InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Farewell Thunderchild!!"

Akuba Maeko (giantfruitbyday) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-01-02 09:23:00

Entry tags:

kanaye, maeko

Who: Maeko, Kanaye
What: Book
Where: Library
When: After Journal entry
Why: Maeko wants to read her book and Kanaye is willing to help out?

Maeko had hurriedly changed before arriving. Waste of time or no, the large costume get hellish to wear in the middle of summer.

She'd be lying if she said she wasn't nervous about speaking to Kanaye face to face again. After how he'd spoken about Shiori he could easily (and maybe could not be blamed for, really) could be just as hostile toward her. More so, maybe. All Shiroi had done was go in silence, after all. She had not really been thinking of Toru's privacy at all when she suggested not speaking at the dorms. The library was a public place and would be safer.

And so she'd picked a table, again making she it wasn't too far out fo sight, set down her notebook and large english-Japanese dictionary and the copy of Grimm's fairy tales she'd bought from the second hand bookstore. And then she'd waited, tryingto skim through some of the shorter stories.

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	zealousemperor 2010-01-02 10:01 pm UTC (link)
	"A story about a zombie would probably be preferable..." Kanaye nodded. He looked over it and, once again, shuddered as he looked at it. Witches, birds, cages... Kanaye shook his head. "W-well that depends on what you mean by "win". If you're the girl, you die, so no. I-if you're the w-witch, then you win." He gulped. "So it depends..." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

giantfruitbyday
2010-01-02 10:26 pm UTC (link)

"Are you really sure you're-" Maeko cut herself off, shaking her head. She'd warned him what this was going to involve and it wasn't as if she was forcing him to help but it still felt uncomfortably familiar and unfair. That 'other people's feelings don't matter as long as I get my way' attitude she was so frustrated at Misaki for having. Letting this continue would be just the same as that.

"-it doesn't matter, I guess they're just fairy tales after all. Stupid stories with obsolete, heavy-handed morals." She sighed, closing the book.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time. And for everything else, too."

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	zealousemperor 2010-01-02 10:33 pm UTC (link)
	"No no no, Maeko-san!" Kanaye said, shaking his head. "I'm alright, I'm alright! It's no problem, we can keep going if you want to." He sighed. "You're not wasting my time, I'm just glad to help someone in need. Wanting to find yourself is a very good goal. If you ever need any help at all, just ask me, alright?" Kanaye smiled at her. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

giantfruitbyday
2010-01-02 11:04 pm UTC (link)

"It's fine. It was stupid to expect help from some storybook that was written hundreds of years before I was even born. Maybe it didn't even mean anything anyway."

Maeko wanted to apologise again. Maybe if she kept trying, flaunting the fact that she was in the wrong, she would get some reaction other than smiles and generosity and helpfulness. Not being able to make someone hate her was a whole new type of powerlessness (usually the problem was the opposite way around) and was frustrating beyond measure. She'd thought hostility had worked before but nothing. Screaming 'gaijin' might produce results but explaining herself to Tom and Kozue afterward would be awkward and even without considering that she would have trouble bringing herself to unless she could hid behind anger.

Plus it was a library. Shouting anything here would be wrong.

With that in mind, she put her books back into her bag.

"Is it okay if we talk outside?"

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	zealousemperor 2010-01-02 11:09 pm UTC (link)
	"Well, if you insist, Maeko-san." Kanaye nodded and stood up. He wasn't sure, exactly, what she was trying to do, but talking was always good, right? "Sure, Maeko-san." Kanaye started walking outside, and, deciding that opening the door and bowing would be a bad thing, he just held the door for her. Once outside, he nodded at her. "What's up, Maeko-san?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

giantfruitbyday
2010-01-02 11:18 pm UTC (link)

Suddenly, agression! Maeko had been perfectly calm as she thanked Kanaye for holding the door and exited but her posture changed completely the second she was outside. Her shoulders were raised and her fists were clenched and her knees and elbows bent slightly, like a very small animal trying to make itself seem feircer than it really was but preparing itself to run.

"Why aren't you mad?" She demanded quietly.

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zealousemperor
2010-01-02 11:23 pm UTC (link)

...Oh. This again. Kanaye sighed. He knew that bringing up the fact he felt guilty over it would simply cause relations to sour even more. So... "Well. I would be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat angry." But it was mostly at Misaki. "But I guess I'm just used to it. Quite frankly, most of my exes don't want to remember I exist. I just want to help, no matter who that person is."

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	giantfruitbyday 2010-01-02 11:38 pm UTC (link)
	"Be angry better, then!" Maeko said, because making weird demands was a productive way of dealing with just about anything. "You hated Watanaka-san, right? So why won't you hate me?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

zealousemperor
2010-01-02 11:45 pm UTC (link)

Kanaye sighed again. What is it with her wanting to be hated? He couldn't tell her that he felt guilty, but he couldn't keep quiet... "I won't hate you, Maeko-san." He tried to keep his voice even. He mostly succeeded.

Now, to come up with an excuse. Flattery is always good but he doubted that's what was needed. Maybe he could try appealing to what she's doing? "I won't hate you because I'm trying to find myself, too, and I can't exactly do that if I get angry at you, right? I mean, I need all the help I could get, and you're smart and good at work, so..."

Even to himself, the words sounded fake.

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	giantfruitbyday 2010-01-02 11:54 pm UTC (link)
	"That's stupid. You're stupid." Maeko growled, frowing. When burying herself in work didn't help 'call everything stupid' was an excellent defence mecanism. "Finding yourself is stupid. I wouldn't help you anyway." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

zealousemperor
2010-01-02 11:58 pm UTC (link)

Kanaye sighed. "Maeko-san, could you please use more creative insults? I mean, I hear that daily." Granted, most of time he called himself that, but... "Still, you are correct. I am stupid, and I guess finding yourself is stupid."

"Still, what else am I supposed to do? Sit back and let someone else decide my life for me? Cause that didn't work out for you, and if you've given up, what are you going to do about it?"

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	giantfruitbyday 2010-01-03 12:13 am UTC (link)
	"Be less stupid if you want to hear it less." Maeko said. It took an extrordinary amount of effort to stay angry at someone when they weren't cooperating and yelling back. "All that's stupid, too. Just do whatever as long as you get mad like a normal person!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

zealousemperor
2010-01-03 12:19 am UTC (link)

Kanaye chuckled. "But Maeko-san, where's the fun in that? You won't yell at me if I'm not stupid." Kanaye decided to try a different tactic: Laugh at the yelling. It occasionally works, and he needed to lighten up.

"Maeko-san, given our pasttimes, I don't think either of us can really be considered normal. I mean, no one in our group is normal. Is that really a bad thing, though? Normality is boring!" He laughed.

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	giantfruitbyday 2010-01-03 12:33 am UTC (link)
	"Stop laughing! It's not funny!" Not at all funny, though, maybe if she were a little more calm she would have found this rediculous. Here she was outside the local library trying to start an argument with someone who was totally not her boyfrind because she was jealous over the fact that he didn't hate her. "Yes! Normal's nice. It's safe!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	zealousemperor 2010-01-03 12:39 am UTC (link)
	"Quite frankly it kind of is. What're you so mad about, anyway?" He asked with a smile. "Yeah but it's also boring. No fun at all." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	giantfruitbyday 2010-01-03 12:49 am UTC (link)
	"No it's not! I'm not mad! You're just stupid! Why won't you even react?" "It's normal! It's not supposed to be fun!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

zealousemperor
2010-01-03 12:55 am UTC (link)

Kanaye smirked. "Sure~ you're not mad..." He laughed. "I mean, I get why you would be mad at me being stupid but you don't have to deny it."

He doubted flattery would get him anyway but it's not like he could see anything that could get him anywhere. Apart from being mad at her, but... "I won't react cause I can't get mad at a beautiful woman I love. It's just how I am."

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	giantfruitbyday 2010-01-03 01:09 am UTC (link)
	"I'm not mad! It's not unreasonable to expect you to get angry!" Flattery was not just ineffective, it went completely over Maeko's head. "Then stop being like that! You don't even have to do that, you just have to get mad at me! Please!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

zealousemperor
2010-01-03 01:15 am UTC (link)

"Then why are you yelling? Just because it's not unreasonable for you to get mad doesn't mean you're not getting mad!" Kanaye said with a laugh.

"Why, exactly, do you WANT me to get mad at you? Because you think that it gives you power? It makes you stronger?" Kanaye managed to keep his voice level. "What, exactly, makes you think THAT? And why would you want to get stronger? I'm just curious, that's all."

Kanaye smiled.

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	giantfruitbyday 2010-01-03 01:29 am UTC (link)
	"Why does it even matter? If other people are mad then it's normal and I'm allowed to be angry without people saying I'm unresonable or need to be locked up or going on and on about how I have no right to care about things! It's not fair, all Watanaka had to do to get a reaction was leave!" Maeko said, all in one breath. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

zealousemperor
2010-01-03 01:34 am UTC (link)

Kanaye honestly didn't know what she was talking about for a moment Then it hit him. "Oh, Shiori-san..."

He shook his head. "That's different. I was just angry for a bit. Nothing much."

Glad that was over with, he went over everything else she said. It kind of depressed him, honestly, if she was worried about stuff like this.

So, it was a very stupid thing to do, Kanaye had to admit. But if there is one thing that Kanaye was good at, it's stupid things.

He walked over to her and hugged her. Not tightly. Kanaye just softly put his arms around Maeko. "It's ok, Maeko-san. You're not unreasonable, you don't need to be locked up, and you can care about things. If anyone says anything like that to you ever again, just tell me and I'll take care of them, ok?" He looked at her and smiled.

This was going to suck.

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	giantfruitbyday 2010-01-03 01:42 am UTC (link)
	"Wh-what the hell? Don't touch me!" Maeko pushed away from Kanaye with more force than she really meant to, forcing herself to not argue for a second while she regained her balence. Even then she just made various incomrehandable angry noises for a while before relocationg words. "Not hug, angry! they're very different things!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

zealousemperor
2010-01-03 01:47 am UTC (link)

On a whole, Kanaye though, it could have gone worse. For one, she was still talking to him. In Kanaye's mind that was a good thing.

"The point is, Maeko-san," he started softly, "I still care about you. I don't want to see you angry, or upset. I just want to help. And..."

Kanaye looked her in the eye. "I love you. That's why I can't be mad at you." Kanaye said this louder then he expected to, causing some passer by to look at them weirdly. Kanaye sighed. He probably just messed it up.

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	giantfruitbyday 2010-01-03 02:07 am UTC (link)
	More assorted angry noises. It was a good minute before Maeko managed words this time and when she did it sounded like she was being choked. "But that's dumb! And-" Se paused for a few more seconds. When she finally started speaking again she sounded a lot less angry but no less choked. "B-but I'm angry at you. That doesn't mean I don't-" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

zealousemperor
2010-01-03 02:13 am UTC (link)

Kanaye just stood there. He really had no idea what to do. Was he supposed to hug her? Just stand there? Kanaye deciding just to look at his feet, raising his head only when she started talking.

"I know it's dumb. And I know you're angry at me. But..." Kanaye smiled at her. "I still love you. You don't have to love me back. I'm fine with just helping you as a friend."

Kanaye cocked his head to the side. "It doesn't mean you don't...what?"

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giantfruitbyday, 2010-01-03 02:43 am UTC

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zealousemperor, 2010-01-03 02:47 am UTC

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giantfruitbyday, 2010-01-03 03:07 am UTC

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zealousemperor, 2010-01-03 03:10 am UTC

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giantfruitbyday, 2010-01-03 03:42 am UTC

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