InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Are you coming or going? Or co"

ofmanydevices (ofmanydevices) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-06-16 08:20:00

Entry tags:

post dungeon, seiko, tom

WHO: Tom, Seiko
WHAT: A discussion about the future of their relationship
WHEN: Shortly after Seiko Dungeon
WHERE: Seiko's dorm
WHY: Cause both of them thinks the other is gonna dump them.

Tom was going over everything in his head, carefully as he approached Seiko's door. Her signals had been ome what mixed since her shadow was defeated. In her dungeon he had noticed the similarities between people who had worn the hat and the personality Seiko had exhibited before entering Paradise. The personality that had expressed an interest in dating him. And people who had worn the hat had expressed concern over his well being when he knew they would otherwise have avoided the topic, suggesting that what the shadow had said was true.

Her current behavior suggested that she'd rather not take things in stride but actually attack them if she found them unpleasant (illustrated by her arguments with Ishinomori.) While Tom most certainly felt this was better... he was also almost certain it would mean she didn't want to deal with his inability to understand simple interpersonal concepts like hugs, and not bringing weapons on a date.

He mentally prepared for what would come next. She would tell him that she had realized her mistake, request that they remain friends, and want to discuss how to maintain a working relationship so things in Paradise didn't become too awkward. He would explain that they're relationship had barely progressed, everything would be fine, and thank her for being there for him, even if it hadn't been for that long.

It all played out in his mind, and he nodded. Doing upsetting things, things that hurt, that was something he was used to, he could take it, and keep going. He knew he needed to get it over with, so he raised his hand to knock on her door. He knocked four times and stepped back.

She would tell him all of that, but first, he would be honest with her, about his feelings, just like she had requested on the roof top. He was prepared to let Seiko go, but not before she knew how much she meant to him.

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ofmanydevices
2010-06-20 03:44 pm UTC (link)

Tom realized he now had glitter on his jacket, it wasn't that big of a deal. He adjusted his position so he could speak without clinging to her. He swallowed quickly. The last time they had a conversation of this nature was the last time he'd spoken to her before Paradise. When he thought dating would be something they could take it slow, allowing him to figure things out.

Now... now she cared enough about him for their relationship to make her emotionally vulnerable enough to go into Paradise. And his feelings were far more complex then he'd realized or expected. Now it seemed like neither of them could leave just because things got hard, now the possibility that he could hurt her by accident had drastically increased. He needed to tread carefully, he needed to be cautious.

He needed to ask Kozue what the hell he was supposed to do now.

"Right... a date... umm... We could go to the zoo, I mean it's a chance to learn... and appreciate the animals. I've also been told milk shakes are good. It has been suggested that dinner is a good first date, a chance to get to know each other."

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mellow_lellow
2010-06-21 07:16 pm UTC (link)

"Appreciate the animals? Milkshakes?" Seiko was looking at Tom like he was some sort of fake!Tom, or an impostor, Tom wasn't interested in these things, he had never seemed to be. She was glad he was trying, but she didn't want him to do anything he didn't want to do. "We don't have to do those things, it has to be something we'd both enjoy, I mean the Zoo is fun, when Maeko and I went we did spend most of our time just staring at bunnies though..." She shrugged.

"Is that really the kind of thing you want to do? I mean, we can start off with something you'd like more?." She was only trying to be helpful, she wasn't teaching him what to do, or caring overly, at least she hoped she was. It was hard to no longer even know what your own motives were for your kindness. She lent a little closer to Tom, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Though you'll need to give me a few days before anything, I'm still pretty exhausted."

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ofmanydevices
2010-06-22 02:40 am UTC (link)

Tom almost jumped when she rested her head on his shoulder. He looked at it curiously, then reminded himself that this was perfectly normal.

"You can rest as long as you need to. I can be patient. Though..." He paused for a moment.

"I don't so much do things for fun, as try to acquire new skills and knowledges with my free time. I read, I train, I work out, and I investigate. I've never..." He sighed and his shoulders slumped a bit.

"I... I mean, before you... I...I never thought about doing something for me before. No one ever seemed to care about it, so I didn't think it was important. There was no motivation, so I've never thought about it. Even school functions, i only attended to ensure nothing bad happened, or no clues were missed.I would have no idea what a "fun" activity I would enjoy would be."

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mellow_lellow
2010-06-23 04:10 pm UTC (link)

"Oh well, we can just try normal date type things until you get used to it and work out what you like to do. We don't have to rush at anything. It can be things like just going out for a coffee or something to eat, or yeah you can go to the zoo, then at least it gives you something to talk about." She stayed where she was, head on his shoulder, she felt too tired to move, and it was comforting to have someone to lean on, even if it was only physical support it made her feel a little better.

"Well you have to be realising there is more beyond school and investigation, I mean you agreed to be with me. That is a 'fun' thing isn't it? It doesn't really hold a function just dating someone." She kept close to him as she spoke but didn't look up, it was easier to talk to him about this subject without looking him in the eye.

"I mean, since things well, since after my place, have your feelings about this relationship changed? Do you have a motivation for being with me?"

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ofmanydevices
2010-06-25 04:17 am UTC (link)

Tom looked away from her. He had to admit there was some... pleasure in just having her close like this.

"My feelings have changed. Before the dungeon I... I didn't understand. I mean.. I enjoyed your company, you were a trusted friend...

When you went in... I was... I was so worried. I felt like..." Tom sighed, trying to get his thoughts in order was hard.

"It bothered me that we wouldn't have a chance to learn about each other, to try this. I was worried I'd lose you, and the prospect highlighted how much... I... umm.. don't want to lose you I guess"

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mellow_lellow
2010-06-25 04:16 pm UTC (link)

Seiko sat for a moment, trying to work out what Tom meant and feeling slightly triumphant that he hadn't tried to escape this hug yet. Which really had to be the longest one he had ever had. She frowned they hadn't really spoken about 'physical intimacy' obviously it was going to have to be a slow thing, but she wondered if it was worth talking to him about it. He got strange ideas sometimes and if he tried to teach himself from magazines they might have an awkward problem if he took the advice too literally.

"I'm glad you feel that way." She said finally with a smile, wondering how you were meant to get into a discussion about the physical side of a relationship, it was never something she had had to do. Let alone be the person to tell the other not to feel pressured.

"Uh Tom, how much do you know or uh researched, about the uh..." This was already a thousand times more awkward than she wanted it to be. "Not-emotional side of a relationship, the physical implications I mean?"

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ofmanydevices
2010-06-26 06:33 pm UTC (link)

Tom took a deep breath and tilted his head, thinking for a moment. He thought about Seiko's question, given her reputation and the things he saw in her dungeon, he knew Seiko had more then a passing first hand experience with the physical side of relationships. It was something that had weighed heavily on his mind. He didn't want to disappoint her.

"... uh... well... I've studied diagrams, and... both biological texts, as well as... internet videos. I think I have the basics down, but I'm still figuring out the context..." Then he thought about what he'd learned in Seiko's dungeon, and he didn't want her to think sex was all he expected from their time together.

"...But that... was general research after Ishinomori's dungeon... and I had to ask Kondo-chan for help figuring it out, so I didn't research it for you... for us... I didn't look into it after you told me how you felt."

"... that much."

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mellow_lellow
2010-06-27 04:08 pm UTC (link)

One again Seiko felt speechless, because of internet videos, did he mean he had spent time watching those kind of videos purely for research? Resisting asking anything about what he had thought of them or anything like that. However curious she was.

"Well the physical thing itself is pretty simple, the emotional context is a lot more complicated." She said finally, giving a vague answer as she was puzzling over what he had been trying to say.

He watched videos, but had apparently only been doing general research on it, well that seemed fairly understandable coming from Tom. But he said he hadn't looked into it for her or not much and that could just be still a general thing. That was confusing, it wasn't that she thought anything was going to be happening soon, she seriously doubted Tom had the emotional understanding yet or even the emotional stability. But he was a seventeen year old boy, surely he found her attractive and thought about these things a little bit. She felt almost hurt.

"Oh well, I mean it isn't going to be something that is going to happen soon. But uh well, it doesn't mean it can't be something considered."

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ofmanydevices
2010-06-28 12:19 am UTC (link)

"I...umm... " Tom took a breath, if that was something Seiko wanted, then... agreeing to participate would not put him in the same category as the people who did were only interested in her body, and not for her personality.

And the thought of an intimate physical experience was something he had considered since she told him of her feelings. Both because he understand how the act itself worked and... for other reasons he hadn't quite understand.

"If it's something you wanted... I would umm... " He swallowed. "I would be willing to try it some day."

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mellow_lellow
2010-06-28 12:22 pm UTC (link)

Seiko nodded reassured a little but still slightly confused, she didn't want to push him though. He seemed hesitant or maybe he was just unsure. She had to keep reminding herself he hadn't done this before. And he was Tom so he probably didn't even understand why he might want to do these things, or if the thoughts did come into his head he probably had no idea why. It at least gave her control over these things, she couldn't feel pressured by someone who didn't even understand.

"Well we don't really have to worry about it, it is sort of a long long way off in the future. Emotionally it is one of those things where you both need to be completely comfortable with each other. You have to trust each other completely." She felt slightly hypocritical saying this, when she didn't even know a few of the names of the people she had been with. But this was important, she had to do things properly this time, especially with Tom being somehow so emotionally vulnerable.

"Before we get into that stuff, we still have this date, um I'll think on what we can do. I'm not really sure what the options are." She was buying herself a little time to try and plan things, or even drop Kozue a text. Not really for advice, rather just to share how difficult taking Tom on a date could be.

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ofmanydevices
2010-06-28 05:09 pm UTC (link)

Tom's eyes narrowed as he thought about her response Her comments on trust and taking things slow didn't entirely line up with all of his research, and it suggested that maybe she wasn't entirely ready to try things physically herself. It did make some sense, given her desire to distance herself from her previous social interactions. That was okay he was willing to go without, even if he felt just a hint of sadness at the notion. This whole hugging thing was starting to grow on him.

Either way, she said she wanted to wait awhile, so the choice wasn't something he needed to think about now. Now it was about the date, and at her suggestion of thinking on it, Tom nodded quickly.

"That's a good plan. I can head to my dorm room, and do some research on proper first dates. I can also question our friends on their personal experiences, giving us a better pool of understanding to draw from."

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mellow_lellow
2010-06-28 05:53 pm UTC (link)

Seiko frowned finally sitting up and looking at Tom properly.

"Uh Tom, I think I have enough experience with dates to not need to ask all our friends. We are in a relationship, not us and everyone else we know. I mean out of the team I'm probably one of the ones who have had the most dates I have this covered leave it to me." She gave him a sideways look and sighed.

"It is fine to talk to people about it, but something like a first date is not something that needs you to question people or gain a pool of understanding for. Dates are pretty simple things."

She pressed her hand to her forehead she really should always keep in mind that this was how he thought of things, everything needed research, training. She would just have to keep explaining that dating really wasn't like some sort of mission or war.

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ofmanydevices
2010-06-30 03:14 am UTC (link)

Tom looked into her eyes and frowned. Thoughts played back and fourth in his mind. She had asked him not to talk to people about it. But she had also claimed that she had dated more people then anyone else on the team.

His research had suggested that may be a discrepancy, and possibly Kondo-chan or Tachibana-san could also claim such things. It was likely that such a dispute would require empirical data to be resolved, but it would be irrelevant to the current discussion.

The issue Tom faced was that Seiko not only had a clear advantage in experience, but was aware of it. Engaging her in a... date... could be embarrassing at least, and very upsetting at most. Tom didn't want to upset her anymore then he had already managed to. Despite his reservations he nodded to her though.

"Right... okay, you can come up with the plan, and I'll... do my best to get ready." Tom felt bad violating her instructions to not talk to anyone, but it would be worse if he didn't. He needed help. He would just have to keep things quiet, and make sure Seiko didn't find out what he was up to.

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