InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I want the answers now or even"

Yamada Kai [山田海] (the_nadeshiko) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-10-27 15:33:00

Entry tags:

kai, kouki

WHO: Kai and Kouki.
WHAT: An announcement.
WHERE: Kouki's house.
WHEN: A day or two after culture fest.
WHY: It needs to be said.

Kai pulled his jacket tighter around him as he walked to Kouki's house. It was too cold, always too cold here in winter - one of the many reasons why he infinitely preferred Okinawa to Hokkaido. The snow on the ground, something he didn't see in person back home and usually found enchanting, did little to distract him, for he had something important to do.

He arrived at Kouki's front door earlier than he'd told Kouki to expect him, so he knocked loudly. Then, pulling his skull cap down further over his forehead, he waited for Kouki to answer.

(Post a new comment)

kykyoshida
2010-10-27 07:44 pm UTC (link)

The knock on the door caught Kouki by surprise- why was it so early? That wasn't like Kai...

Then it's probably not Kai, his brain reasoned. With this in mind, the boy walked to his front door and opened it. And there he was.

"O-oh! You're early, Kai-sama! Um, not that you're interrupting me or anything, it's just a surprise." He cracked a grin and pushed the door wider, an indication that his kindred artist should enter the house.

"Come on in!"

(Reply to this) (Thread)

the_nadeshiko
2010-10-27 07:56 pm UTC (link)

Kai stood there for a moment, as if weighing his options, before saying, "No thanks, I won't be long."

He furrowed his brow, thinking hard about something, before leaning down, grabbing Kouki's shoulder, and kissing him full and hard on the mouth for a long moment, like he was trying to take him in. Then he pulled away, and said it simply:

"I just came to say I don't think I should see you anymore." His voice was matter-of-fact and flat, like it meant nothing to him to say. "You're...different (he said 'different' like he meant 'weird'), and I'm not comfortable with a boyfriend I can't predict." He crossed his arms, looking down with closed eyes. "Sometimes, you make me nervous."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kykyoshida
2010-10-27 08:07 pm UTC (link)

"Won't be long?" Kouki looked to be the very platonic ideal of perplexed at Kai's statement. "What do you mean by-"

Oh. The kiss came out of the blue, hard and fast and uncharacteristic for Kai. Hungry, almost. It gave Kouki a sense of being much smaller and weaker, which resonated strangely in his stomach, like a vague sense of illness. At the same time, it was Kai kissing him like never before.

"...don't... see..." In his dazed state, post-kiss and attempting to grapple with this alien statement, Kouki blinked a good half dozen times. He stared into Kai's face, trying to read inscrutable emotions that were out of his range of understanding. "...b-because..."

"You're joking, right, Kai-sama? This has got to be a prank, even though it's not a very funny one...." The pain that flashed in Kouki's eyes said that he understood otherwise, though.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

the_nadeshiko
2010-10-27 08:14 pm UTC (link)

A sharp intake of breath was the only giveaway that Kai wasn't as certain about his statement as he seemed, but then he swallowed, steeling himself.

"No. It's not. You're...weird and hyper and I don't know what to make of you sometimes. It's just going to end badly for both of us. I'm not going there again." He squeezed his arms. "And where I'm going, you'll just be a distraction. It's better if I just cut myself loose from you now."

His face was no longer impassive so much as it was agitated and harsh, an attempt to scare Kouki off and show him he was serious. "And don't look so sad. This is a thousand times better than any rejection I ever got."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kykyoshida
2010-10-27 08:23 pm UTC (link)

The words poured over Kouki, immersed him, drowned him. He couldn't find the capacity to respond outside of the tiniest of statements.

"Where you're going? You're... you're leaving, and..." The concept Kai was vocalizing hadn't gotten close enough to him yet. It was a boat just a meter away from the dock, one Kouki was grasping for but not yet reaching.

"You were the first one to give me a chance to be more than weird." He said it flatly, matter-of-fact, like a statistic. "I don't understand. You're not making any sense. Where are you going? Wh-why are you saying this?"

The look on the boy's face betrayed his increasingly less-neutral tone.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

the_nadeshiko
2010-10-27 08:33 pm UTC (link)

Kai frowned, face falling from irritation to something almost like pity. "Don't be so pathetic, okay? It's just making it harder on both of us."

"And nowhere you can follow me. It doesn't have to make sense - all you need to know is that I'll be gone soon and I don't want to be with you anymore."

There was no trace of his usual upset stutter, but Kai's face plainly said he didn't want to be saying this, even as cruel words dropped from his mouth like knives.

Then he shrugged, shaking his head and trying to clear his own eyes. "Don't try to contact me. I want to be alone there."

And then he turned -

and left.

The cold didn't bother him so much anymore.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kykyoshida
2010-10-27 08:43 pm UTC (link)

"Pathetic... if that's what you're going to call me, then..." Kouki bit his lip. His mind was made up.

"Go away. Please." Eyes narrowed to minimize the appearance of tears in them. This person didn't need to see those. Kouki didn't want them around.

As soon as Kai had turned his back, Kouki shut the door behind him. The boy couldn't bear to watch the other leave. But he was also certain of one fact.

"That wasn't you."

(Reply to this) (Parent)