a bad thing to do, since it is about gambling. I didn't let him see this part of me. And I've never paid attention to what's going on around him. I just thought it would be like a manga or something."

"I want it to work, but if the refelction I see out here, isn't me, then who is?" Misaki asked her genuinely looking at Maeko. "And if I don't know that face that's stareing back at me, how is he going to know the face he's looking at. Kozue-chan and even Sonozaki-chan know more about him then I do, and I'm supposed to be the one that should know the most.

It's sad in a way, I changed my looks to get away from being like my sisters, and instead I became them, without really seeing it." She blushed some, "I envy you and Kanaye-senpai. You can be real with him, you don't have to hide behind contacts or hair color."

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giantfruitbyday
2010-01-31 08:26 am UTC (link)

"You need to try harder, then. You'd manage it eventually." Maeko said, shaking her head. Science doesn't make you smart. Look at Oubai. Top of the class and he's dumb as that stupid chariot."

"It's not your reclection because you're looking in a shop window instead of a mirror. You're probably seeing 'buy one get one free' written all across your face. And you're sounding overdramatic. If you don't look like the person you want to be then-" She sighed.

"Then figure it out. Wasn't that what you were supposed to be doing this whole time? All I know at that, like two minutes ago, you just said that you hated your hair the way it was. No matter for fake you think it is otherwise I don't think being something you hate - even if it's just your hair - is going to get you any closer to being something you like."

She smirked a bit at the end. "You think contacts and dye are the only ways to tell lies?"

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pinksunbeam
2010-01-31 08:39 am UTC (link)

"Easy to say, but harder to actually do when everyone in my family has the ablity to do it like that," Misaki said shaking her head. "I'm the only one that can't seem to get 'school work' and it's not like I haven't been thinking about it. It's just that every time I sit down to do it it doesn't want to make sense in my head."

This actually got a laugh out of Misaki when she tried to think of the buy one get one free over her face. She stopped though when she thought of Maeko with pink hair. "I have been trying to, but even in doing that I haven't been able to get it. She was a harpy Maeko, a creature that's supposed to snatch things from people. And that's what I was doing. I put this guilt on you, took away what was your freedom, then I was trying to take you from Kanaye-senpai. How am I supposed to reconcile with that?"

"So what do I do with it? I like pink, but the more we get into that world, the more I'm seeing the pink as something to detest." She glanced at her, "telling lies?"

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giantfruitbyday
2010-01-31 08:45 am UTC (link)

"If yourse it's not eary to do. If it was easy you'd have done it already." She shrugged. "And if you think snatching is the problem stop snatching. Or whatever."

"If you like it then keep it. You don't have to hate something just because you think you should hate it. If you want to change it then go ahead but do it because you want to, not because you think you should.

She shook her head. "Nevermind."

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pinksunbeam
2010-01-31 07:18 pm UTC (link)

"I'm sorry I'm just really confused right now. I've been trying to figure things out," Misaki looked embaressed. "I thought I knew what I needed to do, but after Shingo-san's dungeon and now Keiichi-kun's. I'm not even sure anymore I've been on the right path."

She looked at Maeko, "How did you figure it out Maeko-chan? Really?"

"I know there's more then one way to lie, and it really winds up getting me into trouble when I do it," Misaki blushed some. She looked again at the hair. "I was kind of shocked that you got pink hair. I thought you hated my hair to be honest."

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giantfruitbyday
2010-01-31 09:58 pm UTC (link)

"Just change paths then. But change onto something that feels right. Don't force yourself to do something that feels wrong just because it's different."

She shook her head. "I didn't figure out a thing, I'm just trying until I manage something that works."

"Isn't it more of a lie to go back to hair that marks hair as like one of your sisters then it is to keep hair that you think suits you?" Maeko sheel her head. "What that place forced on it really didn't have anything to do with what we wanted or liked."