InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "touch grass"

Toru Ishinomori [石乃森都丸] (2dbeauty) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2009-10-29 16:43:00

Entry tags:

tom, toru

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Back Into the Dorm...
Who: Tom and Toru
When: During Toru's sudden hikikomori-age
Where: Toru's dorm room
What: Our beloved Batman breaks into the otaku's fortress of solitude
Why: Because introspection is for weenies.

It had been a day, already. Toru couldn't possibly bring himself to return to class after the gravity of it all hit him. Even though by all rights confronting his Shadow should have done away with this habit, it was still so easy to just shut himself away when the pressure got too great. Plus, it meant that he didn't have to put any regulations on his own sleeping habits, which meant long all-nighters playing console games or chatting online and sleeping briefly in the morning. At the moment, he was curled up under a blanket in front of his TV, completely absorbed in some brightly-colored action-rpg. He didn't want to think anymore.

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ofmanydevices
2009-10-29 09:20 pm UTC (link)

It was good that Toru had kept odd hours. Tom had chosen around 3:30 am to check up on the Otaku. Toru hadn't been seen, and Tom was worried. Maybe the killer had struck again. Alternately Arai had finally done something, in which case Tom was less worried.

He'd switched out his old key and tumbler lock pick for a lock pick gun, to make opening the door faster. It only tok him a second or two before the door clicked open, and Tom stopped in.

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2dbeauty
2009-10-29 09:35 pm UTC (link)

The sound of the lock clicking and the door opening was masked by the sounds of the TV. It was only when Tom's shadow fell across Toru from behind that he even suspected anything. After all, there had been extreme circumstances the last time anyone had randomly entered his room. And it was past three in the morning.

Since this was the case, Toru yelped and moved in a very awkward trajectory, both turning to face Tom and flinging himself backwards, all the while attempting to hold onto the blanket so as to preserve his decency. With a thump and a sort of squeaking noise, he landed on his side, facing the older boy.

"S-sagaki-senpai... what are you doing here!?"

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	ofmanydevices 2009-10-29 09:51 pm UTC (link)
	Tom stepped into the room, and pushed the door closed. "At this point, I've started to make daily checks for members of the investigation team at least. No one's seen you all day. There was a possibility that the killer attacked you again." Tom looked around the darkened room. "Or Arai finally did something, I wanted to confirm." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

2dbeauty
2009-10-30 12:05 am UTC (link)

Something about Thomas closing the door set off warning bells in Toru's head. He didn't especially think he would be robbed or raped or murdered; he just felt distinctly unnerved. To help shake off the feeling, he pushed himself up off the floor and properly pulled the blanket around himself.

"Y-you... daily checks? L-like, stalking?" He shook his head, not wanting to think about it. "But you knew that I'm like this, right? T-this isn't the first time I've taken off school for a while."

And blushed. "K-kazuya-kun didn't do anything to me! I... I only needed time to think about everything."

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	ofmanydevices 2009-10-30 12:31 am UTC (link)
	Tom looked at Toru. "More like I ask around to see if anyone's seen you." He put his hands in his pocket. He sniffed at the comment that Kaz hadn't done anything. "I had heard you'd done this before. I thought it was kind of odd. Someone who routinely risks his life to save others and fight shadows would want to hide from the rest of the world." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

2dbeauty
2009-10-30 01:03 am UTC (link)

Toru half-glared back. "That's... that's still creepy." Which was a bit of an understatement. Then again, hadn't Kazuya been doing the same thing? And both of them had good intentions...

"Y-yeah, this... it's happened at few times in the past." He drew his knees in closer to his body, in a blanket-swathed fetal position. "S-sure, I might be brave out there, but I'm no good with people... a-and I'm pretty sure I've ruined my chances of ever functioning in society. Y-you were there when my Shadow did those things... you understand, right?"

However, the otaku didn't stay exactly in this position for long. One hand darted out from beneath the blanket to hit the "pause" button on the game's controller, which had fallen to the ground when Tom had appeared. "It's... easier for me to be alone."

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	ofmanydevices 2009-10-30 03:44 am UTC (link)
	A blank look crossed Tom's face. Then he frowned slightly. "It seems like... the shadow is you, but it's not all of you. You don't need to define yourself by it." He shrugged and looked away from Toru. "It doesn't matter what people think. Nobody cares about anyone but themselves, so their opinions are irrelevant." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

2dbeauty
2009-10-30 11:25 am UTC (link)

This statement elicited a sigh from Toru. "Of course not... t-that's not what I'm doing, a-anyways. My Shadow... he had very different motives for shutting himself away. This... i-it isn't about me hating the outside world or anything... it's my own damn fault."

The floor was getting less and less comfortable. The otaku pulled himself up off of it and onto the bed, still clutching the blanket where the two ends met. "Er, senpai... you'd be surprised. No matter how selfish other people seem, they can't help but get involved with others." Another sigh. "For good or bad. S-so, whether I like it or not, their opinions are gonna be involved."

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	ofmanydevices 2009-10-30 07:19 pm UTC (link)
	Tom quirked a brow. "I meant that what the shadow did doesn't entirely matter, not that it was what drove you here. People are going to have opinions, but if there's not genuine interest behind those opinions then the feelings are invalid. If no body actually cares about you, then their opinions are hollow, they have no value save what you assign to them." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

2dbeauty
2009-10-30 07:47 pm UTC (link)

It was Toru's turn to look at Tom oddly.

"Y-you... you say that like there's nobody that cares about me." Though he certainly had a low opinion of himself, even Toru didn't think that way entirely. "Senpai... th-there are people who care about me. Yoshimi-san, Misaki-chan, Kanaye-kun... Kazuya-kun. E-even you must care, in some way, if you bothered to come here to check on me."

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ofmanydevices
2009-10-30 08:16 pm UTC (link)

"I..."

Tom crossed his arms and looked away from Toru.

"No I don't, I'm here because..."

Tom paused for a moment. He shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm here because in case there's information about the case that's all.

And the others... Do you want the list? Aoi just... has problems. I have no idea what's wrong with Satou, and Arai... I still don't know what he's planning."

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	2dbeauty 2009-10-30 08:54 pm UTC (link)
	Tom was earning more suspicious looks from Toru, and at a greater rate, with each new point he made. "Just investigating, sure... i-if that's how you feel, I won't question it. But..." The look on the boy's face was both searching and distinctly unhappy. "What do you mean, list? Are you keeping... case files, or info cards on the team!?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofmanydevices 2009-10-30 09:17 pm UTC (link)
	Tom rolled his eyes. "Of course. If everyone's being targeted then there's a pattern amongst them. If there's a pattern there I need to have as much information as possible to figure out what it is." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

2dbeauty
2009-10-30 10:34 pm UTC (link)

Toru's expression didn't change. "That... makes sense. But you made it sound like they were a list of suspects, rather than victims. You mean that after all we've been through, you'd still treat us like one of us might be a... a killer, or something?"

He hugged his knees to his body again. "I don't want a list. I'm not... l-like you, senpai. I... trust them more than that."

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	ofmanydevices 2009-10-30 11:08 pm UTC (link)
	Tom nodded, and cocked his head to the side. "Yes I know. All you needed was anonymous notes to convince you I was completely wrong, and Arai was completely trustworthy. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

2dbeauty
2009-10-30 11:19 pm UTC (link)

Was that an insult? Probably. He didn't want to rise to the bait, yet at the same time felt a need to address it.

"L-look, it was more than just anonymous notes! W-we talked then, and we've talked since! I-I don't know about you, but it's not that hard to tell when someone is sharing heartfelt emotions!" he said, irritated.

"I trust Kazuya-kun... a-and I don't understand why the hell you're going to such lengths to 'protect' me from him!" As he grew more irate, Toru sat up, glaring at Tom, blanket somewhat forgotten.

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ofmanydevices
2009-10-30 11:30 pm UTC (link)

Tom didn't seem to react to Toru being mostly unclothed in front of him.

"I was trying to convince you to have a bit of caution. You know what is at stake and are making your choice. Now it's on your head what happens.

How easy would it have been for Arai to isolate you like this if he was the killer? Or one of those Angels?

It's a terrible mistake t risk your life and everything over a deep seated lust."

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2dbeauty
2009-10-30 11:47 pm UTC (link)

Toru crossed his arms. "What's at stake? Do you really think people who get love letters in their lockers treat them like... like death threats? We didn't know about angels then, a-and by now, we know he's not one of them!"

Had he a table, he would have slammed a fist down on it. Instead, Toru had to be content with glaring more intensely at Tom than he was normally capable. "It's... it's not 'deep-seated lust' or anything like that, senpai. My feelings... they're... it's just..."

He paused for a long moment. "...Love. Is that so hard to believe, that two people can love each other? I wanted to deny it before, really. That's why I was hiding here. But, you know what? If this is the way things are... I don't want this."

Another long pause preceded Toru's next statement. "And really... why me? Did you do this to Ito-senpai and Kondo-san, too? What about Kanaye-kun and Akuba-senpai? Are you going to go harass Kazuya-kun now, too? What is your stake in this? Why me?"

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	ofmanydevices 2009-10-30 11:55 pm UTC (link)
	Tom took a step closer. "Ito and Kondo weren't deluding themselves into thinking their relationship was based on anything more then sex! You're convinced that you and Arai have these.... feelings that are fiction! Love is just a ridiculous idea that you only see in stories! You don't actually feel that way!" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

2dbeauty
2009-10-31 12:45 am UTC (link)

"Fiction?"

Toru slouched back, and stared. A moment later, he laughed. "Senpai... r-really? And I thought I was deluded." He raised his eyebrows a little, face losing the angry qualities of before. "Listen. I know more than a thing or two about stories. And I know a hell of a lot more about my own feelings. This isn't fake. And anyway, who are you, to tell me what I feel?"

Apparently, this was disarming enough to prompt Toru to lie down, no longer making eye contact with the other boy. "Senpai, you can go now. I think I can see where you're coming from."

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	ofmanydevices 2009-10-31 12:51 am UTC (link)
	"I'm the guy who'se not hiding in his room. You think you know what you feel? Fine then! Tell me. Tell me what you think love feels like." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

2dbeauty
2009-10-31 01:12 am UTC (link)

Toru gave a dismissive wave. "And I'm not the guy breaking into other peoples' rooms. What's your point?"

But he still turned to face Tom. "It's like a weird warmth. W-when you see the person you love, it's... it's there inside you. It's a kind of reassurance, of unconditional happiness. You just know that everything is alright and nothing else matters nearly as much when you're with the person."

He stopped, and the words caught in his throat like coins with serrated edges. "A-and that's... that's how I feel about Kazuya-kun."

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	ofmanydevices 2009-10-31 01:25 am UTC (link)
	Tom faultered. He took several steps backward, groping for the door knob. "I-I have to go..." He grabbed his doorknob and pulled the door open, then turned and left the room without a word. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	2dbeauty 2009-10-31 01:27 am UTC (link)
	Toru quietly watched Tom leave. "That was... weird," he mumbled, sitting up and gathering the blanket around himself again. He'd finish the section of the game he was in, then get some sleep. Tomorrow, Toru would go to class again. (Reply to this) (Parent)