Tweak

InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I want a hedgehooooog"

Username: 
Password:    
Remember Me
  • Create Account
  • IJ Login
  • OpenID Login
Search by : 
  • View
    • Create Account
    • IJ Login
    • OpenID Login
  • Journal
    • Post
    • Edit Entries
    • Customize Journal
    • Comment Settings
    • Recent Comments
    • Manage Tags
  • Account
    • Manage Account
    • Viewing Options
    • Manage Profile
    • Manage Notifications
    • Manage Pictures
    • Manage Schools
    • Account Status
  • Friends
    • Edit Friends
    • Edit Custom Groups
    • Friends Filter
    • Nudge Friends
    • Invite
    • Create RSS Feed
  • Asylums
    • Post
    • Asylum Invitations
    • Manage Asylums
    • Create Asylum
  • Site
    • Support
    • Upgrade Account
    • FAQs
    • Search By Location
    • Search By Interest
    • Search Randomly

Sonozaki Renju [園崎蓮珠] ([info]lotus_beyond) wrote in [info]disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-04-27 23:39:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:kozue, renju

WHO: Renju and Kozue.
WHAT: The express train to awkwardtown.
WHEN: A couple of days after Kozuedungeon.
WHERE: Local pastry shop where Renju met Kozue's Shadow.
WHY: Because certain things need to be clarified.


It seemed like things usually got a little easier for Renju a few days after the team rescued people from Paradise. Before she could just repress the memories, bury herself in work to let the significance pass her by; now she needed more time to let the stress and strain work its way out of her system, and to let the still-fresh memories fade a bit from her mind.

And now she had the extra issue of trying to cope with being there and unable to do anything. She'd made a few small contributions there, but nothing that the others wouldn't have been able to manage... but then again, part of the point of her giving up Prometheus had been to force herself to pin her self-worth on something besides her usefulness in Paradise, right? She hadn't exactly been doing a great job of that so far, had she? She'd almost gone and gotten herself killed. She still had no idea what had come over her--it was far too easy to get caught up in the moment, to not think about what she was doing.

She sighed, standing in line at the bakery with her usual curry-pan in hand, drawing a couple of puzzled glances but not much else. It was so much easier to backslide than to push forward. But she'd at least understood her own issues well enough to try to help Kozue with them, right?


(Post a new comment)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-04-28 04:06 am UTC (link)
Kozue had never been one to fear leaving the house; now, after leaving Paradise, for the first time, she had felt worry and churning doubt at crossing the threshold of the dorms. And she had second guessed herself, for a few moments; perhaps this had been why she had not really left the dorm up until then.

But now that she was out… it was intimidating and it was freeing and it made Kozue quite unsure. But there were also things to do out in the world, things to buy and see and eat. It made her realize how close she had come to not— to—

But she wasn't. She hadn't. She also had a craving for a particular bakery, which she could not quite explain. But it drove her to head there, after making a stop at a few clothing stores, and she stepped in on the back of the line. It took her a moment to recognize Renju up ahead of her; "Sonozaki-senpai," she said, for a moment very uncertain. "Is that you?"

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-04-28 11:46 am UTC (link)
"Oh!" Startled by the sound of a voice she hadn't been expecting to hear right then, Renju fumbled with her roll a bit, caught it before it could fall, and clutched it to her chest, then peered back back behind her and around the few people between them to confirm.

"Y-yes, it's me." Not in any particular rush to eat, and losing a bit of her appetite anyway, Renju stepped out of line and back to Kozue, keeping a respectful distance. She hadn't thought Kozue would be back up and about quite yet, particularly since she hadn't seen her at school for the last few days. Still, it was good to see that she was well enough to be up and about a bit, even if her expression seemed like she hadn't exactly made a full recovery yet.

"I'm glad to see you, Kondo-san. Are you doing well?" Her language was a little distant, but after that place... This was a very, very different sort of awkward than she'd felt after Keiichi's, that much was quite certain.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-04-28 04:41 pm UTC (link)
"I think so," she said, after thinking about it for a moment. "More or less. Mostly I'm tired. Is that... Normal?" Her answer was not a lie, precisely, for she did feel a heavy, lingering lethargy. But there were other things... They just weren't things you talked about at a pastry shop. "But I'm also hungry."

She looked up towards the display of available pastries and bit her lip; this all seemed oddly familiar for a reason she could not quite pin down. "How are you, senpai?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-04-28 10:50 pm UTC (link)
"Well. Better than I was, at least." Which, strictly speaking, was true. She was doing far better than she'd been before her confrontation with her Shadow had happened, and she'd even recovered some from her... less pleasant experiences in Kozue's dungeon itself (which, in and of itself, hadn't actually been as bad as some--there were just certain things...).

"And tiredness, as far as I've been able to tell, is perfectly normal." She was becoming a little more at ease; talking about other subjects seemed to be helping with that a bit. "I know Ito-san stayed in bed for a few days after, as did I." ... for very different reasons, granted, but she wasn't about to discuss that if it wasn't necessary. "Sagaki-senpai didn't, but..."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-04-29 12:28 am UTC (link)
"But he's Sagaki-senpai." It was a nearly natural answer by now; and my, but it was useful. And it brought a smile out of her, one more meaningful than oh that's in my size or oh I like that flavor of ice cream.

Speaking of flavors... She peered up at the counter. Maybe they had something with orange; she could go for orange right now. Or chocolate. Or... some incredible, life-affirming combination of the two. "I got bored just staying in the dorm," she offered, after a moment, as the line advanced slowly.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-04-29 02:12 am UTC (link)
"That's part of the process, too, I think." Renju kept holding her purchase to her chest, determined not to ruin this one before she could even get a chance to eat it. It kept her from all of her little nervous tics, too, which was a nice side benefit.

"... or something like it, at any rate. For me... I realized that I needed to do something besides stay there. I was acting too much like..." Like her Shadow, but she cut herself off before finishing that and instead tacked on "... like I did before everything happened."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-04-29 02:51 am UTC (link)
"Is there a step by step manual I could have? That would help." She sighed, taking another step forward in the line. "That would help a lot." But it would probably be going against what her Shadow had opened her eyes to, or at least one of the things she had seen. Things that weren't good. "How have you been? I heard from... okay, well, I sort of heard second-hand from Aoi-san that something happened."

How to convey my Shadow found out and so I kind of know. The awkward phrases just kept popping up in her mind and refusing to work out on her tongue.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-04-29 03:01 am UTC (link)
"If there were a manual, I think things would be much easier for everyone involved." A faint twitch of her lips was as close as Renju got to a smile--and it fell away quickly at the next question. Her mind raced, trying to think of what Kozue might've seen--did she remember what happened while they were fighting the Shadow? Misaki had been there, after all... but no, that really wouldn't count as "happening".

Oh, right. Kozue hadn't been there for everything with Seiji.

"... oh. Yes, there was something. It's..." She took another glance around at the bakery, which, while not terribly crowded, had a few too many people for comfort. At least they were nearing the front of the line. "There were a few significant developments, but I think we should wait to discuss them until we're finished here."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-04-29 10:04 pm UTC (link)
Kozue nodded: "Okay, would you like to... find somewhere to sit and eat? I don't have anywhere else to be after this, but I don't know about you." They advanced a few more steps, and Kozue looked up at the counter.

And looked back at Renju, perplexed. "Uh," she asked, in a quiet voice, "... why is the kid behind the counter giving me the stink eye? I don't think I even know him." Apparently, at least the specific details of her Shadow's encounter with Renju at the bakery were lost to Kozue's memory. For now, at least. However the poor, long-suffering counter worker? He completely remembered. And oh, he was glaring.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-04-30 11:45 am UTC (link)
"I don't have anywhere to be, either." For once. It was still a bit strange for Renju to say that, rather than attempt to avoid all social occasions as she usually did, but there it was. A lot had changed over the last several months, and was continuing to do so.

At Kozue's question, she looked up at the boy behind the counter, who didn't seem particularly pleased with her, either. She'd barely noticed him at the time, having been a bit too focused on Kozue and her odd behavior for that, but she recalled more than Kozue did, it seemed. "It's... ah... I'll explain after we're through here."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-05-01 04:37 am UTC (link)
"Oh." Kozue's face fell, slightly, and her thoughts turned inward; it was a bit like deja vu. There was something she really ought to be remembering. She knew she had talked to Renju, or that the other Her had talked to Renju, and she could fish up bits and pieces of the conversation (she was pretty sure she had only proposed marriage to one person, for instace), but none of the details surrounding it. Like the where, which would have been crucial. She stepped forward to the counter, trying not to shrink under the still-intense stare from the cashier.

"I'll have the chocolate... Uh, that one," she pointed, "Please."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-05-12 12:31 am UTC (link)
The fact that Kozue was choosing her own pastry, at least, seemed to be a bit of improvement. For the time being, Renju was content to hang back and wait for the transaction to finish up before buying her own.

Although, if she were to be perfectly honest... Renju regarded her curry-pan with a frown. If she were to be perfectly honest, she wasn't particularly hungry anymore. Her stomach was jumping more than she liked to admit. She'd had these feelings before, she wasn't going to deny that (at least, not now), but she'd squashed them, crushed them mercilessly till they were were weak enough to deny ever having had. Was it really okay for her to...?

She shook her head sharply. It didn't matter--this was certainly just a passing feeling like all the rest had been.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-05-13 01:18 am UTC (link)
Kozue's attention was all forward; more correctly, all forward and down, on her wallet, as she pulled money out and avoided eye contact. Poor and Longsuffering the Cashier was still glaring. She finished, took back her change, and her pastry, and stepped away from the counter. That was when she caught sight of Renju, and the way the other girl looked; the fact that she was not trying to murder her soon-to-be meal was a good sign. Right?

She found a spot by the door and waited.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-06-03 10:29 pm UTC (link)
Renju's own transaction went quickly. She wasn't one to dither and make excuses and slow things down when she was nervous--if anything, she was more likely to go quicker (when she didn't ignore the source entirely--but then, she was trying to stop doing that, right?). It didn't really matter that she didn't really want the bread anymore, she guessed; she was starting to learn, to some extent, the value of keeping up appearances.

She headed over to where Kozue was waiting, making little tears in the paper in lieu of torturing her meal-to-be. Telling herself that she had absolutely no logical reason to be nervous was working less well than she'd expected it to, to her chagrin.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-06-03 10:40 pm UTC (link)
"Let's find somewhere to sit," Kozue suggested, as Renju approached, smiling just the slightest bit; she had food, and she was no longer being stared at with hatred and resentment. She was going to find out what Renju had been talking about. It was a chance to not think about her own place in Paradise for a little while, and that was a chance she wanted to reach out and grab.

"Booth?" She offered. "Or we could go outside. It'd be more secluded, which I guess would be best, right?"

In Kozue's mind, the suggestion was (mostly) utterly innocent--more secluded to talk about Top Secret Paradise Things, of course.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-06-03 11:13 pm UTC (link)
Much (right now) to her dismay, Renju was not Masami-oblivious to double entendres, and her ears went pink at the mention of seclusion for a moment before the logical part of her brain prevailed. Of course that's not what she means. There isn't the slightest possibility she'd be interested.

Thus reassuring herself (it was a reassurance, really, somehow), she peered out the door and nodded. "I think that would be best, yes." She led the way without further discussion, looking for a spot away from the passage of customers, and found a promising-looking one fairly readily--a nice little bench under a shady tree a little ways off from the walk. She settled on one side, setting her bag by her feet and her pan in her lap, leaving plenty of room for Kozue on the other.

"What was it you heard from Aoi-san?" she started, never (or, at least, rarely) one for small talk.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-06-03 11:23 pm UTC (link)
Whatever would have made Renju's ears pink up at the mention of being alone? Whatever would have...

That. The recollection swum up at her out of the many, many things that were half Her-Memories and half Shadow-Memories. That. And yet, much as she'd felt when she had Oh So Cleverly Discovered that Suzuki was fixated on her butt, her reaction was... not, logically, what she had expected at all.

Kozue dropped onto the bench, after a moment crossing her legs and sitting that way, facing Renju; her pastry went into her lap, too, but she seemed content to ignore it for the moment.

"... it's a bit hazy. She told my Shadow, when she thought she was me. That you'd.... lost your Persona?" She paused for a moment, and, more gently, continued. "And you weren't fighting, you were with me. Is it true?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-06-03 11:34 pm UTC (link)
"I. U-um." Her hands automatically went to pick at her bread. She suppressed the urge and settled for holding on to it, perhaps a bit harder than she'd intended. It reminded her bizarrely of Masami constantly holding her teacup in Paradise. But obviously the two things weren't related.

Focus on the question. And so she did, nodding in response. "It's... something of a long story, but I'll try to keep it short: Mikio-san was one of the angels, or possibly a host to it--I still don't fully understand." But she fully intended to go back and find out, sometime soon. "We found his place in Paradise, and he had apparently bound the angel somehow. He needed Prometheus to be able to leave, and I... lent it to him. It's not lost, but I can't do anything without it, as far as I've been able to tell." There. A nice, complete response that answered the spoken questions and got around the (possibly extant only in Renju's own slightly paranoid imagination) unspoken ones.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-06-03 11:48 pm UTC (link)
Kozue's brow furrowed; taking in the information was, well, a challenge. Mikio, an Angel? And Renju had given an angel her Persona? And she wasn't sure if it was coming back? Kozue had much experience with saying 'lend' when you meant 'keep'. Mostly on the taking side, but some on the losing side, too.

"... he can do that?" She finally came out with, leaning a little closer to Renju in curiosity. "Or they can do that? I... Well, it doesn't make sense to me."

She paused. Leaned forward a little bit more, and reached out to touch Renju's leg. "You're... are you okay? Because that happened. You're not hurt, are you?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-06-04 12:10 am UTC (link)
"We learn new things about the way Paradise works every time we enter it. It's not too surprising, I think." Renju had learned to accept whatever happened there, by and large.

Out here, on the other hand. Out here was a different story altogether. Renju stiffened when Kozue touched her leg, flushed, cleared her throat, and tried to look natural, failing at it completely and utterly and embarrassingly. "I, ah. I'm fine. Of course. It didn't hurt, but it felt strange at first, not having him there, and I suppose I let it get to me more than I should have in there and I... um." She trailed off pathetically, looking about as embarrassed as she felt, which was quite a feat, really.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-06-04 12:16 am UTC (link)
Kozue blinked. It was impossible to miss the change that came over Renju's features; the other girl could barely talk. She pulled her hand back, no longer a comforting touch, but a hesitant removal. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, I just wanted to--I was worried about you."

She retreated to her side of the bench, perplexed. It made sense for Renju to be embarrassed, of course, if her recollection was true, but Kozue's own responses to attraction were so wildly different that this baffled her. "I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-06-04 12:23 am UTC (link)
Renju curled in a bit on herself, a habitual reaction to unpleasant thoughts that was difficult to break and that she was only half-conscious of doing. She knows she knows she knows she saw of course she saw it was her place and...

"N-no, it's all right. I apologize." She tried to force herself to relax, and was more surprised than she probably ought to have been when this tactic failed to work. "It's still... I'm not..." It reminded her of how she'd reacted to Keiichi hugging her after her own place, and Tom's gift... It still wasn't something she dealt well with regardless of any other emotions attached to it, but she couldn't really explain that without sounding... well, even more ridiculous.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-06-04 12:31 am UTC (link)
Kozue shook her head, possibly with more vehemence than she realized. "You're not the one who has to apologize. I crossed a line. It made you uncomfortable. I'm at fault." She stayed firmly in her territory on the bench, trying to think of how to make this Not A Disaster. She'd made Renju shrink and stammer, and it turned an awful feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach.

After a pause, she forged onwards. This required a bracing sort of breath: Probably, I'm going to regret this...

"Is this just going to be awkward forever? I want you to know, I'm—I'm not angry or weird about it and neither should you be."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-06-04 01:17 am UTC (link)
That sounded familiar. Whether Renju was comforted or not by this fact she wasn't entirely certain, given that she'd said something similar to Tom once after everything that had happened between them. Another moment's thought and she decided that it probably wasn't a good thing.

"It... no. It shouldn't be." She sat up straighter and brushed her bangs out of her face; they fell right back down again, but that hadn't really been the point of the gesture. It bought her a moment to think of what to say to all this--she didn't want a repeat of what had happened with Tom, after all... "I'm not... really accustomed to this, is all. I'll be fine."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-06-04 01:35 am UTC (link)
Kozue mirrored Renju's gesture, brushing a little bit of her hair back over her shoulder; "It's understandable. I mean, I am pretty darn cute." The gesture read quite differently, of course, paired with that. After a moment, she laughed, although quietly. It felt good to feel confident about herself, even confident about such a pedestrian thing.

Should this unnerve her more? Maybe. But at the same time, it was flattering and Kozue decided that a bit of flattering was really quite what the doctor ordered. Not... seriously or anything, she told herself. Just a little.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-06-04 02:16 am UTC (link)
Renju was not the type to call things "cute", but she had to admit despite herself that something about the gesture sort of was. She turned faintly pink again, but didn't take what may or may not have actually been bait.

Still, this was the topic they were on, and dancing around words and implying things and generally beating around the bush seemed to cause a lot of issues, which was something they of all people could really ill afford, so... well, she still couldn't quite bring herself to come right out and say it, but she could get a bit closer to it, anyway. "So, you... saw what happened in that place, I assume. Yours, I mean." It helped that she was of the school of thought that talking about these things, however little, was an important step to recovery.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-06-04 02:37 am UTC (link)
After a moment of hesitation, Kozue nodded; "I saw. You know, kind of, how it is." She pondered saying something more. More it's okay, more seriously this isn't awkward. More this happens to me all the time, which was not precisely true or really true at all. But chorusing all of these things over and over again would just make them sound less than true.

To seem, instead, sincere in her assertion that it wasn't weird or awkward, and that she didn't mind, she stayed quiet and tried to smile reassuringly. It mostly succeeded.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-06-04 02:43 am UTC (link)
"It was... slightly different for me. For obvious reasons. But yes, generally speaking."

Renju hadn't really met Kozue's eyes at any point in all this, nor even really lifted her gaze from the poor bread for more than brief glimpses here and there. But she saw the reassuring smile, and the corners of her own lips lifted, just slightly and just for a moment. It... helped, more than she'd expected. Then again, maybe she should've expected it--Kozue seemed to have a talent for dealing with people, after all.

"Thank you for understanding." Another fleeting not-quite-smile. "We should both forget about it as best we can, I suppose. It's all a moot point anyway."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]anthesphoria
2010-06-04 03:00 am UTC (link)
Seeing Renju almost-smile was encouraging; now, if the other girl would only make eye contact, Kozue would feel like the whole thing was on its way to being resolved.

"Moot po--what's--I guess, yeah," Kozue said, words fumbling as she talked with more speed than she thought. She didn't sound entirely convinced. It was a moot point, though, wasn't it? Knowing what she knew about herself? Through the vague, bizarre moment, she just kept talking. She had gotten a handle on her voice again and did not want to let it slip out of control: "I just don't want to see things that happened in Paradise hurting our friendship, okay, senpai?"

Which was usually what she called people she was flirting with.

That detail, for the moment, escaped Kondo Kozue.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]lotus_beyond
2010-06-04 03:04 am UTC (link)
"I'll try." The smile lasted a little longer this time. Even setting aside the jumble of feelings this whole situation invoked, it was nice to think of Kozue as a friend. There weren't a whole lot of people she could think that way about, and most of them she'd just met in the past several months.

"I learned that the hard way, with Sagaki-senpai." With whom she'd managed to screw it up. She really ought to see about trying to fix that again soon, come to think of it... "Thank you again, Kondo-san."

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Home | Site Map | Manage Account | TOS | Privacy | Support | FAQs