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Yukizaki Seiko (mellow_lellow) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-05-04 00:24:00

Entry tags:

confession, seiko, tom

Oh man, oh God.
WHO: Seiko and Tom.
WHAT: The long awaited confession.
WHY: Luuuuurve.
WHEN: Day after talking to K1 and Maeko.
WHERE: Tom's dorm room.

Maeko had walked Seiko to the boys dorms, promising to wait for her outside. It had been reassuring to be able to have someone there to make sure she didn't run away. And despite making her worry about Tom's preferences Maeko had been incredibly supportive.

Sneaking into the boy's dorms was as easy as ever, the hall monitors were either easy to sneak past, or recognised her so just gave her wide, knowing grins and a wave. She walked slowly, trying to get her thoughts together, she felt almost as if she was going to present a case or make some kind of sales pitch. Had all the people who had confessed to her felt like this? If so she felt a lot worse about turning most of them down. She really was making it harder for herself, liking Tom, she was half sure he'd turn her down on the spot. Not even because he didn't like her, but because the whole concept would just be something he couldn't comprehend. But she still had to try, there had to be some chance he'd consider her at least.

Reaching Tom's door far sooner than she'd really have liked, she knocked a few times.

"Its, uh, Seiko."

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ofmanydevices
2010-05-04 02:48 pm UTC (link)

A muffled "Hang on" came from the other side of the door. After a few minutes of scraping and clicking, Tom pulled the door open. He wore his usual school pants and a black t-shirt. One arm seemed to be concealed behind him.

He leaned out into the hallway, and looked back and fourth. Confident Seiko was not being forced to lure him into a trap he nodded to her and smiled just a bit.

"Hello Seiko. Come on in." He waved her forward and turned back into the room. Not bothering to hide the throwing knife his fingers were curled around. He set it on his desk and looked over at her.

"Make sure to close the door. And you should maybe think about trying to come in and out through the window. It's how I always do it, and you avoid having to try and sneak into the boys dorms." Shortly after Seiko had entered, Max came scrambling out from under the bed. He bounded over to Seiko, tail wagging. He turned from her, and ran up his little staircase onto the bed where he rolled over onto his back demanding belly rubs.

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mellow_lellow
2010-05-04 05:39 pm UTC (link)

Seiko was probably less surprised than she should have been at the knife, after all after all the stuff that happened in that place, Tom's methods looked more and more sensible. She was also very glad he was wearing a shirt this time, the first time she had been here it really had been distracting.

"...The window?" She glanced at the window, well he was on the first floor, so it wouldn't exactly be difficult, but not exactly something she wanted to attempt in her school skirt. "Oh its okay, I'm used to sneaking in and out of here like a-" she stopped herself from saying 'like a pro' realising the awful implication that had, "-ninja" she finished a little lamely.

"But that stuff aside, I came here cause I need to talk to you, I need to tell you something..." She leant over to rub Max's belly for a moment, trying to work out what to say, and giving the small dog a look as if wishing he could somehow help her.

"Oh, its not about that place or the team." She added. "So uh, do you have a minute?"

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ofmanydevices
2010-05-05 02:55 am UTC (link)

Tom looked Seiko over, trying to guess via her behavior what this topic of conversation might be. It wasn't about the team, or Paradise. Maybe it was about the case? That would be implicitly tied into the team and Paradise.

Perhaps there was some non Paradise threat. The gangs at school? Seiko seemed rather concerned about her past, maybe someone was using that concern to blackmail her? Maybe she wanted information about someone? Maybe Kozue? Seiko had made implications of interest in a sexual relationship with the girl. But why come to Tom? Perhaps she had a commentary on the things he had told Maeko earlier. Perhaps she wanted to hide a pet in the dorms. Though that seemed more like "ask you something" then "tell you something." Perhaps Seiko had uncovered information on people who intended to attack him? He'd always expected one day his enemies would retaliate.

The best way to handle things would be simply to let Seiko explain. He extended a hand toward the bed so she could sit.

Max licked her hand after she rubbed his belly and rolled over, tail wagging waiting for her to sit down so he could crawl into her lap and curl up.

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mellow_lellow
2010-05-05 07:43 pm UTC (link)

Seiko instead of sitting remained on her feet, giving Max an apologetic look she turned to face Tom, looking decidedly embarassed.

"Well I uh..." She bit her lip, she wasn't really used to self doubt, or worrying what someone thought of her. Of course it wasn't just someone, it was Tom which made everything a thousand times more difficult. She wondered if he had ever even theorised that someone someday would ever tell him they had 'feelings' for him.

She sighed, she was being stupid, Keiichi had said she had to be blunt and straightforward, she had to at least give herself a chance. Renju may have turned him down, but she was sure there were other people who wouldn't, and other people who'd be brave enough to just ask him. If she didn't try she was sure someone else would. Gathering her courage she lifted her head to look at him.

"I like you." She said in a rush. "I mean uh, romantically." She then added remembering it was Tom she was talking to and that clarification was needed. "I mean I don't expect...I just." She took a deep breath.

"You're really brave, and smart, and you've looked out for me, and been kind." She tried to smile slightly. "I had to tell you, just in case you'd um. Can you just consider going out with me?" She knew she was saying this awkwardly, it wasn't exactly poetry, but she was trying to be as straight forward as she dared.

"I understand if you don't, or if you don't want to be with someone with my reputation, I won't be offended or anything." She tried to give him another smile, but instead just ended up looking away. She'd done the best she could, and hopefully managed to say something that made sense to him. Hopefully.

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ofmanydevices
2010-05-05 10:10 pm UTC (link)

"I..." Tom's mouth hung open for a moment.His mind ran over the information Seiko had presented several times. It still didn't quite make sense.

From his earlier research Tom knew that "go out with me" meant engaging in a romanticrelationship. But her reasoning was what didn't fit. Why him? Didn't everyone think he was insane? Even close friends on the team thought he was "kind of nuts." why not Ito-san who was also brave, and... brave, and had no doubt shown more compassion for everyone then Tom had. And friendlyness social interaction and compassion seemed very much within Seiko and Keiichi's personal idioms and not at all within Toms. Alternately Seiko had indicated that gender was not an issue for her, why not Sonozaki-san who had also shown a preference for women. Renju was just as brave and smart as he was. While she wasn't socially open she at least wasn't regaurded as insane by the team at large. In either case they would have made better choices for romantic partners then Tom would, at least for some one who seemed worried over their reputation as Seiko often did.

Tom couldn't see a rational pattern to her words. He wondered perhaps if she was a shadow, but the timing was off. Maybe it was a practicle joke, or part of an elaborate trap. It didn't seem like the kind of thing Seiko would do though. The possibility that her words were genuine crossed his mind, but seemed almost equally farfetched.

He realized that he wouldn't work out any further answers, not without more information. He swallowed and looked Seiko over.

"What... would such an... activity entail?"

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mellow_lellow
2010-05-05 11:11 pm UTC (link)

Seiko blinked as her brain switched gears suddenly, was Tom saying?...Didn't he know how that all worked? She frowned for a second, trying to work out what Tom meant, because surely he couldn't mean that 'activity'. With a sigh she realised he probably meant a relationship not anything else.

That however posed a new problem, how could she condense what a relationship entailed into a simple Tom friendly explaination.

"Well you care about each other a lot and appriciate the other person's personality, and you spend time together obviously and-" She paused for a moment, with the sudden realisation he hadn't outright refused her, asking her about it at least meant he had to be thinking about it, rather than just dismissing it completely. Gaining new confidence from this, she continued.

"-You're there to support each other, even when its difficult. And obviously there is...uh..." She waved a hand, she really didn't want to have to explain the physical side of things too. "Its about companionship and, just, its hard to properly explain it."

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ofmanydevices
2010-05-06 02:56 am UTC (link)

Tom put a hand to his chin, and cocked his head to the side. His research had suggested romantic relationships might have some sort of deeper emotional meaning, a greater importance then a normal relationship. But Seiko's description didn't seem to convey such a closeness.

"Seiko, I think we already have that relationship. I also have that relationship with Kondo-chan, and Akuba-san. Also Sakuraba-san, and to a lesser extent Ito-san, and... maybe Ishinomori-san I suppose." He had once had a similar relationship with Renju. Perhaps that was the issue, Seiko might have been confusing their closeness with something more intimate like he had when he told those things to Renju. If that was the case he would have to tread lightly. He valued Seiko as a friend and didn't want to make the same mistake twice.

Tom resolved to attend to the matter and a purely logical fashion. First things first confirm the hypothesis that Seiko was simply operating off a misunderstanding of grammar.

"I thought... don't romantic relationships have a more physical side? And they require more of an emotional commitment then friendships?" Tom recalled from his research that as the male half of the pairing it would likely be his duty to fear this commitment.

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mellow_lellow
2010-05-06 03:17 am UTC (link)

Seiko nodded. "Well yeah of course it has that emotional commitment but I didn't want to-" she tried to think of a polite way of saying 'I didn't want to freak you out'. "I didn't want to come on too strongly. Usually if you tell someone you want a deep emotional relationship with them first thing it scares them off."

She folded her arms and tried to work out what Tom might be thinking. but she really had no idea. He probably had a theory, but she doubted it was the right one.

"There is the physical side of things too, but I think that really isn't brought up right at the start, it isn't really spoken about really properly until the proper trust has been built up."

She smiled ever so slightly at how prudish she sounded. It was pretty unlikely anyone in the school thought she'd ever avoid the issue quite as much as she was now. Because whilst it was an important part of a relationship, it really wasn't why she wanted to be with Tom, and she had been trying to avoid it somehow coming across that way.

"I'm not explaining it very well, but I... I do really like you." She felt she probably had to remake her point, Keiichi had said she'd have to be persistant.

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ofmanydevices
2010-05-06 03:42 am UTC (link)

Tom nodded, so she hadn't misunderstood, Seiko apparently had feelings for him, and wished to engage in a romantic relationship.

And then slowly the realization begin to creep into his mind. Seiko had feelings for him, and wished to engage in a romantic relationship. The problem was that this information struck him, and he had no idea what to do with it. After a second of his mouth hanging open, he shut it quickly and stared at the floor.

He ran over the research he'd done in his mind and contemplated this. What was he supposed to do? What if their emotional attachment disrupted their thinking? Would there actually be some sort of physical relationship? But one thing really stuck out in his mind.

Tom had spent as much of his life as he could remember getting little to know compassion for anyone else. He'd come to believe, and even accept this idea. That things like parents and hugs and encouragement were not for him. It was okay though, he could be expendable, he could be the person that balanced things. Take pain innocents got but didn't deserve, and deliver it to the guilty who deserved it but never got it.

His rescue from paradise was unexpected, and his friends proved they were his friends, but he was fine with the basic kindness their friendship offered. He would have never expected more from them or asked for it.

And here was Seiko, beautiful, well liked, friendly sweet caring, and... interested in him? It didn't make sense, it wasn't the kind of thing that happened to him, not ever. Maybe he was in Paradise again, and this was some subtle trick.

He took a step back, leaning slightly against the desk. He looked at Seiko.

"...why me?"

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mellow_lellow
2010-05-06 04:12 am UTC (link)

"Why you?" Seiko had half expected this question, especially after hearing Renju had rejected him. Tom always showed surprise when people showed him simple kindess, confusion when people took time to do something nice for him. So finding out someone had deeper feelings all directed at him would be something he found hard to understand.

"Well a lot of reasons. I mean like, in that place, you always know what to do, and you always manage to keep focused on what is going on, its really admirable, just that because the rest of us go to pieces a bit sometimes in there." She had been unsure about mentioning Paradise, but it was an important reason, and they spent far too much time in there for her not to mention it.

"You are really clever, and you were kind to me when I first joined and got me the weapons I needed. But also, you've always treated me...Like a proper person, yo never act like I'm slow, or just a stupid girl, you've always treated me kindly. You never mention how I used to be, when even my friends and other members of the team do. You don't seem to judge me."

She pushed her hair off her face and behind her ear. "We seem to think the same about things in there, and you are really really brave, and aren't afraid of danger if it means you can protect your friends. So I guess...All that is why." She wondered if she should point of the fact she did find him physically attractive too, she had found her stride a bit now, and she felt awkward still, but she was encouraged by the fact she had yet to be directly turned down. But that still didn't make 'oh I also think you are really handsome' any easier to say.

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ofmanydevices
2010-05-06 04:30 am UTC (link)

Seiko had made accurate points. He stared blankly forward as she listed the reasons, and then sort of half nodded, before moving to the chair at his desk and sitting down. He took a breath and then looked at her.

"I... I have no concept of how to deal with this... I researched relationships, but they seem... I mean it talks about emotions a lot, but it's difficult for logical reasoning, and emotions to work in tandem." He leaned on his arm for a moment. Seiko liked him. She wanted to be with him. It made no sense. This wasn't how things were supposed to go for him. He shook his head.

"There seem to be so many ways in which it could go poorly... I know you have concerns about your past. I think any involvement you had with me may damage any aspect of your reputation you have salvaged. Or what if our enemies used our relationship against us? What if it effects our friends poorly?" He reached up a hand to rub his face. He knew the last scenario would be the one that was really bad.

"What if... what if the worst should happen. If we some how ended up really truly caring about each other beyond all reason? Because there's always a chance it would end... and I... Seiko I... don't know how to handle this."

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mellow_lellow
2010-05-06 02:06 pm UTC (link)

Seiko stood for a moment after Tom sat down, and then, after checking where Max was, sat down on the edge of the bed. Taking a deep breath she tried to tackle Tom's points one at a time.

"It isn't something you can logically explain all the time, butI think it's logical. I have feelings for you, so I acted on them, a relationship can give you a lot of important things. And um well..." She reached out to scratch Max's ear. "I haven't confessed like this to anyone before, I haven't exactly felt like this before either, any relationships I had before really weren't about the emotional side of things. So I don't have any experience from which to explain how emotions and logic work together in this."

She blinked, he thought she was worried about her reputation? Well she didn't want people to treat her based on her old reputation, but she had been more worried Tom would have had some kind of issue with it. "I'm not concerned about my reputation, I was more concerned that you might not want to be involved with someone like me. I don't think being with you would damage it anyway, and even if it did somehow, I really don't care what people think."

She shrugged. "As for our enemies, well they never used Kanaye-kun and Maeko-chan's relationship against them. Besides everything else they've tried to use against us has failed. Oh and our friends? Well I told Maeko-chan, she walked me here, and Keiichi-kun guessed. And they both encouraged it, especially Keiichi-kun, and I think you and I are sensible enough to not let our personal emotions affect the team."

The last one however struck her silent, she continued to pet Max a slight frown forming on her face.

"Well I wouldn't be here if I didn't want it to be something serious, and I can't make promises about how things will turn out. But you can't know until you try, what if it does become that strong a relationship and doesn't end? There is a chance that would happen too." She lifted her head and looked him in the eye. "I know this is hard for you to deal with, but I couldn't handle not telling you, I had to know if...I had to try, I had to give myself a chance. If you don't like me at all that way or anything you don't have to deal with this, I understand if you don't."

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ofmanydevices
2010-05-06 04:17 pm UTC (link)

Tom entertained his fingers. And sucked in a breath, and looked down, letting out a long slow breath.

"Seiko... I... if I agreed now before understanding the full emotional weight of what we would be entering into it would very likely set us for a dangerous situation later on." Tm sighed.

"I... I do appreciate your company. You are one of my closest friends. So I..." Tom reached up and ran his hands through his hair.

"I can't answer, at least not without having time to think about it, and understand."

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mellow_lellow
2010-05-06 07:24 pm UTC (link)

Seiko smiled, really things had gone far better than she had expected. Of course she had partly expected to be accused of being a shadow, so it was all fairly relative. But surely by saying he'd think about it, that meant he had some feelings towards her?

"Take as long as you need." She said standing up. "And...whatever choice you make, we'll still be friends." Unless he realised this whole thing was too confusing and disturbing and he never wanted to see her again. But she tried not to think about that.

"So um, when you decide, just uh...come find me I guess."

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	ofmanydevices 2010-05-07 03:28 am UTC (link)
	"I ..." Tom balled his hands and then dropped them hanging his head. "Thank you Seiko. both for... for giving me the chance to think about it, and for being honest. I really appreciate that." He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck letting out a long slow breath. "And appreciate your friendship. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

mellow_lellow
2010-05-07 07:47 am UTC (link)

Seiko grinned, looking much more like her regular chipper self.

"Well, thanks for thinking about this, for at least considering it. It means a lot to me."

She lent down to scratch Max behind the ear, and with another glance at Tom, walked to the door and turned and gave him a slight wave. "I'll see you later."

After leaving she decided she better get back to Maeko, and break out the ice cream and a subbed version of 'The Lunch Gang'. This was going to be a difficult wait.

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