Dear You:
You really should stop eating the string cheese. It's making you a lot fatter than you need to be. Try eating something like granola bars instead of fruit pies. It's depressing looking at you in the mirror at night. Oh well.
Ugh. There goes the hunger call. You're going to go get something, so you might as well do it now. Go, go, go! Shoo!

Love,
Yourself