InsaneJournal

WHO: Kozue and Kou.
WHAT: Revision and gossip.
WHERE: The fancy pastry cafe Kozue likes to visit.
WHEN: Days before the start-of-term, post dungeon.
WHY: To study and learn.

Kouchisei looked behind the spotless glass screen, undecided. Weren't these desserts usually made with too much sugar? Shrugging the thought off, he decided that a chocolate-filled croissant and a side-order of cream was probably too much, but that the marzipan apricot tart was fine. He was remarkably good at not coming to places like this, and looked a little confused. Maybe he was just used to eating less dessert and preferred cooked meals, or maybe he was used to going to places it was more acceptable to visit alone.

He was already thinking that his reaction to recent events stood alone; if he was considerate to Shirai, then it meant admitting wrongness to himself. And the fact that he believed he was right gave him the worst way to deal with things, and was bringing him into situations that had him dealing with other people and not keeping himself emotionless and untroubling. But then he thought back on that dream he had experienced, and his hands began shaking with rage - either because of how it had started, or that he had been silly enough to go there in the first place. That would mean that he was cold-hearted though, and he didn't think that. He just found himself without the energy and huggable warmth of others.

But he remembered how far he'd came from over a year ago, right after those 'uncaring' people had saved his life. There was a powerful connection there, whether he wanted it or not, and as much as it felt strange to admit it he wanted that bond because it stopped him feeling alone. Those people had helped him. Thinking of that, it led him to ponder as to how two of them could do something he thought so terribly wrong. They'd tried saying it was best for everyone, but he couldn't believe that because name had come too quick. They were trying to say it was for the right reasons and, in his opinion, couldn't admit that it wasn't.

He ordered an orange juice, and while he waited hid his head behind a wooden privacy screen. That night had been bad, and with it being big enough for him wanting to talk about he felt he needed to find somebody with a connection, and by the time he had been ready to admit it to her, Kozue had moved on. The incoming arrival of his food gave him time to think; he hadn't found himself capable of loving her, but he wanted her input because he valued it. It was for the best things had cooled. That recent shock had been bad enough for him, and now as he pulled out his revision notes it had made him realise how bad that night could have been for other people.

Maybe he needed to change.